A Boy Named Fox (X-Files parody filk)

by Griffin Grimes

Rated R for language and adult themes

A filk of "A Boy Named Sue", and inspired by "The Father of a Boy Named Sue" by Shel Silverstein - found at<http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/boysuepa.html>. Check out the link, it's hilarious! Thanks, Chuck, for bringing this to my attention.

Disclaimer: Hell, Chris, it's just a joke!

Must be sung in an impersonation of Johnny Cash.

**********

My dad got killed when I was 35,
orphaned so young, I still cry every time
that I think of how that rat shot my dear old Pops.

He was a cold old man, never loved me, no -
it was clear from the start that he hated me so.
See, right at birth he'd gone and named me Fox.

The kids at school had great fun with that tag,
they ribbed me and teased me and called me a fag,
just 'cuz I was given the name of a little prick.

I guess that they must have known the whole score,
since I turned out to be such a slutty whore,
fucking Krycek and then begging my boss for a lick.

Now, I'm not so bad, I mean I give good head,
the guys never tire of how I am in bed,
still I cringe every time they call me their own "Fox".

Walt does it to please, but I hate it so much;
Alex says it so mean, so I throw him a punch,
then I cry and eat all the Ho-Hos in the ice box.

It was Martha's Vineyard, November '73, 
when my old man really began to pick on me;
I was left with Sam and they were at the Galbreds'.

I don't remember where Sis went that night,
all I know is my mom's been very uptight,
  but I've unrepressed some pictures in my head.

More than 20 years Dad had hated me,
and I knew for sure when I was less than three
but it all came down when I was nearly 13.

Through two decades of his hateful glares
I was perpetually breaking into tears;
each time he laid the guilt trip on I would keen.

Dad blamed me for all of my mother's woes,
because next to Sam I was quite the 'ho';
they both wished I'd been the one to disappear.

So now I seek Daddy's love in my boss,
while screwing around with a rat who did cross
that line called "murder" when he popped Dad from the rear.

My mother had dreamt that someday I'd be
a straight guy with a normal name like "Steve"
but my dad was a sadist so he's the one I blame.

Still, I thought he was going to say he was proud,
so I was pissed when Alex shot him to the ground.
Now dad's dead and I *still* have that stupid name.

So, when Pop got 'nuffed I was not feeling good,
I found Krycek and I beat him on the hood;
I was hopped on drugs left by the Culligan Man.

I smashed in his face and I kicked his butt,
and before I knew it lust filled up my gut.
Then, dammit, Scully had to spoil my plan.

She shot me, not him, and we went to go see
a guy who probably lives on peyote...
leave it to Dana to break up a "rousing" fight.

I'd rather have been home with Walt in D.C.,
or getting a rimming from my enemy;
instead I was forced to take a legal flight.

Next thing I knew, I was royally fucked,
but somehow I managed a bit of luck;
I squeezed through a hole those aliens must've missed.

So now I'm alive and out of the box...
it's not so bad to have a name like Fox.
It sure as Hell beats getting charred to a crisp!

And I still fuck my brains out with Walt and Alex!

Yeeeee-hawwwwww!

******

Feedback welcome to griffgrimes@hotmail.com

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