Welcome to "Swallow the Barrel"

Swallow the Barrel is my Counter Strike dedicated webpage for now. When I originally created Swallow The Barrel, ICQ didn't even exist, much less interactive 1st person shooters like this. I'll be storing all my past articles here - and maybe even some new ones. Please note the web url inside the picture below. If you are incapable of typing due to laziness - please click HERE and go to Aimo Ahmed's Ink Soup. It's very AWESOME!! They have MANY pics for you to ooo and aaah at.



Current   Article   -   BAN   DISGRUNTLED   GIRL!

Ban Disgruntled_Girl!

Or when FF stands for Frighteningly Foolish.

I just wasted a team of CTs on Italy. I had to reload twice and chase them down into the market area. Then a T killed me.

There comes a point, children, when cause and effect are inevitable. It distresses me that this basic point of common sense is lost on many people. I'll elucidate for you and while I'll lay down the story you can go get a dictionary to look up that last 4-syllable word I used.

I've grown fond of Friendly Fire Servers. I don't know why, but I rock on them. Chicago was where I got my first taste. If you shot someone, you had to beg their forgiveness on this server so they would type in Forgive TA in order to prevent your eventually banning because you could wrack up offenses. Like 6 TAs (Team Attacks) would get you kicked. 3 TKs (Team Kills) got you kicked and banned. Unless - someone forgave you. Forgive TK or Forgive TA and it would remove the offense from the person's log. I loved that system. Sometimes when I would go charging ahead and get caught in a crossfire, typing in Forgive TA over and over would give me something to do while I was dead. Normally I would be laughing at myself the whole time because I admit: running up the middle to check for snipers on Survivor is pretty stupid.

Pretty good honor system, your allowance to play hinged on your restraint and whether or not you could convince someone it was an honest mistake that your bullet ripped through their armor - 5 times. To also prevent accidental shooting, your bullets do a lot less damage to your teammates than to your enemies. They still get hurt, just not as bad. Plus you have to really try to kill someone. Like proving your actions were premeditated because you reloaded. Thus addicted I went in search of more. I was hoping someday NOXORDO servers would set up one dedicated for Friendly Fire, but I realize that lately, the players on here have been getting rather immature. I hardly see any old schoolers play anymore. Admins have to be dragged in just to settle some childish b-s that's lately been getting really out of hand. I hardly play (due to a burned power supply) but I constantly get told about what happened on Dallas 2 and 3 by friends. Nope, Friendly Fire is a long way off.

But am I insinuating that Friendly Fire is a sign of player and server maturity? Not with that opening paragraph I used at the top. Not by a long shot. This is about Foolishness, not Maturity. Keeping that in mind, I'll continue.

Texas Shoot-Out. Finally a Friendly Fire server based in Texas. I ran into a few players from the Dallas servers. I even ran into Lead Rain, who I've mentioned in an earlier article (he was signing Margaritaville over the microphone), as well as Liquid.

First time I'm on, things go well. Next time, I run into the usual "R U a Grl?" crap, but that's obviously never going away. Next few times, I suck at playing but I'm trying to break in a new system without the benefit of a DESK or proper video drivers.

This last time... (insert immature snickering here).

I ended Aztec as 3rd on winning team - Terrorist. Next up, Italy. I like to switch teams every map. Well I whack 2 bad guys because they were already in my spawn when I got in, then the 3rd guy that was pistol rushing the CT spawn mowed me down as I reloaded. Pistol round - yay me, I'm up there.

Next round, someone says they think the Glock has more potential than the USP. I say a little Goofus Maximus phrase: "Potential is always that." Come on, true: the Glock is a piece in CS, but in real life that thing can take a tank running over it.

"Don't Ever speak again!"

"We don't want to hear anything from you."

"Shut the hell up."

?

ME: "Mute me if you have a problem."

Kade: "We mean it, don't ever talk again!"

(didn't get name): "If you open you're mouth, you sound like you're fat."

And so forth. They even would even start trying to get me to talk just so they could say shut up again, but I'm not saying anything because I see something a little more important. Terrorists running across the bridge into the house leading to our spawn. 3 of them. I get "Uh-OH, hey -" out and more shouting comes down the line. I finally make the bitter reply that I'll post here in it's wonderfullness because it's was offensive enough to shut them up a bit. "Take those balls off your chins and there are T's heading to spawn - if you're interested." I take out 2 of them while I hear more crap and die. Everyone dies about the same time I do because they'd rather talk than notice we're getting shot from a base flank maneuver. I have no clue what the hell this is all about.

Fine. Take the high road. I start muting one guy (Knade is who I was muting and that's why his name is mentioned, it's the only one I recall) when we respawn and I get knifed -A LOT - by the teammates. If you are an intelligent being - I don't care if you're highly civilized or 3rd world - you KNOW not to stab someone WHO HAS a LOADED GUN and then turn your back on them.

These fools apparently are just above carbon based life forms and I have had enough. I drop the HE grenade into their midst and hop down from the trellis. I didn't expect to live from that. They hurt me pretty bad.

They start running, shouting at me for dropping a grenade. They all head to the market. I finish one off as I head up the ramp. A guy turns around and tries to knife me so I shoot him in face. Never bring a knife to a gunfight. I still didn't expect to live this long. Before I was just mad - now I'm mad with power.

A few set up to snipe from the small passageway leading into the market and I cap them. I run past hearing "Ban Disgrun-"

"HEY!"

"BAN DIS-!"

Their voices are cut short as I empty the colt. I'm laughing.

The T's are watching as the body count piles up in their right hand corner. They've even stopped long enough to write, "What's going on?" and "Oh wow!"

I have to reload and I still manage to dance around enough to live to do so. Because remember: one of the base safety nets of a FF server is that teammates are harder to kill than normal enemies.

Everyone in the market is dead. One guy runs from the market as I chew up his armor and onto an enemy AK. I begin typing my message as I wait for the enemy to put me down.

"Bye boys. Hope you learned something. Don't ever physically attack me in spawn again."

Then I exited and looked at KJO's face. He had mixed feelings. He might have been proud or he might have been horrified. But all I can say for sure is that..

He was hoping to log on.

An immature act I'll readily admit, but I was provoked. Don't knife someone and then trust that they won't react. That's just stupid. I've never hauled off and killed an entire team before. All this could have been avoided if that Forgive TA had been in effect. Before some people start rolling their eyes, this isn't about me being a girl. This is about team attacking and retribution. In retrospect all I can say is that I wished I had said something a bit better like "You all knifed me, and trusted me with a loaded to gun to NOT shoot you? BWahahahaaa!! Punks."

I wished I had lasted longer so I could have typed that out where Alive and Dead could have both seen it. The T's (whom I played with last map with no problems) would have had a good laugh.

I'll be curious if I've managed to get KJO permanently banned on that server, because I was on his computer when I committed my act of "smack down". I guess what really tickled me was how many turned and tried to take me out, and failed miserably. I was even chased/followed into the market.

Very much like Stephen King, I have no idea how to end a story so I'll just be blunt:

To the Admin of Texas Shoot-Out: Oops. Please unban my Boyfriend and I swear I'll never get on your server again unless it's under my own WONID.

To painfully patient KJO: I promise my next article will be about America's Army versus CounterStrike.

To the Admins of NoxOrdo: nope, we ain't mature enough to deserve a Friendly Fire server.

Not by a long shot.


Previous Articles

DEMOCRACY: As American as shooting Terrorists
Created for the 4th of July 2001
BRATS
A rant. But aren't they all?
Death ... From .... Ab - <Splut!>
Where I discuss the popular tactic Death From Above.
Happy Camping, Folks!
Screw it - it's 4:33 in the morning. I'm going to bed. nothing to click here.. move along!!
Disgruntled_Girl : FEMALE
My first article that was posted in ONE NON C-STRIKE forum and somehow it spread like wildfire. NoxOrdo admin Rhuian approached me & asked me to post. Originally titled "ShotGun Toting Bitches"
CounterStrike Karoke

Links for you to amuse yourself.

Back to the Main page
The Girl Scout Commandos
My Clan's Webpage
NoxOrdo
The NO Clan Website <-- Currently featuring Swallow the Barrel
Beer For Breakfast
The Beer Clan website!
Games Chat!
I Dunno - it's in Spanish
But I thought it would be funny to put it here. Please note that PUTA means Whore. Which means nudie pics, y'all.