Well, needless to say, my parents weren’t too happy when they came home that day, and my outfit didn’t improve the situation. I knew it was wrong, but I figured that hey, if they already think I’m bad, why not go along with the attitude. I’d show them bad. I didn’t realize at the time that my parents didn’t think I was bad at all. They were only concerned for me, I can’t believe I’m admitting that. What happened that night was that we argued, I refused to listen to them, and that I wanted to wear what I wanted to wear. My parents finally agreed to let me wear what I wanted. They couldn’t do too much about that. However, they did revoke my privileges. In a few days we were going up to Oklahoma City to visit some close friends of my parents. They told me that after we returned from that there would be no phone and I’d be grounded for 10 days!! I was angry at them, so I just crossed my arms across my chest and snipped out a “fine!”

In Oklahoma City, I didn’t do much. I kept to myself. I only left the place we were staying when I was literally dragged out by my parents, and when I was, I wouldn’t speak to anyone. I got some weird looks from people when we walked on the streets. I knew it was the manner in which I was dressed: my midriff was always on display. I didn’t really like the looks I got. I didn’t like people to look at me. Their looking at me was my fault, even though I wouldn’t admit this to myself. I used their weird looks as fuel to keep me rebellious in a sort of way.

When we finally returned to Tulsa two weeks later, Zac called. My dad answered it.

“Hello Zac,” he said, my face lit up, we hadn’t talked in a while. I walked over to the room my dad was in.

“No, I’m sorry Zac, she can’t talk,” he said. What? What was he doing?? “No, I wouldn’t call back, she’s grounded off the phone until further notice. All right, bye bye.” And he hung up.

“Until further notice?!” I hollered at my dad.

“Don’t raise your voice with me,” he scolded, “You are not allowed to talk on the phone until I or your mother grants you permission again.”

With that, I just ran up to my room and slammed the door behind me. My punishment had begun. I actually didn’t mind the staying at home. What reason was there for me to be out anyway? I wasn’t missing anything. Besides, I could have fun. It was during the day- my parents and Jamie were all at work from 8 AM to 5 PM. I slept in late every day and invited friends over during the day. They always left way before my parents got home anyway, so my parents never knew. I called over some of Joe’s friends: Simon, Alex, A.J., and Lauren. It was us five every day for the first week. We just chilled, watching talk shows, and going out into the woods to smoke. I didn’t smoke, it wasn’t anything I could really get into. It disgusted me too much. To my surprise, my friends didn’t care if I smoked or not. I guess they figured: more for them.

One day we were all outside talking, the normal every day thing. I went inside for a minute since I had to go to the bathroom. When I did, I saw it. Blood. There was blood in my underwear. I was pretty pissed cause I did like the underwear pretty well. I didn’t know what to make of it. I had gotten my first period! I was actually just embarrassed. I was glad to get it because when you think “period” then it’s like, “wow, I’m a woman now.” I felt really grown up at that moment. Unfortunately, that passed when I tried to think about what I was going to do next. I got another pair of underwear from my room and threw the ones with ‘it’ inside in the trash. I didn’t want to see those again. I put on a pad from the cabinet and went back outside to regret my friends.

“Hey Sammy, what took you so long?” Simon asked in a rather airhead kind of way.

“Guys,” I scrunched my face as to look sick and placed my hand on my forehead, “I’m not feeling so well. I think you had better go home.”

“Aw man, are you sure?” Alex asked me.

Isn’t that what I just said? “Yeah, I’m really not doing so well,” I faked.

“Ok, well, I guess we can chill over at my house,” Lauren said, rising to her feet.

“Sorry guys,” I said.

“Yeah, well, uh, we’ll just see you tomorrow, ok,” Alex followed after Lauren.

“Tomorrow,” I called after them. I was glad they were gone. They truly annoyed me. They weren’t very smart, they did stupid things, and as much as they tried to be funny, not one of them ever came close to a joke that ever made me truthfully laugh. So, those were my friends. I felt bad for downing on them, but I couldn’t help how I felt. This new period business wasn’t easing up the situation either. I went up into my room and looked in the mirror. I didn’t look any different. I shrugged my shoulders and put on a bathing suit top. I jumped into bed and fell asleep.

I awoke to feel my mom’s gentle touch on my forehead. It felt so loving I forgot that I was supposed to be rebelling or whatever and I smiled at her.

“Hi honey,” she smiled at me.

“Mom,” I replied.

“Samantha dear, you didn’t need to throw out that pair of underwear.”

“Oh,” realizing what she was talking about, “you saw?”

“All you need to do is soak them in some cool water and the stain will come out.”

“Oh, okay,” I dully replied.

“I’m so proud of you darling!”

I wondered why, it’s not as if I tried to make that happen, or had any control over it for that matter.

“I made some cupcakes. Vanilla with vanilla frosting, your favorite!” My mom leaned over holding my shoulder.

“Thanks,” I half smirked.

“Honey, why are you doing this?” My mom questioned, it almost seemed from nowhere.

“What? Doing what mom?” I questioned her back.

“Wearing these clothes, acting all.. tough,” my mom’s voice turned to one of those stupid voices she sometimes makes, deep and wide mouthed when she said ‘tough.’

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t reply. What was I supposed to say to that? I didn’t know why I was doing this. Why do I do anything? Because I want to? That’s when it hit me. I didn’t want to. This wasn’t me. Avoiding the question, I looked up into my mom’s eyes. Maybe in that moment I revealed what I was feeling to her, but I’m not sure. Thinking I was, I looked away, but only to look back again into her eyes.

I spoke, “can I help you decorate the cupcakes?” I got up out of bed and headed for my door.

“Sure...” my mom said. She walked out after me.

~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

The next day my grounding resumed as always, there were only 3 days left anyway. No one showed up today.

“I guess I’m alone,” I sighed out loud.

I went up to my room to play Sega. I took the control sets out and placed them on the ground. I reached into my pocket for a hair elastic. I usually had one in my back pocket and I couldn’t play Sega with my long hair down, it was bothersome. When I reached into my pocket I didn’t feel my hair elastic. I pulled out what I felt. It was a cigarette. Why did I have that in my pocket? Then I remembered. A few days back, the last time I wore these pants, Lauren dropped a new cigarette on the ground. She never picked it up, so I did. I didn’t want my parents to find it. I sat on my floor staring at the nicotine in my hand. I looked around the room, I wondered where I could throw it out. I really didn’t know what to do with it and could really think of nothing better than to put it under some dirt in the backyard. So, I headed outside.

I passed through the kitchen, walking so fast I bumped my leg into the file of firewood! I looked disturbingly at the wood, as if it was the fault of the wood. I noticed in between logs of wood a book of matches. I picked up the matches, just curiously. I wasn’t even thinking of what I was doing, or what I was going to do, but headed outside with matches in one hand and the cigarette in the other. I got all the way to the outermost part of the backyard and dug a little hole in the ground to place the cigarette. That’s when my curiosity over came my senses. I took out the matches and I lit the cigarette. I held the smoke in my mouth and blew it out. It wasn’t that bad, but then again I didn’t breathe in. I took the smoke once again into my mouth and blew it out. The third time I sucked in the smoke, down my throat. That’s how I got it. I started violently coughing. Was that awful! I couldn’t stop coughing! I dropped the cigarette in the hole, it put itself out as I still coughed.

“Sam! Are you okay?!” I heard a voice and shuffling as it came closer to me and touched my shoulder.

I shrieked, “AHH!”

Then I turned around and to my surprise, it was Zac!! My coughing tapered off as Zac patted my back.

“Omigosh! Zac!” I leaped into his arms, “How are you home?”

“Well, I was going to tell you on the phone, but your dad said you were grounded.”

“Oh yeah, I know,” I said stepping back from Zac.

“Hey Sam?” Zac asked me.

“Uh huh?”

“You wore that shirt when you were nine, it doesn’t really fit so well anymore,” he pointed out.

“Oh, haha, yeah, I know,” my face flushed a little bit. I became quite embarrassed, I guess my outfit was kind of silly. I didn’t want Zac to think I dressed like that, or to know that that’s what I had been wearing around, “Yeah, I just threw it on cause I had to clean and I was going to take it off, but it, uh, slipped my mind. I’m going to go change now.” I headed in for the house.

“Oh ok,” Zac said and began to follow me, “Hey Sam!”

I turned around, Zac was looking down at the ground.

“Why were you smoking?”

I couldn’t hide anything from Zac, “Umm...” I walked back over to where Zac was and I covered the cigarette with dirt.

“I don’t smoke Zac,” I said.

“I can tell,” he replied.

“I just...I don’t know, I wanted to try it. I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately...you know, with trying new things. It’s not necessarily good, but I think everyone does it...,” I tried to explain.

Zac nodded. Then he smiled a sweet smile at me, “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“I know! You’ve got to tell me all about Australia!” I exclaimed putting my arm around his waist as we walked inside.

He put his arm around my shoulder, “And Europe and Asia, and oh! Jakarta!”

“What about Jakarta?” I asked.

“The girls in Jakarta fly!” We both laughed.

“They fly?” I questioned him laughing still.

“Yeah! I swear, they fly! Flying Jakarta girls!” We both continued laughing as Zac opened the back door for me, and we went inside, arm in arm.