I woke up to hear the little squealing voice of Avery, “They’re sleeping together!” She called to an unknown.

“What?” It was Walker and he suddenly became very concerned, “Sleeping together?” His voice came closer and I knew then that he was in the room.

I cracked my eye open for a second to see what was going on. Taylor walked out of the bathroom to greet Walker, “Yeah, they were both beat, they’ve been sound asleep for nearly two hours.”

“All right, well, we’re going out for dinner at Planet Hollywood in a half hour, think you could wake them up Tay?”

“Sure thing dad.”

As Walker was leaving, I opened my eyes fully to see Taylor standing above me, “Hey,” he smiled.

“Hi,” I replied. Zac’s arm was around my waist holding me close. I didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“We’re going out in a half hour to eat,” Taylor began.

“I heard. Want me to wake him up?” I offered.

“Yeah thanks,” Taylor agreed and returned to the bathroom.

I turned over to face Zac and whispered his name. No reply. I whispered again, “Zaacccc.” Without even opening his eyes Zac pulled me in close and kissed me eagerly.

Zac’s kiss felt so good yet I couldn’t fully enjoy it. I love Zac and I love being with him but ever since my encounter with Taylor I haven’t really felt sure. I knew he loved me and I loved him, but would we last? Taylor was the obstacle. Everything seemed settled by now but for me the whole escapade had sent me spinning in an unknown.

“So we better get ready,” Zac got up.

“Huh?” I was gone in deep thought.

“You’d look cute in this,” Zac was already out of bed and handed me a baby blue polyester shirt from my bag. It was elegant, it had black embroidery by the neckline and two buttons that I usually left undone to give me a fuller look.

“Okay,” I smiled.

“And....” Zac rummaged through my suitcase, “Perfect!” He smiled mischievously holding up a short black skirt.

I shook my head and took the skirt, “I’ll try it,” I told him and headed to the bathroom. Surprisingly, Zac picked an admirable outfit. It hugged my pathetic curves in all the right ways making them look rather decent. I was surprised I’d never thought of putting the two together. I looked into the mirror to fix my hair. A weird sensation came over me as I felt myself splitting into two. The girl in the mirror and myself standing in front of her looking for what she could offer me. The eyes became large and I slipped into their control. I was frozen. Who was she? Who was I? Was I hallucinating? I looked away, I’d had enough. The girl in the mirror was my conscience. I knew what she wanted me to do and I knew she was probably right. I shut my eyes tightly searching for the strength to return to Zac. The rest would have to wait for another time. ‘Breathe,’ I told myself, afraid I’d forget if I didn’t make a conscious effort to do so. I turned the doorknob to reveal myself to Zac.

“Niiiiicee!” He howled, “Sam you’re hot,” he teased. I let myself laugh a little to ease the tension I felt. Zac didn’t alleviate my situation, he came over to me and I couldn’t resist his big safe arms. I wrapped myself in them and let him kiss my cheek. Softly he whispered in my ear, “I never want to let you go.”

I could do nothing more than tremble. I wanted to tell Zac that he would have to let go. How can we hold on forever? It didn’t seem possible. My head burned in agony.

“Hey are you ok?” Zac brushed his hand across my forehead, “you feel warm.”

“Oh,” I shook a little then stopped myself and stood firm, “just a bit sad I guess.” It wasn’t a lie. I was incredibly depressed. I was going to give up what I loved and cherished most of all. I needed to do this. I needed a little time to grow and sort things out. No strings attached.

“Don’t worry Sammy,” Zac’s warm fingers now brushed over my lips, “We’ll be in New York a lot in the upcoming months,” he assured me although I wasn’t yet positive he’d want to see me.

“Hey kiddos,” Isaac entered the room, “We’re ready. Sam can I send your bag down? Our driver will take you home after dinner.”

“Thanks Ike,” I handed him my bag which he paraded to the door. I followed him out without stopping to look back at Zac.

Dinner went pretty well as awkward as it felt for me being next to my unsuspecting, innocent best friend/boyfriend. I only gave him shaky hollow smiles when his hands would find themselves caressing over mine. I was actually glad for the fans who asked them for autographs, moments away from Zac’s patrol. When dinner was over the guys held a short press conference in the back talking about their new album which was going through the finishing touches and would be released in the spring. Following that, Zac came with me in the limo for the ride back to my home.

Sitting in silence for the first few minutes, Zac finally questioned my behavior, “Sam. Sam, is something wrong? You’ve been acting kinda different...” Here we go.

“Yes,” was all I could push out at that moment.

“You can tell me Sam,” Zac moved closer to me and ran his hand over my forearm.

“Zac.. I love you,” I began.

“I love you too!” He smiled, he was off course here.

“No, listen,” I waited for his full attention, “I love you, but, well, I love you and that’s why I need to talk with you about something. When Taylor kissed me, well it confused me-”

“Why?” Zac raised an eyebrow, “I thought it was all over and done with, a mistake, never going to happen again, you thought it was me...”

“Yes, it was a mistake. It confused me because... I enjoyed it.”

“What?” Zac was hurt, “How could you?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’ve been confused! I don’t love Taylor, you know that! I just think that I need some time...” I trailed off.

“Time? Sam! What do you mean?”

“I need to sort things out and I can’t do that unless,” I swallowed, my eyes watered, “Unless we spend some time apart.”

Zac’s mouth hung slightly parted until he finally spoke, “You’re breaking up with me.”

“Not permanently. I just need time, we’re still going to be friends, but I can’t see having you as my boyfriend right now when I have the guilty heart of enjoying someone else’s kiss!”

“Sam, we can work it out together, I know we can!” Zac pleaded, “I can’t lose you. I need you!”

“You’re not losing me Zac. We’ll still talk just as much, but we need some time to work on this and make it better than ever. I want to be sure that this is right for both of us. Zac, have you ever kissed another girl?” I asked wondering if he truly knew that I was perfect for him.

“No,” his voice was flat, “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.”

“I just want everything to be right Zac, and you’re the only boy I’ve ever truly loved too..” I fell silent. Not a word exchanged. I couldn’t look at Zac and he wasn’t looking at me either. We approached my street and I slowly undid the clasp of the diamond necklace Zac had given me the day before. I laid it out on his lap. He looked at it, but did not touch it at first. I looked down but when I felt Zac’s eyes on me I got the nerve to look back at him. A tear rolled down his cheek as he carefully picked the necklace up from his pants. I couldn’t bare to see the pain I’d caused him and looked back to the ground, tears filling my eyes. I felt his hand on mine and I shut my eyes trying to make the hurt go away. He opened my fist and placed the necklace back in my grasp. I looked back to him tears streaming down my face now as well. I touched his cheek lightly and his lips quivered. I leaned in gently and he shut his eyes as I had done seconds before. Mouth closed tightly so as not to burst, I kissed his cheek quickly. Lightning raced through my veins as I slowly got up to leave the car: we had arrived at my house. When the tips of my fingers slipped off his I felt the worst, most heart wrenching pain of all: the pain of knowing he wasn’t by my side anymore.

Standing on the pavement I said goodbye, “Will you still call me?” My voice low and each word stinging my tongue. Zac nodded. I nodded back and forced a smile. The door was shut and the limo drove off. I got my time, I lost my strings, I followed my conscience, but now all I could do was cry.