HUMOUR

On this page you will find...

- Cigar Insurance

- The Mechanic

- Real Stories of Technically Challenged People

Cigar Insurance

Only in the US Legal System...

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ....fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued...and won.

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."

*** This is the funny part ***

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.

The Mechanic

A Gynecologist retired and wanted to follow up on an interest he already had. He wanted to be a mechanic. So he went to a mechanics school.

          The final examination consisted of taking an automobile engine apart and putting it back together. He took the examination and waited for the results to be posted.

He was very concerned about the results.

               When he looked at the posted results he found he had scored 150%. He thought this can not be. So he went to the teacher and asked--
"How is this possible?"

                  The teacher explained that he watched him take the engine apart. He had laid everything our neatly and in order. That was 50%.

                  The teacher then explained that he watched him put it back together. He did it in the proper order and had everything correct. That was another 50%.

                   So the Dr. said that makes 100%, where does the other 50% come from?             

      The teacher said--You did it all correct so gave you the 100%. I had to add the other 50% when I saw you do all this through the tail pipe!!!!

REAL STORIES OF TECHNICALLY-CHALLENGED PEOPLE

I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.

___________________________

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote 'thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Person:       "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Person:       "How do I know when it's ready?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont.

The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was.

As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, just tell me what state it's in?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier paper," she told him.

With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer operators called me and asked if anything "bad" would happen if she dropped coins into the openings of her PC. I asked her if this was something she was thinking of doing. She said, "never mind" and hung up. So I got out my trusty tool kit and paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure enough, there was 40 cents.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386." He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?" I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark." I replied, "You mean the letter 'i'?" and he said, "Yeah, that's it!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This person had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard. Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached. He decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway rolling back and forth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motorhome was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A customer at Blockbuster had mentioned that before the movie begins, a message comes on the screen saying, "This movie has been altered to fit your television screen."

He then added: "How do they know what size screen I have?"

...for MORE HUMOUR!!!

...to RETURN to HUMOUR INDEX

...to go back to MAIN PAGE