Pat me once before you leave
And twice when you get back
Three times when you wake up again
(You'd better hug me, Jack)

Aspirin, water, and sinus tabs
And I'll make the pain to go
But woe to the fool who steals me
As every cub should know

I'm storing up the hangovers
The DeTyres all bring home
That's why, once placed upon this spot
I never more can roam

The fool who steals me steals them too
They'll hit him like a brick
He won't get far beyond the gate
Before he's taken sick

And if by chance he does survive
Though little chance he may
He'll understand the meaning of the words
"I rue the day"