"It
doesn't matter! All the clothes I wear, and where I go and why." -
Justin Timberlake from new song 'Pop'Chapter 58 "It
doesn't matter! All the clothes I wear, and where I go and why." -
Justin Timberlake from new song 'Pop'
It was getting late. The large crowd at the house had decreased and decreased, and had disintegrated into no one. No one, except Justin, who had beset and worried himself into a destroyed wreck. He stanched pacing in front of the living room fireplace, and bewared his hands with his eyes. They were trembling as he suspected. He felt horrified and appalled with himself. He had committed one of the most dense and pinheaded mistakes. And there was nothing he could do. Knowing that there was nothing he could do to erase what he did, Justin was joyless and depressed. His mind was coursing with emulation and conflict "What have I done?" He whispered to himself. "What the HELL have I done? I don't get how I just freak out like that."
He gawked in the area of the staircase. "I'm scared to go upstairs. God only knows what she will do or say. She is so pissed." His head sprained to the clock. "Okay, Justin. You've been down here for the last three hours talking to yourself, you need to get it together." He slapped his hand against his cheek several times in a row.
He was walking upstairs for some odd reason, as if he was anxious to get into the bedroom. He really wasn't. He was hoping that Kim would talk with him. Maybe she had cooled down, and wasn't mad. Maybe she was even more mad. Maybe she was willing to forgive him and forget about what happened.
Air blew heavily from his mouth. He was ecstatic that she was sleeping. She was sleeping with the bedroom light on. He shut it off as he accompanied himself to his side of the capacious bed. He decided he would take a shower in the morning, and he stripped all of his clothes off, down to his boxers. Before he obtained into bed, he paused and studied her face closely. She was facing him. Her skin was so healthy, even in darkness she was as visibly tan as could be. Wisps of her hair were spread over her precise facial features. The moonlight poured gently on her face. Her face. Still she had the heart-stopping representation on her face.
Justin skinned his eyes from her. He couldn't take anymore, knowing all he had done. Guilt ate at his poor body already. He felt like nothing.
He elevated the covers and slicked into bed with her. He made sure he was facing her, because he had a few words to share with her, even though she was sleeping. "Kim." He phonated in a terminated voice. "Kim, I love you so much. And what happened was nothing. Okay? Because you are me and I am you, and nothing will ever come between us. Just like you told me, we were just playing a dumb game. What happened didn't mean anything." He transmitted closer to her purposely, and activated his lips to her forehead. He gave her a loving and soulful kiss, and then put his back to her, while shifting under the covers, as he tried to get sufficient with heat and comfortable.
Five seconds later, the light flicked on, this scaring Justin to death. He extracted the covers from over his head, and standing in front of the bed with her arms tightly closed was the turbulent Kim. She was on absolute fire. More upset then any day he could ever remember. "So, Justin." She said in an subjacent voice.
"Kim, you have no idea how sorry I am, from the bottom of my heart. I AM SO SORRY! I really didn't mean to hurt you OR come on to Charrah like that." He was frightened at how 'calm' she was being. It wasn't normal, and he was expecting her to blow at any second.
She paused dramatically and began to walk back and fourth in front of the bed. She was giving him more time to think. "I'm very upset with you, Justin."
He nodded. "I know...I can tell...tell...that I..."
"I AM VERY UPSET WITH YOU, JUSTIN!" She shouted with her head turned away from him. She stood where she was and didn't make much movement. "And you know what? Now I am upset with myself." Her head snapped at him robotically. "I am upset with myself for crying earlier. I should have NEVER cried about what I witnessed downstairs. I should have just clapped or something! I shouldn't have cried! YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT! You are not worth crying over anymore, Justin. I can't get myself to cry. I am too FED UP with you to cry!"
He suck his teeth. "Oh, well I'm GLAD you feel that way!" He replied sarcastically. "I'm not worth crying over? What am I worth then?"
She laughed and scooped her hands on her waist. "It funny you asked me that. Right now you are nothing much. EXCEPT A HUGE DICK! And I say that literally. Considering you use THAT more than your damn brain! I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR OWN WORDS, JUSTIN! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED DOWNSTAIRS IN YOUR EYES! TELL ME, FROM WHEN I KISSED JC TO WHAT YOU AND CHARRAH WERE DOING! Maybe I'm overreacting...yeah right."
He stared at the ceiling and wished he could just hide his head and sleep. He didn't want to face Kim and deal with her when she was so upset and hurt. "Well...you kissed JC on the lip two times. And I got mad. So, I kissed Charrah on my dare."
"DARE? SURE IT WAS A FUCKING DARE! AND I'M JAY-Z! LET ME TELL YOU WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, JUSTIN! YOU WERE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF CHARRAH WITH YOUR LIPS AND GRINDING YOURSELF INTO HER! OH! AND WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW! YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED VERY SOON! I GUESS THATS NOT THAT IMPORTANT! RIGHT, JUSTIN? IT WAS JUST A GAME, RIGHT? IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU WERE ALL HARD AND BETWEEN HER LEGS! ALL OF THAT SHIT MEANS NOTHING, RIGHT?"
He shook his head while looking down. "No, Kim. It means something." His eyes slowly met with hers flaming ones. "I....am...so...sorry. I have never been more sorry in my life."
She laughed madly. "Yeah you are sorry. A SORRY ASS! NOW YOU LISTEN TO THIS! I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GOING TO PUT UP WITH THE SHIT ANYMORE, DIDN'T I? DID YOU THINK I WAS JOKING?" She pounded her fist into her hand with every word she said, to help her express herself. "I AM NOT JUST MAD AT YOU BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID WITH CHARRAH! THAT DOES NOT UPSET ME AS MUCH AS IT DOES THIS! YOU DID WHAT YOU DID TO PURPOSELY HURT ME, BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER! AND THAT! THAT IS WHAT HAS FIRED ME UP! ALL YOU DO IS SHIT TO HURT ME BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER! AM I WRONG OR AM I RIGHT, JUSTIN?" He didn't answer her, and his eyes fell back down, like a dropping elevator. "I KNOW THAT I MAY NOT TREAT YOU THE BEST AS I COULD, AND I WILL ADMIT I'VE DONE SOME PRETTY MESSED UP THINGS TO YOU! BUT WHEN YOU GET MAD AT ME BECAUSE I MADE YOU MAD, YOU COME BACK AT ME TEN TIMES WORSE! AND THAT IS THE TRUTH! DO YOU NEED EXAMPLES, JUSTIN? REMEMBER WHEN I GOT DRUNK AT A CLUB AND KISSED THAT GUY? A FEW DAYS LATER YOU KISSED BRITNEY AND LIED TO ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH HER!" She giggled with raw ire. "OH! HERE'S ANOTHER! REMEMBER AT THE MOVIES? MY SPECIALTY IS WHEN I RIDE YOU!" She held a hand up and laughed. "I GOT ANOTHER ONE! REMEMBER WHEN YOU GOT MAD AT ME DURING DINNER WITH YOUR PARENTS! YOU KICKED THEM OUT AND ALL OF THAT, THEN YOU IGNORED ME! AND WHEN YOU FOUND OUT I HAD THE BRUISE ON MY BACK, YOU FREAKED AND TORE THE POOL UP! REMEMBER HOW YOU TREATED ME WHEN I FIRST TOLD YOU I WAS PREGNANT WITH JADE? AND THEN WE HAVE THE EPISODE TONIGHT! AT FIRST YOU WERE JUST MAKING SMALL FIGHTS! YOU'RE GETTING KIND OF BOLD, JUSTIN! YOU'RE STARTING TO CHEAT ON ME IN FRONT OF MY OWN EYES NOW? COOL! WHAT'S NEXT?"
He strangled to even breathe, he was hurting so badly. "I...I don't know what to say, Kim. I'm...so...sorry."
Her eyes draped around the room. "DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, JUSTIN! DON'T YOU DARE!" Her index finger jumped at him she was pointing so sharply. "DON'T YOU EVEN...!"
"KIM, PLEASE..."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! WHILE YOU WERE DOWN THERE FUCKING CHARRAH YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS! YOU WERE ALL OVER HER LIKE THAT, AND YOU KNOW THAT I SAW YOU AND BRITNEY THAT NIGHT IN OUR BED! YOU KNEWWWWWWW! AND YOU DIDN'T FUCKING CARE! OH, I GUESS ACCORDING TO YOU IT'S TOO OLD TO BE REMEMBERED! BULL SHIT!"
"I'M SO FUCKIN' SORRY! I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT! I FORGOT ABOUT IT, OKAY? AND AS I WAS KISSING CHARRAH! I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU!"
She crept closer to him, with a lunatic expression. "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? WHATEVER! YOU CHOSE THAT BITCH OVER YOU OWN FIANCÉE!"
Justin found that he was getting angry. "DON'T START ACTING STUPID! YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL I DIDN'T PICK CHARRAH OVER YOU! I WAS JUST DOING A DARE! I DON'T WANT THAT GIRL!"
She nodded violently. "YES, YOU DO!" She growled. "YOU DO! YOU HAVE TO FEEL SOMETHING FOR HER TO BE ON HER LIKE THAT!"
"WHAT I FELT WAS JEALOUSLY! THATS IT! YOU KISSED JC, AND I WANTED SOME REVENGE!" He stood to be at her level. "AND WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I CHOOSE CHARRAH OVER YOU? I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU! NO MATTER HOW MANY PROBLEMS YOU HAVE, I LOVE YOU TO DEATH! I DON'T LOVE JUST LOVE ANYONE LIKE I LOVE YOU! AND IF I WANTED CHARRAH I WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH HER BY NOW! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? AND I WOULD NEVER CHOOSE SOMEONE OVER YOU! IF I DIDN'T LOVE YOU, I STILL WOULDN'T CHOSE SOMEONE OVER YOU!" He put his hand to his chest. "I'M NOT GONNA LIE! YOU ARE FINE AS HELL! YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! NO LIE! SO WHY WOULD I BE STUPID ENOUGH TO LEAVE THE MOST PERFECT GIRL FOR SOMEONE ELSE? I'M NOT THAT DAMN DUMB!"
She put her hand is his face. "JUST SHUT UP, JUSTIN! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW! ACTUALLY! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! WE DON'T WORK!" She disputed in his face. "HAVE YOU NOTICED THE WE ARE TWO TOTAL OPPOSITES? HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT? WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON, AND WE NEVER DID HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON! I'M SHORT! YOUR TALL! YOU ARE A FOOT TALLER THAN ME! I LIKE ALL MUSIC, BUT MOSTLY POP MUSIC AND BRITNEY! YOU LIKE YOUR HIP HOP! I'M A MORE MATURE PERSON, YOU LOVE THE JOKES! WE DON'T WORK! THERE HAS BEEN ONLY ONE THING THAT HAS KEPT OUR RELATIONSHIP ALIVE! ONE THING ONLY!"
"WHAT?"
"THE ONLY REASON WHY WE HAVE LASTED AS LONG AS WE HAVE IS BECAUSE WE ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH STUPID ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH EACH OTHER! NO ONE IN THE WORLD IS DUMB ENOUGH TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE! WE ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE DUMB ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH EACH OTHERS SHIT! BOTH OF US ARE SOME FUCKED UP PEOPLE! I HAVE PROBLEMS! YOU HAVE PROBLEMS! AND IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE WORK! ALL OUR RELATIONSHIP IS FIGHTING, CRYING, ARGUING, AND SEX! THATS ALL WE HAVE! AND JADE! AND IT'S SO SAD, BUT IT'S TRUE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT! WE REALLY JUST DON'T WORK! NO ONE SEE'S THIS SIDE OF US! YOUR FANS DON'T SEE THE SIDE OF YOU THAT I SEE! AND LIKE I SAID, THE ONLY THING WE HAVE IN COMMON IS STUPIDITY TO STAY WITH ONE ANOTHER!"
He bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed his eyes in insult. "And you really believe that? Thats how you feel about us? That we don't work?!"
"YES!" She poked him with her finger. "AND I'M SICK OF IT! YOU KNOW, JUSTIN! WHEN YOU ARE MAD YOU TREAT ME LIKE DIRT!"
His head waved at her in attitude as he spoke. "OH DON'T EVEN GO TO THAT POINT! WHEN I'M MAD? WHEN YOU'RE NOT MAD YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT! YOU DON'T CARE FOR ME AS MUCH AS I DO YOU! YOU SHRUG ME OFF HALF THE TIME! YOU ALWAYS HIT ME AND YELL AT ME! AND DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY I TREAT YOU LIKE DIRT! YOU ARE MY BABY! I MAY GET MAD OR WHATEVER! BUT I ALWAYS TREAT YOU GOOD! I GET YOU MATERIAL THINGS, EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED THEM, AND I GIVE YOU MORE LOVE THAN YOUR HEART CAN HOLD! I ALWAYS SHOW MY LOVE FOR YOU! ALWAYS! EVEN WITH THE LITTLE THINGS! WHEREAS YOU DON'T ALWAYS SHOW ME YOUR LOVE, BUT THATS OKAY! I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT! YOU THINK ABOUT ALL I DO FOR YOU AND WHAT YOU DO FOR ME! THE DIAMONDS? THE FLOWERS; ROSE PETALS! THE FREAKIN' KISSES! I'VE NEVER GOTTEN ANYTHING LIKE THE KISSES I GIVE YOU! AND DO I ASK? HELL NO! IT'S OBVIOUS THAT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'M CRAZY! I WAS ALL OVER CHARRAH, YEAH! BUT I DID IT OUT OF THE CRAZINESS OF LOVE ! I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! HOW STUPID IS THAT? THATS HOW LOVE CRAZY I AM! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME!"
She rolled her neck and crossed her arms again. "MAYBE THATS TRUE! WHEN I FIRST MET YOU I DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU WERE ALL THAT CUTE!"
He laughed as he felt his heart break. "The only reason that comment didn't hurt my feelings is because I now know that you don't love me for just my looks!" He shook his head at her and let his anger build. "You know what? I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF YOUR BULL SHIT! I'M GOING TO SLEEP NOW! I DON'T CARE WHAT ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY! YOU CAN STAND HERE AND TALK TO YOURSELF OR WHATEVER, BUT I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY!" He hopped in bed and covered up.
"Okay...I take it back. You looked good. But..."
"LIKE I SAID! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE! YOU NEED TO SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M PISSED OFF AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, KIM! YOU MUST BE TALKIN' TO YOURSELF BECAUSE I'M NOT LISTENING TO A DAMN THING!"
She snatched the covers from him. "YOU ARE LISTENING TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!"
He snatched the covers back. "NO THE HELL I'M NOT! UT UH!"
She grinned. "YES, YOU ARE!" She didn't hesitate. "Justin, I don't want to be with you right now." She said lowing her voice.
His eyes began to sink into his head and he couldn't take them off of her. He was speechless for about ten seconds. His heart evanesced and disappeared in his chest. He swallowed with tremendous difficulty. "Okay." He bunched the covers up to his face and his glass-like eyes roamed about the room in uneasiness. "Um...can I ask you something, Kim? What exactly do you mean by, you don't want to be with me right now? What is right now?" The sorrow was written all over his face. The only thing keeping him from decomposing to the floor was that she said 'right now'. And she had not called off the wedding. As long as she hadn't done that he would be able to deal.
"I don't know what 'right now' means. It could be two hours from now, it could be two days. Two weeks. All I know is, right now I don't want any kind of relationship with you...I'm just sick of your bull shit basically." After cutting off the bedroom light, she adduced into bed again. She mocked what Justin did and covered up with the covers on her side of the bed.
"Whatever, Kim. I'm sure you're just so upset that you are just saying things. But whatever!" He mumbled under his breath.
"AND SOMETHING ELSE, JUSTIN!" She yelled in the darkness. "DON'T EVEN TRY TO SPRINKLE ROSE PETALS ON ME OR GIVE ME FLOWERS, AND DON'T CALL ME YOUR BABY GIRL! I'M NOT KIDDING WITH YOU! YOU DO THE SAME THING WHEN YOU'VE PISSED ME OFF AND I'M NOT ACCEPTING THAT ANYMORE! DON'T TEST ME, JUSTIN!"
He closed his eyes and pulled greatly on the covers. "I'm sorry, Kim! DAMN!"
She jerked them back. "Like I SAID! DON'T TEST ME!"
"Fine then. I'm not sorry!"
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Even after taking a shower and brushing his teeth, Justin's eyes had not adapted to the fulgent light of the blinding sun. Outside was extra clear and clean. But in the house of him and Kim a nightmare was being lived. His hand grazed the middle of his stomach. He wasn't hungry. He was nauseated. He understood and knew what he did was wrong, but he couldn't believe that Kim was so mad. He thought she was more understanding than she was. He also saw that she had views different from what he pictured hers to be. He was almost convinced that she didn't love him.
Even though he had calculated so much, he still didn't feel the whole ordeal. He was still numb. It didn't seem real, and he argued with himself. I was all an illusion. Or it would all be better very soon. This is what he thought. Deep down inside he didn't feel she was too upset. She wouldn't leave him over something like what happened with him and Charrah. Or would she?
He smelled a delightful scent. He could tell that Kim was making breakfast. This put a smile on his face for some reason. "She's not really mad. She was just acting last night." He said to himself surely.
He traipsed downstairs lethargically, and entered the kitchen. She was indeed cooking breakfast. Her back was to him, but she heard his presence. He cleared his throat. "Good morning, Kim." He said charmingly and sweetly.
After a few seconds passed by, he realized that she was still highly upset.
"Look, Kim! I'm SORRY! Okay? I'm so sorry! I told you I didn't meant to do what I did. It meant nothing to me! And I don't care for Charrah. You KNOW that, Kim! I TOLD YOU I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! And I told you good morning. You can't speak to me?" He glared at her back. "So, you gonna stand there and make me look stupid? You CAN'T EVEN speak?"
She inverted around with a snarl. "OH, I CAN SPEAK! GOOD MORNING, JUSTIN!" She held a plate out, with fresh food on it. "I MADE YOU SOME BREAKFAST, MY SWEETHEART!"
It was obvious, she was still incredibly angry. He was waiting for her to spit fire.
She tossed the food from the plate on him. "ENJOY IT!" She grabbed the syrup bottle. "Have some syrup for those pancakes!" She picked up a glass of orange juice and threw it in his face. "DON'T FORGET YOUR JUICE!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN, BEFORE YOU GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT!" He blew air from his lips to knock the beads of juice away that had settled to his mouth.
Her eyes lip up in anger. "Oh, is that a threat?"
"The only reason why I told you good morning was because I was trying to be civil and proper, even though we had our fight last night! I was trying to be MATURE about the damn situation! CONSIDERING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME 'RIGHT NOW!"
"YOU DAMN RIGHT I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!"
"I JUST CAME DOWN HERE TO GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR OR BE A PART OF YOUR SHIT! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO THROW JUICE IN MY FACE AND BE YELLING LIKE CRAZY! ALL I TOLD YOU WAS GOOD MORNING! I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE TO YOU, KIM! NOTHING! THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO TALK TO YOU IS IF YOU MAKE THE EFFORT TO SPEAK TO ME FIRST! YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE EFFORT!"
She held her stomach and laughed. "AHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD! AHAHAHAHAHA!" She began to stomp her feet. "AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She pounded her fist against the counter. "AHAHAHAHAHA! LIKE IT'S A PRIVILEGE TO TALK TO HIM! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He began to leave the kitchen, because her display and outburst made him feel wholly stupid.
"HAHA!" She removed tears from her eyes. "That is the funniest thing I ever heard." She gazed at the corrupt mess on the floor.
"Whatever. Evil bitch." He murmured under his breath to make himself feel better.
She only laughed with more force. "I heard that! HAHAHA! Oh, WOW! you called me a bitch! You hurt my feelings. HAHA!" She pronounced in a sarcastic sense. "Don't worry. I'll get you later. HAHA!"
He legated the unwelcoming kitchen, while shaking his head.
-----------------
"Dadadadadada! DADA! DADADADADA!"
Justin cracked a smile, which beamed with a blinding glow. "Yes, my sweetheart. Daddy is going to take you out with him. How about that?" He tickled her. "We're gonna have some fun. My cute little sweetie pie." He committed her arms through a pale yellow dress. "You know, you mom has problems. She is so pissed at me right now. She won't talk to me. That sucks. Do you have any suggestions for me? Huh, sweet baby?"
"Dadadadadada! Dadadadada."
"No?" He chuckled. "Aren't you just SO cute?! My cute little Jade." He slipped socks on her feet, which were the same color as her dress. "No shoes today. You always get too hot when I put shoes on you." He wrapped a white blanket around her and attached her to his arms. He kissed her on the cheek.
Jade pulled his nose. "Dadadadada. Kakakakakaka!"
"I love you so much, little one." He laughed. "OW! That hurts by the way."
She gently tapped her hand against his face. "Dadadadada!"
Jade amazed him. He didn't expect her to grow so fast. And even he had to admit. She look exactly like him. He brushed her growing curls aside. They were getting longer. She had a head full of perfect and solid curls. They hung all the way down to her small ears, which gleamed with heart shaped studs. "You're so beautiful, Jade." He kissed her healthy colored cheek.
"Where do you think you are taking her?"
Justin leaped and nearly dropped Jade at the unexpected sight of Kim. "I'm taking her with me, while I run some errands." He heaved for air as he looked into her cold eyes.
She crossed her arms. "YOU are not taking her anywhere! She's staying with me today. I am taking her to the park."
His neck subsisted fury, and he stole a fresh and warm bottle from the changing table. "NO! I'm taking Jade with me. You've had her for THREE weeks. I should get to spend some time with her too. SHE'S MY BABY TOO, KIM!" She snatched Jade from his hands. "SHE'S MY BABY TOO!" He licked his lips and reached for Jade, as he attempted to hold back his rising tears. "You are being really mean now. You don't have to take her from me. SHE'S MY DAUGHTER TOO!"
"OH REALLY?" He eyes glowered with wrath. "It's funny how you wouldn't have a 'daughter' if I would have just gotten rid of 'it' like you told me told me to."
His mouth opened to verbalize words, but he couldn't persuade himself to speak. His body started to quiver, and tears submitted down his face. "You are so..." He had to resign from the room. He couldn't bear to stay in the room for a second longer and clamored away.
"Thats right, Justin! WALK AWAY! BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID IS TRUE!"
He used a propulsive movement of his hand and drove Jades bottle into the wall. The bottle exploded when it collided with the wall. He just continued walking.
Kim stepped into the hallway to behold the damage Justin had done. "Looks like you have a nasty mess to clean up." She said with a laugh, as she peeved her hand on Jade's back in a circular motion. "WATCH, JUSTIN! You're going to be walking down that aisle by yourself."
His body vellicated and he snapped. He paused and stopped at the top of the staircase. "FUCK YOU, KIM!" His eyes were shimmering because of his tears, and as he shouted at her his voice broke. "FUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! AND WHILE YOUR AT IT, WHY DON'T YOU FUCK CHARRAH TOO?"
"MAYBE I WILL!"
There was nothing but rigorous eye contact. Justin conferred Kim a chillsome look and she returned the look. "Don't be looking at me like that, Justin. I'll come over there and slap the shit out of you."
He laughed. "You come over here and slap me, and see what would happen to you. You're gonna get you ass kicked. Not by me, but I'll get someone to kick it!"
She shivered dramatically while holding Jade supportively. "Ohhhhhhhhh, I'm SO scared!"
He sniffled and wiped his eyes harshly. "You're not going to cry over me anymore. So, I'm not going to cry over YOU! The only reason why I started crying is because of what you said about Jade." He was motivating closer to Kim to make his point. "YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT!" He began with his mouth reserved to her nose. "BUT DON'T YOU EVER! I MEAN EVER! EVER! EVER! MENTION WHAT I SAID ABOUT JADE! DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! YOU UNDERSTAND ME? I WAS STUPID AT THE TIME I SAID THAT! AND DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING MENTION IT OR SAY IT AGAIN! I MEAN IT!" He glared down at Jade for a few seconds and then walked away. "DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN!"
"Yeah. Whatever. I'm not scared of you, Justin. You can be three feet taller. You don't scare me. AND YOUR THE BITCH! YOUR ASS ALWAYS CRYING' LIKE ONE!"
"Dadadadadada!" Jade. A poor innocents exposed to such exclusive violence and abuse. It was a good thing she had no understanding of her surroundings at the time.
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October 17, 2002 (Two days later)
The door of the elaborate black limo, was opened by an usher. The first to egress from the overly stretched car was Romeo. Holding a gift in his hand, he stood to the side, wearing back leather, velvet and a gold sword and jewelry.
Next to confine from the limo was none other than Juliet. Her dress was matched to that of Romeo. It was fairly long and made of velvet. A crown was formed on the top of her head, made of her own long hair. Together Romeo and Juliet looked stupendous and marvelous.
Juliet was the first of the couple to walk up the stairs leading to the front door. She too was holding a gift in her hand. Romeo followed.
The few bystanders that had caught a glimpse of them, before they were to join he party, were stunned with their mouths frozen open. It wasn't that they weren't human. It was just something about the two that made them some incredible and important people. So eye captivating and pleasing. On the outside that was.
After entering the home, and dropping off the presents at the gift table, the elegant and glorious Romeo and Juliet...went in opposite directions.
Justin and Kim were still fighting. To make matters worse they were ignoring each other, and had not spoken a word to each in more than two days. As seconds went by, Justin and Kim made history in their relationship. This was the most terrible fight they had suffered yet. And it was only getting more defective.
"HEY! Justin you look so cool! HAHA! Romeo!"
"Hey ya'll." He greeted his best friends. His lips curved somewhat at the clown in front of him. "You look ridiculous, Chris. A clown? It fits your personality."
He laughed. "Shut up, Justin. Dani is a clown too. We match for once. Ahahaha!"
He nodded at him. "At least you match." He gave him a quick hug. "Aye! Happy, birthday man. I know I always tell you I won't get you anything all year, but I got you three Play station III games. You know you can only get them in Japan. And even there they are rare. I hope you like them."
The clown jumped up and down. "ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON'T BE JOKING, JUSTIN!"
"I'm not playing with you. I'm serious."
He hugged him again. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THE BEST GIFT EVER! I LOVE YOU, MAN!"
He patted his back. "Yeah. I love you too." He pushed him. "Now get off me." He turned to Superman and shook his head. He wanted to laugh, but he was too sad to. "Nice costume, Joey. I figured you would be superman."
He laughed. "Yep. And Kelly is Superwoman."
"Who are you, JC?"
A man with gray hair and a sharp suit spoke. "I'm Bill Clinton. Bobbi is Monica Lewinski. Haha!"
Justin smiled. Due to his circumstances, it was all he could do. "Thats cool. Griffin, and you are?"
He peered down at his apparel, and touched his hand to his chest. "Oh. Since everyone says I look like Tom Cruise, I'm him. And Calia is Nicole Kidman. They are divorced now, but oh well."
"Creative." He blurted simply. "What about you Lance?"
He was just his average self. "Oh, I'm Lance! Haha." He laughed. "I don't have a girlfriend to match with or whatever. So, I said screw it. I came as myself."
Joey with drew the sword from the case attached to Justin's side. "Oh my God. Is this real? It looks like it's gold, and it's heavy!"
He took it back from him. "Yeah it's real. And real gold too. Let me take it from you before your clumsy ass cut someone."
"Yeah, Justin. Your costume is too cool. You look so Shakespearean. Who made it? Our stylist?" Bill Clinton asked.
He looked in the area of the floor. "Nah. Kim and I had a stylist, that makes things for us, do it. We use him on occasions. And as you can see he hooked me up. No tights. Tight leather instead."
The clown cleared his throat. "Ahem...speaking of Kim. Where is Juliet?"
Finally he laughed. "Oh, didn't you hear? Romeo has gone solo."
Everyone laughed and stopped suddenly when they realized Justin was speaking the truth.
"Oh." Lance stated sadly. "You guys are still fighting?"
His breath respired in dysphoria and grief. "Yeah." He whispered.
"So, what happened? If you don't mind me asking." Griffin questioned, concerned.
He had enough courage to lift his head. "After you guys left and I got in bed with her, she snapped. She got out of bed and told me how different we are. She said that we weren't made for each other, and that we fought too much. That I wasn't worth crying over. Oh, did I mention she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore?" The guys gasped. "I know. She said that she didn't want to be with me right now. But she doesn't know what right now is. So, the day after all of that drama we got into another fight. We woke up fighting. She yelled at me for what happened with Charrah. I could understand that. But she started to make me mad, and I told her that I would leave her alone and not talk to her unless she made the effort. She just laughed at me and I felt stupid. We fought about Jade later on that day. And I yelled at her and I just said fuck her basically. After that she hasn't talked to me. I did give in and tried to talk to her and apologized for saying fuck her, but she will not speak to me at all. For any reason."
Chris' eyes widened. "WHAT does that mean?! She's not marrying you?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think she has gotten so upset to the point she doesn't want to marry me. She didn't tell me that the wedding was officially off...she just threatened me a little bit. She kind of joked about not showing up." His face started to tilt downward again. "I feel so terrible. I'm like...just...sick. I'm just sick. I did it all to myself. I hurt myself. I hurt her purposely to make myself feel better, and now I'm paying the price by hurting more. I love that girl so much, and she won't even talk to me. Ya'll don't understand. It like a mental thing. I always have to have Kim talking to me. ALWAYS! I'd rather have her leave me, than be with me, ignoring me. She just always has to talk to me. And right now she's not. I haven't kissed her in about three days. It's the longest we haven't kissed while we could have. When I'm on tour I can't kiss her. But lying right next to her in bed and not kissing her? That sucks! We haven't been intimate in a month. Right about now I'm about ready to die."
He received several mournful pats. "Man, we feel so sorry for you. To have Kim and not to have been with her for THAT long...we feel sorry for you, dude." JC stated. "That is just pathetic."
"Hell, I'll have sex with her for you, Justin." Joey blurted.
"You know what, Joey? You and your comments are going to get you ass beat! I can't take it anymore. I've told you about about saying things like that about her. Haven't I?" Justin squinted his eyes. "Don't you get it? She doesn't want your ass. She is with me. SHE IS MINE! SHE WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH..."
"DAMN, JUSTIN! SHE IS MINE! SHE IS MINE! THATS ALL YOU SAY! WE KNOW THAT SHE IT YOURS! I KNOW THAT SHE IS YOURS! I WAS JUST JOKING! I KNOW THAT SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU HER! I WAS JUST JOKING MAN! NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE HER FROM YOU! THATS YOUR PROBLEM! YOU THINK SOMEONE IS GOING TO TAKE HER FROM YOU, WHEN IN REALITY YOU ARE TAKING HER FROM YOURSELF! YOUR RUNNING HER AWAY!"
JC put his hand to Joey's chest. "Calm down."
"I AM CALMING DOWN! I was just saying. Everyone knows I'm flirty and stupid, but Justin is always tripping over Kim. And the problem is you, Justin. You get on to us because we should treat our girlfriends better. But we don't do the shit that you do! And you should know. You should know that you have to give Kim special treatment. She was abused for most of her life. And all you do is abuse her more. You can't just do little bad things to her over and over. They add up, Justin! Which is why she has been snapping on you lately. You're all pissy because she's mad at you, and you even admitted you did it to yourself. You are the one that hurted her to the point she can't stand you. And you are ALWAYS getting mad at her for the stupidest reasons. The movie theater...her kissing JC...I don't see how she can stand you! And you would think NOT to be all over Charrah considering she found you and Britney in bed while she was pregnant. THE STUFF ADDS UP, MAN! Sorry! I just can't take anymore of the she's mine shit. It's starting to piss me off. We know that, Justin. But she won't be yours if you keep on. I JUST WANNA KICK YOUR ASS, MAN!"
Justin's lip shriveled up. "You make me SICK, Joey! I SWEAR! YOU DON'T KNOW! NO ONE DOES! I KNOW THAT I MAY DO THINGS TO HER THAT ARE PRETTY BAD! BUT SHE IS JUST AS BAD AS ME! KIM TREATS ME LIKE SHIT SOMETIMES! ABSOLUTE SHIT! SHE YELLS AT ME FOR EVERYTHING! HITS ME! SHE IS NOT THE INNOCENT ONE HERE! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT RIGHT NOW! MY OWN MOTHER IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME! JOHNNY FUCKED ME OVER! YA'LL DON'T GIVE A SHIT! AND KIM IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD I FEEL RIGHT NOW?" He grabbed Joey by the shirt. "You know." He began whispering, with a low venomous glow in his eyes. "You wanna kick my ass, Joey? I've been looking for a fight to get into. I can't hit Kim, but I can definitely hit you. HIT ME MOTHER FUCKER! SO, I CAN WHIP YOUR ASS, SUPERMAN!" He pushed him violently.
"JUSTIN, GET OFF ME!" He pushed him even harder. "I WILL FREAKIN' KILL YOUR ASS!"
Lance grabbed Justin and Griffin grabbed Joey.
"WHOA! Don't start fighting at my party. Let's have fun guys. PLEASE!" The clown presented a glass of champagne to Justin. "Here, man. Have a drink. Calm down. I know things are not at it's best for you."
"Thanks." He became less tense and took a few swallows of the refreshing drink. His heart began to drown when...
"Oh my God! I've been looking all over you. Happy birthday, Chris." Kim gave him a gigantic hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday, sweetie."
"Aww thanks, Kim." He shook his head. "And God you look stunning. Just as hot as always, miss Juliet!" He lifted her hand and kissed it.
She giggled. "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."
Chris laughed. "Your Romeo is right there." He pointed to Justin.
She rolled her eyes and smacked her teeth. "Oh, whatever. Anyways." She waved at all of the guys. "Hey guys!"
"HEY, KIM!" They replied giddily.
Justin was looking at her, hoping to get a returned response, but she didn't glance at him not even once.
"Okay. I just thought I'd say hi. I'm about to go and chit chat. Bye guys!" She waved again.
"Bye, Kim!" Everyone waved back.
"Oh, yeah. Chris, your party is so nice and relaxing. I like it. It's not like you to have a party so formal. It's more of a gathering than a party! Congrats!"
"Thank you, babe!" He tipped his cup at her.
She winked, and holding her gown started to walk away.
All eyes traveled back to Justin again. He was watching Kim walk away. He found it hard to believe that she wouldn't even look at him. And she appeared to be so happy and strong on the outside. This tore him up even more.
Lance nudged him. "Say something to her. Maybe she will speak to you."
"She won't."
"Just do it!" Griffin urged.
"Kim, can I talk to you?" He begged. He was loud enough so that she could hear him. He could tell that his words caused her to stall a little as if she was about to turn around, but instead she continued walking. "Kim, can I please talk to you?" This time she didn't even lose pace in her walking.
JC tested the situation to see if she was really ignoring him. "Hey, Kim?"
She swung around. "Huh?"
"You look beautiful, sweetheart. I love the costume and especially the hair."
She pointed to her head and laughed. "Thank Angie for the hair do! And thank you so much, JC-babe!"
After Kim left, everyone huddled closer to Justin to get the status and details. "Okay. That was really bad. She really is ignoring you. I'm sorry, man." JC said. "She looks good too. As if nothing is wrong. And you look like shit. Well, not in that way. You just look depressed. Sorry about that."
Justin just nodded. For one thing he was embarrassed about being reject. For another he was about to cry.
"If ya'll aren't talking, how in the hell did you come in here together?" Superman asked.
He shrugged. "I saw that she was getting dressed for the party. Our costumes had already been made, so I put mine on. The limo was waiting for us. I got in. And she got in. And she didn't say anything to me. Nothing. She just stared out the window the whole time. I played with my pager. I paged everyone for no reason. Just so it looked like I was doing something. I've apologized to her a thousand times. I am SO sorry for what I did. I really am. I know that I am always telling her I'm sorry, but I mean it more now than ever. And I don't want her to be mad at me. And I don't want her to ignore me. And I don't want her to leave me. And I don't want her to NOT marry me. Because no one can love me like Kim can." He sniffle. "NO one can love me like Kim can! No one understand me like she does." He couldn't control his tears either. "And I wear my ring with pride. I live for this ring. The ring that she gave me, for our marriage. I'm PROUD to wear it. I am so proud. And I love her so much. I can't lose her over this. I can't." He gazed at the Italian decorated floor, and silence overcame him and his best friends.
Chris cleared his drying throat and hesitantly touched Justin's shoulder. "Hey, bud. Don't be so down. Like Joey said, Kim loves you to death. Everything will work out sooner or later. You're getting married in like two weeks."
He stared into his eyes. "You think things will get better? How come I don't?" He took another sip of his drink. "I think I'm going to go now. I don't feel very well. I don't know why I came in the first place. I could have stayed home watching Jade instead of asking Natasha to do it. Once again happy birthday, Chris." Before another word was said, he left.
Kim noticed Justin was heading towards the door. "Okay, girls. I'll see you later. I guess I'm going now." Everyone of Kim's female acquaintances was in a large group. All except Charrah, who was visibly not present.
"But, Kim. You didn't stay for very long." Dani said.
"I know."
-------------------
Later that night.
"Justin, I told you to e-mail the guy like three days ago. Because I don't know if I will be able to guard you on that day. I told you I have to take my mom to the doctor." Mike spoke into his tiny cell phone.
Changed into more comfortable clothes, Justin was pacing in his new office. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I am going to get online right now. And I'm going to e-mail the dude. Okay, Mike?"
"Okay!"
"Ight then. Bye."
"Bye."
He purged down in his black leather chair and gazed at the laptop in front of him. "I hate computers. I hate AOL!" He calmed himself down when he realized it took the press of one button to log in onto AOL.
"You've got mail!"
The sincere computer told him. It wasn't the fact that he had mail that had him interested, it was that according to his Buddy List, Kim was online. He rarely ever got online. To be online the same time as her was even more rare. He wanted her to talk to him so bad, that he didn't care what it took anymore, and even if he was a semi AOL dummy he forced himself to learn more about computers at that instant. He sent her an Instant Message.
JUSTIN: Kim, I love you! And I am so sorry for what I did. Kim, I'm dying here. Please talk to me. What are you doing online?
KIM: You interrupted my story reading! I told you I'm not talking to you! I have nothing to say to you!
JUSTIN: 
KIM: You can make all the sad faces you want. You screwed yourself. Or shall I say Charrah?
JUSTIN: I'M SO SORRY! Please, baby girl!
JUSTIN: 
KIM: I am NOT your baby girl. And leave me alone right now. Don't say anything else to me. Or I'm leaving!
JUSTIN: Kim, I love you so much! Okay? Please talk to me! I want to get married and everything.'
He went to send another apology to her and he got an unwanted message:
'BaByGuRL4J-Man: is not currently signed on.'
"Dammit!" He froze up and constantly rubbed his chin with his fingers. For some reason his eyes lit up when he saw that she had signed on with a different screen name. He sent her another Instant Message.
JUSTIN:
JUSTIN: Kim, I have all of your screen names on my buddy list. I don't want to fight anymore. Okay?
KIM: What did I tell you? I said that I had nothing to say to your ass! now leave me the fuck alone, Justin!
JUSTIN: STOP IT! You've made it to the point that I have to talk to you on a fucking computer, because I can't talk to you face to face. I am hurting so much from this. I have enough shit going on from Johnny and everyone else. I don't need it with you too.
JUSTIN: I love you!
JUSTIN: I LOVE YOU!
KIM: 
Once again he went to say something and he got a lovely message:
'KimandJusty=69: is not currently accepting instant messages.'
"GOD DAMN!" He knocked the laptop off of his desk and watched it tower to the floor.
-----------------
After a grueling day, Justin finally decided to go to bed. He had managed to avoid seeing Kim since the party. It seemed to be extremely late at night, but it was only ten-thirty. He knew that she would be in the bedroom because as he approached the door of it, a slight glow appeared from under it, indicating that a light was on...she was still up.
He curved the door knob and let himself inside of the bitter room.
She was sitting on the edge of her side of the bed. Her golden face was lost in her hands and she crying. Crying as if she had nothing to live for.
He rushed to her side and sat down next to her. "Don't cry, baby. Don't cry. I am so sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to hurt you so badly. If only you could understand how..."
He lifted her head to show him her eyes, which had almost swelled shut from crying so hard. "Justin, I can't...I can't marry you." She articulated. Her tears flourished with more pain. "I can't marry you." She made clear.
He wasn't prepared for it. Nothing could have prepared him for it. What she said killed him. His body emotionally died. His heart stopped beating. His brain shut down. His muscles went limp.
"I can't do it." She whispered even more faint. "My whole purpose of being with you was to get away from the abuse. EVERY little part of it. Even though your mental abuse is not a hurtful as that I suffered with my parents, it's still abuse. And I go through too much with you, Justin. I just want to live normal. Being with you I wouldn't be able too. I will always love you, Justin. But I can't marry someone who is going to hurt me every time he is offended by me doing something harmless and minor." She tugged her ring from her finger and dropped it in his hand. She used her hand to close his, and she held his hand. "I will always love you, Justin. But I can't marry you. I know you are so sensitive. And I am so sorry. I'm so sorry for not telling you sooner." Her voice was so weak it had faded away. She put a hand over her mouth and cried. "I am so sorry."
He simply went into a panic as each portion of his body turned off. "Okay. Okay. Okay, Kim. Wait. Wait." His bottom lip started to tremble. "Okay." He got down on his knees. "Okay. I know fucked up. I'm admitting that. I knew what I did was wrong and...okay. Listen, you can't do this...you...you have to marry me. But the wedding. Everything revolves around the wedding. The only time we can get married is now, because the tour and everything revolves around the wedding. You can't..." He swallowed and choked. "You can't do this to me. Kim don't do this...don't do this to me." And his face exploded with the most hysterical and horrid from of sadness. Something was stealing his air. Something was crushing his internal organs. Something was really killing him. Some force...her. "Kim don't do this to me." His voice was so broken that it was barely audible. He cried into her thighs, and he was soaking them rapidly with his tears.
"I'm so sorry. I can't do it, Justin." She cried."
His hand grabbed her waist, and he almost pulled her nightgown from her, he used such force to grip her. "KIM, DON'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!" He cried. clawing her with his short fingernails. He was trembling so fiercely it was making her tremble. "KIM, DON'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEE! I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU THIS BAD! CHEAT ON ME WITH JC OR SOMETHING, BUT MARRY ME!" He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, feeding her the loudest and hardest cry that had ever exited his body. "OHHHHHH GOD!" He put a hand to his face and closed his eyes. Even when his eyes were shut, tears were pouring like hurricane rain from them. "NOOOOOOO! KIM, NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
After seeing his facial expression she lost it. She had to get away from him. She wondered what she had done to him. He was ruined. She ran to the bathroom. "I'm so SORRY, Justin!" After the door slammed shut and locked it, she slid down it and broke down.
He had no control over himself. A fragment of his mind was making choices for him, but that was it. He was already at the door, beating on it. "KIM PLEASE! I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN! I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!"
She said nothing.
He beat on the door with all of his physical might. "KIM, PLEASE! SECOND CHANCE? KIM, SECOND CHANCE? I'LL CHANGE! I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL BE SO GOOD! YOU GONNA GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE, BEAUTIFUL? KIM, GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE! I LOVE YOU! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LOSE YOU OVER THIS! WHAT ABOUT, JADE? I'LL NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR ASS TOO MUCH! I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE KISSES A DAY! KIM, I'M SO SORRY! GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE, OKAY? SECOND CHANCE! WHAT ABOUT JADE? KIM, I..." His helpless form shattered, and he cried into the door in the most pathetic state possible.
To hear Justin crying, only made Kim cry harder and vise versa.
"KIM...KIM PUT YOUR RING ON, BABY GIRL! COME OUT, AND PUT YOUR RING BACK ON! OH, GOD!" He let out a loud cry. "This can't be happening to me. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" He punched the door. "I'll kill myself." He whispered. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He cried hysterically. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO MEEEE! WHY, KIM? WHYYYYYY?" His face had grown blood red. His entire worlds had crumbled. Could things have been any worse for him? No.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" He punched and kicked the door. His hand turned the knob back and fourth as he tried to desperately open the door. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" He was crying and screaming as if someone was trying to murder him. Finally he just let go. He fell to the bottom of the door as he wailed. Never had he cried like this. He pulled the front of his hair, and he kicked and shouted from the pain that surged through him like blood. This was a man having such a fit? It took in a few minutes to realize he couldn't breathe and was not breathing correctly. He tried to take a breath but he could not feel the gift of a normal amount of oxygen.
Sobbing himself to death and having breathing difficulty, he left the tear stained door, and walked out of the room.
---------------
"Momma..." Laying in another bedroom of the house with the phone attached closely to his ear, Justin had somehow managed to call his mother. "Momma I need to..."
"You see, Justin. You hang up on me. And get smart with me. And you expect me to feel sorry for you and listen to you because you are crying? I don't think so!"
"Ma, I...I can't breath." He gasped while crying. There was no use for him to talk, the phone had already went dead.
Dead. Which is exactly how he felt. Or at least he felt like he was dying.
