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.....................................I got this idea for a short story when I was working at Taco Bell. It was about a fast food joint in the near future selling disgusting drivel at outrageous prices. [There will be a question and answer session later for you to compliment my wild imagination and ask where I get my ideas.] I figure the only things cheap enough to feed a population out of control in the future, after Soylent Quiche becomes passe, would be plants and animals that currently grow out of control, and also happen to be taboo -- like zebra mussels, kudzu and cats. Partially because of where I worked, and partially because of this national trend to sell "wraps" at KFC, Long John Silver's and elsewhere, I thought "Kit'N Fish" would probably sell Cat Wraps and Fish Wraps (not really fish but ground zebra mussels in tortillas), with boiled kudzu added to make it a SUPREME.
It turns out, the world is already bigger, or already has lower standards, than I thought...
kudzuCrispy Deep Fried Tofu
(Kudzu starch is the only other ingredient, making this recipe almost as brief and self-explanatory as CREAMED-CORN OVER TOAST.)
More kudzu recipes at y'all.com. Plus there are cookbooks and a lot of weird, inedible products like kudzu candles and kudzu soap for sale at kudzukingdom.com.
Apparently, kudzu leaves can be cooked like any kind of dandelion greens or turnip greens. If you're desperate to use it all, the root can be ground into a starchy powder, used as a general purpose thickener, and in a bunch of Chinese folk remedies and American herbal supplements to cure things like depression and alcoholism (?!).
Okay, so cats are still taboo for now. Assuming you search only in English, there are plenty of damn recipes on the web for "cat food," but the closest I could find to recipes OF cat was a book called STRANGE FOOD by Jerry Hopkins and Michael Freeman. And even there, I'm not sure. They talk about eating rats and scorpions and dogs in the promotional blurbs, but no mention of cat.
There are a few articles that talk about (but don't give details of) a Chinese dish called Dragon Phoenix Tiger..."prepared of snake, chicken and cat, supposed to be an especially powerful agent to restore youth and vigor."
zebraAnother disappointment. Go to google.com and search keywords "zebra mussel recipe." There must be several dozen idiots on the web plagiarizing each other with the phrase "RECIPE for environmental disaster" in their articles about friggin ZEBRA MUSSELS.
Eating them would be a great way of getting rid of them, but it would be a pain in the ass to shuck the meat out of those little dime-sized shells, trickier than fileting bluegill cheeks. Since they suck water through themselves to get little bits of food, zebra mussels act as a natural pollution filter, which is good for the lakes in some ways, but would be about as appetizing as eating a used pollution filter.
If mussels were all the same, you could try this recipe for Mussels in Half Shells with Cilantro and Tomato. I found an article talking about Safe Use of Zebra Mussels in Classroom and Laboratories and it doesn't mention any toxicity, but don't blame me when you're puking your guts out. Toxic or not, I wouldn't count on it tasting good.
DISCLAIMER: Lucky wanted to go on record right here and now to say that she disapproves of this whole page. Both pictures of her were stolen from The Basketcase.