"Every Officer's Dream"
Complete: February 7, 1998

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE and characters are the
property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. Salute! But this story is
mine. It does not intend to infringe on Paramount's copyright in
any way. Do not change or alter in any way. 

Copyright 1998 by Terrie H. Drummonds
(tdrummonds@aol.com). Feedback is always welcomed.

RATING: Who knows? PG-13 perhaps?.

SYNOPSIS: After crashing on an ice planet and winding up in a cave, 
an injured Bashir is cared for by Garak.

***((()))***


"W-where?"

"Easy, doctor. Now don't try getting up."

"Garak?"

"Yes?"

"W-w-what happened?"

"Every Starfleet officer's dream, my dear."

"Huh?"

"Our shuttle crashed on an inhospitable planet, you were injured,
we were forced to take refuge in this cave, and I've spent the last
two days tending you and trying to get the automatic distress
beacon to broadcast through the charged atmosphere."

"Ca-call that a dream? Try nightmare."

"Oh, no, dear doctor. I have to disagree. I can't tell you how
many times I've heard two officers talking, someone walks by
who catches their fancy, and one inevitably says to another: 'I
wouldn't mind being stranded in a cave on a deserted planet with
her.' Or him. Or in Lieutenant Y'Yquei's case, it."

"I-I-I don't think this is quite what they meant."

"Oh? You mean the fact that you've been injured? Well... I do
guess it depends on one's tastes, but I think injury plays a
common role in this fantasies, especially when the person to
whom the dreamer is enamored of is not particularly impressed by
him or her. You see, the one who isn't injured nurses the
wounded officer back to health and in the process, proves himself
to be worthy. And then, when the injured party is well enough to
express gratitude, she or he does. In a sexual manner. Quite often.
Until their rescuers arrive."

"S-s-sounds like you've thought this one out."

"My dear boy, I've lived long enough to know what dashing
young officers dream about. It's quite a common fantasy among
Cardassian soldiers. Of course, with Cardassians, there's always
that political twist."

"O-of course."

"Here... let me adjust that. Is that better?"

"Yes... Garak, why is it so cold?"

"Oh... I forgot one of the essential elements of the story! Humans
tend to prefer cold, inhospitable climates, which is where we are.
A negative-thirteen degrees Celsius but the wind makes it much
colder. Cardassian like to be stranded in the desert. Deliciously
warm during the day, cold at night."

"So you can't go out and forage for food."

"In two meters of snow? I think not."

"Thank you."

"You're most welcome, doctor. Now, let me help you sit up a bit
better so you can have one of those wonderful ration bars which
are supposed to be nutritional."

"You sound doubtful."

"Oh, I'm just not looking forward to the taste. I've had enough
field rations in my day to last a lifetime."

"Garak...."

"Yes?"

"You're wearing a Starfleet uniform."

"Oh, don't looked so panicked, doctor. I'm not some alternate
version of myself who serves in Starfleet. I was simply cold, my
clothing was ruined when we crashed, so I wore what was
available."

"Those are commander's pips on your collar, Garak. Good God!
Commander Matiun!"

"I'm afraid the commander did not survive."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean a seven centimeter piece of shrapnel embedded itself in
the commander's head. Unless you Federation doctors have
figured out how to cure massive damage to the brain stem, the
commander is dead."

"You didn't have to be so graphic, Garak."

"I wasn't being graphic at all, doctor, and you know it. Besides,
being the only *two* survivors from the crash is an essential part
of the story."

"Oh."

"Honestly, doctor! I didn't purposefully crash the shuttle to have
you here with me. If I wanted to whisk you away to have you all
to myself for a few days, it wouldn't be like this. I do have
standards, thank you very much, doctor. And this whole situation
reeks of cliches. It is *so* unimaginative."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just... well...."

"After what happened with Dukat and Captain Sisko. I know. I
can assure you, doctor, I have no intention of menacing you, lying
to you about the transmitter, talking to my inner demons, or
beating you to submission."

"That's a relief. Umm.. Garak, in those 'stranded in a cave'
scenarios, is the injured person usually naked?"

"It *is* a matter of personal preference. In the end, however,
both parties shed their clothes."

"Oh. Well... since you haven't mentioned my injuries yet, I take it
I'm pretty bad off and you've given me one hell of a painkiller so I
wouldn't notice."

"I have tended to most of your wounds, but had to keep you
under sedation for the first day. You had third degree and some
fourth degree burns and the only way to ensure that they healed
properly was to make sure you didn't squirm. So... tell me what
you remember about the accident."

"Why don't you tell me about the rest of my injuries?"

"As I said, third and fourth degree burns."

"Where?"

"Let's just say that we will *not* be participating in the activities
for which situations like this lead to."

"Good God NO!"

"Put the blanket *down*, doctor. You'll be fine. I tended to your
wounds. See? Hmpf. That's *precisely* the reason I kept you
sedated for so long. I knew you would panic."

"I'm not panicking!"

"Then why, may I ask, are you...."

"Because I'm a *doctor*!"

"You won't be able to feel anything."

"Garak, I am making sure the skin is healing properly. This is a
very delicate area."

"Not so delicate when you're with me...."

"Oh, *now* who's being petulant."

"I'm not being petulant in the least."

"Garak... I'm sorry. Here. Let me try to explain. Hmm... I'll have
to lean back a bit. There. Okay... If you... Garak, you won't be
able to see anything from way over there."

"I know that part of your anatomy very well, doctor."

"Just... just humor me for a moment, all right?"

"All right. Now where do you want me to look?"

"Here. See along that vein...."

"JESUS! FOR THE LOVE OF MARY!!!"

"CHIEF! Chief... we were just... um... um...."

"We were just...."

"DON'T EXPLAIN. JUST DON'T EXPLAIN! Christ. Bad
enough when I have to beam Riker out of a spot and find him all
akimbo... but *this*.... Jesus!"

***((( Finis )))***