Hi, my name is AndyF and I'm an alcoholic. I owe my life today to the grace of GOD and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I'm not grateful to be an alcoholic.
I am grateful that I know it. I am grateful to know that it is a disease, because for a long time I just thought I was a weak willed person.
A bad person, who hurt the people who loved me on purpose. Who couldn't control his drinking. Literally to save my life.
I had my first drink/drunk when I was 10 years old. It was at my cousin's wedding. My Dad was standing in the middle of the dance floor holding a drink (straight gin I think),and I asked for a sip.
Needless to say it hit my stomach like a brick, and I figured I was to young to drink.
Well my other cousins decided to cheer me up. They showed me my tummy could handle champagne. So I stole sips of that all night, danced with everyone, and passed out in the corner.
Hahahaahha, talk about a pattern starting.
Well, I didn't drink again till I was older one or two isolated incidents, till I was about 15.
Ya know a skinny pimply highschool kid. Hanging out with my friends, cutting class, getting drunk and high.
Well, I got tossed out of school when I turned 16, started working, light construction, landscaping, Burger King. Well every job I ever had supplied my drinking......and drugging.
I won't get into the drugs I did, I'll name a few, pot, mesc.,acid,speed,ludes,cocaine.
Maybe mushrooms too ain't really sure.
I drank only to get drunk, nothing sociable about it. And basically I was a light-weight for a couple of years. Well when I was 18 I was on my own(1986). Had a good job, learned I could cash my check at the bar. So I started closing the bar. Met my wife, got her pregnant, married her(1988), got a transfer within my company,(they thought I was dealing cocaine), and we had a son.(1989)
A beautiful little boy, who was with us for 24 days. On June 19th,1989,he passed away, The diagnosis from his autopsy was SIDs.(Sudden Infant death Syndrome) Well needless to say it was a crushing loss. And I like a good alcoholic dove into scotch bottles......about a qt and a half a night.
I was in no shape to make the arrangements so my father and my mother in law took care of it all.
I kept getting drunk/stoned with a vengence after that, totaled a car too. Thank God no one was seriously hurt. Well we had a daughter (1989) and she is a beauty. I drank to celebrate her birth.
Heck I drank for anything, totaled another car too.
After which I basically stopped doing drugs..... Well still smoked pot. But I started drinking more. I drank from the moment I came to in the morning till the moment I passed out. Was pretty hangover immune, at this point. Friends started going to rehabs, most of my friends any way. Couldn't figure out why, compared to me they were lightweights.
I was assigned a shift at my new job,split shift.....a few 4 to midnights and a few midnights to 8am so I developed 2 routines....when I worked 4 to mids I would wake up and sneak a few brews in the kitchen. Get a six pack of tall boys for the train to work, have a couple of tall boys at work. Get off work hit the bar have a pitcher of mixed drinks, and beers till closing. Get a six for the train ride home.When I worked the mids.... I'd wake up. Get a six of Tboys for the ride in. Have a few at lunch....get off open the bar have vodkas and ojs and get a 12 pack for home. I was pissin and shittin' on streets and subway platforms. Puking when I woke up.....trying to get that 1st beer down, and was not eating anymore......all my calories were supplied by alcohol.
Well one day I concocted this plan cuz I was broke.
And I borrowed a hundred and fifty bucks from my friend
When I came to it was late about 10:30 at night and I was alone in the apartment. The phone was ringing and I answered it. My friend (who I borrowed the $ from).
He said "I ain't lyin for ya any more" and I said "Huh?" He told me my wife had called to thank him for the 40 bucks. I said "OK" He said "I'm tryin to get sober here. And every time I hang out with you yer drunk.....so I ain't hangin out with ya when yer drinkin any more."I said "OK"
He asked what I meant. And I said "Maybe you could take me to one of those meetings yer going to, and I could sober up." I heard a banging noise (he literally dropped the phone), Then he said "I don't know how sober you'll get, but we'll put ya in the back of one and let ya dry out."
He travelled 75 miles to my house the next day. And took me to a meeting. I hated it. He said ya just got to sit there and ya don't have to say nuthin'. The prick introduced me to the room.
He got me a meeting list and a copy of Living Sober. And told me make 90 meetings in 90 days. Well I did that......well I did but, I kept smokin pot. Needless to say I called him up after 7 months of doing that and he called me a hypocrit.
My sponsor told me to go to the room I'd been at and tell em all I had one day back. Painful but I did it......that was Jan 21,1994 and by God's grace I haven't had a drink or a drug since.
I have a good life today, isn't perfect, but neither am I. My wife and I are seperated,(divorced as soon as I get some cash up to pay a lawyer, I have a magnificent, wonderful girlfriend, (Hot too).
I pray daily, I make meetings regularly, I work the steps with my sponsor. I do service.....sweep floors, speak at meetings, shuffle papers at intergroup, actually have a sponsee! God help us both. Hahahahhaha
Trust God, Clean House and work with NewComers!!
Works for me