All of the characters inthis story belong to  
Paramount (duh!) and the the story is completely out of my  
own sleep deprived mind, so if you find any typo's, spelling  
mistakes or general errors please don't judge me too  
harshly. I have two children so the wee hours of the morning  
are the only chance I get to write. As far as the style of  
writing and the content, I can only blame that on lack of  
experience. This is my first posting ( if it get's posted at  
all ) and the first thing I have finished in years. All  
constructive critisism will be appreciated although I prefer  
rave reviews, but, hey, I'll take what I can get.                                     
 
                                        
 
 
 
 
               Mealtime Musings by Space Chick 
 
Amazing! Garak found himself thinking for possibly the  
hundredth time as he sat at a table in the Replimat with Odo  
and the good Dr. Bashir. He was marveling at the thought  
that by Cardassian standards the young man sitting directly  
opposite him was not attractive, his looks wouldn't even be  
subject of consideration for most of those of Garak's race.   
As he watched Julien talking animatedly about some mundane  
Earth philosopher he was struck, however, by how beautiful  
he found him.  What was considered aesthetic on Cardassia  
was in the extreme opposite of this young man,  Cool grey  
skin plated with ridges and scales were nothing like the  
warm brown tones and soft smooth texture of this delicate  
young man. Juliens gentle hands with their long elegant  
fingers would have been a thing of ridicule and most likely  
crushed by any other Cardassian ( Garak had to admit that  
his own people were unessacarily rough and brutal in their  
passion); a Cardassians hands should be large and muscular,  
possesing strong thick fingers. Instead of the straight  
slicked back inky hair like his own the doctors hair was  
combed into soft waves and the large and soft brown eyes  
that were set in Juliens high cheekboned slender face were  
unlike anything born of his home world. Over all, by  
Cardassian standards, Julien Bashir would be considered  
weak, scrawny, and insufferable to look at, but as  Garak  
had been marveling he found the boyish medical officer to be  
quite attractive. Handsome enough to make Garaks heart  
quicken slightly when Julien stared at him in that wide eyed  
way of his that indicated that he was awaiting an answer. 
   
"I'm sorry, Doctor, I allowed my mind to wander to  
something else. What were we discussing?" 
    
The reply to Garaks query came in a deep rough voice, "You 
were discussing wether or not despots can have a  
positive effect on a society." Garak had forgotten that Odo  
was sitting  beside the doctor and he scolded himself  
slightly for letting his concentration slip. He knew that  
Dr. Bashir, had he seen that look on Garak's features, would  
have been too nieve to interpret it. The constable, however,  
would not. Especially since Odo found himself to be in a  
similar situation. He also was in love with his best freind  
and was afraid of losing the relationship he had with Major  
Kira should he reveal his deeper feelings.  
  
Time to act the part, Garak thought. "Cardassians don't  
view dictatorship the same way as other races. When we  
occupied Bajor we saw ourselves as protectors, parents of an  
unruly child. A firm hand at the right stage of developement  
will only serrve to guide them toward a better more  
productive future." 
  
"Hmmph!" the Changeling replied. Odo had a gift for saying  
volumes without uttering a single word.  
He followed his expletive grunt a moment later by saying,  
"Garak, you know as well as I that there is a very thin line  
between 'guidance' as you were describing it and the control  
my own people wish to enforce upon this quadrant. Frankly I  
am shocked and surprised that you still hold that opinion  
considering that the Dominion has so recently taken over  
your homeworld and installed you mortal enemy as the puppet  
to run it." 
  
"Who am I to say that Cardassia won't benifiet in the  
future from the current change in goverment?" 
  
"Garak!" Dr. Bashir exclaimed in surprise. "You can't  
really believe that this will in any way help your people!" 
   
"I must confess, Doctor, I don't believe it will come to  
any greater good, but one never knows." 
   
" Bajor didn't come to any 'greater good ' because of the  
occupation," Odo interjected. 
    
"Ah, but thats where you're wrong, my dear Constable.  
Had the Cardassians not invaded Bajor, the Bajoran people  
would still be a race of xenaphobes sitting on your little  
backwater planet waiting for the Dominion to find the  
wormhole and come through and either take over your world or  
attack with some biological weapon like they did to those  
poor unfortunate people you were telling me about Dr.  
Bashir. It's  all well and good that you managed to find an  
antigen that prevented the illness in unborn babies, but  
what kind of adults will these children be without proper  
adult supervision?" 
   
"At least they will be adults. Besides , if Cardassians  
hadn't been here and the Dominion came through the  
wormhole first they would at least still have the option of  
calling upon Starfleet for aid. If the Cardassians hadn't  
been here first the Federation would not have had to come to  
the aid of the Bajoran people and then Captain Sisko  
wouldn't have found the wormhole and the Dominion would not  
have known of it's exsistance for probably another three  
hundred years, or maybe not even then. " 
  
"Only in a perfect universe, Doctor. As we know there is  
no such thing as a perfect universe. There would always be  
some obstacle for the Bajoran people to overcome. Really,  
Doctor, how you maintain that exasperating innocence after  
five years of association with me is truly a mystery." 
  
Julian's brows lowered into an annoyed scowl, he detested  
it when Garak did that. So what if he was younger and had  
seen so much less of life than his friend? He was eager for  
adventure and intrigue but as it seemed  he was destined to  
only find it in holosuite adventures which although  
entertaining seemed to be a hollow pursuit after haveing  
come into association with the Cardassian. The mystery in  
Garaks past, the promise of adventurous recountings should  
he ever get past the tailors outer defences had initially  
been what had caused him to seek out Garak's company. Over  
the course of their association that had changed somewhat.  
The Doctor still found Garak's secretiveness fascinating,  
the thing that had changed was the fact that he was finding  
himself attracted more and more to the the man himself as  
well as the enigma of his past. He had told himself he was  
insane, had even tried to reason with his heart. He argued  
that it was only a passing fascination brought on by the  
dashing image of what he secretly wanted to be; a spy living  
dangerously, never knowing if the next time you turn a  
corner would be the last steps you would take, living the  
adventure, smelling the fearful sweat of your enmy and the  
rush of adrenalin that would come with each new discovery.  
That was all well and good for a fantasy, but he chose the  
safer road because he knew that he could always come back  
from a lunch with Garak or walk out of a holosuite and  
return to his fulfilling and important job as a doctor. He  
was a physician at heart, sworn to do no harm. He knew he  
could never nonchalantly take a life as if he were just  
merely closing a book. Over time he had began to discuss  
other things with his Cardassian lunch companion, things  
that helped him to gain a better insight into Garak's mind.  
They both knew that he was trying to pry more out of Garak  
in a more subtle way, but it had been a consession Garak had  
been willing to make. It accomplished what they had both  
wanted without either letting the other know their true  
feelings. 
   
There very different reasons for their continued silence  
and subsequent ignorance on of the mutual affections.  
Garak's were quite simple, he was afraid of losing the only  
thing of value that he still possessed, his friendship with  
the doctor. Julien was his only freind and the only person  
who valued and almost trusted him since since he was exiled  
from his home. Their shared meals had been the high point of  
his days for the past four years. 
  
For Julian, he was terrified. He had never been in love  
with a man before, much less attempted to have an intimate  
relationship with one. He knew how such relationships were  
carried out but he was unsure if he could withstand the  
physical part of it. Then there were other doubts, such as  
how would such an affair be viewed by his family, his peers  
and his superiors? The fact that Garak was another man, or  
that he was a former Cardassian spy, or that he was quite a  
few years older than Julian himself could all be overlooked  
after the initial shock if only one of these conditions was  
present, but for all three of them to put together would  
make their bonding unforgivable. These first two reasons,  
large barriers that they were, could all be overcome if only  
Garak would let him in, give him a samll modicum of trust.  
Julian felt that it was the least he could do. The fact  
there was such a complete lack of trust on Garak's part cut  
deep and kept him at arms length, constantly in safe  
meaningless relationships with Dabo girls and the constant  
parade of women who failed to hold his interest longer than  
a few weeks. At the end of each of these distractions Julian  
found himself cursing his own cowardice, swearing that  
before he became involved with yet another empty headed  
female he would tell his freind of his true feelings, but  
each time that they would meet for lunch Gark would make  
some remark about Julians nievety or innocence and make him  
feel small and ignorant again, when in all honesty Garak  
found these qualities touching and most attractive. 
    
"Doctor, what do you think?" Odo was asking. 
   
"I'm sorry, what was the question?" he asked shaking his  
head slightly to clear his thoughts. 
   
"The question was do you think we will ever attain a  
perfect peace among all races?" Odo asked with no small  
amount of exasperation. He would have prayed to the Prophets  
if he had believed in them that he was not as obvious as  
these two were. Seperatly at least you could get them to  
maintain a steady train of thought, proving that they were  
both intelligent men, but once the two were put together  
they couldn't even carry on a conversation. Odo still  
questioned the value of these feelings that humanoids held  
in such high regard.Having experienced them himself he found  
them to be annoying at the least and dangerously distracting  
at their worst, as he had learned when First Minister  
Shakaar had visited the station. It had been shortly  
thereafter that he had resolved to keep to the essentials  
and purge his mind, heart, and very soul of anything but  
merely friendly feelings for Major Kira. He felt that he had  
been successful at it and failed to understand why humanoids  
couldn't do the same. Emotions might aid in the propegation  
of a species and prevent extintion, but Odo was sure that  
with enough self control one could overcome them and keep  
them from affecting your life at least professionally. He  
was blissfully thankful that he had managed to learn to  
control his before it became humiliatingly obvious that he  
was in love with someone who would never feel the same way. 
   
"Major Kira to Odo," his combadge commanded. 
   
"Odo here," he answerd a little too quickly perhaps. 
   
"Odo, could you meet me on the observation deck? I really  
need a friend to talk to right now." 
   
"Certainly, Major. I'll be right there, Odo out," he was  
saying even as he was standing up from the table and  
reabsorbing  the mug he had appeared to be holding in his  
hand during the duration of the meal he had partaken of in  
the company of two of the growing number of exiles and  
outcasts that seemed to be making a home for themselves on  
the staion that in itself was an outsider; the only Bajoran  
owned, Cardassian built and Federation run station in the  
known universe. And yet none of the occupants of the table  
saw the irony in it or even gave it more than a passing  
thought. 
  
After Odo had gone Garak turned to Julian and said,  
"Rather sad, don't you think? The way he jumps when she  
calls him, and she doesn't even seem to notice what everyone  
else can see is painfully obvious love and devotion in his  
eyes?"  
   
Julian nodded his head in agreement as he took a sip of  
his now cold Tarkalian tea. "I think that if someone cared  
for me the way he cares for her I'd know it. How could she  
not see it?" 
   
"I for one wholeheartedly agree with you Doctor. How she  
could be so thick is beyond me. I must say though, the  
aspect that confuses me the most about the situation is the  
question of why he hasn't plainly come forward and told her  
of his feelings for her." 
  
"Who knows?" Julian replied with a slightly wistful sigh. 
 
 
                         ~~~ The End ~~~