Train of Thought by Laurie Streenz Spoilers for 'Afterimage' Rated R //Look at you, my friend, sleeping peacefully. I don't understand. How do you have a claustrophobic attack in such a big shop? There has to be something else wrong. Why won't you just tell me what's going on? We've been friends for years, don't you trust me at all? You seemed so agitated in Quark's, I had a flashback to that day in line at the replimat, when we were discussing "The Never-ending Sacrifice". God, that book was dull, and I thought you were angry because I criticized it. But really you needed my help. It seems like so long ago. So much has changed since then. I used to have you to myself. My own personal Cardassian spy. No one else would even talk to you. Now it seems like you're pals with everyone. I hardly ever get to see you anymore. Maybe I should give you a virus so you'll have to stay in the infirmary. Oh, God, that wasn't funny. Concentrate, Julian, you're supposed to be going over these scans. He moved, is he waking up? No, I only gave him the sedative an hour ago, it's much to soon. Okay, the scan. No matter how many times I go over it, it still looks normal. There's nothing medically wrong with him. He's been under alot of pressure lately. Starfleet has really been pushing him. Maybe it's starting to get to him. Maybe he's faking it to get out of helping Starfleet destroy his people. No, I saw the look in his eyes, he was terrified. I've got to do something to help him. But what? I'm not a counselor. I've got to understand he's not solely my responsibility anymore. Maybe Dax...// *** //Oh god! He can't open the airlock from the inside, can he? How did this happen? I thought he was supposed to be getting better. We've got to get him out of there! I've got to get to him! What's this? The door is opening. Thank god! Security is grabbing him! Get away from him! I should be doing that - he's MINE! Where did that thought come from? Okay, I've got him sedated. His skin is so warm. What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be helping him. Let's get him back to the infirmary. What? The holosuite? Well, you're the counselor, I suppose we could take him to Quark's... Just you? Why can't I go? I'm his friend. You just met him! Why am I getting angry? Ezri is my friend. It's the best thing for him, I guess. She is trained to deal with this kind of situation. I'm not a counselor. But I'm his friend. Whenever he's needed help, I've been there for him. And now, he needs ... her. He used to need me. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one.// *** //I can't believe how much this is affecting me. She's a counselor, and she's just trying to help him. So why does it bother me so much that he's spending so much time with her, I want him to get better, don't I? Of course, with all these attacks he's been having, I get to see him more often. Maybe I should ask him if he wants to start having lunch again? We seem to have gotten away from that somewhere along the way. I miss those times. He and I used to really... Medical emergency in Garak's shop? Not another attack!? The medical team is transporting him to the infirmary. That's right, get him on the examining table. Look at him. Lying there helpless and unconscious. I just want to gather him up in my arms and... Good, his heart rate is down, and his adrenaline levels are returning to normal. What am I going to do with you? How can we ever have a real conversation if I have to keep sedating you? I didn't give you as much this time. You'll wake up in a few minutes, and then we'll have time to talk. No! What is she doing here. Oh, so you came to check on him, great. Just as he's waking up. Why can't you leave so I can talk to him? I'll just hang around, and pretend to be busy. Okay, you've seen he's fine, now get out. I have alot I want to say to... So that's how it is. Thank her for all she's done. Of course *I* haven't done anything at all. God, I sound like a spoiled child. He's allowed to have other friends. I guess now that starfleet trusts him, he doesn't need me anymore. I was just a go between for him to relay information to Captain Sisko, and now he can talk to him directly. I really need to let go, it's good that he's making new friends. No one should be so isolated, so...lonely. It's late. I'm going back to my quarters.// *** The moment Julian entered his quarters, he knew something was wrong. He called for the lights, but the computer wouldn't respond. Suddenly, he sensed someone was behind him. When Julian whirled around, Garak grabbed him and pinned him up against the wall by both arms. "Garak! What the hell are you doing?" "Exactly what you want me to do. I've seen the way you've been looking at me. I've tried to get your attention, but you have an annoying way of being completely unobservant." Julian gaped as Garak pressed his body up against him. "You look at me with such longing, but when I try to get close to you... I've tried everything, but you consistently refuse to respond." He leaned foreword, as if to kiss him. "No!" Julian struggled in Garak's arms, but the Cardassian was too strong for him. "No?" Garak held the young man firmly still and stared at him until Julian looked up and met his eyes. "Don't deny what you feel doctor. I pride myself on my observational skills, and you, my *dear* doctor, are particularly expressive. I've been watching you as closely as you've been watching me. I know what you want. Do you really want to continue spending all of your nights alone? All you have to do is admit you want me." Garak lowered his head and began planting kisses along Julian's jaw, dropping lower to suck at the tender skin of his neck, as his young captive squirmed in his grasp. *** //He's so strong, what do I do? I can't move. I can't believe this is happening, what if he won't stop? He could be having another attack, but he didn't act like this before. He's *never* acted like this. And I've certainly never given him any sign that I was interested in him. Have I? Oh god, when first introduced himself to me, all those years ago, could he have been trying to pick me up? I thought he was just... friendly. *Oooh, that feels good* No! He can't just break into my quarters and expect me to... *Mmmmm* // *** Julian gradually stopped resisting, and his eyes closed. But they flew open again when he felt the tailor's soft lips pressed against his own. The doctor stood frozen. He could probably fight Garak off, all he had to do was try to break his grip. But his arms wouldn't respond. Garak's tongue was trying to insinuate itself into his mouth. He parted his lips slightly, and Garak immediately began exploring every inch of his mouth. When they finally parted, Julian was panting, and the evidence of his arousal was pressing against the tailor, as Garak still held him in an iron grip. His left arm was released, and one gray hand stole down to caress his blossoming erection through the fabric of his uniform. Julian groaned, and began rocking his hips against the hand, trying to get more stimulation. Garak leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "Say *yes*." Julian frowned, even as his head lolled back against the wall. "I don't understand" "Don't you? Doctor, I've done considerable research on human sexuality. Am I not making my intentions clear?" "No, I.. um.. I understand..." "But you just said..." "But I don't understand *why* you are doing this." "Doctor, I'm attracted to you. I always have been. I've just decided to stop waiting for you to come to me. I want you, doctor. The only thing I need to know is what *you* want." "Garak..." Garak's cornflower blue eyes gave Julian no indication of what was really going on. "You've never shown any indication that you were interested in me. We've known each other for years. Where did this come from all of a sudden?" "I really don't think it's all that sudden. I've made repeated advances in the past which you have always managed to dismiss." "Of course, you flirt with me, but I always thought it was just one of your games." "Games? Why doctor, when have *I* ever play games with you? I'm always completely serious." Julian squirmed out of Garak's arms. "Dammit Garak, if you aren't going to take me seriously, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Now, will you tell me what brought this on?" "Why, your human charm, Doctor. You really are quite irresistible. I don't know how your nurses ever get any work done." Garak leaned foreword to kiss him again. Julian turned his head away so Garak couldn't reach his lips. "I warned you, now *get out*." The two men stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Garak broke eye contact. He turned, and paced a few steps away from the doctor. "I'm sorry, doctor. I must have misread you." "Garak, I'm not saying 'no'. I just want to know what's going on. Does this have anything to do with your claustrophobic attacks? Do you want me to call Dax?" Garak breathed a defeated sigh. "I assure you doctor, I am in complete control of my faculties." "Then why are you acting like this? Did you really think that breaking into my quarters and ambushing me was the way to gain my affection?" "I don't know how to gain your affection, doctor. I often find you quite.. baffling." "Me? What about you? You've had several debilitating claustrophobic attacks in the past few days, and now suddenly you've taken it upon yourself to come here and try to seduce me. If you are really serious about this, then tell me one thing. Why now?" Garak paused. He looked forlorn for a moment, before seeming to make a decision. He spoke softly. "Why not? It's not like I'm going anywhere. No matter how this war ends, I can never go back to Cardassia. I have been accused for many years of being a traitor against my people. I only recently realized that my enemies were right. I have betrayed Cardassia, and there will never again be a place for me there. Somehow, I always thought that someday ... I would go home. That young Trill forced me to realize how foolish that was. I suppose, since it appears I'm condemned to spend the rest of my life here, there's no reason to not tell you... " "Tell me what?" "To... tell you I got a new shipment of suits." Garak spoke haltingly as he tried to cover what he had just said. He thought quickly, and the lie began to come more easily, "I have one you really must try on." "Tell me what?" "It's Andorian silk" "Tell me what?" "I really think it would bring out the color of your eyes." "Garak, tell me what?" Garak sighed. It had taken a few glasses of kanaar to get up the nerve to come here. His coordination was under control, and his speech wasn't slurred, but it had apparently loosened his tongue a bit. The doctor wasn't going to drop this. "It really isn't important" "If it wasn't important, then you wouldn't be trying to change the subject." "What makes you think I'm trying to change-" "*GARAK*" "Doctor..." "It's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me." "Doctor, I once told you that I hated you." The corner of Julian's mouth quirked up, and his eyes twinkled. "You've told me alot of things, Garak." Garak turned and shot him a look that sobered the doctor immediately. "I'm sorry, Garak." Julian spoke carefully. "You once told me you hated me. I remember. Go on. Please." "The truth is..." "Yes?" "That I..." "Yes?" "*Don't*" "You don't?" "That's right. I *don't* hate you." "I see" Julian spoke very softly, he knew what Garak wasn't quite saying. "Garak-" "I had it all planned. I was in the perfect position on this station to regain my status in Cardassian society. There was so much I could have done here, but I let my chance slip away. I kept telling myself that I was just trying to gain the confidence of Starfleet, that I was trying to maintain my cover. But somehow I got sucked in. Somewhere along the line, I lost my edge. Maybe it was one too many lunches listening to your naive federation ideals." He turned his back to Julian. "Maybe it was your eyes. You really are very beautiful, doctor." Garak paused for a moment, as his eyes looked at some distant point. "And now it's too late. I can *never* go back. I've given up any chance of ever seeing my home again simply for the sake of human companionship." Julian looked at his friend with infinite compassion. "Garak, I'm sorry. I know how much you care about your homeworld. And I know how alone you feel here." His heart was beating fast in his chest. "Maybe I can help make your time here a little more bearable." Garak paused. Bashir had slowly moved toward him, and now they were so close he could feel the doctor's warm breath on the back of his neck. "That is, if you would accept a little human companionship?" Julian put his hand on Garak's arm, and tried to turn him around, but he refused to move. Julian walked around in front of the immobile tailor, but Garak wouldn't look him in the eye. Julian leaned foreword and covered Garak's lips with his own. Garak closed his eyes, but he didn't respond to the kiss. Julian moved closer and wrapped his arms around the tailor. Garak relaxed into the embrace, and began to return the kiss. Julian's tongue came out to lick along the length of his mouth. He captured that tongue and began sucking gently on it. Julian whimpered and pressed closer to the sturdy form of his friend. One gray hand slid up around the nape of his neck, and the other traveled down to give his pert behind a squeeze. Julian could feel the heat from Garak's body radiating even through his thick clothes. Garak moved to nip at the doctors ear, and he whispered "May I?" Julian moaned, and breathed his assent through lips parted with arousal. In one fluid motion, Garak had him on the floor, and was pressing him down with his own body. His uniform jacket was opened with the skill of a tailor, and warm soft hands slid inside to caress his chest. Garak was rocking his hips, pressing his erection against the doctors. Julian was too overwhelmed with how fast it was all happening to do more than lie still, as skilled hands and then a hot, wet mouth stimulated his exposed nipples. When Garak pulled back and began to open Julian's trousers, the doctor came back to himself enough to begin working on the tailor's shirt. They went at their respective tasks with care, but soon their passion became too much. Garak had yanked the doctor's pants off before Julian even had the tailor's shirt unbuttoned. Julian had begun to undo Garak's pants, when his briefs were pulled down to his knees. He moaned and fumbled with the fastenings when Garak reached between his legs to start caressing him. Soon they were both nude, Garak lying on top of Julian's lithe form amidst the scattered garments. The two moved against each other, kissing and touching each other. Both men were getting very excited, but Garak could tell that Julian was close to losing control. Carefully he slid lower, until he found the doctor's erection, and quickly closed his lips around it. Julian gasped and arched his back. Garak began sucking gently at first, then with more force as Julian groaned and begged for more. The young man's hips were thrusting up into his mouth, and soon the doctor approached the end. Julian convulsed into orgasm, and cried out helplessly as he hung on to Garak's neck ridges with a grip like a vice. Garak swallowed everything he was offered, and once the doctor came down from his incredible peak, he gently released him and moved back up to kiss the doctor tenderly on his chest, and then he licked his way up that slender neck, and finally claimed Julian's supple lips as the young man began to regain his breath. Julian could taste himself on Garak's lips, and with what strength he had, he reached up and wrapped his arms around Garak, deepening the kiss. The tailor's erection was pressed hard against the doctor's thigh. Julian reached down and wrapped his slender fingers around it, making the tailor break the kiss to groan his pleasure. "I *want* you." "Oh god, Garak" Garak was thrusting hard against his partner, and Julian knew if they didn't do something soon, it would end all too quickly. He spread his legs and lifted his knees, and almost instantly he felt Garak pressing between his legs. "Doctor", Garak rasped, and Julian could tell he was barely maintaining his control. "Now, Garak, *PLEASE*" Julian realized he was beginning to grow hard again. Garak pushed into Julian, making the young man cry out. They paused for a moment, to allow Julian to adjust to the invasion, but soon Garak was moving against him in a steady rhythm. Garak braced his hands on the floor, and pressed his lips again to Julian's. He moved carefully at first, but soon his passion took over and he began thrusting hard and fast, as Julian writhed on the floor beneath him. The incredible sensations radiated throughout both their bodies. "Oh, *Julian*..." The doctor had never heard Garak use his first name before. It sounded wonderful coming from those lips. It pushed him over the brink, and he cried out, spilling his seed against Garak's belly. Julian's climax drew out Garak's, and he thrust one final time into his beloved friend as he emptied himself into him. They gradually began to regain their composure, lying there on the floor. At first the sound of their labored breathing was the only thing disturbing the peace of the doctor's quarters. Then ... the sound of Human lips pressing against a Cardassian's. The End.