This page is a political humor site to satirize the
political left. Do not take seriously!
Welcome comrades:
This page is dedicated to defending Bill Clinton from the eeeviiiiil,
extremist, right-winged, tax-cutting, freedom-loving, morally caring, extremely
partisaned attempts of conservatives to get President Bill Clinton.
Remember: Bill has over 24 lawyers and is still hiring!
Groovy and enlightened sites Democrats.communist
- The internet's only "independent grassroots" effort to be run entirely
by ex-Clinton staffers, Democrat party insiders, and former DNC officials!
Sites at one with nature PETA - The anti-meat,
animal rights people located at the hot air capital of the internet
Greenpeace - return
to nature now!
Balanced, fair, and just sites IRS Online: The favorite
web site of any true liberal
Leftwing mob rental services Rainbow-PUSH: The home of
brother love himself, Jesse Jackson
NAG: the National Association of Gals
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Official site of the infallible, all knowing leader Senator Clinton
Sites for the Proletariats of the World AFL-CIO - visit the enlightened
world of labor thugs, organized crime, and campaign donations
Young Communist society - your
kids can be mind numb tools of a society doomed to failure too!
Comrades of the Administration The Lippo Group - yes, the
foreign campaign guys
Tourism: The
Kremlin online Bill Clinton visited this spot in 1969. Now that the
USSR has fallen and the government of Russia allows tourists unlike in
1969, you can visit too!
Woodstock - another suggested
place if you can't get to Russia
Scrapbook
"When I was a younger man and had a life,
I owned an El Camino pickup in the '70s. It was a real sort of Southern
deal. I had Astroturf in the back." - Bill Clinton
"I'm just trying to suppress my natural
impulses and get back to work." - Bill Clinton commenting on the Lewinsky
scandal
"[They let] friendship with the leaders in
China obscure our devotion to freedom and democracy when those kids set
up in Tiananmen Square, and I think it was wrong." - Bill Clinton criticizing
America's past stances toward China
"Almost makes you want to go to jail out here,
doesn't it?" - Bill Clinton when visiting a Spanish fortress/former prison
"If a President of the United States ever
lied to the American people he should resign." - Bill Clinton running for
U.S. Representative in 1974
"Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss
Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong" - Bill Clinton
Welcome to
CLinton Excuse Headquarters
This page is in no way related to Bill Clinton The "I don't recall" method:
Clinton doesn't recall how (Pick any scandal) happened
It was a bureaucratic SNAFU
Clinton just doesn't remember what happened
We are all forgetful
Maybe Bill just forgot about the affair for seven months!
The conspiracy method:
There is a vast, right winged conspiracy out to get Clinton!
This is a partisan investigation
This investigation was brought on by partisan opponents of the presidency
Those republicans planted all that evidence!
Monica Lewinsky was sent in by the republicans to seduce and bring down
Clinton
The Republicans do it too excuse:
The republicans took money from (fill in any major corporation)
and that company sells products in foreign countries. Therefore,
republicans are accepting profits made in other countries and allowing
foreign access to campaign funding. Bill Clinton simply saved the
company from the burden of transferring the money by hiring Charlie Trie
and John Huang to do this
Bob Dole made phone calls from his house
Everybody does it.
I can't remember a president who didn't have an affair with somebody (nevermind
Carter, Reagan, and Bush)
Newt Gingrich is a criminal. Attack him instead!
Republicans are all corrupt because they are greedy
Bill Clinton did it only to ensure we are safe in America and only to show
how much he cares
Blame everything on Ronald Reagan:
Reagan messed up the economy (nevermind he didn't. We already know he helped
it but that is beside the point)
Reagan had a scandal too (yes, we know its been settled by congress and
Oliver North was set free, but stretching the truth can turn an incident
like Iran-Contra into watergate. Just ask Bill Clinton. Us democrats
may still catch Reagan yet! Especially since we are the only people who
ever show concern for Iran-Contra hearings anyway)
Ronald Reagan was supported by republicans and republicans are greedy
Change the subject:
Republicans are poisoning are water
Republicans are slashing medicare
Republicans want to strip mine the rain forest
Republicans are cutting taxes!
Republicans want to destroy welfare
Republicans hate endangered species
Republicans eat meat!
Republicans want to nuke our national parks for no apparant reason
Republicans (fill in the blank)
Liberals are always open minded
Use the James Carville method:
Ya drag a hundre dolla bill through a trailer park an see what ya come
out with!
Kenneth Starr wants to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr is from Mars
Kenneth Starr is a republican
Kenneth Starr is not a democrat
Kenneth Starr is mean spirited
I don't know what the fuss is, i've participated in the same scandals and
never got caught
The False Statistics method:
Kenneth Starr has wasted $30 million trying to get Bill Clinton (we know
its only about $20 million but 30 makes it sound alot worse)
Kenneth Starr has wasted $45 million trying to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr has wasted $50 million trying to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr has wasted $100 million trying to get Bill Clinton
The National Endowment for the Arts spends only $100 million a year (this
stat is true) and that is but a penny compared to the rest of our government
spending measures.
There hasn't been a single conviction (actually there have been 15 from
Starr and many from other scandals but that's an insignificant detail)
Republicans have been trying to get Clinton for 5 years and don't
have any evidence
Clinton's approval is excellent and that is all that matters
The Bill Clinton is surrounded by criminals method:
Bill Clinton knows alot of people as president
They just happen to all be criminals - Bill Clinton can't help that
Bill Clinton is a victim of these criminals actions and unfairly bears
the blame
Republicans placed all these criminals here in a plot to get Clinton
Hillary's brother Hugh did it all without either of the Clintons knowing
Bill's brother Roger did it all without either of the Clintons knowing
Trial related excuses:
You are innocent until proven guilty - even for those who plea guilty or
are convicted
Bill Clinton shouldn't have to go to trial because he is innocent no matter
what
They have no evidence (okay, they do, but that's okay)
Bill Clinton is on active duty
Bill Clinton is above the law
Bill Clinton has to run the country. He is too busy for a trial
Hillary can go to trial for him
Executive Privilege
Spousal Privilege
Attorney-Client Privilege
He said he was sorry! Lets forget the whole thing...crimes and all!
Someone else did it:
It was Hillary
It was Betty Currie
It was Vince Foster
It was Web Hubbell
It was Hugh Rodham
It was Denise Rich
It was a lowly White house staffer
It was Socks
It was a REPUBLICAN!
The "American People" Method:
Americans have a natural bias against people from Arkansas
So what if he admitted it! The people say they don't care
So what if he committed a crime! The people say they don't care
So what if he sold us out to Chinese Commies! The people say they don't
care
So what if he was impeached! The people say they don't care
This page is a political humor site. This page is intended
only to satirize and poke fun at the political left. It is NOT intended
to be taken seriously. 1998-2001 All rights reserved
Interns served
daily
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