|
The
Cat!
|
|
|
"Put a
drill on the end of it and I can make it through WALLS, boy!"
|
|
Ah yes, the Cat... Who could forget that epitome of catliness; the
purveyor of good taste and style; and the one who carried around his own
scent in squeeze bottles for marking his territory? No one with eyes
in their head (or even out of them...)!
The final known specimen of Felis Sapiens was descended from Frankenstein,
the cat Lister had smuggled aboard the Jupiter Mining Corporation vessel
Red Dwarf in order to get imprisoned in a stasis field for breaking quarantine
(reasoning that 2 years that felt like an instant was much better than
having to live through them while Red Dwarf made its way back to
Earth - where he intended to jump ship). This heavily pregnant cat,
whom Lister had safely hidden in the hold, was the only other survivor
of the core breach.
Safely hidden in
the hold, the kittens she bore went on to become the progenitors of a race
of bi-pedal, intelligent (well, mostly?) cats... who over the two million
years Lister remained in stasis found religion (of course), warred
over it and left the ship in two separate parties in search of the Promised
Land of Fuchal (actually Fiji, where Lister had told Frankenstein he was
going to build a farm - or open a hotdog stand - despite the fact it was
under a meter of water owing to global warming!).
The only ones left behind were the sick and the handicapped. It is
assumed that two of them, one an idiot, the other a cripple, huddled together
for warmth...
This was the result.
Wouldn't you want that curled up by your fireplace?
Never seeing the need for a name, "knowing" he's instantly unforgettable,
this is ego on legs, folks! A wardrobe that goes on into forever
- all hand tongue washed, of course, this kitty would
literally rather die than be seen in the same outfit more than once...
An incredible sense of smell that can spot "orange swirly things" in space
ahead of them that makes his piloting near perfect (though how it hasn't
atrophied under abuse from Lister's sock basket, I have no idea)...
And infinite epithets to call Rimmer by - my favourite being "Trans-Am
Wheel Arch Nostrils"!
In alternate dimensions, the Cat has been seen as a priest and the Dog
(quite a shock to the Cat's delicate sensibilities, let me tell you!).
In "this" dimension, however, the most shocking thing that could have happened
to a self centred, stylistic Cat was when he was forced to lose his cool
- twice!
Everyone, meet Duane Dibbley!
Piano Key teeth? Anorak and thermos? Aaaargh!
But before I go, I'll just show you a piece of what could have been.
This is fairly rare, and it's from the second attempt at making Red Dwarf
into an American sit-com. Apparently the studio bosses had a problem
with the Cat being a cool black guy, so...
They made him into a Trill!!! (That's "him" to the right - she's
now known as Jadzia Dax on Star Trek : Deep Space Nine)
OK,
go back now... nothing more to see here!
