the songs of  south park

Please!  E-mail me if you have corrections!

Les Claypool: I’m goin’ down to South Park gonna have myself a time

Stan and Kyle: Friendly faces everywhere…humble folks without temptation…

Les Claypool: Goin’ down to South Park gonna leave my woes behind

Cartman: Ample parking day or night, people spouting "Howdy Neighbour"!

Les Claypool: Headin’ on up to South Park gonna see if I can’t unwind

Kenny: (mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble...mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble*)

Les Claypool: So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine
 

*note: I AM aware of what Kenny is supposedly saying, although there are several different interpretations.  Currently, the most widely accepted is "I like girls with big, fat, titties, I like girls with big vaginas."  Even Guitar World magazine said so.

Stan:     Chef, have you ever had something happen to you, but nobody believed you?

Chef:    Aw, children, children, that's a problem we've all had to face at some time or another.
            Here, let me sing you a little song.  It might clear things up.

            I'm gonna make love to you, woman.
            Gonna lay you down by the fire
            And caress your womanly body.
            Make you moan and perspire.

Stan:     Uh, Chef?

Chef:     Gonna get those juices flowin'.

Stan:     Chef?

Chef:     We're makin' love, baby, love, baby.

Stan:     Chef!

Chef:     Love, love, love, love, love, baby!

Stan:     CHEF!

Chef:     Huh?

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me (and) I love you
By definition he loves you
Even if you're a Jew

Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might be coming to your town.

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo
He loves me, I love you,
He...loves...you...

Mr. Hankey: Santa Claus is on his way
                    He's loaded goodies on his sleigh
                    (He'll) drop them off on Christmas day and I'll say Heigh-dee ho...

Kyle: Mr. Hankey!  Shh!  I'll get in trouble!

Mr. Hankey: Folks will gather 'round the fire
                    Singing songs for the choir
                    Pretty soon they'll all retire and I'll say heigh-dee ho...
 
<bam-bam-bam>

Kyle's Dad: Kyle, what are you doing in there?!?!

Kyle: Nothing!

Kyle's Dad: OPEN THIS DOOR!

Mr. Hankey: I hope that Santa comes real soon...

Kyle: Mr. Hankey, come here!

Kyle's Dad:  <Gasp!>
 

It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me play in any games
I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph because there's something wrong with me

My people don't believe in Jesus Christ who has been...has he?
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christmas.

Hanukah is nice but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year
Instead of eating Christmas ham I have to eat Kosher lox cheese
Instead of Silent Night I'm singing Hu-hak-do-navees

And what the f*ck is up with lighting all these f*cking candles tell me please?
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew
I'd be merry, but I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Mr. Garrison: The new law states we can't sing any songs having to do with  Jesus OR Santa Claus.
Cartman: Thanks to Kyle's mother.
Kyle: SHUT UP, Cartman!
Mr. Garrison: So does anybody know any NON-Santa or NON-Jesus Christmas songs.  Yes, Eric?
Cartman: How 'bout we sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch in D-Minor."
Kyle: I told you NOT to call my mom a BITCH, Cartman!

Cartman:  Oh, ho!
                Welll....Kyles' mom's a bitch
                She's a big fat bitch
                She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
                She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
                She's a bitch to all the boys and girls

Kyle: SHUT UP CARTMAN!
Mr. Hankey: Heigh-dee ho!
Kyle: Mr. Hankey!

Cartman:  On Monday, she's a bitch
                On Tuesday, she's a bitch
                On Wednesday through Saturday, she's a bitch
                Then on Sunday, just to be different
                She's a super King Kamehameha bee-yauch

Mr. Hankey: Golly, that isn't very nice...I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.

Cartman:  Have you ever met my friend Kyles' mom?
                She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
                She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair
                She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
                Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, yes she's a stupid bitch
                Kyles' mom's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!

                Kyles' mom...is a bi-i-i-iiiiitch--ah!

I'm gonna lay you down by the yule log
I'm gonna love you right
I can't wait to deck your halls
And silence your night...

I can hear the angels sing
when I'm slidin' off your bra
I can't wait to jingle your bells
and fa-la-la your love...

Click here to return to South Park Elementary

Click here to return to main menu