Planned Detyrioration or How to Party at Pennsic Without Causing An International Incident
 
Now, far be it from me to tell most of you how to party.  If we could just get partying made a war point (an it has been suggested) DeTyre would win every war single handed.  These little pointers are meant for those who either haven't partied at Pennsic before or who have but...well, you know, things get hazy...what wallaby?

1.  The Designated Walker
If you know someone who doesn't drink (or drinks very little) and has a decent sense of direction, take him/her with you.  This person should carry the flashlight, be aware of any port o' castles in the area, and be the absolute final word on whether it's time to go home.  Pick someone you can trust, as not only is your safety in his/her hands, but he/she will remember EVERYTHING you did last night and will tell it in excruciating detail if you tick him/her off.
 
2.  Dehydration
Alcohol causes it.  Water cures it.  Drink a lot of water at Pennsic, day and night.  Fruit juice is also good (and a little peach schnapps in my punch would be lovely, thanks).
 
3.  Special Someones
If the partying leads to--well, partying--be sure you come prepared (and no, I don't mean the Tabasco flavored whipped cream).  Recent studies indicate that AIDS can transfer through ANY sexual contact, even Clinton sex.  Be safe, we need you back next year.
 
4.  Hangovers
This is Heartburn Kitty's department.  Pet him before leaving, after you come back and when you get up in the morning.  Drink a liter or two of water each time and finish off with an antihistamine and an analgesic, and it's nearly guaranteed.
 
5.  Our Evil Nemesis Ralph
Whatever you call it, when the contents of your stomach bail on you, it's a sure sign that you've had enough to drink.  Try not to violate anyone's firepit, sump, path to the portojohn, tent, gear or person.  Apologize and then lay off for a while.  Once again, water is good.

6.  When The Party's Over
Often someone has said to me "You guys just don't know when to quit!"  Okay, maybe we don't.  Here's a few clues:
a. If someone just mentioned the possibility of breakfast in a few minutes--
b. If you can't remember the name of the person you're talking to, or your own for that matter--
c. If everybody you can see is asleep--
d. If you can actually see your hand in front of your face without torchlight--
e. If Robert and/or Pat are walking up the road in armor--
f.  If you hear someone say "I'm sorry, your majesty, I'm sure he didn't mean it"--
g. If your designated walker says so it's time to come home!
 
In general, be careful, be safe, be courteous.  And be home in time to put on your armor and fight.
 
Audelinde