Subject: NEW: Follow in his footsteps, G/B NC-17, 1/3 From: invicta Date: Sat, 01 Aug 1998 01:42:36 -0700 Subject: NEW: Follow in his footsteps, G/B NC-17, 1/3 Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1998 10:11:46 -0700 (PDT) From: invicta To: ascem@earthlink.net FOLLOW IN HIS FOOTSTEPS by Invicta DETAILS: DS9 G/B, NC-17 (m/m sex). Copyright (c) Invicta, July 1998. TIMING: Pre/early 6th season DS9. FEEDBACK: Any feedback that you send will be gratefully received, so why not send some! My e mail address is invicta11@yahoo.com DISCLAIMER: I acknowledge that Star Trek, the station Deep Space 9 and all of it's characters are owned by Paramount Pictures. All rights are reserved, and no infringement is meant. ARCHIVING: Anyone who wants to do so is welcome to archive this story, but please include the full header and disclaimer etc. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Still trying to adjust to the different layout of this new and hopefully temporary home station, Julian Bashir had to ask another officer for directions to the mess hall. Starbase 375 seemed very strange in design after living on DS9 for five years. *Funny how Cardassian architecture grows on you,* thought Julian to himself absently as he strolled along the corridor. *When you first see it, it seems - scary. Dark and unusual and perhaps a little ugly according to your standards. But after a while, when you get to know it, you realise that there's a lot to be said for it. You start to almost love it, at least I have.* For some reason these thoughts suddenly made Bashir feel uncomfortable, and he shifted the focus of his mind onto something else. When he arrived at the mess hall Julian was surprised to find that some kind of fight was going on in the far corner of the room. He could see people moving about and pushing forward aggressively. The group in the corner were also shouting loudly, all at once it seemed. >From this distance Julian could only hear the odd few words; "kill us all"... "disgusting"... "teach you a lesson"... "maniacs"... All of the diners were watching and listening intently from their seats, but for some reason nobody seemed inclined to try and stop the conflict, or even to call security. This puzzled Julian and left him feeling unsure of what to do. He could see a number of the observers were of higher rank than himself. Surely fights like this weren't tolerated here? After a moment's hesitation, Julian knew that he had to do something. Someone might be getting hurt. Fortunately he was currently wearing a phaser. As he marched over to the angry group, he could pick up their words more clearly. Suddenly he saw a young cadet who was brandishing a chair move in to the middle of the crowd. Then Julian clearly heard him shout something which made his heart pound with panic and dread. "You ugly cardie scum - you deserve everything that's coming to you!" "NO!" yelled Bashir desperately as he started to run towards him. The mob were grouped in a close circle next to the wall, and he knew now that Garak had to be inside the circle, trapped. As he reached the yelling crowd Bashir shoved them aside one by one and moved through. In the middle of the bunch, there was Garak. Julian saw the look of fear on the Cardassian's face being replaced by one of relief as Garak caught sight of him. The tailor already had several weals on his cheek and there were heavy bruises starting to form on his head, neck and shoulders. His tunic was also torn and he was bleeding in several places. Many of those nearby were holding weapons of some kind, mainly trays and cutlery, which they had clearly put to use on the tailor. Fortunately however, nobody else had a phaser. Julian knew that he had arrived just in time. He stood close by Garak's side and turned to face the crowd. "Sir, please step aside - we have work to do here." This came from the cadet who was holding the chair. "Like hell I will," replied Bashir savagely. "What in heaven's name do you think you're playing at? You have absolutely no right to hurt, threaten or abuse this man. When your commanding officers hear about this, and they will, you'll all be in deep trouble. You're a disgrace to those uniforms, every one of you!" "But we're at war with Cardies and they're killing our people!" shouted one of the group defiantly. "And that makes him the enemy," said another man. "He shouldn't be allowed to stay here. None of his kind can be trusted, they're all dangerous, you have to get them before they get you." Those standing nearby voiced their agreement, and some of them moved towards Garak again. Julian saw this, then instantly pressed Garak back against the wall and stood in front of him. Bashir knew that the Cardassian was an excellent hand to hand fighter, but there were over 30 people here. Even Garak couldn't beat those odds. Most of the attackers were either cadets or junior ranking officers and crewmen, displaying a hatred that had been fired up by their first big experience of war and death. They might kill or seriously hurt Garak if they got a hold of him, and that just couldn't be allowed to happen as far as Julian was concerned. If only security would show up... He drew his phaser and aimed it towards the man who was nearest. "This is set to kill, and I'm going to use it against the first one who attacks him." Julian's voice was like cold steel, and everyone looking at him knew for certain that he meant what he said. The crowd went quieter, and several of the cadets whispered to one another. Bashir understood that he had to consolidate his advantage. A phaser wouldn't hold them off for long if they charged. Garak's stomach was churning as he waited behind Julian, fervently hoping that his beloved doctor could deal with these aggressors successfully. "Right, all of you listen carefully. This man may be a Cardassian but right now he's one of the Defiant's crew, and therefore he is under Captain Sisko's protection. He is not a part of the Dominion, in fact he is performing valuable work for Starfleet. Your actions today are nothing short of disgraceful. QUIET!" Bashir roared as one of the cadets tried to speak. "AFTER BEHAVIOUR LIKE THIS YOU SHOULD ALL BE THROWN IN THE NEAREST BRIG UNTIL THIS WAR IS OVER! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? WELL, IS IT?" The crowd was silent now. Julian was blazing like a bolt of lightning, and the motley band of tormentors suddenly had little desire to become the focus of his undivided attention. "Very well," Julian added, still speaking loudly and forcefully. "Now, I want all of you to put down anything that you are holding and then line up in formation. Three straight rows, starting four feet back from the wall. Get on with it!" Much more subdued, the men lined up as ordered. Many of them were wishing that they'd chosen somewhere else to have their lunch today. The general mood had passed from anger to a fear of what was going to happen to them as a result of their actions. "That's better," Julian said sarcastically. "Now, I want you each in turn to state your name and current assignment. Begin," Julian nodded at the cadet on the front row left. The young man looked ready to cry. He gave Bashir his name and station as ordered, but then pleaded; "But sir, please don't report this. I'm in my last year at the Academy, this could get me thrown out!" Julian looked at him with a complete lack of sympathy and his tone of voice was cold as he answered. "Cadet, along with everyone here you took part in a vicious attack against an unarmed civilian which could have lead to his murder. That fact has to be reported to your commanding officers. What they do with the information is not my concern. You can save your pleas and excuses for them, I'm not interested in hearing them. Now, let's proceed with the names and assignments." For the next few minutes there was absolute silence in the crowded mess hall except for the sound of Garak's attackers giving their names and stations in subdued voices. Julian memorised every detail carefully whilst Garak relaxed a little, confident now that his friend had the situation under control. "Right," Julian said after the last man had finished, "now I want you all to listen to me very carefully whilst I give you some orders. And then you will obey these orders or you will most surely pay for it. Firstly, you are not to harm or abuse Mr. Garak in any way during his stay on this station. Secondly, when I've finished speaking all of you will leave this mess hall immediately, and either report to your duty station or go to your quarters. And finally, when you next have access to a computer I want you to access and read all available data regarding the Obsidian Order." Enjoying the confused looks that this last sentence provoked, Julian dismissed the group and watched sternly as they left the room. Then he turned to Garak, worried about his numerous injuries. "My god Garak, that was a close one. Let me have a look at you, how do you feel?" "Still a little threatened to be honest with you doctor. I know you'll want to give me a thorough examination, so why don't we go back to the Defiant where it's safe?" Julian noticed that Garak's voice was just a little shaky, and his practised eye was also able to detect several of the classic symptoms of shock. Much as he wanted to check Garak over right now, perhaps it would be best to get him back to the Defiant first. "Very well Garak," he replied soothingly. Julian put his arm around Garak's waist to support him as they walked, and somewhat to his surprise his friend made no move to reject the gesture. In fact he leaned into it, as if he wanted to be held. Julian was not to know that Garak, feeling utterly alienated and alone, needed the comfort that his touch could bring too much to resist him. Silently the two men made their way out of the mess hall, and as they did so Julian glared at everyone seated nearby. He was tempted to yell at them for their unwillingness to help Garak but there was really no point. And besides, helping Garak was top priority. Back in the Defiant's small infirmary Julian eased Garak on to a biobed and began checking over him with a medical tricorder. He could detect several cracked ribs and numerous cuts and bruises, but fortunately no serious damage. At least, there was no serious physical damage. Garak was upset, that much was plain. Julian felt his heart go out to the tailor. Did those idiots have any idea of what they'd done? "Garak, you have some minor injuries but nothing that can't be dealt with quite easily. You'll be ready to be discharged from the infirmary within a few hours, all right?" Garak turned to look at him, and perceived the anxiety in Julian's face and voice. *He is worried about me. He knows this was... disturbing, and he wants to make it right. I never thought I could be so lucky, to have a man like Julian Bashir care for me. He is so lovely, in every way. I don't deserve his kindness, but I'm so glad to have it anyway. It warms my heart and heals my spirit.* Garak smiled at the doctor, suddenly feeling a little better. "Thank you doctor. Take as long as you like, I assure you that I don't feel in any hurry to leave!" "Well I can understand that," answered Bashir emphatically as he set to work. "How dare those men try and attack you! How dare they! I intend to report them all to Captain Sisko as soon as possible, and I hope they all get thrown into the nearest prison." "Yes, I seem to remember you whispering a similar sentiment in the mess hall," said Garak dryly. "In fact, perhaps you should include a hearing check in my examination!" Julian looked a little guilty. "Well maybe I was a bit loud but I had to-" "Relax doctor, I'm just teasing you. I understand that you needed to establish discipline over those men, and shouting loudly is a traditional and very effective way to do that. And by the way... thank you. For risking your own life to come to my aid." Julian's eyes met Garak's, and each of them looked at the other with warmth and affection. "Don't mention it. What are friends for? And I'm sure that you would have done the same for me." Garak continued to stare deeply into Julian's eyes. "Yes I would have done doctor. In fact I would have done anything to secure your safety if our roles had been reversed." Julian felt as if he was drowning in Garak's steady gaze. The world seemed to have narrowed until it contained just the two of them, with Garak looking at him so... so... Julian realised that he didn't know how to describe that look. All he knew was that it made him feel good. In the end it was Garak who broke the spell, speaking gently. "I'm starting to feel almost fully recovered doctor." "Oh!" replied Julian blankly, causing the tailor to struggle to repress a smile. It seemed that the good doctor had forgotten his duty for once! Could it actually be that Julian Bashir's interest in him was more than merely a professional one? What an interesting thought... "Well, we're not doing too badly here at all," Julian said with pleasure after a few minutes had passed. "I just have one or two more treatments to finish and then you can take a rest." "As you wish. By the way doctor, I have a question for you. Clearly your reference to my past in the Order was an attempt to protect me by frightening those officers. Doubtless it will be a most effective measure if past experience is anything to go by. However, I cannot help but wonder why you merely hinted at my former occupation, rather than giving them the information outright?" Julian grinned impishly. "Because this way their apprehension will build up due to the delay. By the time they figure out what I was referring to it'll seem much more scary than if I'd just told them everything straight out." Garak threw him a look of amusement and admiration. "Thank you for the explanation. What a wonderfully cruel idea!" "I thought so," returned Bashir smugly. Over the last few minutes Garak had been thinking hard. He had come to the conclusion that it was time to find out exactly how deep Julian's feelings for him were. "Well doctor, to thank you properly for all that you've done for me I wish to invite you to take dinner with me in my quarters this evening. Shall we say 20.00 hours?" Julian smiled a little shyly. "I'd like that very much." Garak looked delighted. "Very well then, 20.00 hours it is. I believe that we will both have a most pleasurable evening." As Garak looked up at him, his eyes twinkling, Julian felt the unspoken promise and welcomed it. "Oh yes Garak, I'm sure that will be the case. Somehow I think we have a lot to talk about." "Mmmmm," replied Garak, making the sound seem like a caress. Both men smiled at one another and Garak lay back contentedly as Julian finished off his treatment. Heavens, it would be worth taking a beating if tonight worked out as he hoped! Four months later, with Starfleet back in control of DS9... "Julian, I'm asking you to take a drink of raquini fruit essence with me. You do understand what that means, don't you?" "Yes Elim, you've explained it very clearly. You want us to be married." Garak beamed at him, not noticing the flat tone of his lover's voice nor his somewhat doleful expression. "Precisely. And when we drink raquini, that is a ceremonial act which means that we have undertaken to marry one another as soon as the usual preparations can be completed. We should probably allow at least a month for that Julian. Our weddings include masses of ceremony, and you will need to become fully conversant with your role in the proceedings." Julian had to fight hard to suppress a rising feeling of panic. He loved Garak, and the last four months had been truly wonderful, but this was too much, too soon... Meanwhile Garak kept chatting, clearly quite confident that his lover's response would be yes. *To him this is just a formality,* Julian realised. *He doesn't expect me to refuse to marry him. As far as Elim's concerned, it's as good as done.* Suddenly terrified, Julian knew he had to buy himself some time. "Elim, I'm truly honoured by your proposal but this is a big step - would you mind if I thought about it for a while before giving you my answer?" To his surprise Garak smiled brightly back at him. "Of course not. Have you been reading up on our traditions then my love? On Cardassia it's quite customary to keep a suitor waiting for weeks before announcing your response to their marriage proposal. How kind of you to do things the Cardassian way for me!" *He doesn't understand at all,* thought Julian in despair. All he could think of to say out loud was, "The raquini will go off if I wait too long." "Aahhh, but that's why we use raquini for this purpose. It keeps in perfect condition whatever the temperature for months! My beloved, I must leave you now. Inventory awaits!" Garak kissed Julian briefly on the mouth before going out. The tailor was too caught up in his own plans to notice that Julian merely responded mechanically to the kiss, without displaying any real passion. Julian spent the next few hours alone in his quarters, trying to figure out why the thought of marrying Garak scared him so. Surely it should be easy to know whether he wanted to be married or not? He loved Garak deeply and a part of him was delighted at being asked to become his husband. But another part of him kept whispering that marriage to Garak would be one big mistake. Why was that? Julian contemplated this carefully. One thing he did know for sure was that he and Garak were truly alien to one another, and Julian didn't know whether the many cultural differences between them could be successfully bridged in the long term. In fact, the last four months had highlighted those differences much more sharply than five years of friendship had ever done. Perhaps if he talked to somebody about the situation it might help him to gain a greater understanding of his own feelings. Julian got up and left his quarters in search of Miles O'Brien. END PART 1 ***** BEGIN PART 2 "Right Julian," said the Chief impatiently, "you asked me to sit at a quiet table with you so that Quark couldn't eavesdrop on what you were about to tell me. Half an hour later, you still haven't told me anything. Stop babbling on about nothing and get to the point, why don't you!" "I'm sorry," Julian responded contritely. "It's just that... this is a bit personal. You won't tell anyone about this conversation will you?" "Of course not," agreed Miles encouragingly. "Now, you were saying..." "OK." Julian took a deep breath and continued, "Garak has asked me to marry him." "Really?" O'Brien looked surprised. "Well then, I guess that congratulations are in order. You must be very happy about this, right?" "That's just it," said Julian glumly. "I do love him, but I don't feel happy at all. In fact I'm pretty unhappy. And not just about the idea of getting married. I'm having doubts about having a relationship with Garak at any level." Miles glanced across at him curiously. "You know Julian, when you first started dating the guy I had doubts myself, but you two seemed to be so happy that I forgot about them. What's gone wrong now?" Julian sighed despondently. "When I tell you it'll all seem so trivial and unimportant." "Somehow I doubt that. You aren't nearly as prone to making a mountain out of a molehill as you used to be." "Thanks a lot. Well, I suppose it all started with me eating cookies." "What?" "Cookies, Miles. You know, they're hard biscuits containing chocolate chunks or-" "Yeah yeah, enough of the cookie lesson. I have tried them before as a matter of fact." Julian grinned at him. "Right. Well, every now and then I like to read in bed and whilst I'm reading I generally have a few synthales and a packet of cookies. It's just a degenerate habit left over from college. So, the first time that I tried this when Garak was with me he reacted most negatively to the whole idea. He said that eating food in bed was unsanitary, and that there would probably be crumbs all over the place before I'd finished. Even after I promised to be very careful, he was still unhappy. In fact he got out of bed altogether, then told me that it would be best if he went back to his own quarters for the night. Well I didn't want that, so I agreed not to eat cookies in bed any more." "You know, he does have a point Julian. You really can't avoid dropping the odd crumb or two when you're munching cookies." "I know, but there have been other incidents which have also disturbed me. For example, he likes to eat his evening meal at about 21.00 hours whereas I prefer to have mine at about 19.30. I suggested that we alternate times but he's not happy with that. He said that Cardassians are used to dining later on. If I want to have my meal with him, it has to be at 21.00. If I eat earlier he's usually 'busy'. So, we pretty much eat at 21.00 most of the time, even though by then I'm feeling half starved." Miles was starting to look a little concerned. "Any other examples that you can think of to tell me?" "Well... he's very structured in the way that he lives his life. He says that Cardassians have a deep need to protect their personal belongings and space. Mostly I see that in operation when we're in his quarters. He won't allow me to leave any of my things there. I forgot to take a jacket home the other week and he was quite angry with me. Plus, he doesn't like me moving or touching anything of his whilst I'm there. I mean his personal possessions. Once or twice I've picked up an ornament or a book and he's told me off. The other day he accused me of rifling through his stuff, when all I did was touch a sculpture to feel the texture of the stone that it was made of. Oh Miles, I know this probably adds up to nothing at all but-" "No it doesn't Julian" interrupted O'Brien. "Actually I think it's quite serious." "You do?" Julian questioned in surprise. He had been expecting his friend to laugh at his worries and dismiss them as foolish nonsense. "You're damn right I do. Now, tell me some more stuff." "OK. It seems that Cardassian couples have a ritual meal called the dzuhann together once a week. It's a way of constantly celebrating the fact of their union with one another. But the food that's eaten during this meal is traditional rural Cardassian fare, and Garak expects me to eat it all. Miles, this food stinks! I mean literally - the smell is awful, and the only thing worse than the smell of it is the taste. But he won't hear of us changing anything on the menu, or cutting down on the number of times that we have the dzuhann meal. And then there's the matter of my off duty clothes... he doesn't like them. He says Cardassian designs might look better on me." "Well... he is a tailor, and some of your outfits are fashion tragedies. That lime green shirt, not to mention the mustard coloured jacket. Maybe he's right on that one." "And is he right to say that I should no longer be such good friends with you after we're married?" "WHAT! Why the hell did he tell you that?" Julian looked at him sadly. "Garak says that in Cardassian society marriage is the ultimate declaration of sexual preference. Apparently Cardassians often 'fool around' as he put it with both men and women when they're single, but they always marry someone of their preferred gender. Therefore the closeness of our friendship could shame Garak, because people may then suggest that I was being unfaithful to him with you. He's asked me to respect the Cardassian custom in this case, and see less of you." O'Brien was furious, not only with Garak but also with himself for not having realised what was going on sooner. He knew that he had to straighten Julian out, for the man's own good. "Listen to me Julian. You say that you love Garak but that you're not sure if you want to marry him, right?" Julian nodded. "I think that you're quite right to have doubts. It seems to me that Garak is trying to manipulate and control you. He can't have a Cardassian husband so he wants the next best thing - an alien who's been taught to act just like a Cardassian would. I'm not saying that everything he wants is wrong - for one thing I have to agree with him about the cookies!" A fleeting smile crossed Julian's face at this. "But Julian, an necessity in any relationship is that both partners compromise. And as far as I can see, all the compromising is being done by you. You're the one who's giving things up, changing, making sacrifices to fit in with Garak's vision of an ideal Cardassian husband. He's taking it all and giving you nothing in return." "Does that mean you think I should end it?" Julian asked his friend anxiously. "That's something that you'll have to decide for yourself. All I'm saying is that you have to tell him how you feel, and maybe demand a few changes of your own. You're doing all of these things to please him and out of love for him - Garak should be able and willing to do the same in return. Until you resolve your problems then marriage is the last thing you need to be thinking about. And I don't know if I'm right, but I reckon that you find the idea of marrying Garak so frightening because you know he'll be even more demanding after you're wed. You're afraid of losing your identity Julian, and in my opinion that's a reasonable fear. What he's doing now could only be the beginning. After a while he might want you to adopt a Cardassian name, speak their language, take Cardassian citizenship... what?" he asked as Julian's face paled. "This morning he suggested that I might want to take a few lessons in kardasi. He said it would be pleasant for us to speak to one another in the same language." Julian seemed frightened and confused, and Miles' heart went out to him. "Look Julian, I know that you both love one another and in many ways he is the perfect mate for you. But this isn't going to work unless he changes his attitude big time. Do you remember that phase of watching old movies that we had a while back? Well you are not going to become a Stepford husband Julian! You have your own cultural identity, and it's just as important as his. Whatever you do, don't forget that." "I won't. Thanks Miles, this has really helped." Julian gave O'Brien an affectionate pat on the shoulder and headed back to his quarters. He felt much better for having confided in the engineer, although there was still a lot of thinking to do. And he was scheduled to dine at Garak's tonight at 21.00 for another of those damned dzuhann dinners. Back in his room Julian put on some soft music and curled up on the sofa. Talking with Miles had cast some much needed light on to the darkness of his mind. He knew that Miles had been spot on in his analysis of Julian's own feelings. But the important point was, was he right about Garak's? If the problem was simply that Elim was a little set in his ways after being alone for so long, well, that could probably be dealt with in time. But if Elim had indeed been consciously trying to change him, to mould him just as he himself had been moulded by Tain, that was a different matter. Before his talk with O'Brien, Julian had perceived his concerns as separate from one another. Only now did he realise that they might all be connected, the symptoms of just one problem. Julian loved Garak with all of his heart. He had become so dependant on the Cardassian over these four months, both emotionally and physically, that the thought of ending their relationship was agonisingly painful. He couldn't do it! But what if the alternative was to lose everything that made him human, step by painful step? He just didn't know what to do for the best. Just after 21.00 hours Julian arrived at Garak's quarters. In his hands he carried a tray which held the decanter of raquiri and two glasses. As he opened the door Garak's eyes widened at the sight of the raquiri and he looked most excited. "Already my love? You are eager!" Julian placed the tray down on the table and sat next to Garak on the sofa. The tailor, eager to complete the ceremony, picked up one of the glasses and reached for the decanter. "No Garak - don't pour out the raquiri. I've brought it back because it's not possible for me to accept your proposal of marriage." Garak's expression of surprise was almost comical. "You can't mean that Julian? Please tell me this is just one of your jokes." Julian shook his head. "I've never been more serious Garak. In fact, I think it might be best if we don't see one another for a little while. That might give us both time to think about exactly what we want out of this relationship." Garak's expression began to change from surprise to anger as Julian spoke. "What do you mean, not see one another? I thought you loved me, heaven knows you've said so often enough!" "I do love you!" insisted Julian passionately. "But I'm not happy about the way that you treat me sometimes." "And what precisely do you mean by that?" Garak asked bitingly. "The fact that you don't know what I mean is part of the problem." "I'm not betazoid Julian, so I don't have the ability to read your mind. If you weren't happy then why didn't you say so?" Garak's expression was stormy as he leaned in closer to Julian. "I wanted to Garak, but to be honest I was afraid of losing you. It's clear to me now that I should have spoken up from the start. Perhaps you're right to be angry with me because I didn't." "Indeed I am. So then, what is so very bad about our relationship? In what way have I failed to meet your high standards?" Garak's sarcastic tone made Julian wince. This was proving even harder to do than he had expected. "It's not a question of failure Garak. It's a question of identity. My identity to be precise, which you seem intent on taking away and replacing with another one more to your liking." Garak glared at him. "You're imagining things." "Am I? I don't think so and Chief O'Brien doesn't either." "You've talked about this to him?" Garak snapped, fuming at the idea that O'Brien had knowledge of his personal problems before he did. Julian assented nervously, then before Garak could say any more about this he listed all of the changes that Garak had required of him over the last few months, just as he had done for O'Brien earlier. "Garak, you seem not to like me as I am. It's as if you've analysed every part of me and set out to alter it, remake it in your own image. You are Cardassian, I... am not. I'm willing to change in some ways but you can't expect me to live every aspect of my life as you do. Even when you proposed, your assumption was that we would have a Cardassian ceremony. You didn't even consider the fact that humans have traditional mating customs too, ones which I might want to follow. Did you know that it's the tradition for a human to get down on one knee when they ask a person to marry them? No, you didn't know that did you, because you never took the trouble to find out. But my culture is as valid as your own Garak, can't you see that?" Garak looked at Julian's pleading face, and part of him wanted to break down and apologise, to beg Julian's forgiveness. However, the shock of finding that Julian wanted them to virtually split up when his mind was focused on the certainty of a permanent union made him feel incensed with Julian. His pride would not allow him to consider the possibility that Julian was right. Garak inwardly fought off any idea of saying sorry or feeling guilty, and focused all of his anger on the unfortunate Julian. His explosive temper, for so long controlled, was unleashed now with deadly effect. "What I can see is that you seem set on blaming your many inadequacies on me. You can't cope with the rigours of Cardassian customs and so you try to get out of following them. Perhaps it's not surprising when you consider how pitifully inferior humans are in every way when compared to my people. But if you want the truth, then hear this - I don't really love you and this proposal was really made for two entirely different reasons. Firstly so that I could guarantee having a easy fuck available to me whenever I wanted it, and secondly to increase my chances of accessing classified Starfleet information. You have never been a match for me and I only tolerated you for want of a better, Cardassian partner. And as for sex, you were as hopeless in bed as you are in every other area of life. You brought me no pleasure Julian, I just made you think that you did because I have a great talent for acting. Now get out of here and don't bother me again." Julian's complexion had paled so much that Garak thought he was going to faint, and his face was filled with pain and despair. Bashir was trembling and he couldn't bring himself to say anything. After a few moments he turned and walked out of the room, his heart breaking. "And good riddance!" yelled Garak after him defiantly. "You were nothing to me Julian, nothing at all!" Suddenly he spotted the dining table, with the celebration meal all ready to be consumed. With a roar of anger Garak pushed the table over, breaking most of the crockery and scattering the pieces across the room. To the Cardassian this act seemed symbolic of his smashed and irretrievably damaged relationship. He could not imagine where this empty feeling in his heart had come from, and why he suddenly felt so lost, so bereft. There was only one thing that would help him now. Garak went to the replicator and ordered a carafe of kanar. It would be the first of many that he would consume as the night passed. Whilst Garak was starting to drink himself into an alcoholic stupor, Julian slowly walked back to his quarters. He was unable to prevent the tears from rolling down his face, and the few people that he passed in the corridors looked at him with lively curiosity. However none of them knew him, so there was nobody willing to stop and offer him some help. He made it back to his quarters and threw himself down on the bed, crying more heavily as each minute passed. Julian's heart felt as if it had sustained a mortal wound. The waves of misery and humiliation that passed over him were overwhelming. Like a massive tsunami they ripped though him and seemed to sweep everything of value away with them. The next day Garak's eyes opened slowly, then he shut them again quickly against the harsh light of his quarters. His stomach felt bloated and painfully upset, his head was banging with the mother of all headaches, and he needed to take a pee desperately. The hungover Cardassian tried to recall where he was and what he had done. Was he on the floor? Yes, and there were bottles all around him. *I got drunk. Damned if I can remember why... been so long since I got drunk. Must have had a big party or something - maybe people came by. 's my birthday, maybe? Yes, must have been. Happy birthday to me!* Garak giggled inanely. *Better get up. There's things to do - I think. Looks like I broke some stuff. Lot of plates for just me. Was someone else here last night? Ugghh!* Garak got up and just made it to the bathroom in time to empty the entire contents of his stomach into the toilet. As was usually the case with Cardassians, this kick-started the healing process and caused him to feel much better almost right away. He also found himself recollecting the events of the previous night. There had been an argument, hadn't there? It was something that - it was Julian! Oh heavens, what had he done... In a panic Garak ran to the door, then reluctantly turned back. It would do no good to go to Julian smelling of drink and sick and wearing stained clothing. Rapidly the Cardassian set about cleaning himself up, determined to put things right and ask Julian's pardon for the terrible things that he had said and done. Julian had told nobody of last night's confrontation between himself and Garak, not even O'Brien. After crying half the night he had managed to pull himself together a little, and was even back at work the next morning as usual. Somehow being on duty allowed him to sustain the belief that at least part of his life was functioning properly. One or two of the nurses noticed that he seemed a little quiet, but nobody really thought anything of it. When he was called to a staff meeting in Ops, Bashir couldn't help but notice that Garak's shop was still closed. Julian held a fervent hope that he would not see Garak today or at any time in the near future. He just couldn't deal with Garak right now. In the night Julian had considered the possibility that Garak hadn't really meant everything that he said. However, he was afraid that this idea was merely wishful thinking, and so to avoid further heartache Julian resolved to remain alone for now - and perhaps forever. END PART 2 BEGIN PART 3 - see part 1 for disclaimers etc. It was 20.00 hours. After resisting Dax's considerable efforts to drag him off to a party somewhere Julian was alone in his quarters, resolutely trying not to cry again. He had found that Garak couldn't be forgotten so easily. In his mind Julian continuously replayed every significant memory from the last four months. The happy times, the arguments, the passionate reconciliations. How was it possible to live without him? It had been the right decision for them to part, Elim's behaviour yesterday was confirmation of that, but still... The doorchime rang. "Enter," called Julian wearily. To his utter surprise, Garak stepped through the door. Julian flushed heavily. *Oh lord, not another scene of recriminations and accusations, I can't take this.* But Garak didn't look angry, as a matter of fact he looked rather sad. "Julian - I'm so very sorry for everything. It's all my fault, I know. Can we talk, please?" "You said everything there was to say yesterday," Julian snapped ferociously. "I didn't mean those things Julian, please believe me. I said them because I lost control and then I wanted to hurt you. Please, just give me a chance to explain," the Cardassian begged. "Well - all right then." The two men sat down at opposite ends of the sofa. "Julian, since you became my partner I have experienced more happiness in life than I ever expected or deserved. There are only two things in this universe that I love - you and Cardassia. When I asked you to perform a Cardassian ritual of some kind with me, my two loves were then blended together in a way that gave me great satisfaction. That was why I made those requests of you. It was never my intent to turn you into some kind of Cardassian drone. There was no deliberate plan, no hidden agenda. I just enjoyed showing you the Cardassian way of doing things. It seemed to help the two of us to become one." Garak said all of this so emphatically that Julian knew he was telling the truth. "I love you as you are Julian, there are no changes needed to make you perfect in my eyes because you already are perfect." "But you always wanted things to be done the Cardassian way Elim. Each and every time, it had to be exactly as you wanted." "Yes it did, and that was wrong of me. I didn't see the need for compromise, and that is unforgivable. Just as I liked combining Cardassian ways with you, so you might gain pleasure from combining Human ways with me. You were absolutely right; Earth's culture is as valuable as my own and I should respect that. If you take me back, I will do. We'll talk through all of your concerns one by one and resolve them in a way that is fair to us both. I promise you, I won't let you down." Julian still had doubts. "How can I be sure that you won't change for a while and then slip back into your old ways?" he asked sceptically. Garak thought about this for a few moments before replying. "When we became lovers you placed your trust in me, even though there is ample evidence around you to suggest that I can never be trusted. Julian, I think you did this because you had faith in me. What you have to decide now is whether you can make that leap of faith again. I can show you no proof that things will be different; all you have is my word of honour that I'll change. To be honest with you Julian, I would do anything to stay with you, I know that now. You are my strength, my inspiration, my heart." Tears began to trickle down Julian's face. "You said I was... that I was hopeless in bed." "Oh Julian," cried Garak, his heart constricting at the sight of Bashir's all too obvious pain. "I never meant it, it wasn't true. You are the best lover I ever had, really you are. I'm so very ashamed of hurting you by telling you otherwise." Julian wiped away the tears and looked at Garak's earnest and pleading face. Something that he saw there told him more strongly than any words that Garak was sincere. He got up, went over to the Cardassian, and embraced him. "Don't ever hurt me like this again, understand?" Garak pressed his head against Julian's shoulder and held him close. His heart was filled with thankfulness and joy at having received his beloved doctor's forgiveness. "I won't, I promise." The two lovers remained silently locked together for some considerable time before Garak lifted Julian's chin up to look into his eyes. "What shall we do now then Julian?" Julian smiled happily. "You decide." Garak grinned at him seductively. "Hmm... as you wish. We could have something to eat?" Julian picked up on the game right away. "Of course, although I must confess that I'm not really that hungry." "Well then, why don't we play kotra?" Garak pressed his hand against Julian's thigh. "Er yes... kotra. Unfortunately there's - ooohhhh, there's no kotra board in these quarters." "Then how about a good book?" Garak suggested, although as the Cardassian continued to caress his thigh it was quite obvious to Bashir that reading was the last thing on his mind! "I... oh wow! Garak, isn't there something else that you'd rather be doing?" "Well, now that you mention it..." Garak took Julian's hand and guided him gently through to the bedroom. "I suppose that I'd really like to make love to you all night." Julian kissed him passionately, then broke away to say; "I want that very much." "Wonderful! Oh, but if you would just wait right here for a moment Julian, there are a few things that I need..." Garak smiled at him affectionately and went back through to the main room. When he returned Julian stared in surprise as he saw what his beloved was carrying. "Garak! What in heaven's name is this all about?" Garak chuckled as he set down the items in question on the bedside table. "My dearest one, it is about respecting you and your wonderfully individual character. You were right about everything, and to prove to you that I understand this we are going to use these to make love on." "Get out of here!" replied Julian incredulously. "No, I mean it. It's important for me not to forget this lesson. Regular reminders will be beneficial. And the discomfort will pass... eventually." With a cheerful smile Garak went to the table and picked up - a box of cookies. In all he had brought six boxes of cookies into the room. With numerous flamboyant gestures Garak started to throw cookies all over the bed as Julian giggled helplessly. Cookies and sex? Garak was unbelievable! A few minutes later the contents of four boxes of cookies were strewn across every part of the bed, and both men were laughing at the sight before their eyes. "Well then, are you finished?" gasped Julian. "Not just yet," Garak said with a wicked grin. He opened the last two boxes and proceeded to break up the individual cookies into crumbs. These too were tossed onto the bed. "You know Garak, those crumbs will get everywhere!" "I know," the Cardassian replied cheerfully. "But you wanted cookies in bed, I unreasonably prevented that, and so I must make up for it. Now, why don't I help you off with those clothes?" Garak reached out and caressed Julian's chest, drawing a long moan of arousal from the doctor. Soon his nimble figures were expertly moving back and forth to take off Bashir's tunic and trousers. Despite the clear evidence of Julian's desire for him, Garak could sense that he was still feeling just a little insecure about making love after Garak's hurtful comments. "My dearest, there is nothing to be afraid of. Remember what I said, and know that you have pleased me in bed always." "Ah yes," whispered Julian as the last of his clothing was slowly and sensually removed by his lover. He reached out to help Garak take off his own apparel but the Cardassian gently brought up a hand to prevent this. "Tonight is for you Julian, all for you. Let me love you now as I should have done from the start." As Garak quickly stripped, Julian understood. Garak wanted this evening to be a gift to him. It was the Cardassian's intent to concentrate only on pleasuring him. *Does he want it this way to punish himself? Partly yes I think, but also he needs to show me how important my desires are to him. And just maybe, this is another way for him to apologise for giving his own traditions precedence over mine. Well if this helps him to feel better about hurting me then I should probably just relax and enjoy it!* thought Julian ironically. *After all I think I've earned a little TLC, and who better to supply it than my lovely Cardassian?* He felt the last of his doubts slip away as Garak tenderly lifted him onto the bed. "Elim this feels a little... unusual," gasped Julian, as they lay down. Bits of cookie were pressed against them, clinging insistently to their sweaty bodies. "After I've worked on you for a while you won't notice it," said Garak confidently, making Julian shiver with delighted anticipation. "Now, let me do something to make you a little more relaxed." Garak positioned himself at Julian's side, pressed close. The Cardassian was already aroused, his light grey cock erect and throbbing. Garak ignored his own urgent need and reached out for Julian. He began by moving his fingers lightly across Bashir's face, stroking every part of it. With slow movements he caressed Julian's nose, eyelids, mouth, forehead, cheeks and chin. Julian gasped with pleasure, a little taken aback by the intensity of feeling produced by such simple actions. Pleased at his reaction, Garak moved down to his neck. He spent several minutes massaging it, and enjoying the feel of Julian's soft skin beneath his hands. "Oh Garak, you do that so well..." "I'm so glad that it gives you pleasure," whispered Garak. "Shall I continue, my love?" "I think you'd better," replied Julian with certainty. Garak smiled down at him happily and started again. This time he alternated between Julian's neck and shoulders, combining a steady hand with a willing mouth. Then tiny love bites and gentle kisses rained over Julian's shoulders and chest. By now the doctor was arching and flailing on the bed, his long slender shaft fully erect. Garak noticed with amusement that his lover's frenzied movements were sending cookies flying off the bed and across the room. "I want you!" yelled Julian demandingly. "How do you want me, my love? Just say it, I'll do anything for you tonight, anything at all." Julian grinned. "That sounds like a very open promise." "And a sincere one, I assure you. What do you need, Julian? What can I give you?" Bashir panted breathlessly. "I want to fuck you." Immediately Garak turned over, presenting Bashir with the alluring site of his rounded ass. Julian had always thought that Garak's butt was immensely desirable, although right now it looked a little different from usual. The attached crumbs and chocolate pieces were an added bonus, and one that he intended to take full advantage of! Julian reached inside the bedside cabinet and pulled out a jar of lubricant. With fevered impatience he covered his cock with the gel, then turned his attention back to Garak. The Cardassian was taken aback to feel the pleasurable touch of a wet tongue lathering his buttocks and moaned a little. Julian licked the chocolate and bits of cookie off of his lover's ass before starting - just to keep things nice and smooth! His cock was weeping with need, truly he was unable to wait any longer. Gently but firmly he pushed inside Garak, and felt the Cardassian's muscles clenching and unclenching rapidly as they felt the thrust of Julian's cock. Panting for breath, Julian pushed all of the way in, rejoicing in the feel of his lover's body. Garak's skin was warm and soft to the touch, and he had missed the feel of it these past days. As he moved in and out of the Cardassian in an increasingly rapid pace his body slapped rhythmically against Garak's, one on one as it always should be. The Cardassian was ecstatic. Although he rarely came from penetration alone, he felt such incredible pleasure because of the simple fact that his Julian wanted him again. All too soon Julian reached his peak and orgasmed explosively. "OhyesohyesohyesGARAK!" Exhausted, Julian withdrew from Garak and flopped down on top of him. The Cardassian was still painfully hard but it didn't matter. To Garak this evidence of unsatisfied desire was a devoted offering to Julian, just as much as the crumbs which were beginning to get between his scales and irritate his skin maddeningly! However, Julian had been doing some thinking. He couldn't help but feel that it would be somewhat cruel to keep all of the fun for himself. As he lifted himself up he caught sight of Garak's aching cock and smiled. Time to put that pledge of obedience to the test... "Garak, I want you to do something for me." "What is it?" asked the tailor curiously. "Sit down at the end of the bed," Julian commanded, and Garak promptly obeyed. "Good. Now Elim, I want you to put on a show for me by pleasuring yourself." Garak's eyes opened wide. He had never masturbated in front of others before, nor did other Cardassians do such a thing to his knowledge; the idea almost frightened him. "Julian, I don't think-" "Are you daring to go back on your promise?" Julian asked with a pretence of anger. "You said that you'd do anything for me tonight, and this is what I want." Garak smiled and a look of understanding crossed his face. "Of course, if it pleases you, my love..." "It does indeed" said Julian with relish, and he settled back on a pillow to watch. Garak felt as if he were on a stage; a nervous artist performing an erotic sex act before a worldly and demanding audience. He wanted desperately to please Julian by providing him with a creative display. The Cardassian started to stroke his shaft slowly, using gentle touches in an attempt to prevent himself coming too soon. He saw that Julian was staring at him intently and smiling at him reassuringly. Garak's heart lightened as he returned the smile and he felt his doubts slip away. Anything that Julian wanted him to do couldn't possibly be bad. Garak moaned with pleasure as his shaft finally received the needed stimulation. Julian's avid gaze was focused on Elim's solid, muscled body. He took pleasure in following the scales downwards on their path from Garak's shoulders towards the lower part of his torso. The two rows of scales tapered together as they descended, and the markings finally faded away just above Garak's cock. As Julian knew, the same pattern was exactly repeated on his lover's back. He was so very beautiful. Feeling excited by the performance that Garak was giving Julian fondled his own manhood, and felt himself growing hard again as the tailor moved towards climax. Garak's eyelids slowly closed as he forgot about Julian and concentrated on his own need. It felt so good to touch himself that way. Garak cupped his balls with one hand and fondled them at a steady pace. With his other hand he pumped his cock, slowly at first then increasingly faster. His heart was thumping and his shaft was deliciously hot to the touch. Garak threw back his head and moaned loudly as he felt multiple waves of delicious pleasure crash down on him. Before Julian's enraptured eyes he gasped and cried out wantonly and then came, thrusting his seed on to the bed. After the spasms had subsided and the tremendous sensations faded away, Garak finally opened his eyes to see a fully aroused Julian grinning at him. "Quite a performance Elim, I was most... interested in you." "Yes I can see that," replied Garak dryly. "But I did not intend to cause you to-" "It's quite all right," Julian reassured him. "It's true that I was aroused by watching you, but I have a plan for dealing with it." "Why am I not surprised to hear that?" asked the tailor with a tolerant smile. "So what is the plan, your cleverness?" "Tut tut, such sarcasm! Well, it's just this..." Julian took hold of a few cookies and crumbled them up, then rubbed them over his cock. As he was still sticky from the lubricant they had used earlier, the crumbs firmly attached themselves to him. "Lick me clean, Cardassian!" Julian ordered with a teasing smile. Garak was unable to suppress a shout of laughter in response. He never ceased to be amazed at Julian's inventiveness in bed. Sexually they had both always gained great satisfaction from each other. Or at least - that was what he thought... Julian hadn't specified any intimate problems when they had argued, but Garak decided to verify that Julian was happy with their sex life in the very near future. Putting this concern aside for the moment he crawled up the bed towards Julian, who was now displaying a most infuriating grin. "I hate you!" said Garak, firmly but most unconvincingly. "Really?" asked Julian knowingly. "I think you like this every bit as much as I do." And it was true, reflected Garak, he did. That being the case, there was nothing to be done but- "AAAAAHHHH! That is sooo good, Elim. Yes, oh yes, do it to me Garak, make me come, you know how! " He did indeed. Garak sucked expertly on Julian's shaft and used his agile tongue to lick the head gently. With ease he swallowed almost all of Bashir's long cock, and brought his hand up to stroke the base rapidly. With an almost indecent haste Julian screamed with ecstasy and released his seed into Garaks' eager mouth. The Cardassian detected the sweet taste of the cookies and the salty taste of Julian's cum; together they made an incredible combination. He could go on absorbing this essence of Julian forever. He wanted it never to stop, but all too soon Julian was finished and Garak felt him withdraw. They kissed passionately for along time afterwards, embracing and petting one another. Garak had a feeling of untold benevolence, as if some great deity had taken mercy upon him and put things right in his life. He and Julian were together again and nothing else mattered. "I love you Julian Bashir." "As I love you, Elim Garak - with all of my heart." Some considerable time later, when Julian and Elim's passion had finally been sated and they were lying together on the bed... "How are you feeling, sexy scales?" Garak smiled brightly, pleased to hear Julian use this nickname again - it was one of his favourites. "Crumby! And how about you, doctor delicious?" "A little crumby myself - and pretty happy too." "I'm glad." Garak snuggled in against him, chuckling as their buscuity bodies rubbed against one another. "Gaaraak..." whispered Julian coyly. "I've got something to tell you." "Oh yes?" murmured the Cardassian, absently licking one of Julian's nipples. "Mmm. You know that you used the cookies tonight because... ah, that's good... yes, because you felt sorry about unreasonably forbidding me to have them in bed?" "Yes my darling," said Garak absently, his mind still mainly focused on Julian's lovely brown nipples. "Weellll... as you know I talked to Miles about the whole situation, including your dislike of cookies in the bedroom." "Indeed?" Garak was now finally giving Julian his full attention. "Yes," said Julian with a devilish grin, "and I think you should know that Miles thought you were entirely reasonable in banning cookies from our communal bed. He said he was in full agreement with you, on that issue at least." Garak opened his eyes wide and stared at Julian, a tiny smile forming at the corners of his mouth as he absorbed what Julian was telling him. "So, what you're saying is that I needn't have done this at all?" "That's right." Julian smirked triumphantly at him. "I thought about mentioning it when you first brought the cookies in... but then I decided not to. I was having so much fun that-" "-you decided to let me get right on with it anyway." Garak's face was a study, and the amused Julian just lapped it up. "Yes... it seemed appropriate to let you suffer. You deserved to!" Garak was unable to hold back any longer. His rich peals of laughter echoed across the room, and before long Julian had joined in. Soon they were both howling with joy. As his roars of mirth finally subsided, Garak grabbed Julian by the shoulder and hissed, "You are a_very_very_ bad boy. I'll just have to make you pay for this!" With his other hand the Cardassian took hold of a pillow and began to pound Bashir with it. The doctor was still laughing as he struggled in vain to escape Garak's playful swipes. "Stop it! Oh Garak, stop it please! Have mercy on me I beg of you, this hurts!" "Good!" "But if you stop, I'll do something to make you feel a lot better..." Garak temporarily stopped Julian's punishment. "And what might that be?" "Well... first I'll clean up this bed, and then I'll clean up you. A nice warm shower should get rid of all of those crumbs. What do you say, would that make amends for my transgressions?" "Just possibly," said Garak archly. "If you scrub my back nice and hard when we're in the shower." "You can count on it," said Julian with a seductive smile which made Garak's heart race. "Garak, we have a lot of work to do to straighten out the bugs in this relationship" said Julian after the bed had been decookied and they were relaxing in the shower, "but once our differences are resolved and when the time seems right, I want you to offer me the raquini fruit essence again. If you'd like to, of course." The Cardassian's face lit up as he reached forward to give Julian a passionate kiss and hug. "My dearest Julian, I can't think of anything that I'd like more. And I promise to present it to you on one knee this time!" "Oh, I think for you - on both knees." ~END~