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| Opening
Theme
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe:
Weight Gain 4000:
Volcano:
Elephant Makes Love to a Pig:
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Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride:
Make Love to the Football Pink Eye:
Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo:
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Damien:
We're All Special Tom's Rhinoplasy:
Cliffhanger:
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Les Claypool: I’m goin’ down to South Park gonna have myself a time
Stan and Kyle: Friendly faces everywhere…humble folks without temptation…
Les Claypool: Goin’ down to South Park gonna leave my woes behind
Cartman: Ample parking day or night, people spouting "Howdy Neighbour"!
Les Claypool: Headin’ on up to South Park gonna see if I can’t unwind
Kenny: (mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble...mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble*)
Les Claypool: So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of
mine
*note: I AM aware of what Kenny is supposedly saying,
although there are several different interpretations. Currently,
the most widely accepted is "I like girls with big, fat, titties, I like
girls with big vaginas." Even Guitar World magazine said so.
Kenny also says "Now our town is bigger dammit right down to this piece
of granite" in the pilot version of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."
Stan: Chef, have you ever had something happen to you, but nobody believed you?
Chef: Aw, children, children, that's a problem we've
all had to face at some time or another.
Here, let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up.
I'm
gonna make love to you, woman.
Gonna lay you down by the fire
And caress your womanly body.
Make you moan and perspire.
Stan: Uh, Chef?
Chef: Gonna get those juices flowin'.
Stan: Chef?
Chef: We're makin' love, baby, love, baby.
Stan: Chef!
Chef: Love, love, love, love, love, baby!
Stan: CHEF!
Chef: Huh?
Chef: Y'know Kathie Lee you are a very special woman
I don't mean special
in a Mary Tyler way...
Or...or...special in an
extra value meal at Happy Burger way...
No, no, no, no...I mean
special...like the sound of a humming bird as it gets ready
To find that female hummingbird
And make sweet love to it
all night long
Just two hummingbirds moaning,
and groaning,
Lettin' their bodies caress
and touch each other in estacy
Oh, Kathie Lee,
How I'd love to lay you
down
And lick every inch of your
body with my tongue...
Mayor: WHAT?!
Chef: Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy
Mayor: WHAT?
Chef: Howabout you and me...
Mayor: Uh...thank you Chef for that heart warming song...
Chef: Getting together and make sweet love...
Mayor: THANK YOU CHEF!
Chef: Oh, oh. God bless you Kathie Lee!
Ooh baby every time that we kiss, hot lava
Every time we make love like lava, hot lava
Lava's so hot it makes me sweat
Lava's so warm and red and wet
Lava! (rbmmbmmblblmblmblmbllll!!*)
*this sound is achieved by grumbling while shaking your
head like a dog shaking itself dry
Chef: Tonight is right for love
Y'know I wanna touch you while the lights don't work
Tonight is right for love
Love gravy (?)
Expression
love so sweet
I wanna keep you burning like a dog in heat
Tonight is right for love
Love gravy
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
Elton: Oooh tonight, ohhhh it's right
Oooh tonight is right for love
Love real
Chef: Thank you Elton!
Tonight is right for love
Love gravy
note: I figure the word "crazy" would work better than
"gravy", but it clearly sounds like Chef is saying "Love Gravy".
I have asbolutlely no idea what "Love Gravy" is.
Chef: You've got to hold the football like you would hold your lover.
Gently, yet firmly.
You've wanna be both
nurturing and clinging at the same time.
Oh, yeah.
Just like making sweet
love to the football,
Being naughty with
the football,
Hmm!
Kyle: Uh...chef?
Chef: Spankin'...ever so gently...
Kyle: Chef?
Chef: Spankin'...
Kyle: CHEF!
Chef: Oh, sorry, children.
I make love,
Even when I'm dead
Although it's cold in my heart,
You know it's warm in my bed.
I make love,
Please don't be afraid
Although my heart ain't beating,
You know you gonna get laid.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me play in any games
I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph because there's something wrong with
me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ who has been...has he?
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christmas.
Hanukah is nice but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year
Instead of eating Christmas ham I have to eat Kosher lox cheese
Instead of Silent Night I'm singing Hu-hak-do-navees
And what the f*ck is up with lighting all these f*cking candles tell
me please?
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew
I'd be merry, but I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.
note: may be inaccurate
Mr. Garrison: The new law states we can't sing any songs having to do
with Jesus OR Santa Claus.
Cartman: Thanks to Kyle's mother.
Kyle: SHUT UP, Cartman!
Mr. Garrison: So does anybody know any NON-Santa or NON-Jesus Christmas
songs. Yes, Eric?
Cartman: How 'bout we sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch in D-Minor."
Kyle: I told you NOT to call my mom a BITCH, Cartman!
Cartman: Oh, ho!
Welll....Kyles' mom's a bitch
She's a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
Kyle: SHUT UP CARTMAN!
Mr. Hankey: Heigh-dee ho!
Kyle: Mr. Hankey!
Cartman: On Monday, she's a bitch
On Tuesday, she's a bitch
On Wednesday through Saturday, she's a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different
She's a super King Kamehameha bee-yauch
Mr. Hankey: Golly, that isn't very nice...I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.
Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyles' mom?
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, yes she's a stupid bitch
Kyles' mom's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!
Kyles' mom...is a bi-i-i-iiiiitch--ah!
Kyle: Mr. Hankey! Shh! I'll get in trouble!
Mr. Hankey: Folks will gather 'round the fire
Singing songs for the choir
Pretty soon they'll all retire and I'll say heigh-dee ho...
<bam-bam-bam>
Kyle's Dad: Kyle, what are you doing in there?!?!
Kyle: Nothing!
Kyle's Dad: OPEN THIS DOOR!
Mr. Hankey: I hope that Santa comes real soon...
Kyle: Mr. Hankey, come here!
Kyle's Dad: <Gasp!>
I'm gonna lay you down by the yule log
I'm gonna love you right
Baby I'm gonna deck your halls
And silence your night...
Hear the herald angels sing
when I'm slidin' off your bra
I just can't wait to jingle your bells
and fa-la-la your love...
(If anybody is able to filter out what Chef is singing
while Stan and Cartman are speaking, e-mail me, please!)
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me (and) I love you
Therefore potentially he loves you
Even if you're a Jew
Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might be coming to your town.
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo
He loves me, I love you,
He...loves...you...
We're all special in our own way
Everybody's different, but that's okay
'Cause even though we might have different colour skin
Different parts of you seem tall or thin
Doesn't mean I can't lay you down woman
And touch your silky skin
With my love deep inside you where no man has ever been
Rub your head, caress your thighs and...uh...
What are we talking about again?
Nobody can take your place
No lady can match your face
You got it goin' all in a way so clear
I just wanna buy you a beer
Or maybe tonight at 7:30 or something if I can uh, come by and uh,
Pick you up in my car
(No substitute) no substitute for you (no substitute)
No baby there's (no substitute) for you girl (no substitute) for you
now
You know that it's true (no substitute)
There's just no substitute for you.
When a man loves a woman
and a woman loves a man
Actually, sometimes a man doesn't love a woman but he acts like he
does in order to get some action (heh heh)
The magic starts to happen
And the two take off their clothes, that's right
They carress and touch each other
Until a part of the man grows
Ohh,
They roll around and mouth things
You really start to gettin' hot
And the man says I love you
And the woman says,
"HoldonasecondIgottagotothebathroom."
So he wait and he wait and he wait and he wait...
So he wait and he wait and he wait
And he wait and you're colling down and she's still going to the bathroom
Finally, she comes back and she says,
"Baby I'm gettin' hot"
And that's when you gotta jam her butt
And pump her full of...
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