Chapter 8
Kim just looked at Britney. She could NOT take her eyes off of the pants she was wearing. She was wearing the black drawstring pants, Justin had once said was his favorite. Her entire stomach was exposed and she was wearing a cute black top with blue shingles on it. Her nose was no longer tapped and her black eye was not noticeable, but she still looked as if she was beat up. She was holding things in her hands.
Britney looked down at the ground. She was almost chickening out. She was very close to just taking off in her car. "Just bringing Justin's Christmas presents by..." Her voice cracked on presents. She placed the beautifully wrapped presents in Kim's arms. "I...I must be going. I was going to tell Justin merry Christmas..."
Kim put her hand to her heart she felt so bad. Britney's head was hanging so slow, but it must have took a lot of strength to return to the house she got her nose broken at. Britney was so scared of her now. Kim could just tell by how strange she was acting. "Sure, I'll go get him. Come in. It's kinda chilly outside." Kim opened the door wider.
"NO. NO! I don't want to come in. You don't have to go get him either. Just tell him..." She stopped to take a breath, she didn't want to start to cry. "Just tell him I said Merry Christmas." Britney regretfully let out a cry. She sucked up her tears and looked Kim in the eyes.
Kim was scared of her now because she was looking at her so strangely. They didn't know that they were both scared of each other. "I can just go get him real quick. It won't be a problem...as a matter of fact...JUSTIN! JUSTIN! The door is for you."
Britney took a step back. "No, really it's okay." Tears started falling out of her eyes.
Justin wrapped his arms around Kim's waist and kiss the back of her neck once, before he saw who was at the door. "Well who is...Britney?" He was in the Christmas spirit and very happy. "Come in, girl. If you can be CIVIL with Kim and NOT start a fight. Stop the crying okay?" He let go of Kim and pulled Britney in the house, closing the door behind him.
"Damn you, Justin! I said I don't want to come in! Don't put your hands on me." She brushed the spot he touched.
He smiled and closed his eyes. "Okay, so you ARE starting a fight." When he opened his eyes he couldn't help but get the gist of her outfit, the pants being the winner of the eye-balling competition.
Britney covered her face and cried.
Kim was filling with grief. She felt horrible. She placed the presents on the floor and cautiously...very cautiously. She touched Britney's shoulder. "You, okay?"
Britney jumped, and she jumped far away from Kim. She raised her head and sniffled. She placed her hair behind her ear and looked at both Justin and Kim. "I just wanted to say Merry Christmas." She whispered to both of them. She shrugged past Justin, and put her hand on the door knob. She faced the door for a few long seconds then opened the door.
"Britney, I'm so sorry for what I did to you. It's just that I feel so bad. You pushed me first, but I'm SO sorry for what I did."
Britney stopped moving at the sound of her words. The wind from the open door blew her hair. "Ok." She then left.
"The Grinch who stole Christmas, we found her. Her name is Britney Spears." Justin stated pulling Kim close to him.
She held his arm hesitantly. What she didn't understand was, why did she feel so bad? Pain was eating her alive. "Justin, she left some gifts for you." She broke from his hold and picked up the gifts. She handed them to him. "Here."
Justin looked at the boxes carefully. "This one says KIM on it. Not Justin. Can't you read?" He asked jokingly.
Kim's eyes widened. "Huh?" He put the gift in her hand. "For me?"
He nodded. "Yup." Justin walked away from her to go put the gifts he had received from Britney under the tree. "Dang it's like two hundred gifts under this tree. Kim you want to open some?"
Kim walked into the living room, just glaring at the gift box in her hand. "She got me a gift? I didn't get her anything. I thought she hated me..."
"Don't worry about if, Kim. Britney works in mysterious ways. I had no idea she was going to get me anything this year either. We'll pay her back later. As of now, we need to spend our little remaining time together."
Justin was now sitting on the couch, and he moved down some to make room for Kim to sit near him. ""Grab a present and come sit here." He patted the leather on the couch. "Don't try to act like you don't know who's is who's. I wrapped all my stuff in baby-blue paper and they all have name tags with KIM on them, since you cannot read in all." He grinned and got more comfortable on the couch.
"Okay, Justin. I GET the point." She dropped the gift from Britney on the couch, and grabbed just any baby-blue wrapped present from under the tree. She sat down on the couch and the cushion underneath her sank. She looked at the gift that Justin neatly put together. It was topped with baby blue ribbon. The gift was almost too beautiful to mess up.
"Well, aren't you going to open it?" Justin licked his lips unconsciously, it was a bad habit of his.
Kim shook the box. She placed the box on the side of her along with the gift from Britney. "I don't want that." She crawled over his lap and stared dangerously at the buttons on his shirt. "I want you for Christmas. That's all I want."
"Are you sure I'm all you want?" Just gulped. "Because I remember...last time you said that, I could barely walk the next day. And you see, that would be really bad because I have to leave really early in the morning and that is just..."
Kim put her fingers to his lips. "Shhh. Don't say another word. If you don't want me to continue, push me aside right now." He didn't do anything. "That's what I thought."
"But I wanted to spend some time with you. Just not like this. TIME! Quality time. I wanted to just hold you, baby. Talk with you. That kind of thing. All I wanted for Christmas was you too. Not just your body...your heart."
She felt stupid and selfish now. How could she be so straight forward? So demanding to the most wonderful and perfect guy on Earth? She placed her head against his chest. "Oh, I don't know what's gotten into me, Justin...I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. Really it is. I'll do anything you want me too. I don't care what it is. I love you that much." His finger hassled with one of her golden curls.
"It's not okay. I'm overreacting, and moving way to fast. After all, we have about nine more hours together."
Justin strained his eyes in thought. "Well dang, when you put it that way, it's seems like no time at all. I promise you this though, we will take everything slowly and work our way up to the point you are trying to jump to." He made a smile Kim didn't see. "Now get off of me and open your presents up." He pushed her faintly, but she caught herself off guard. She landed palm and knee first against the floor. To make matters worse she hit her forehead flat against the coffee table. From that point she fell on her back, and her head hit the floor with a thud.
Justin stood up in wonder. He had not idea a simple shove would knock her down like that. She was just lying on the floor, not moving at all. "Baby...I am so sorry...I...I didn't mean to push you like that. I AM SO SORRY." He took her hand and pulled her up. He was able to sit her down on the couch, but she was not responding to him. "Are you okay? Are...are you okay?"
Finally she rubbed the top of her head. "Yeah."
He sighed and sat down next to her. "Are you sure your okay?"
She looked him in the eyes. "Yeah."
"Are you going to say anything else besides 'yeah'?"
She blinked several times before answering. "Yeah."
She seemed somewhat...slow." Okay, well, want to open your gifts up now?"
Kim rubbed the back of her head for a few seconds, then stood up. "No. Actually...I'm sleepy. I think I'll go to bed now."
She was acting very strange and took her shirt off right there. As she was walking out of the living room she dragged the shirt on the floor behind her.
"Okay, what just happened here?" Justin was confused and everything happen so quickly he didn't get to say anything to Kim. Before going upstairs himself, Justin got himself a Coke out of the refrigerator.
He quietly walked into the bedroom. He realized he was trying to be quiet for nothing, because Kim was wide awake. He stepped on something and looked down, it was her skirt and shirt. He put his Coke on the dresser and picked them up. Her clothes made his eyes wonder what she was wearing now. She was laying on top of the covers in just her bra, and a NOT so appropriate pair of underwear. "Whoa. Wasn't prepared to see that." He placed her clothes on the side of the dresser, close to a pair of jeans he had previously worn. "Kim, since you are awake, would you mind putting some clothes on?" He cleared his throat nervously. "I mean you don't have to. You could just get under the covers or something...because I happen to get very excited...I mean distracted, when your dressed like that. I mean...is not so dressed."
Kim reached her hand up and pulled the covers back, then she got underneath them. "I'm sleepy Justin, but why can't I go asleep?"
He got comfy in the bed and couldn't resist touching the texture of her hair. "You can't sleep? Is there anything I can do? Want a massage? A kiss? That would definitely put you to sleep."
She rolled her eyes elaborately. "Would you just kiss me...ON THE LIPS? We'll take things slow and then build from there, just like you promised."
He unbuckled his belt and took his jeans off. Next he unbuttoned his shirt and took it off. "Alright, kiss you ON THE LIPS." Kim shuddered when she saw he was wearing her favorite Calvin Kline boxers.
He clicked the lamp on the lowest, dimmest level.
Kim raised the covers to let him under them with her. He climbed into bed and the first thing he did was wrapped his arms around her. Even in the practically shadowed and very quiet room he was able to see the bight color and the pure perfection of her lips. "Are you okay? I know you hit your head you poor thing. "
It felt so right to be in his arms. It also felt so tender where she hit her head too but she seriously didn't know how she was going to part from him in the morning. "Yes, I'm fine. My head just hurts a little. Kiss me already."
He did. They were trying to get the most they could out of the kiss. Kim was kissing Justin as hard and as deep as she could. Justin on the other hand, was trying to be passionate and gentle, in which he was mastering very well. The kiss was so sweet Kim was groaning. She pulled Justin on top of her and his hand rode over her bare leg.
Justin heard a sniffle and he opened his eyes Kim was in tears. "This is the last time we can be intimate for two months." She whispered.
He was not expecting her words at all. His head ticked to the side. "What did you say?"
She put both of her hands over her face and cried harder. "I said this is the last time we can be intimate for two months."
He had almost forgot he was leaving. He remembered he packed on the night of Christmas Eve, so he wouldn't have to worry about it Christmas. He would seriously have to leave in the morning.
"I'm going to miss this, Justin."
She was hurting, and he hated that. He hated having to put HER through so much pain. "Don't cry, Kim." He tried to talk but the knot that was in his throat was stealing his words. "Don't cry, baby girl." He could feel the tears welling up inside of him.
He threw the covers back. "I can't do this." He got off of her and started to pace in front of the room.. "OH FUCK! Am I really leaving tomorrow? Are they really making me tour? I'm leaving YOU for two months? Get real, man! They must be crazy. I'm not leaving you for two fucking months."
Kim sat up and wiped her eyes. She didn't mean to start crying. It was just she was going to miss his compassionate actions. The fire he set her body upon from his kisses. The love she felt when he was with her. "I didn't mean to upset you, just come back to bed, Justin. Everything will be okay." She was lying to herself. She sure didn't think everything would be okay.
Justin sat down on the edge of the bed. "I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!" He rubbed his temples. "NO Kim, this is NOT okay. Alright? You understand? It's not okay...EVERYTHING WON'T BE OKAY! MY HEART WON'T BE OKAY!"
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Kim walked downstairs with happy pep in her. "Yes sir?" She asked smiling like a charm.
"What is this about?" He asked plainly.
She rubbed her foot into the tile. "Well, I made a cake for you and Mom. It's your anniversary."
He slammed his fist on the counter. "You made a cake huh? Is this the cake you made?" He picked up a beautifully made double chocolate cake.
She looked up. "Yes, that is it."
He threw the cake on the floor with his most inner force. The cake splattered and the plate it was in shattered.
"I worked hard on that cake." Kim whined trying not to cry.
"Sure you have. You also worked hard of making a mess in the kitchen."
"But I cleaned up all my mess. I had one counter left to clean and I went upstairs to change. I just got through changing, right before you called me. I was going to finish the counter...honest."
Her dad walked up to her. He looked her severely in the eyes and slapped her across the face. Without another thought he just snatched her by the neck and threw her against the wall. Kim cried out, but before she could do anymore he picked her up by the hair and threw her over to the area of the sink. "GET THAT DISH TOWEL NOW!" With a shaky hand, she managed to pick it up. He then used his foot and kicked her over to the counter. Her stomach jammed into the corner of it, and it knocked the wind out of her. She started to gasp because she couldn't catch her breath. She dropped the dish towel. "Get up NOW!" He pulled her up by her hair.
She violently coughed because she couldn't breath. She was coughing so rough she thought it might cause her to vomit. "I'm up." She whimpered.
"PICK THE TOWEL UP NOW AND CLEAN THE COUNTER." He pushed her to the floor with her hair still in his hands. She tried to pick up the towel but was under so much stress and pain, she missed the first try. The second try she got it.
"Ahhhhhh." She screamed with medium volume as he pulled her hair so harshly. She convinced her mind to tell her heart to pump strength through her veins. She physically and mentally gathered enough strength to clean the counter. She cried helplessly as she cleaned it. "Ahhhhhh. Help me God. Help me."
When she was finished her father threw her against the wall again. "STOP the crying." She closed her eyes and her whole body shook at his tone of voice. "IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP. I'LL KILL YOU." He withdrew a huge butcher knife from it's holder. He used his mighty hand to take hold of her neck again and he picked her up, until she was eye to eye with him. She was lifted about one foot off of the ground. "You shut your mouth. You hear me? Or I'll kill you!"
She gagged as he practically hung her with his hand. When she was blue he dropped her and she hit the floor. "I want you to clean up this GLASS and CAKE off of the floor."
Kim forced her body not to cry. It hurt her so bad to hold the tears and sorrow in. She was shaking greatly because the pressure in her was building so intense. "Daddy what...what did I do to you?"
Kim almost stared crying again, but she stopped herself and she forced herself to stop shaking when he pulled her up and placed the blade of the butcher knife to her neck. "Why did YOU have to be my daughter? Why did you have to be my child? How could God do this to me? My son should be here. Not you. WHY DID I HAVE TO BRING YOU INTO THE WORLD. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THE LOSS OF MY SON. I don't want you in my life. I wanted my son. My SON! Now that your mother can't have children I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"
The knife was touching her bare skin now and she could taste the sharpness of it. "But...but...why do you blame me for Mom having the miscarriage? She had the miscarriage before I was born. I have nothing to do with her not being able to have children anymore."
He smiled at the position he had her in. "EXACTLY. Your a curse. Your a child of the devil. The devils work. We've been cursed because we have you as a daughter." He looked down at her small frame. "Puberty has done you well." He put his hand on her chest. You are beautiful. On the outside that is."
Kim closed her eyes as he touched her. He never went any further than what he was doing now, but still, what he was doing was not acceptable.
"I'm wondering where did you get such features from and your teeth are beautiful now that you got your braces off."
"Get off of me. I'm fifteen years old!"
He put tension on the knife to warn her it was still there. "Don't question me, little girl." He took the knife from her neck and then punched her in the stomach. Kim slid down the wall in agony. "GET THIS KITCHEN CLEAN NOW!" And with that he left...
Kim sat up in a clod sweat. She heaved for air. "It's haunting me. My past is in my dreams." She never had a flashback/nightmare about her abusive past before. She was so scared. She was shocked she had managed to fall asleep on the night Justin was leaving, but to have a nightmare like she had, and to know Justin might not be there next time she had one, scared her more.
Justin felt her sudden jump and he sat up too. "Baby girl? You okay?"
She sniffed and tried to ignore her tears. "Hold me, Justin. Hold me, baby. Hold me...please."
He pulled the covers up higher on them. Then he took Kim into his arms and laid her back down. She placed her head on his chest and he placed one of his legs between her legs and his chin on top of her head. They was extremely close. They were tied together as one at that moment.
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The room was trying to become lit up, from the light of the sun. Kim stirred. She moved her leg up and down the bed, trying to touch Justin's feet. When she didn't feel anything, her eyes opened in curiosity. Justin was leaning against the dresser, and he was just staring at her. He didn't move at all, he was just starring. She held her heart in fright. "Wow, you sacred me. Trying to leave without me, Justin?" She threw the covers back and headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Her goal was to be strong throughout his leaving process. She told herself she was not going to concentrate on him leaving and crying. She was just going to laugh and joke, and have fun with him as she always did. That was her plan at least. "Justin, how are you feeling this morning?" She asked standing in the doorway of the bathroom bushing away at her teeth.
He blinked slowly. "Lets see...I feel like I am about to throw up, I feel like I have to take a shit, I feel like my heart is broken, I feel like I am about to cry. I don't know. I FEEL GREAT!"
Kim almost laughed at his sarcasm. She went to the sink to spit. "Yeah, it sounds like you feel great." She giggled and continued to brush her teeth.
When she was finished she checked her stomach out in the mirror. Her bra was too snug. She was still growing. She stared more closely at her stomach. "Oh my God." She whispered. "I'm showing." She was not showing drastically. She would probably be the only one to know she was showing, her stomach just had a slight solidness to it. She looked at the rest of her. "My thighs are getting bigger." She shook her head when she noticed her butt was bigger. "This is awful. I'm going to look so disgusting."
She was only in her underwear and Justin was leaving in about an hour. It was now or two months from now, she had to make a decision when she was going to tell him.
She had a decision made, she was going to ask Justin did she look bigger in any way, if he said yes, she was going to tell him. If he said no, then she was going to wait until he got back.
"Justin...like my underwear?" She asked from the doorway. She made sure she presented her stomach.
He smiled. "Yeah I like them." He rubbed his chin. "You obviously don't like them you took them off so many times last night." He mumbled. He did NOT mean to say his thought out loud.
Kim smiled off her anger. She would have slapped him if she was close enough to him. "ANYWAYS! Do I look any bigger to you? I know I've asked you this millions of times, but do I?"
He looked her up and down and when she turned around he continued to stare. "I'm sorry for my comment a few seconds ago. And no, you DON'T look any bigger. You know what? I'm happy your eating more. You need to gain some weight because you damn there ANOREXIC!"
She walked across the room realizing she wasn't going to tell him until he gets back. "Dag, what your problem? I understand your upset about leaving, but I'm just as hurt about it as you. So don't be all mean to me, Justin." She picked out a pair of flare leg dark denim jeans and a pink shirt from the closet. She put the jeans on and zipped them up.
"Your right, baby girl. Your so right. I'm so sorry."
As she put her shirt over her head she heard Justin sniffing. When she walked out of the closet Justin was wiping his eyes trying to hide he was crying. "You okay, Justin?" She asked concerned.
"Yeah." He whispered nodding. One tear escaped his eye. He sniffled and looked into Kim's eyes.
She marveled his attempt to be strong but she was almost mad at him for trying to hold his tears back, and not express his emotions. "Don't hold back your tears, baby." A tear fell down her cheek. "Cry if you want to. Cry if you need to."
He quickly pulled her into a hug. "I love you so much." He laid his head on her shoulder. "I love you so much."
Them being touched together transferred pain, which made it harder for the both of them. "I love you too, Justin. Thank you for last night. I love you baby...forever." She cried.
Be strong Kim. Be strong! She had to be strong because if she didn't she would go truly crazy when Justin walked away to get on the plane...truly crazy. What was she going to do when he was gone?
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Mike cleared a path for Kim and Justin. They were running a little late because Justin drove his car to the airport and he had to get someone to have it waiting for Kim so she could drive it back to the house.
Justin's luggage had already been checked and his flight for New York had just been called for.
There was so many fans and media at the airport, extra security was called to control the humanity.
There were people everywhere and so much going on, but something about Justin and Kim made everyone just pause and stare at them. There was just this stillness that surrounded them. No one could see either of their heads because they were tucked somewhere in their arms.
Kim sat up and sniffled. Her eyes and nose both red. "They called for you, baby. It's time for you to go."
Justin looked much worse than her. He was just so hurt that Kim had to hurt because he was leaving, this added so much more pain on his behalf.
He wiped his red rimmed eyes and just had another crying fit. It was horrible for Kim to see because he was looking into her eyes as he cried. His eyes looked so unique and they had a glassy look to them. Justin was her companion, her mate for life. How was she going to be able to let him go?
Both of them were bleeding tears. There eyes were swimming in tears. When everyone saw how in love and how much pain Justin and Kim were in, they were in tears too. Photographers didn't even take photos of Justin crying because it was such a heart touching, heart felt moment.
"Let Kim go with him."
"Let Justin have an extended break."
"They deserve to be together."
"Two months is too long."
"They are so beautiful together."
A few brave people said words out loud, but a majority of the crowd were silent.
Justin's eyes were penetrating into her soul. The look he had in his eyes killed her. Right there her emotional heart died. She cracked. She lost it. She could not be stronger anymore. She never thought it would be so hard to let him got. He would still be with her, why was it so hard? She threw her arm around his neck and pulled him hard. " JUSTIN, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She put her face to his shirt for a few seconds, then sat up and stomped her foot. "YOU CAN'T GO. Don't go..."
Mike put his hand on Justin's shoulder. "J...your uh, gonna miss your plane if you don't leave now."
Justin ignored him and wrapped his arms around Kim. He bent down to kiss her and they kiss desperately trying to preserve each others touch.
The strangers all around them, were in tears. Everyone. There was not a dry eye in the house. Others were inspired to hug and kiss. The sight was so heartfelt. No one saw anything, like to two obvious love birds, Justin and Kim.
"Alright J. You have to leave right now. No if and's or butt's. I know it's hard, man. But you have to get on the plane. If you don't go right now, I'm going to have to force you."
Justin snapped his head towards him. "I'm not going anywhere. Get your hands off of me Mike."
Mike knew how Justin was. He was not going to get angry wit him. Actually, he understood and even shed a few tears himself, but his job was his job, and Justin had to go. He pulled Justin away from Kim with no problem. "You have to go J. You know how it goes." He then drug Justin down the sky walk.
Kim went crazy, just like the predicted she would. When Justin's hand left hers she lost absolute all control over herself. "JJJJJJJJUUUUUUSSSSSTTTTTTIIIIIIIINNNNNN!" She screamed. She was holding his shirt so tight that it was ripping off of him.
The whole crowd at the airport AWED in surprise at her actions.
"I love you, baby girl." He whispered. There was no way he could stop Mike from dragging him.
She lost a grip on his tearing shirt and she held onto him as tight as she could, until she reached the bottom of his shoe. She gripped his foot for dear life. There was no way she was letting him go.
"JJJJJUUUUUUSSSTTTTIIIINNNNN, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
A buff man from the security grabbed Kim. She lost grip on Justin's shoe and that is when she SHUT OFF. She felt like nothing. She rather be dead than feel the pain that was drowning her. "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"
That was too much for Justin to hear and he, as he was almost forced to board the plane broke away from Mike. He never thought he would be strong enough to break from him, but his urge of love was stronger than some guys big size. "Get your hands off of her! Right now! Don't grab her like that. Let her go." The man let Kim go at once. She was so weak. She was so weak with sorrow, that she gradually declined to the floor. Justin assisted her with her falling and fell to the floor with her.
Everyone around them now knew what love could do. Saying a simple bye could seem like a life and death situation.
No one knew what to do. They wanted to help them feel better, but no one could do anything for them, only they could do something for each other.
"You gotta be strong, baby girl." Justin cried.
"Justinnnnnnnn dooonn''t gooooooo. Don't leave me!" He head trembled against his knee.
He he didn't have anymore time. Three guys nabbed Justin. Including Mike. And over his will, they took him to his plane. "Let me go. I can't leave her on the floor like that. She's crying. She's on the floor. She's on the floor dammit. She's crying!"
He tried but they were not letting him go. "Sorry J. Someone will take care of her, you have to get on your plane."
They took him away.
"Someone help her." A voice called. Everyone watched Kim break down in distrustful silence. She was so broken and fragile people were scared.
" Justinnnnnnn! Why did you go away? Why did you go? I'm going to be all alone. In that house all alone." She was still on the floor by herself, just sobbing for her lover.
A guy from the security team picked her up. She was lifeless and limp, and just moaning and groaning as if she was dying. She never thought it would be so hard to say bye to him.
Where was the guy taking her? Kim really did shut off. She had no idea what was happening to her, but she wasn't able to do anything. Her body was just too hurt, by the raw reality of not being with Justin for two months. Who was going to be there when she had nightmares? Her head hung over the security guys arm but she was able to see thought her tears. She was able to see all the people that was crying along with her, as if they felt the pain she felt. They didn't though. They would never feel the pain she was feeling. She saw...she saw her father among the mass of people. He was staring right at her, and he too had tears in his eyes. What was he doing there?