If I had a dollar for everyone who had visited this site, I would have
What goes CLIPPITY CLOP BANG, CLIPPITY CLOP BANG?
Answer.. An Amish drive by shooting. There was a pair of twins, who were separated at birth, and put up
for adoption. One of them went to Egypt, and was named Amal. The other went to
Mexico, and was named Juan. Years later, Juan found his real parents,
and started to write to them regularly. After a while, he sent a
picture of himself. The mother said, "I'm so glad to have this picture here, but I wish
I had one of Amal as well. The father said to her, "Remember, they're twins. If you've seen Juan, A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that
way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now!
I won it, and I want it."
Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out,
"Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my
$20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!! Randy finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into church and begins to pray,
"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some
money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The guy goes back to the church.
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and he still has no luck!! Back to the church
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and he is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:
MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE RANDY, YOU NEED TO BUY A TICKET". In tropical
climes there are certain times of day When all the citizens
retire To tear their clothes
off and perspire. It's one of those
rules that the greatest fools obey, Because the run is
much too sultry And one must avoid
its ultry - violent ray. The natives grieve
when the white men leave their huts, Because they're obviously
definitely Nuts! Mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday
sun. The Japanese don't
care to, Chinese wouldn't dare
to, Hindoos and Argentines
sleep firmly from twelve to one. But Englishmen detest
a-Siesta. In the Philippines
there are lovely screens To protect you from
the glare. In the Malay States
there are hats like plates Which the Britishers
won't wear. At twelve noon the
natives swoon And no further work
is done, But mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday
sun. It's such a surprise
for the Eastern eyes to see, That tho' the English
are effete, They're quite imperious
to heat. When the white man
rides every native hides in glee Because the simple
creatures hope he Will impale his solar
topee--on a tree. It seems such a shame
that when the English claim the earth That they give rise
to such hilarity and mirth. Mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday
sun. The toughest Burmese
bandit Can never understand
it. In Rangoon the heat
of noon Is just what the natives
shun. They put their Scotch
or Rye down--and lie down In a jungle town where
the sun beats down, To the rage of man
and beast The English garb of
the English Sahib Merely gets a bit
more creased. In Bangkok at twelve
o'clock They foam at the mouth
and run, But mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday
sun. Mad dogs and Englishmen
Go out in the midday
sun. The smallest Malay
rabbit Deplores this stupid
habit. In Hong Kong they
strike a gong And fire off a noonday
gun To reprimand each
inmate--who's in late. In the mangrove swamps
where the python romps There is peace from
twelve till two. Even caribous lie
around and snooze, For there's nothing
else to do. In Bengal, to move
at all Is seldom if ever
done, But mad dogs and
Englishmen Go out in the midday
sun.
you've seen Amal.
Mad
Dogs and Englishmen, by Noel Coward
Be careful someone left their construction thigamijig in the middle of
everything, please take time and walk around, "our insurance doesn't
cover you jumping over, or crawling under". 
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