You Better Believe The Honeymoon's Over By JA Chapman Disclaimer: Must we really do this everytime? I mean, honestly-what do those mental giants at Paramount think will happen the first time someone decided to blow off using a disclaimer? Picture it--Alexander Siddig is surfing the Information Superhighway and checks out some slash--no biggie, right? WRONG! The next thing you know, due to my subversive tendencies and superhuman computer skills (SNORT!) he winds up slipping the tongue to poor old Andrew Robinson causing irrepairable harm to both of their families and the show. Folks, not only did I once blow up an egg in the damn microwave because nobody told me I couldn't, I also tried to use a metal pot in there, too. Made for some pretty fireworks, but it sure smelled bad. The only thing I use the new one for is popcorn, but I digress. It's fake! It's phony! Paramount owns this shit and I just put a new spin on it. This is the last of The Honeymoon's Over Trilogy, I sure do hope you got the second part but not only are my technical skills lacking, the damn thing locked up and Kevin, my computer guy, had to do a quick overhaul- Hi Kevin, honey-Glad to see you reading something besides the Pentium II Architechture Guide but make sure your wife knows why it is you're reading this particular story, I wouldn't want you getting into any trouble. And speaking of marriage troubles, on with the show... ----Jen *Friends, Romans, Countrymen...GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!* Julian The door chimed and Julian got up to answer it, "Constable Odo!" the doctor invited the station's head of security in with a smile, "Is there something I can help you with?" "Uh, no," the changling seemed a bit uncomfortable, "Actually, I'm here to see Garak." "Oh." "He invited me," the changling added. "Oh!" Julian smiled quizzicaly, "Please, do come in. I could have sworn the two of you were having lunch in the replimat, though." "Ah, Constable!" Garak smiled as he exited the kitchen, "Well, what do you think of our quarters?" "Very nice," Odo said looking around. "I'll leave you two to talk," Julian retreated, "I'm going to go work on some reports." Garak nodded and smiled before leading Odo into the kitchen and speaking in low tones. Julian couldn't help but be eaten up with curiousity as to why Garak had invited the changling over. He knew the two often had breakfast together but he'd never have thought them to be friends. Furthermore, he was suprized Odo would even accept the invitation in the first place. What could they be talking about in there? Suddenly craving a cup of tea, Julian walked into the kitchen. "Really?" Odo replied to Garak with what appeared to be...suprize maybe, shock? Garak ignored the question and turned to his spouse instead, "Did you want something, Julian?" "No," he responded quickly, "Just thirsty." The two men watched him in silence as he got a cup of tea from the replicator and left the kitchen. As soon as the door shut, he could hear the soft, indistinct voices once again. Unabashedly, he moved closer to the door, straining to hear... "Omph!" the door sprung open startling Julian who struggled to keep his cup from slipping out of his grip. "Sorry, Doctor," the Constable apologized quickly. "Nonsense!" Julian laughed, his cheeks flushed with color, "I shouldn't have lingered in the doorway with my drink." "Did it spill?" Garak asked grabbing up a dish towel. "No," the changeling said looking down. Julian gathered up what was left of his dignity and retreated to the sofa, putting the cup on the sidetable before again, picking up his PADD. "Coaster!" Garak called out from the other side of the room. "Oh, sorry," Julian apologized as he placed the disk under the cup, "I see what you mean," Odo regarded the young man with the same feral intensity he would toward a law-breaker, "The rings!" Garak said rolling his eyes. "Try a butane based fuel," the shapeshifter replied cryptically. "What kind of protectant do you use?" Garak asked. "I prefer beeswax," Odo nodded to himself. "Really?" he asked, "Tell me, what do you do for build up? Lately, I've been having some problems in that area." Julian flushed slightly, What the hell were they talking about now? Odo shook his head, "Not if you remember to strip occasionally and try using a good feather duster just for a change of pace." "I wouldn't think that you'd ever have that problem," Garak mused. "Major Kira often takes something hot to our meetings," he wore a disapproving scowl, "She doesn't like to use anything either." Julian suddenly got the feeling that he was the subject of their rather curious conversation, "Care to sit down, Constable?" "No, I really must be going..." Odo began. "Oh, please," Garak interrupted giving him a pointed look. A strange, silent communication was issued between them before Odo nodded almost imperceptively and walked over to the far side of the couch. Instead of sitting down, he merely stared at the cushions for a long moment and then turned his gaze downward towards the carpet. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and gave Garak a strange look...sympathy, perhaps? Or more like pity, Julian couldn't be sure. "Well?" the Cardassian asked with some trepidation. "I can't really say," Odo responded after a slight pause, "I haven't had alot of experiance with leather. Have you considered trying a professional?" "A professional what?" Julian couldn't take it anymore, "What are you talking about?" "Nothing," Garak said a bit sadly. What on Earth was going on...and was it legal? Nonsense, Julian thought silently, not Odo-no way-but what was this about leather and beeswax? "At least nothing you'd be concerned with, Doctor." There it was again-Odo was giving him that look of utter disapproval. "Care to follow me into the bedroom, Constable?" Garak asked. Julian looked from one man to the other swiftly. "Perhaps some other time," Not if I have anything to do with it, Julian thought, "I've seen as much as I need to," another glare towards Julian. Piss off, the younger man thought back. "Thank you for coming," Garak said walking him to the door, "Breakfast tommorrow then?" "I'll bring that appliance I told you about," he nodded toward Julian slightly, "I have a feeling you'll get good use out of it." Briefly, Julian wondered how hard it would be to give a changeling a bloody nose. "Oh, wait," Garak said picking a small plainly wrapped package off the chair and handing it to Odo. "What is it?" he asked. "Just something to protect your desk for when the Major comes," Garak smiled sympatheticly. "I appreciate it," he nodded, "but since she's never cared to acknowlege my feelings on that before, I scarsely think she'll be worried about them now, no matter how many times I put it out on the desk." Julian's mind was now swimming with a strange and uniquely disturbing images involving the Major and the Constable. "There's always hope," Garak said feverently, "You just have to keep doing it until she accepts the way you feel." He nodded, "Thank you--Doctor," he grumbled. "Bring the Major over some time, we'll make it a foursome!" Garak said shutting the door behind him. Julian's mind swirled with conflicting thoughts as garak picked up a dustcloth and began to wipe down the lampshades. "Garak?" "Yes?" he asked looking up. "What exactly were you talking about ...I mean, with Odo?" Garak sighed, "What do you think we were talking about?" Julian's mouth open and shut a few times before he managed to speak, "I'm not quite sure." "Somehow, that doesn't suprize me," he said as he wiped up the condensation dripping off a half empty glass Julian had left then took it into the kitchen. Julian sat alone for a moment only sure of two things: One-he was definately one of the topics that they had been discussing, and two-he was better off not knowing why. Garak "I'm making steak and baked potatoes with chives for dinner," Garak said entering the kitchen. "Fantastic," Julian said removing the outer shirt of his uniform and draping it over the chair, "I'm absolutely famished." "I thought that for desert we'd go to that new Klingon place," he grinned sticking his head out into the livingroom, "You must admit that for a bunch of violent savages they do make a great chocolate cheesecake." "That sounds wonderful," Julian sighed collapsing onto the sofa. Just at that moment, the door chose to chime, "I'll get it," Julian grunted forcing himself onto his aching feet. In the kitchen, Garak was punching in the menu when he heard something that made his heart sink to his stomach, "Miles! What a surprize-come in!" "Oh no, not tonight-please," he groaned as he rubbed his now aching temples. Reluctantly, Garak prepared to meet his 'unexpected' guest pausing only to punch in an additional portion of steak for the Chief Enginneer. Why he hadn't thought to do it earlier could be blamed more on fantasy then on a lack of warning. Miles looked up from the couch, "Oh, hi Garak," . He and Julian both had their feet propped up on the coffeetable and were watching a live sports telecast on the holovid, "It's the Superbowl," he stated cryptically. "American football from Earth," Julian explained, "It's really quite good." "Care to join us?" Miles invited. Garak paused a moment to control his temper, "No, thank you--Actually, I was just preparing dinner and..." "What are you having?" Miles asked with sudden interest, "All Keiko ever makes are vegetarian dishes--Somedays, I feel like a bloody rabbit." "Steak and potato," Julian said. Damn, damn, damn, damn... "Oh, God, I could really go for a steak!" Miles sighed. Don't say it-don't....! "Stay for dinner," Julian invited. It's your own damn fault man, for picking charming niavte and a great body over someone who could keep their blasted mouth's shut! "I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble..." Miles began. Didn't stop you last night, Garak thought. "What trouble?" Julian scoffed, "Just a few more buttons to press, right Garak?" "Certainly," he attempted a strained smile, before giving up and heading into the kitchen. "Hey, Garak!" Julian called out, "Bring me an iced tea, would you?" "Two," O'Brien added, eyes glued to the carnage before him. And what would you like with your order sir? Garak thought grimly before punching a few more buttons. Moments later, three hot steaks with fully loaded hot potatoes were ready to be served. Garak placed them onto a tray and started toward the diningroom. "Oh, hon, I thought we'd just eat in front of the holovid," Julian said looking up. "Excuse me?" Not on my couch you don't. "It's a close game," he explained. "It's almost half-time," Miles said getting up, "We'll just turn up the volume till after supper." "Good idea," Julian said raching out to do just that. Oh, yeah-great idea, Garak thought nastily, Nothing life the sound of bodis slamming into one another to get the digestive juices flowing! As they sat down, both Miles and Julian dove into their steaks with abandon. Garak attempted to enjoy his meal, despite the sounds of grunting and loud cheering emminating from the other room. "Hey! You remembered how I like my steak!" Miles said in surprize. Outwardly, Garak merely smiled pleasantly in acknowlement. Silently, he thought that since the Chief seemed to frequent their home as often as they did, he would realise just how impossible it was to forget. As soon as Julian and Miles finished their meal, they abandoned their empty plates in favor of the H.V. Garak sighed and cleared the plates, abandoning his own half-eaten meal into the recycler. "YES!YES!YES!" Miles shouted at the top of his lungs. "TOUCHDOWN!!!" Julian yelled as he jumped to his feet. whoppee. "Hey, Julian-got anything to drink besides tea?" Miles asked before belching. Fabulous, Garak thought disgustedly, all they needed was a good fart and a nose-picking and the evening would be complete. "Hey, Garak!" Julian called, "Could you bring us in a couple of beers?" "No," Bite me, he thought. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said when he realized he was wiping off the table. It's about damn time, too! "You can get them after you're done," he smiled before turning back to the H.V. Okay, that's it-this ends now, "Chief," You irish couch potato, "Isn't Keiko expecting you?" "Nah," the Chief said with a shake of his head, "She hates football-that's why she sent me over here." I must remember to leave a few pins in her next gown, Garak thought bitterly. "You know, you really should sit with us, Garak." Julian said without looking up, "I think you'd really like this game:the players use strategy as well as brute strength to best their opponents. It's actually very Cardassian." I know I'd like to apply a little brute strength myself, right about now, "I'm going out," before I kill Miles, he thought. "Bye," Miles grunted. "Hey, bring us back some of that cheesecake!" Julian called. It will be a long time before you see any cheesecake from me, my friend. Before he left, he thought of ways to pay dear Keiko back for her betrayal.. But then he suddenly decided to leave her alone--after all, Miles was a punishment far harsher than even a former interrogator could dole out. *Baby Sitting Blues* Julian Julian took a large bite out of the piece of pie and groaned in delight, "Ummm, this is delicious!" "Why, thank you," Garak smiled, "It's Keiko O'Brien's recipe, she gave it to me when she visited the shop today." "She...came by today? Did she say anything? I mean, about Miles or anything?" "No," Garak narrowed his eyes, "Why? What did you think she'd say?" "Well, I think you're going to like it-it's a suprize," he smiled. Flashbacks of a certain birthday party gave Garak a sudden chill, "I think you'd better just tell me and spoil the surprize." "Well," Julian began reluctantly, "Miles and Keiko are going away for the weekend." "No Miles for two whole days?" Garak grinned, "My, that is good news." "Funny," Julian smirked, "No-the surprize is that we're taking care of the kids for them while they're away." "What?!?" Garak frowned, "Why us? Can't the Major do it?" Julian's smile faltered a bit, "Well, I thought you'd enjoy having them, I mean we have watched them before..." "For an hour or two!" Garak insisted, "Do you remember the last time we had them over, Julian? I had to repaint the wall to cover up that little art work Molly decided to leave us with!" "Garak, they're not that bad," he held up a hand when Garak tried to argue, "I'll admit that Molly is a bit precocious..." "A bit precocious?" Garak scoffed, "Try evil incarnate-being delivered by a Klingon marked her for life." "Look, Miles and Keiko haven't been alone in months and he said that Kira had a conference on Bajor this weekend and wouldn't be able to sit for them so- naturally-I offered," Julian said stubbornly. "Naturally," Garak repeated with a grimace. "Garak, you told me you wanted children, right?" Julian asked scowling. "Not this weekend," he retorted. "You and I agreed that eventually we would look into adoption," Julian said quickly losing his patience, "Shouldn't we at least experiment first? See how having children would fit into our lifestyle before we make that commitment?" Garak looked like he wanted to argue but, instead, shook his head with a sigh, "Fine-BUT I have several fittings tommorrow and you'll have to watch them- alone." "No problem," Julian said with a smile. "Have you ever cared for young children before?" the other man asked dubiously. "I'm a doctor," he smiled superiorly, "I'm sure I can handle an eight year old and a toddler--I mean, how hard could it be?" "Right," Garak drawled. "What's that supposed to mean?" ****************************************************************** ***** "I want to thank you both for watching the children," Keiko smiled, "It's so seldom that Miles and I can get away." "You're quite welcome," Julian returned. "After all the experiance we've had in babysitting Miles, the children shouldn't be a problem," Garak replied dryly. "Garak!" Julian admonished. "No, Garak's right," she chuckled, "Compared to Miles the kids are easy." Keiko turned to the Cardassian and handed him a PADD, "This is a list of all the things you'll need: favorite foods, bedtimes, stuff like that. Oh, and the name of the hotel is the J'Tari Arms in the Zel Quarter of the K'ethri District-call us if you have ant problems at all," she took a quick breath before speaking, "Yoshi likes to sleep with his toy bunny, Mr.Nibblet, and he always goes down for a nap around one." Julian cleared his throat when he realized that he was being completely left out of the conversation, "Um, Keiko, actually I'll be watching the kids this weekend- Garak has to work." "You?" Keiko eyed him dubiously. "Well, I AM a doctor," Julian frowned slightly put out, "I'm certain that it proves I am more than capable of caring for two children." Keiko looked to Garak for conformation, "I'll check in on them," he promised. Julian scowled darkly as his spouse then led her to the door and watched as she kissed the children goodbye. After she left, toddler and child faced the two men who had now been charged with their well-being, "Can we go play?" Molly asked Garak, completely overlooking the thunderfaced Julian. "Certainly, my dear," he dismissed, watching them make a beeline for their toys before turning to his companion, "If you have any problems, just call me at the shop--I'll come home for lunch to try and help out." "Nonsense!" Julian scoffed, "I can handle it!" "If you're sure..." he began doubtfully. "You know, I can't help but find this situation more than a bit ironic," the other man stated, "Don't get me wrong-I don't blame you for your past, Garak, but, of the two of us don't you think that a doctor would seem the more appropriate caretaker for two small children than a former agent of the Obsidian Order-an interrogator, no less?" "Actually, Doctor, every parent in history has had to act the interrogator occassionally, just as children have always acted as consumate torturers," he smiled, "Who knew that the Obsidian Order was actually just a large training ground for parenthood?" "Wonderful analogy," Julian replied unimpressed. "Bye," Garak chuckled with a fond wave, "Since you seem to have the situation so well in hand perhaps I'll ask the constable to lunch, instead." With that, Garak exited leaving the three alone. Julian felt a momentary tinge of nervousness before squaring his shoulders and cursing himself for acting the fool. After all, they were just kids, right? "Hullo." Julian squatted down to examine a picture that Molly was drawing, "What's this?" he asked pointing to the paper. "That's a dog," she said looking up, "And this," she indictated an area under the dog's torso, "is his penis-He's a boy." Julian felt a flush darken his features as he cleared his throat searching for something to say. "Yoshi has a penis, too," she continued, "Do you have a penis, Dr. Julian?" "Molly," Oh, how do I get out of this one, he wondered, "It's not polite to discuss people's body parts." "But my mommy tol' me I could ask anything I wanted to-she tol' me what a penis was." "Penis!" Yoshi piped up. Julian was momentarily at a loss for words, "Um, well, I'm sure your mummy only meant to ask her about...er, that-and not just people in general." "But why can't I ask you? Aren't doctors allowed to talk about penis'?" she asked with wide-eyed innocence. "PENIS!" Yoshi shouted, "PENISPENISPENISPENIS!!!" "Daddy has a penis," she pointed out logically, "Why don't you?" "I do have a....I assure you that I am just like your daddy!" Julian burst out quite flustered. "No you're not," Molly said shaking her head in the negative. "Yes I am!" Julian was now feverently hoping that Keiko would come to the door to say that the trip had been canceled. "Daddy has Mommy," she stated matter of factly, "You're different." "Well, other than that...." Julian reddened even further, "Whay say we make lunch? It's a bit early, but..." "Mommy and Daddy have sex," molly continued ignoring the Doctor's attempts at placating her, "That's what his penis is for." "SEX!" Yoshi howled with laughter at the new word. "Molly, that's quite enough now," Bashir said standing up quickly. "What do you and Mr. Garak do with your penis'?" she demanded. "SEX! PENIS SEX!" Yoshi threw crayons into the air in delight, "Wheeeeeee!- sexsexsexsex....." ****************************************************************** ***** *Bashir to Garak* Garak excused himself for a moment and walked over to the comm system, "What is it, Julian-I'm in the middle of a.....?" In the background, Garak and the patrons of his shop could hear the sound of childish voices shouting out names of intimate body parts in delight, however, "Help!" was all the Doctor could be heard as saying. "I'll be right there," Garak said with a sigh before signing off and placing his assistant in charge for the rest of the morning. *Garak* "Something unexpected came up," Julian said shruggung on his uniform, "An emergency. "I'll bet," Garak drawled unconvinced. "No, really," he gave a wide-eyed look of wounded innocence, "Why would I lie?" "One word: Penis," Garak responded dryly. "You can't honestly believe that I-a starfleet officer-could be intimadated by two children," he paused, "even if their name is O'Brien?" "I most certainly do not," Garak smiled, "Which is why I know that as soon as the 'emergency' is over, you'll come get the kids." "But...don't you want to spend time with them as well?" he said in a desperate attempt to weasel out of it. "Julian-I had to reschedule several appointments for today because I spent time with them yesterday." he sighed at the hurt look in his lover's eyes, "I'll take them with me to the shop but either you'll have to break free of your appointments or find a babysitter until I close shop tonight." "Fine," Julian sighed and gave Garak a quick kiss, "I really am sorry about all this, you know." "You should be," he admonished gently, "Perhaps next time a little warning would be in order?" "Do you really mind having them here?" Julian asked. Garak paused for a moment, "It is nice having children around-despite their behavior yesterday," he rose and draped his arms around Julian's shoulders, "but should we ever have children of our own, they will be much better behaved." "Agreed," Julian kissed him deeply before exiting the bedchamber, "I'll see you around 13:00!" "I can't wait," Garak said with complete sincerity. ****************************************************************** ***** "Yoshi!" Garak said sternly, "Don't do that!" Yoshi merely giggled and continued to pull out fabric as Garak looked up in frustration, his hands full as he attempted to speak around a mouthful of pins, "Molly! MOLLY!" "Yeah?" Molly called out from the other side of the room. "Get your brother and make sure he stops pulling out fabric." "But I'm coloring," she whined. "Molly," he hissed slightly as his mouth caught a pin-prick, "I really could use your help so put down the crayons." "Okay," she called faintly, "I'll do it in a minute." "NOW!" Garak said with finality. As he draped the fabric over the mannequin he began to mutter obsinities, only a few of which were audible, "*ratzumfratzum*grumble*bastard*mumble-huff*get used to celebacy*grunt- hiss-damn pins*grrrrr*nuetered*!" Garak heard the unmistakable *slice* of a pair of scissors being used, "Molly! Take those shears away from Yoshi!" *slice*snip*snip*rustle*clip* "Molly! Do it now, or I'll take away those crayons for the rest of the afternoon!" Garak warned. "Yoshi doesn't have the scissors," Molly piped up. "Then you put down the scissors!" Garak huffed, muttering something that boded ill for the doctor. *snip*rustle*snipsnip* "But I'm doing something for Mommy!" "Molly, I...." Garak turned around, his eyes widening in horror. Molly stood in the center of the shop, her once long ebony hair lay in piles about her feet. Garak could see the pink perfection of her scalp in several patches while the rest of he hair varied in length from 1/4" to shoulder length, "See? Mommy said she was taking me to get a haircut but now I don't need one," she smiled sweetly. Garak paled abruptly-this, a former spy of the Obsidian Order, a man who had faced raging Klingons in hand to hand combat, this pale-featured grown man suddenly had the fight the urge to burst into tears. What was he going to do? How could he possibly even hope of hiding this? Keiko...Keiko would kill him-Miles would never let him live this down, and Julian...GOD! He'd have to divorce him because there was no way he was going to allow that man to say that he was the better caretaker--Arrogant Bastard! "Do you like it?" Molly asked, her lip quivering slightly as uncertainty crept into her tone. Garak's jaw fell slack and he took in a long shuddering gasp of air, only now realizing that he'd stopped breathing, "M-Molly, what did you do?" he walked over stiltingly, "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" Calm, he thought, smile-that's it-just don't-- "WAAAGHH! I'm SORRY!!!" Molly started to cry in great heaving sobs, "I didn't mean it!" Oh God, he was calm, he hadn't paniced, he didn't lose his temper-WHY WAS SHE CRYING!!!!!! "Hush," he soothed, awkwardly hugging her to him, "It's okay-we'll fix it! We'll...we'll get a wig-or something," He was dead. "Garak, are you ready for lu...." Julian stopped short taking in Molly's bald scalp and Garak's pale countenance, "What happened to her hair!?!" At that, Molly began to wail uncontrollably, and Garak, who had been walking an emotional tightrope-snapped! "You did this! This is all your fault! If you had been watching them like you'd promised then she'd still have hair!" "MY fault!?!" Julian was taken aback, "YOU were watching them- remember!?! When I was watching them NOTHING FELL OFF!!!" Garak's eyes grew wide with some emotion that Julian had never seen before- filling suddenly with....tears? "Garak! Garak, I didn't mean it-I swear I..." Julian suddenly felt something wet hit his leg and looked down. Yoshi grinned widely, showing off two new teeth as his now discarded diaper slid down the Doctor's trouser leg, hitting the floor with a resounding *PLOP*! "YAAAAHAAAAH!" the toddler said, which in baby language Julian translated as meaning, "Shit on you, Bud!" Julian slowly raised his eyes to Garak's and licked his lips before speaking. Molly and the tailor had grown deathly silent and were now watching him in stunned disbelief. "I think Yoshi has to be changed." *Homecoming* Julian did what he could to stimulate Molly's hair follicles with a regenerator, which repaired the worst of the damage--but her hair was still far shorter than it had been not to mention the fact that it was terribly uneven. Rushing about and operating within the same protocols as one would a secret mission, the men managed to smuggle Molly into the hairdresser's studio for a quick makeover. Of course, the stylist in question had been highly amused by the whole situation. Luckily, for an exorbinate amout of credits and the gift of a gown she had been eyeing in the Tailor's shop, she was coerced into keeping the plum little anecdote all to herself. Just after they rushed back into their quarters and began to throw together the kid's things, the door buzzer rang, "They're here!" Julian sighed as he shoved an armload of toys into a bag. "Thank God!" Garak said feverently just as he opened the door, "Miles-Keiko! Back so soon? Kid's get your things." "Hey!" Miles greeted with a jovial smile. "MUMMY! DADDY!" Molly shouted as she ran toward her parents. "Molly-Your hair!" Keiko exclaimed, both men held their breath, "I love it!" she hugged her daughter tight before turning to both Garak and Julian, "How did you know I wanted her to get a haircut?" "Molly told us," Julian supplied weakly. Garak's smile was a bit forced as he began to hand-or rather throw-Miles the children's bags, "We really enjoyed having them-it's just a shame that you have to go. Bye Kids!" Miles turned and halted, giving both men a wide smile of appreciation, "Hey, if you'd like you could keep them another night." "Nonsense!" Julian rushed up practically shoving Miles out the door, "Families should be together on special occassions like these!" "What special occassion?" Miles frowned as he was whisked out the door. "Your homecoming, of course!" Garak said standing beside Julian to form a living barracade, just in case they tried to get in again. "But I like to stay with Dr. Julian and Mr. Garak!" Molly said as she tugged at her mother's tunic, "Do we gotta go?" "YES!" Julian and Garak said in unison. "It was lovely having them but I'm sure you must be tired from your trip!" Garak smiled brightly. "Gaw-wik!" Yoshi grinned toothily from his mother's arms. "He said your name!" Keiko exclaimed, "You must have made quite an impression!" "Not as big as he made, I assure you!" Julian smiled as he hit the 'close' button. "Bye, fell..." the doors shut before Miles could finish. He turned to his wife, "Is it me, or did we just get the bum's rush?" "Oh, Miles!" Keiko laughed as they walked down the corridor, "Of course, they want to be alone-they're practically still on their honeymoon!" Miles shuddered, "I hate it when you say that." "Miles!" Keiko said darkly, "Julian is your best friend and Garak did us a huge favor by helping us out! How can you say something as backward and ugly as that about their marriage?" "What? I didn't say anything!" he exclaimed with an irish lilt, "I'd just...rather think of them as roommates, that's all," At her glare he held up his hands, "I'm thinking of Garak-I mean, Julian's my friend and all, but I wouldn't want to be stuck living with him for the rest of my life-would you?" Keiko looked unsure for a moment before muttering, "You're impossible!" "But cute!" Miles said giving her bottom a playful pinch. "True," she grinned slapping his hand away as they walked toward their quarters. ****************************************************************** ***** Meanwhile, the two honeymooners in question both walked over to the couch where they both sat down with all the grace of two soggy sacks of potatoes. Julian winced slightly in pain and lifted his bottom, pulling out a small action figure dropping it on the floor. Both men sat in silence, staring into space. "Garak?" Julian said listlessly. "Hmm?" the Cardassian was too tired to even mutter a word. "Instead of having kids, let's just get a dog." "Dog's good," he nodded before again falling into a companionable silence. *Have you ever noticed that your friends all seem to be acting like Dr. Ruth?* Julian "Mmmm," Dax purred, "That's nice." Julian smiled widely as he rubbed more oil on the Trill's back, "Feel's good?" "Feel's really good," Dax looked up at Julian with soul-melting blue green eyes, "Julian?" "Yes, Jadzia----OWW!!!" Julian awoke suddenly to see Garak frowning mightily, "Why'd you hit me!?!" Garak got out of bed and began to angrily pull the comforter off, "Tell me DOCTOR, do I look anything like Dax!?!" he yelled stomping out of the room. "What!?!" Julian asked stumbling after him. "You were dreaming about Jadzia-AGAIN!" he turned on him, "And don't deny it-you talk in your sleep!" "You're mad at me because of a dream?" he asked incredulously, "That's preposterous!" "I'm sleeping on the couch-GOOD NIGHT!" he said turning his back on the younger man. "You're being a child! FINE! Sleep on the couch-I don't care!" *SLAM* ****************************************************************** ***** "Miles," Julian scowled fiercely to himself, "Can you believe that? He was actually jealous!" "Oh, yeah," Miles chuckled throwing another dart, "I can believe it." "Did Keiko ever get mad at you for calling out someone else's name in your sleep?" he asked. "Oh, hell yes!" Miles snorted throwing again, "I thought she'd de-ball me right then and there-women are like that," he caught the look on Julian's face, "and men-you know, married people in general," he cleared his throat, "How would you feel if he was the one calling out someone's name?" "I'd be fine with it," he shrugged. "Riiiight, you wouldn't be the least bit jealous." "That's right," Julian nodded, "because I am a reasonable person and unlike Garak, I am capable of rational thought." "True," Miles agreed, "If Garak were capable of rational thought, he never would have gotten involved with you to begin with." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he said angrily. "Simple," he held up some fingers and began to count off the reasons, "You're a slob, you're arrogant, you still live like you're in a dorm, and you have no consideration for anyone else's feelings," he shrugged. "Hey! You're supposed to be on my side, remember?" he grumbled. "I am on your side which is why I'm telling you like it is," he sat down in the chair across from his friend and leaned back, "I've been there, remember-and I'm here to tell you that unless you start realizing that Garak has a stake in this relationship as well, you won't stand a chance." "So you're saying that it's my fault I talk in my sleep?" he demanded. "It's not just that, Julian," he said shaking his head, "It's alot of things that lead up to that moment. I don't expect you to believe me, man-just to think about it," the irishman said before getting up from the table and leaving. The doctor scowled deeply into his cup-what did he know, anyway? Now, Miles was a slob and he could see it if Keiko...No, there was absolutely no similiarity between....of course, there was the time that he did that thing with the coffeecup and, okay, Garak stopped letting him do the laundry...but... But nothing, Julian thought grimly, Garak was right-he was an asshole! The only question was, now how was he going to make up for it? *Garak* "He called out my name?" Jadzia asked highly amused. "Yes," Garak grumbled as he took another bite of cheesecake, "and he didn't see a damned thing wrong with it either! Tell me, was he this totally self-centered before I married him, or have I just been a complete and total idiot until recently?" "Both, I think," Dax said feigning contemplation, "Although I think you still might be a little fuzzy around the edges for taking this so seriously." "Didn't you hear a word I've said?" Garak's mouth hung open, "He's impossible!" "Worf is impossible," Dax argued, "Julian is simply what he's always been- young." "And I'm nothing but a foolish old man, right?" Garak asked irritably. "Pretty much," she agreed, "but I think we all might be entitled to that once in a while." "Am I overreacting to this?" he asked glumly, "All of it?" "No, not entirely," Dax smiled, "It's just that Julian is alot younger than you-he does things in his own way. I know that half the time I just want to strangle Worf- I mean, what's with the underwear on the doorknob?" she scoffed, "I was a man-- three times-and I didn't do that!" "And the laundry, and the water-rings, and on and on!" Garak said with a sigh, "Why were all of his habits that were so charming before so mind-numbingly frustrating now?" "Well, you are somewhat to blame for all that frustration you know," she pointed out, "If you treat him like a child-and you do-how else do you expect him to act?" "I expect him to act like a responsible adult!" he retorted. "Then treat him like a responsible adult," Dax said, "Stop mollycoddling him and cleaning up his messes, but most of all-tell him how you feel." "I do!" he exclaimed, "From the top of my lungs, on a daily basis-I even leave him lists! What more can I do?" "Learn to live with it," she shrugged, "Or, start communicating the way you did before you started dating--without yelling." "This is alot harder than I thought it was going to be," he sighed. "Hey, I've lived out seven lifetimes and there are still days when I just want to rip Worf's skull open just to get his attention--" she grinned,"--but then I wouldn't have it any other way, would you?" Garak looked at the Trill blankly before sighing, "Damn, I hate that." "What?" "Apologizing to Julian," he grimaced, "He's a terrible winner." Garak could still hear the Trill's laughter even as he walked down the promenade toward his quarters. *Julian and Garak* *Happily Ever After?* Garak approached their quarters, so immersed in his own thoughts that he nearly ran into their source. "Hi," Julian said lamely. "Julian, I...." "Garak-I..." They both stood silent for a moment. "Garak, I'm sorry," he said filling the sudden silence, "I've been a complete ass..." "No," Garak said, "I've been the ass-I had no right to yell at you the way I did." A few Bajorans passing near, threw some amused glances their way. The doctor grimaced, "Let's go inside." Garak followed Julian inside, nearly stumbling in haste. As he bumped against the other man, he again felt the need to apologize, "I'm really sorry, Julia-- mmmmmn!" The Doctor cut off the Cardassian with a kiss that would keep them occupied for some time to come. ****************************************************************** ***** Garak and the doctor lay in bed, fully sated but still needing to touch one another. Garak lightly brushed the sweat damp curls off his lover's forehead while Julian lightly traced the veins on the back of his hand. "You know, this isn't going to be easy," he said at long last, "We'll probably end up driving one another mad." "I'm already there," Julian said catching his mouth, but more gently, lovingly. Garak gazed into his liquid brown eyes, "I'm always going to be a perfectionist. I will throw away all your favorite clothes-I might even get around to patching up that bear of yours." "Touch Koukalaka and I'll divorce you," he said in mock seriousness, "but if we're talking faults here-I'm always going to be a slob. It's a good thing we don't have to keep milk because I'd drink it straight from the carton before putting it back." "That's disgusting," Garak frowned. "Yup, and I'll always be too preoccupied to remember birthdays..." "Well, birthdays I don't mind," he grinned. Julian continued, "...anniversaries, holidays-I'll fuss and holler and drive you to distraction." "You already do," he breathed. "But-I'll always love you," he said carressing his cheek, "and I hope you'll alway's love me." "Naturally," Garak confirmed. "Tell me-" Julian asked with a smile, "Would you have married me if you had known just how much of a pain in the ass, I'd be?" "Hell, no," he snorted, "but I'm stuck with you now, aren't I?" "Ahhh, Garak," he sighed winding his arms about his beloved, "You're such a romantic fool!" "Lucky for you!" he grinned before switching off the lights and falling into a deep sleep. LATER "Ummmm." Julian woke up to the sounds of Garak moaning in his sleep, "Garak? Are you alright?" "Uh huh!" he said enthusiasticly in his sleep. Julian gave him an odd look, "Garak, what...?" "Oh, Benjamin, a gold lame' G-string?" he chuckled sleepily, "Now I understand that line that goes 'Captain, my Captain'---oooh, Captain!!!" "GARAK!" Julian thundered. Garak opened one mischievious, albeit sleepy eye, "Gotcha." "Why you..." he said before effectively proving once and for all, whom it was who actually had who. Good Night. Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this trilogy as much as I enjoyed writing it. Originally the story ended before the, um, gold lame' thing, but I promised I'd mention a friend of mine that all of you know, Olivia Monteith, who has a very strong desire to see our favorite Captain in said G-string. Yo Liv, this what you had in mind? Also both my mother and Olivia want me to mention that this entire series was based on them-just them! eh-hem, Yeah, okay...believe that. Ciao----Jen