Disclaimer: Paramount owns all things Trek. We own all things TSU. Olivia owns a mighty right hook but I own a gun. See? In the end, it all balances out. TSU: Olivia, Trek Smut Mistress A bit of naughtiness by JA Chapman WARNING: I rate this one a bit naughtier than 'R' so innocent eyes, beware. SCENE OPENS: Olivia is sitting at a long table in the TSU library, her bleach blonde hair sticking up on end as she grimaces and rubs her eyes muttering darkly to herself and the stack of paper in front of her. OLIVIA: *grumblemumblefuckingbdsmrequirementsfuckaducksnarl! SHIT! NEARBY STUDENT: Shh! OLIVIA: (lowly) Whotthefuck do I know about fucking leather ball gags?!? I'm lucky if I can even GET laid! STUDENT: (sniffing offensively) EX-cuse me, MA'AM, but do you mind keeping it down? Besides, student's parents aren't allowed in this wing. OLIVIA: (head snapping up and eyes glinting dangerously) You know what you can do with that 'Ma'am' shit you little... ROBIN: OY! MONTEITH! (walks over and hands her a cold one) Whatcha doin' here this late, girlie? STUDENT: (sighing and slamming book together while heading off) I give up! You people can have the library! OLIVIA: (popping the beer top and glaring at the exiting student) Arrogant little shit! ROBIN: Who? That guy? (shakes head) Poor bastard... OLIVIA: (slurping beer and belching discretely) Whatcha mean? ROBIN: You remember those transfer Profs Ruth got in from that Parallel University near the Abyss of Souls? OLIVIA: (shuddering) Ug! Yeah, so? ROBIN: Well, that guy don't know it yet, but he's Pinhead's new teaching assistant. OLIVIA: Oh my God! (thinks about it for a second then shrugs) Aw, well, little shit deserves it for calling me 'ma'am'! Fuck 'im! ROBIN: (shuddering herself) He might! I hear that Ol' Needle Head manages better with his little shitwork tarts than Agincourt does with Republicans! OLIVIA: First, as a former teaching assistant, I object to the term 'shitwork tart', when gruntwork slut is much more accurate. Secondly, that Agincourt has some sick kinks, man-jeez! Oh, and did you hear the rumor about him and Gre... ROBIN: I heard it! OLIVIA: Something wrong? ROBIN: (sulky) Anne's pissed at me for...well... OLIVIA: Yeah? ROBIN: *mumbleflirtburbleaggincourtgrumble* OLIVIA: (grimacing) Speak up dammit! I can't hear you. ROBIN: (blushing) I was..flirting with...(quietly) Agincourt. OLIVIA: (taken aback) I can't fucking believe this! ROBIN: WELL! (shrugs) He just does such nice things with Seven and Dax, y'know? OLIVIA: (shaking head) No, I mean I can't believe that YOU'RE blushing! ROBIN: Oh, sod off Montieth--and not in the good way! (drains beer) You seen Chapman anywhere? OLIVIA: Last I saw of her, she was in a 'meeting' with Martok. ROBIN: (grinning nastily) A klingon, huh? Well she deserves it, the shit! She and RJ left me in the fucking Bates Motel for three days! OLIVIA: (blinking) THE Bates Motel? ROBIN: (face livid) Yep, turns out we got shot into an alternate universe because of her shitty driving skills and I had to beat the hell out of Normie and his Mum! OLIVIA: Jen didn't tell me about that one. ROBIN: Nobody knew! They just left my ass there. (pauses) Wasn't too bad though, I got a bunch of towels from the trip. OLIVIA: Oh. (sighs) At least you had fun, I still have this damn BDSM paper to write! ROBIN: (picking up text book) Oh that? That's easy! (quoting from text) "Write a paper utilizing a number of Trek characters engaged in classic Dom/Sub behavior". (tosses it down) What's the prob? OLIVIA: The damn problem is, I don't WRITE BDSM stuff! AND (points to ever growing pile) I have a Mary Sue due tommorrow for another class---talk about some shitty assignments! ROBIN: Why don'cha go dow to the holosuites and run a program or two...maybe it'll spark some ideas, y'know? OLIVIA: I don't know....(smiles pleadingly with companion) Hey! Why don't you help me and I'll beat the hell out of Jen for you---no sweat! ROBIN: (shaking head) Naw, I wanna do it. Besides, you might get something out of the experiance. (gets up and stretches) I gotta go track down RJ and get even with him. Not only did he abandon me in that rat trap, but when he crossed over that Southpark thing, he turned all of the nachos into Cheezy Poofs! There's some obnoxious fat kid snarfin' 'em down at the cafeteria and shouting, "Kyle's Mom is a Bitch". OLIVIA: *sigh* Well, thanks anyway. ROBIN: No problem, and hey--if you go down to the 'suites, pick number 69...it's my fave! OLIVIA: (dryly) No shit? ROBIN: Trust me! Cop ya later! OLIVIA: (looking at the empty room) The holosuites. *sigh* ...great. MEANWHILE SCENE SHIFTS: Greywolf is lifting some heavy boxes of old textbooks in his office and cleaning out a VERY over stuffed closet. WOLFIE: (straining) OOOF! Heavy bastards! UGG! GOD! Who knew the *grunt* Vulcan Kama Sutra was the *urk* heavy! The Wolf lifts the hefty box and stumbles quickly toward his desk setting it down with a heavy thump! WOLFIE: (straightening) God I hope this is *urk*! (one hand goes to the middle of his back while another grasps the edge of the desk for balance) OW! SHIT! owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow!!!! My BACK!!! At that same moment, oddly enough, Agincourt is passing by. AGGIE: (peeking in) You okay--JEEZ! What'd you do to your back, man?!? WOLFIE: (wincing in pain and throwing the Music Professor a dirty look) What's it fuckin' look like? I threw my back out dammit! Call a doctor! AGGIE: (walking over) Hey, lemme help you to the couch first, then we'll have Jenny Shipp send up the Holodoc or something. WOLFIE: *grunt* Not Leonard though! Tell her no Bones, man! Last time I threw my back out he got confused and nearly had me neutered! Agincourt gets behind Greywolf and wraps his arms around his waist, scooting the bent over werewolf towards the couch. WOLFIE: OH GOD! OH GOD!!! STOP! STOP! IT HURTS! YOU'RE GOIN' TOO FAST! I CAN'T TAKE IT! OOOOOOOWWWWW!!!! AGGIE: (slowing down and easing him past the desk) That's it Wolfie--nice it easy! That's right, we're almost there! Yeah, that's it---yeah! uh hunh...*oof* C'mon big guy! You can do it! IN THE HALL: Varoneeka and Laurel are passing near Greywolf's office when they hear the men's upraised voices. VEE: What the hell...? LAUREL: It's coming from Greywolf's office, c'mon! VEE: (rushing forward) Think we should call in Constable Kati...ohmigawd! Obscured partially by the large desk and various boxes, all that can be seen is a bent over Greywolf with Agincourt pressing the advantage from behind. WOLFIE: OW! You're killing me man! Slow down! God! THE PAIN! AGGIE: (soothingly) I'm going as slow as I can! Relax, you're way too tense! WOLFIE: (wincing) I can't help it! I haven't done this in years! OH GOD! AGGIE: I don't exactly do this kind of thing every day either...want me to rub it? WOLFIE: NO! Don't touch it! It feels like I'm about to explode! LAUREL: (dropping books and turning blue) SWEET JESUS! VEE: (eyes huge) *gasp* I-I-I-I-I... Agincourt and Greywolf's heads both turn to the doorway and see the two women's faces turn a multitude of interesting colors. AGGIE: (struggling to hold up Greywolf) No! Wait! I can explain...! WOLFIE: (eyes tearing due to the sudden jolt) OH GOD! DON'T STOP NOW!!! I'M ALMOST THERE! AHHHHH!!!!! Vee gives a little shriek while Laurel lunges for the office door and slams it shut. Both women turn and run down the hall in a great hurry. AGGIE: oh shit. MEANWHILE: Across campus, Henk is looking everywhere for Jen when he comes across Wildcat. HENK: Excuse me, Ms. Wildcat... WILDCAT: (eyes crossing and whiskers twitching at the odd site of the out of focus humaniod) Yeesh! I need glasses! HENK: (chuckling slightly) Oh no ma'am, I'm a lurker---I'm part of the student exchange program...have you seen Jen around? WILDCAT: (smoothing back her brown and grey fur with one delicately clawed paw) Err...not really, heh--why? HENK: (flushing...or at least APPEARING to) Er, well, see...Jen and I have been, y'know...seeing one another around campus and I wanted to, um, ask her out to lunch maybe. WILDCAT: (adjusting purple flea collar uncomfortably and giving the small bell a nervous rub) Um, well...last I heard she was in a, uh, meeting with General Martok near the TOS Studies Wing. HENK: (features rippling in confusion) Martok? Why? ...Oh, I know why... WILDCAT: (green eyes going wide and whiskers twitching) You do? HENK: It's the volunteer drive for the new daycare center, right? She wants the Klingons to donate a few weapons to the Kindergarten teachers! WILDCAT: (eyes going cross) Uh, right....I'll just be going now. *swallow* Good luck! HENK: (smiling broadly) Thanks! WILDCAT: (shaking head) Poor guy...(freezes) OMIGAWD! He's walking right into a Klingon Love Pad! WAIT!!! ACROSS CAMPUS: Olivia is thumbing through a catalog of holosuite programs and nodding appreciatively. OLIVIA: Y'know...some of these things don't sound too damn bad. Hmmm? Needs a few adjustments though. (reaches into bookbag and pulls out a copy of "Auntie Ruth's Recipes of Love") Good thing RJ held that seminar on holosuite recalibrations! Olivia quickly busies herself by tapping at the control panel and giggling sinisterly under breath. ANNE'S OFFICE: VOICES WITHIN: *mumblesmoochsmoochtittergiggle* OTHER VOICE: Crickey! *rustlefumbleyelp* OW! Quit jabbing me!Who are you trying to be here? Xena?!? Watch the pencils, this desk is bloody uncomfortable! VOICE: Forget Xena! I thought we were doing Janeway/Seven! OTHER VOICE: *giggle* Resistance is futile! D'ya think they're real? VOICE: Who cares? HAH! OTHER VOICE: *YIPE* *giggle* HOLOSUITES: Olivia is lying on a satin covered chaise lounge while several women are gathered around her serving her hand and foot...literally. Kes and Belanna Torres are both in miniscule metallic bikinis and are fanning her with great ostrich plume fans, Dax is giving her a manicure and Deanna Troi is doing her feet (oh, please-I meant pedicure--get your minds out of the gutter...for now!) and Kira is in the corner dressed in a horrible purple flowered muumuu and eating a huge chocolate cheesecake with cherry topping for Olivia's sadistic enjoyment. Leeta is massaging Olivia's shoulders and neck while the 'Smut Mistress' sighs contentedly between floggings and screaming matches. OLIVIA: That's right, honey--eat now-taste it later! KIRA: (mouth full) Oh please Mistress! I'm sorry! It won't ever happen again! OLIVIA: Until you learn to identify and treat true love appropriately, you are gonna eat that damn cake, grow horribly obese, and next time you'll appreciate it when a great guy falls in love with your mind and not your body! KIRA: But--but--we're dating! OLIVIA: After you made him feel like shit for how many years? EAT! This is payback sister! It took two children and a diet of coke, chocolate, and unhealthy cholesterol rich foods to get this body and you gotta lot of catching up to do! KIRA: (snarfing a load of chocolate cheesecake) But ah wuv him! OLIVIA: Don't piss me off and make me bring out the cookies! KIRA: (shuddering) Yes, ma'am! *gobble* *snark* *chew* OLIVIA: (continuing tangent) I mean it's not fair that you have such a great guy and you didn't even have to work for it! I mean, your butt looks funny--you can't be that great in the sack! DAX: (hesitantly) Uhhh...actually Mistress, she is. OLIVIA: (bopping her on the head with yet another empty plastic coke bottle) You shut up! Does this look like a fuckin' Agincourt story to you?!? I don't see a trombone playin' werewolf chaser with a f/f fixation, do you?!? Now switch off and do my feet! DAX: Yes, mistress! OLIVIA: And don't go licking on my toes or doin' any freaky shit down there! I don't like spit in any way, shape, or form--got it?!? DAX: Yes, mistress! OLIVIA: ODO! Odo! Get your sweet little ass over here! I'm outta coke! ODO: (appearing in a short jacket and waiters uniform) Coming, my beloved mistress. OLIVIA: Go get it from the cooler near the bar. Odo turns and reveals that there is no seat to his pants and he is currently sans undergarments. OLIVIA: That's it baby! Shake it for Momma! Whoo, son--mmm-hmmm! You got one part of the body right and the rest don't matter! (Kira looks as though she's going to protest) Ah ah ah--stuff it shut--or I'll have Worf find something that will. (Kira's jaw snaps shut) Better watch it honey--you keep acting so impertinent and I'll write you into a Worf comfort story where you try to help him get over Jadzia's death by staging a Klingon mating ritual where he'll get the worst part o' you! Kira nods silently and continues to scarf. OLIVIA: Oh, by the way, Jadzia darlin'--I want you to know that I really am sorry about you dyin' and all. In fact, that's why that's why I programmed you into this little scenario. DAX: Thank you mistress. OLIVIA: Truth be told though, I'd really like it if your next host body was a man. DAX: Why's that ma'am? OLIVIA: Well, Worf's drinkin' all that prune juice anyway, might as well put it to some good use. Oh, you forgot the big toe-eh eh eh, watch the tongue! Hands only. LEETA: Mistress? Are you ready for the floorshow to begin? OLIVIA: Oh yeah--what's taking them so long anyway? Odo! Get your sugar-ass in there and tell the boys it's time to strut their stuff, then I want you to get your velvetty bottom and gravelly voice over here to tell me how lovely I am and throw fruit at Kira's head. ODO: Yes my beautiful Mistress! OLIVIA: I love it when you talk in that velvetty purr that makes jungle cats go into heat. BEND OVER! *whap* (smacks him on the butt) Thumps like a watermellon! Whoo, if I didn't have a thing about oral hygiene I'd be tempted to bite yo ass off! Ooh, ya know it's gotta be ripe for the pickin'. Call the boys out then take a load off Dildo-er-Odo. Odo smirks in his sexy way before ringing a large ornate gong and sitting down but not before placing two kisses on his beloved mistress's knees. OLIVIA: Ooh, I like that! Just for that I might consider relaxing the 'no-spit' rule. KES! Get your little ass in there and grab some vaseline! Belanna honey, where's that gold glitter?!? UHURA!!! Uhura comes out from behind a large white satin curtain. UHURA: Yes, my beloved mistress? OLIVIA: Uhura, precious, are the boys ready yet? UHURA: Ready now, mistress. OLIVIA: Good girl! Just for that, you get to lube up Jimbo for me! UHURA: (eyes glittering darkly) Can I have first go, mistress? Please?!? OLIVIA: *sigh* I know you want to stick it to Ol' Jimbo for all that shit he made you go through all those years, but I promised that Spock could go first. Besides, Miles hasn't finished with fixin' the strap-ons. MILES!!!! Sitting crosslegged in a pile of burnt out vibrators, Chief Miles O'Brien looked up and threw his mistress a violent glare. MILES: What d'ya want now?!? OLIVIA: (frowning) Now don't you get huffy with me O'Brien--where in hell are my dildos!?! MILES: Hold yer damn horses then and wait fer me ta finish! OLIVIA: Don't get your 'roids in a twist boy! You're just jealous 'cause ain't gettin' any. MILES: (snuffling a little) And why ain't I, I ask ya? Kieko thinks I'm good lookin'! OLIVIA: Which is why you're standing in the corner--married men aren't allowed. MILES: That's bullshit! So yer sayin' tha' it's okay ta lube up Jim Kirk and commit all kinds o' debauchery, but I gotta be a good boy?!? OLIVIA: (darkly) Who sez we're usin' lube? MILES: (whitening...if possible) You wouldn't. OLIVIA: Oh wouldn't I? In fact, now that I think of it, lubing him up would spoil the mood. MUHAHAHAHA!!! MILES: (shudders) I'll have 'em done in a jiffy mistress! Yessirree! At that moment a door opens in the middle of the room and in steps Captain Benjamin Lafayette Sisko, looking both pissed off and fiercely sensual at the same time. His dark skin is stretched taunt with anger and his pearl white teeth flash as he scowls darkly. SISKO: What in the *HELL* is going on here?!? Why are all my senior officers holed up in this holosuite when we have the entire goddamn Cardassian militia just outside Bajoran space ready to launch a full scale attack?!? OLIVIA: (looking up drowsily and waving in his direction) You there, take off your clothes and stand next to Miles, the other boys will be here soon. It's full monty today kids. SISKO: Who in the hell do you think you are... MILES: (quickly stands up and places a hand on Sisko's elbow) Uh Captain, I'd do what she says...you have no idea what she's capable of. SISKO: (glaring furiously) And what are you doing out of uniform MISTER O'Brien??? MILES: (sighs and walks away) I tried to warn 'im. OLIVIA: UHURA!!! UHURA: (rushing over) Yes ma'am? OLIVIA: Get Benjy a gold lame g-string and then see to it he gets with the program. UHURA: (smiling cheekily) Yes mistress! Uhura grabs a g-string from Captain Kate and stalks toward Sisko speaking in low tones. As she does, a horrified look crosses him features and he begins to tear his clothes off as he runs behind a folding screen. She walks over slowly and throws the miniscule garment over the top. UHURA: And don't forget the baby oil, Fuckmuffin! (she grins in Olivia's direction) I think we're ready to proceed now ma'am. OLIVIA: Excellent! Maistro--the music please? With that, Nurse Chapel hits the CD player and music begins to pound against the walls as several spot lights weave about and a large disco ball lowers from the ceilling. As 'Sugar Ray' by Jesus & Mary Chain begins to play, all the Trek men begin to slither and bump emerging from behind a large curtain. *lyrics* *Did you do it goood--didja do it right--didja get that...* As all the women watch and groove with the music, Jean Luc Picard comes out dressed in a black tuxedo followed by a jean clad and shirtless Jim Kirk. They both begin to grind and thrust their pelvises to the almost sexual tempo of the music as Sisko, gold glittered and glowing with oil, slides between them. Kirk appears almost blissful as he grinds his hips against Sisko's backside while Benjamin slowly undresses Picard, running his dark hands over the other man's pects. Suddenly the three men face their audiance and with one tug both Kirk and Picard tear off their pants revealing black leather thongs. Belanna and Janeway ease onto the stage and begin to oil and beglitter the men as more dancers join the goings on. Garak and Bashir enter the room. Garak is behind Bashir, running his hands down a hairy chest as he rocks his hips behind. Bashir smiles showing all of his teeth and rolling his head back as Garak begins to toy with his nipples playfully. The music changes to 'Mona Lisa Smiles' by Jane Child as Julian turns with Garak's embrace and begins to kiss his way down the Cardassians body. Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and Chekov join the debauchery as Paris, Kim, Tuvok, and Worf also come in from the opposite direction. Sulu and Chekov begin to kiss and grope one another as Paris and Kim dirty dance. Tuvok and Worf start to shake their hips and dance energetically while McCoy stands there frozen for a long moment before Chakotay enters with long strides and grabs him by one arm twirling him against him and doing a modified tango. Spock grabs Kirk and they begin to lambada, both men oozing with heat as the women begin to smooth baby oil all over them. ODO: (rubbing Olivia's instep as he kneels at her feet) Thank goodness this is a holosuite, can you imagine the stains? OLIVIA: (kicking him in the back of the head) Shuddap! I'm watching here. With a sudden movement, Spock swings Kirk around and tugs off the g-string, revealling 'The Full Monty". OLIVIA: (covering eyes) Oh shit! I did *not* need to see that! ODO: (licking lips) I did! OLIVIA: (kicking him again) I told you to shut up! Uhura entered the dance with a big tub of lube and the boys descended upon it with many moans and gropes. OLIVIA: NONE FOR JIMBO!!! Spock then thrusts... VOICE: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!? The music stops and all is deathly still. There standing in the middle of the room is Q, looking quite miffed as he looks about in disgust. OLIVIA: Take 'em off Q-Bert! Q blinks exactly twice. Q: (eyes glittering dangerously) What did you call me? OLIVIA: (sitting upright and looking vicious) I said take 'em off boy! NOW!!! Q: (smirking) Just *who* do you think you... OLIVIA: JOHNNY!!!! Picard gets off his knees and moves away from a disappointed Sisko and slides toward Q, smiling seductively. Suddenly, he smacks him viciously across the face, sending Q reeling backward then grips the lapels of his uniform, ripping it open and pulling him down for a rough kiss. OLIVIA: Now strip! Picard lets go standing back expectantly as Q looks first from the captain then to Olivia. Q: (shucking off his clothes) What the hell! C'mere Johnny! MEANWHILE: Charlene is standing at the boardroom table speaking as most of the senior faculty looks on in corporate boredom. MARY ELLEN: (yawning and whispering to Wildcat) I hate these meetings. WILDCAT: (twitching whiskers impatiently) Tell me about it. I could be watching the basketball game. JUNGLE KITTY: I wonder where Greywolf is? HEATHER: He called and said he hurt his back. MARY ELLEN: Agincourt? HEATHER: He called and said he hurt his foot, helping Greywolf with his back. JUNGLE KITTY AND WILDCAT: Ooooh! MARY ELLEN: What does that mean exactly? JUNGLE KITTY: Nothing! WILDCAT: Not-A-Thing! AUNTIE: Are we interrupting your meeting ladies? ALL: No ma'am. AUNTIE: Continue Charlene. CHARLENE: ...and so the Canadian exchange program is...(blinking lights) What's going on? RJ: (eyes narrowing) Probably just a slight power drain. AUNTIE: (turns to secretary) Cassie--read me back the last... (blinks again) DAMMIT!! What's going on? HEATHER: Want me to look in on it ma'am? AUNTIE: Yes--and while you're at it, find out where Q is--he called this damn meeting to begin with! And then I want Anne, Robin, Olivia, and whoever else is missing in here as soon as possible! If we gotta be here, so do they. NED: I wonder if the power drain is going to affect the computer systems? RJ: (eyes suddenly panicked) May I go check on them? PLEASE?!? AUNTIE: (huffing slightly) Go ahead--take Ned and Jonk with you--I want this settled and quickly. As the men go to leave, the door swings open and Picard enters wearing a tight pair of ripped jeans and a muscle hugging white t-shirt. His black Doc Martens click on the hardwood floor as he stands in front of a suddenly quiet Ruth. PICARD: Have you seen my husband? AUNTIE: (staring at Picard's nicely formed chest) Huh? Uh...oh! Oh no! Actually, we were wondering where he...(the lights go out completely) What the hell is that?!? JUNGLE KITTY: This is getting really annoying. Auntie's communicater beeps. RJ: (over comm badge) We've discovered the source of the drain ma'am. It's in the...uh...holosuites. RUTH: Well--fix it and get back here! RJ: Actually ma'am, it's been rigged somehow...damned if I know who did it...only someone with top level clearance can override the lock out. RUTH: I'll be right there. (lights blink on then off again) DAMMIT!! Both Sophie and Cam wake up with a snort--Cam falls onto the floor as Sophie wipes the drool from the corners of her mouth. SOPHIE: We miss anything? CAM: (from floor) *SNAAARK* *ZZZZZZZZZZ* RUTH: Charlene--finish your presentation on Canadian enrollment figures. Johnny and I will be down in the holosuites for a few minutes. We'll get to the er...*BOTTOM* of this. (gives Picard's jeans a wistful look) PICARD: You wish! RUTH: (sighing) Let's go! IN THE OFFICE: VOICE: *giggle* oooh--that feels lovely! Lights blink. OTHER VOICE: What was that?!? VOICE: Well if you don't know by now... HOLOSUITES: OLIVIA: That's it! Shake your moneymaker!!! RUTH: (door crashing open) WHAT THE HELL?!? All pauses as Aunt Ruth and Picard enter the room. RJ, Jonk, and Ned stand back in amazement as they take in the many fantastic wonders the program has to offer, including a suddenly still Q who is sandwiched between a moaning Picard-duplicate and Sisko. Q: Uh oh. PICARD: (features grim) What is going on here? OLIVIA: (swallowing) Uh...I'm doing my homework? PICARD: Computer--end program! Olivia falls hard on her butt. OLIVIA: OOF! Ow dammit! (scowls) See? It was just a...(stops as she sees Q still standing there) uh oh. Q: (blinking clothes back on) Johnny wait!!! Picard leaves the room in a fury as the rest of them look on in surprise. Q: WAIT! (begins to follow but pauses near a moment as he passes the sprawled out woman on the floor) Oh--by the way, thanks for a lovely time. You might even wind up with your own office...that is, if I can ever get Johnny to let me off the couch. OLIVIA : (watching the departing couple) Whoa--promotion. Cool! RUTH: (narrowing her eyes) Just remember--I have a contract. RJ!! RJ: Yes ma'am? RUTH: I want you to make me a copy of this program...so I can study it, of course. RJ: Yes ma'am. NED: (elbowing him slightly) Get me one too, 'kay mate? JONK: (helping Olivia off the floor) One question. OLIVIA: (brushing off backside) Yeah? JONK: What happened to Riker and Beverly? OLIVIA: (snorting) What do I look like? A pervert?!? Please. And as they all exited the suite a sudden shower of gold sparks flared up unnoticed behind them and cleared to become a translucent figure of a beglittered Captain Sisko who winked fetchingly for the camera before disappearing into nothingness once more. THE END...at least, until the next one.