Recipes from

Wrap one in the other. You should be able to figure out which one after a few tries. Set thermostat to 95 F and cook porky treats on the baseboard heater around your apartment. Not only do you get a hot and tasty meal, it also provides a lingering aroma that freshens your efficiency for days!

Shepherd's Pie (higher difficulty level)

couple pound of ground beef or turkey or emu
instant potato flakes
American flavoured processed cheese product, in individually wrapped slices

Press the ground beef into the bottom of a big casserole pan. Next is the hard part, because you have to actually prepare those stupid fucking instant potatoes: boil water. Mix flakes into boiling water. If you're a fucking perfectionist, stir it until the lumps are smaller, or even gone. After all that hassle, pour the shit on top of the layer of ground beef. Coat with a layer of cheese. Bake it at whatever temperature your stove works on for twenty minutes or a half hour, or until you can't wait any longer, at which point, NUKE IT.

Filet O' Something-Or-Other

Use tuna and eggs to form faux fish filet, bread it with cracker crumbs. Run out of Saltines? Use honey grahams!

Cream Corn Over Toast

Some people would actually eat this. Okay, a person I know suggested I include this. I'm not recommending it, just putting it out there to let you know that if this is all you have left in your house, there are people who have been this desperate before, so you shouldn't feel so bad.

Poor Man's Apple Fritters

Slice up some apples. Dip slices in milk. Dip milky slices in graham cracker crumbs. Bake it on highest temperature. Watch the window of your oven constantly and tap your foot, swearing at the ancient piece of shit your landlord calls an oven. Remove from oven when it looks brown or edible or whenever you're sick of waiting, then nuke it until it's done. Don't set them aside to cool. Eat 'em quick and burn the fuck out of your fingers, tongue and throat.

You've come this far. Might as well check out
The Art of Laze,
1997 manifesto of the Laze philosophy.
Intro to Art of Laze 2000
Fan mail to Art of Laze

and these other swell recipes:
Ma's Hand-Me-Down Bratwurst Soup.
Captain Crunch Chicken.
Various awesome or lame recipes using Dr. Pepper, the Nectar of the Robs.
Chicken Fried Chips.
Mussels & Kudzu & *meow*: Recipes for things that spread out of control.
Chicken Pot Pie With Death Stars soup.

It would be an injustice if you failed to visit the original real deal, THE BASKETCASE.
(That's my wife's site.) If she had the good sense to print something this amusing back in 1997, just imagine what wonderful stuff she's printing online today! Articles on Big Brother, Darva Conger, and pics of many mutant mohawked fashion-doll heads.




Please send all comments or abuse or credit card PIN numbers to:
DEIDZOEB13@YAHOO.COM


This article has apparently been visited by people from a section of army.pentagon.mil, as well as mansanto.com! I'm not sure whether to tell them "boo hiss! poop on you!" or applaud them for slacking and wasting bandwidth on corporate and military systems. Maybe they're researching recipes for army food, or recipes to be used in cooking soy isoflavones and fish-gened tomatoes?

Art of Laze is a subsite of