Title: Kumi
Author: Istannor
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG13]
Codes:
Summary: Part 9 in the Years of Gol series. The previous
installments are on my webpage. Background: Spock arrived at
Gol in part one, and Kirk follows him. Risking life, limb
and sanity, Kirk sits outside the walls of Gol to force
Spock to come out. He fails. Kirk is taken to Sarek and
Amanda's compound to heal and they discover that he is in
the midst of the Devastation, a condition caused by the
shattering of a deep Vulcan mind-link. As his sanity
wanes,James Kirk becomes more and more dangerous to those
around him as more of his secret is finally revealed.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them, I only check 'em out from the
Library. I promise to bring 'em back, if'n they will respect
them. Thank-you to the Beta Dominitrix Editor, Mary Ellen,
the Doc of Science. If there are no errors, thank her, not
me.

Feedback to Istannor@Aol.com



Kumi (Awake)


Jean Little walked ahead of Amanda, Sarek and T'Pau to the
room where James Kirk slept. As she reached her hand out to
open the door, she paused. "We are too late. He is awake."
She bowed her head briefly and muttered, "Help us. Let it be
the right one." Then she turned around to face them. "The
rules of the game have just been changed. He is awake --
fully awake. You have no concept of what that means and I do
not have the time to explain it to you. Suffice it to say we
are all in great danger. Sarek, you must follow my lead.
Amanda, you'll enter first and approach him with your arms
outstretched, hands opened, and a smile on your face. You
will call him Jim, and any term of endearment you can think
of. It is imperative to convince him of your intent to do
him no harm. Do you understand me?"


Amanda tried to generate enough saliva to swallow. She
moistened her dry lips and pushed out a quiet yes.

"Very well. T'Pau, you'll stay in the background and under
no circumstances are you to approach him until either he or
I signal you to do so. Will you comply?"

T'Pau looked at her as if she was going to protest but
something in Jean Little's eyes quieted even the matriarch.
"I will comply."

"I had hoped to spare you this. What you will see is
something not even James Kirk knew he was capable of. I have
told you that we are from before the beginning of human
consciousness, and that he contains the beginning within
him. When I said we were once as Gods, I did not exaggerate.
If you do not believe me, leave now. You will enter and
humble yourselves. You will answer all questions he places
to you. Under no circumstances are you to offer him threat
or allow him to sense any danger from you. If you do not do
this you will die, as surely as I stand before you."

"No, you will stop, now, " Sarek demanded; Jean Little
turned to confront him. "Tell us why *you* should not be the
one to approach him. Why must it be my wife and not you?"

"Because, my dear Sarek, one glance at my mind and he will
know that I intend to kill him if we fail." She turned away
before anyone had a chance to comment and opened the door to
enter.

The atmosphere of the room was hot. Hotter than Vulcan norm,
with air thick with moisture. Amanda struggled for
breath as the humidity assailed her nostrils. She felt or
sensed a pulse, slow, deeper than real sound that made the
air move in and out like the breaths of a sleeping giant.
The air shimmered with little motes of light, as through a
prism, casting small shafts of diamond brilliance on the
walls. She realized it was the effect of the sun through the
windows to the desert. Still, the light sparkled and danced
like a stranger to her senses and she paused to admire its
beauty. Movement brought her attention back to the center of
the room.

James Kirk sat upright in the center of the large bed.
S'Alal-Doe had not clothed him after the last time she had
checked his dressings. His bare chest was covered with new
skin and a faint sheen of perspiration dampened the sheets.
As the small group entered the room, Kirk slowly looked up
towards them. No light of recognition filled his hazel eyes,
boring into them as they entered the room. He had lost so
much weight that his face was etched with lines. His form
was rigid, no,. . . regal. He slowly appraised them all, one
by one.

Amanda felt a force brush against her mental shields, and
sensed surprise from her spouse. The same thing was
happening to him. She reinforced her shields as she had been
taught. Amanda suddenly felt a presence enter and leave, as
quick as thought. Something invisible pushed her back
against the wall. It began to slowly press against her
breathing became more of an effort. She turned and could see
Sarek and T'Pau fighting to stand up.

<No! Don't hurt the children! >

A mental voice cried out in Amanda's mind. Amanda heard the
echo through the Bond. She turned and saw T'Pau's eyes widen
in surprise.

James Kirk turned slowly until his sight narrowed on Jean
Little.

"Children? These are not any children I know. They are deaf
and weak. Where am I, child?" He asked. Jean Little remained
mute. The voice was James Kirk's, but it was harsher and
deeper than Amanda remembered. Jean Little's instructions
roared back into her consciousness and she began to stroll
across the room with her arms outstretched and a smile
pasted to her face. She was terrified.

"Jim, I'm glad you are awake and feeling better." She hit a
wall. Startled, she stumbled back a bit and looked around
her to see what she had run into.  Her vision was clear and
she saw nothing that should have stopped her approach to the
seated man.

"Where am I, Child?" Again, the throaty imitation of James
Kirk's voice pushed at her awareness.

Once again she began to walk slowly towards him with her
hands outstretched, feeling for any obstruction. As she
neared the bed once again, she felt solid wall in front of
her hand. It tingled, no, it burned; she jerked her hand
back. "Jim, I'm Amanda. You are our adopted son and you are
in our home. You know I would never hurt you. Why are you
keeping me away from you?"

The eyes turned their full attention on her and she felt a
slight pain in her head. She became dizzy, and slightly
nauseous; it passed as quickly as it had begun. She felt
Sarek's concern rush through the Bond, and she sent him
reassurances of her continued well-being.

"Your countenance is foreign to me. I do not remember seeing
a creature similar to you, but it is obvious that you are
harmless. Were you born in the Place of The Beginning or are
you one of the children of those who were sent out?"

"I am Amanda," she repeated. "I think I must be one of the
children you are talking about. I don't know a lot about it
all. Do you remember your name? You're Jim, James Tiberius
Kirk."

For a brief moment, confusion clouded the handsome face.
"Jim... Jim... I seem to remember that name. It is a strange
name. I do not remember coming here. Who brought me here?
Where are the others? Where is my mate? I can not feel
anyone but you; why is that? What has been done to me?"

Amanda held her arms out in supplication. "Jim, Baby, let me
come and sit next to you and I will explain everything."

"Baby," he laughed. "How little you know."

"You are my son, and you also the son of Winona. She calls
you her baby."

James Kirk looked at her for a long minute; abruptly, the
resistance vanished. She slowly crossed to the bed and sat
down beside him. "Do you recognize me now?"

He nodded. "I... I sense a strong attachment to the name
Winona."

She reached over and softly stroked the back of his hand.
"You are part of our family, too. I am your adoptive mother.
Your biological mother is not here. Her name is Winona Kirk.
She's sent another relative to be at your side. You've been
very ill and we have been taking care of you. The man you
see standing next to the door," she pointed to Sarek, "is
your adoptive Father, Sarek. The woman standing next to
him," T'Pau bowed her head slightly, "is your adoptive
grandmother, T'Pau."

Kirk stared at each person in turn and then returned his
attention to Amanda. "I do not recognize them. I do not
recognize their biological divergence from the origin. They
are not from the origin. It is true that our progeny were
plagued with mutations. Have we diverged so greatly since
the beginning? Did the sundering destroy us?"

He reached up, felt his ears and held his hands out in front
of him. Then he removed the sheet from his lower body to
look at it solemnly. He raised his genitals and stared at
them as he lifted and twisted them slightly. "Still
reasonably efficient. I assume this is still for waste
products and procreation. Two hands, two arms, two legs, ten
digits, all familiar. Organs for sight, speech, smell,
taste, touch, vibration, position sense, heat, cold, are
included in this body." He pulled a hair from his forearm.
"Pain is intact. This is not a major divergence from the
beginning. It is a rather small, clumsy, hairy, and pale
creature though, with dulled senses." He then rose
gracefully from where he sat and walked over towards the
others.

He stood naked in front of them. Amanda felt a momentary
stirring of trepidation from Sarek through the Bond,
ruthlessly snuffed out. Kirk looked at Sarek and T'Pau
intently from head to toe. As she watched Kirk appraise her
husband and T'Pau as if he were reviewing troops, Amanda
wondered who this man could be. Who had he been life?

Her heart began to thud in her chest while she sifted though
the possibilities. Memories -- Jean Little had said that
Kirk retained memories of all that had gone before him. This
person was more than a fragment. This was an entire entity.
Genetic memory was real and standing in front of her. The
question remained unanswered: who was this a memory of? How
old was this man that stood in front of them clothed in
James Kirk's flesh?

"I do not closely resemble these beings," Kirk said to Jean
Little. "You are a Child of the Origin. I recognize you; I
hear your singing in my mind."  He reached a hand up and
lightly touched Jean face; she smiled tentatively and
touched his face in turn. "You seek to shield your
intentions from me. I know them. You cannot control me,
Child, unless I allow it. And do not consider causing the
end of my existence. I have no desire to see you perish."

"Nanghabee, I would only do what you would have me do. My
choice would be your choice also, if you knew what we risk."

"What do we risk?"

"You sent us from you with a purpose: "Reclaim the children.
Watch over them and give them hope." Would you not die to
give them hope, Nanghabee?"

He stared in silence at Jean, leaned forward and kissed her
softly on her lips. "My soul for the children, now as in the
beginning. Do what you must. Your heart is true."

He turned back to Amanda. "You are also a Child of the
Origin, though obviously there has been some genetic
divergence. I cannot sense you as I can sense the young one
behind me. Are you defective?"

If he spoke about the Origin, this had to be a Chosen One,
or an Old One. That meant she was speaking with someone from
before the birth of humanity. She fought down the shivers
that threatened to shake her soul. "We have lost much since
your birth, Jim . . . I honestly don't know what to call
you," she stuttered.

"My name is... long and cannot be spoken aloud without great
difficulty; it must be thought. Call me Nanghabee. It is
what my children called me. Calm yourself. I will not harm
you." He smiled at her gently. "You offer me no threat,
therefore none is offered to you."

"That's reassuring." She chuckled despite the gravity of
the situation. It was reassuring, because she believed him.
"Forgive me. The child whose body you inhabit is my child of
choice. He is a brave and good man; I would like you to give
him back to us. He has carried you with him all of his life.
I believe his illness has allowed you to become
aware again. Do you feel him inside of you? Is there
anything left of James Kirk inside you now?"

Nanghabee tilted his head slightly to the side and looked at
her with open curiosity. "I inhabit another's body? I had
thought this to be one I had fashioned. Am I dreaming then?"
He paused and was silent for long minutes while they all
held their breath. "You are correct. There is another who
lives within this body. His voice is muted. Is he defective?
This child's memories tell me that his death is possible. Is
he dead?"

Amanda looked at Jean Little helplessly. Jean motioned for
her to continue. "No, he is not dead. The man you live in is
very much alive, but he is very ill. He is a child of yours,
separated from you by many thousands of generations. I do
not entirely understand who or what you are, but I know what
he is and he is my son; I would like him to return to us."

Kirk smiled. "I had many children. My mate and I delighted
in bringing forth life. I loved all of my children, even the
ones I banished." He returned to the bedside next to Amanda.
He reached up a hand and gently stroked her face. "Do you
care for the one whose body I inhabit?"

"Yes."

"Is he worthy of continued existence?"

"Oh, yes." She fought back her tears.

"You have much love in you, Amanda. Your name is a strange
me. The words I speak to you now are strange to my ears, yet
I am able to use them. The memories I am accessing are
strange to my thoughts, yet I am able to replay them. The
love that he has for you..." he turned to Jean Little, "and
for you, Child, is strong. Love is not strange to me; it is
eternal. Love, I understand. " He pointed to Sarek. "He
cares for you. He even trusts you, but he does not love you,
Sarek. He feels you have wronged someone he loves."

He turned to T'Pau. "The one whose body I inhabit does not
trust you.  However, he believes you love his taeyraoo, no.
. . T'hy'la?" He nodded his head slowly. "Yes, it is
T'hy'la. He knows that you love his T'hy'la. Where is this
person, T'hy'la Spock?"

Amanda sighed. "He is ill and cannot be with us."

Nanghabee held his hand up and turned it from side to side.
"Our people loved to use our hands. We waved and held with
them; we stroked and loved with them. We held them out to
touch the truth. When only one side of the hand was shown,
we had a saying: "The hand is hidden when it hides the
truth."" He held out his hand. "My hand is open. Rest the
truth in it, Child."

Amanda reached out and gently stroked James Kirk's right
arm. "Nanghabee, I'm telling you the truth. He's very ill.
He has a disease of his very soul. He's hurting and because
he is hurting he has caused us great pain.  Don't doubt his
illness. I am telling you the absolute truth. I don't know
how to make him well, though." She bowed her head and
brushed at her eyes. "I've never known how to make him well,
even though I'm his mother. We did our best."

"We also made many mistakes with our children." Nanghabee
smiled sadly and nodded. "Yet, I look around this room and
rejoice. It appears that our children have survived and even
flourished despite their parents' blunders.  I sense that
your sons will also survive and flourish despite your own
faults." He leaned towards her and she flinched.

He pulled back and showed her his palm. "I have frightened
you. Forgive me. I said I will not harm you and I spoke
truth. As for my child in whom I am remembered, he has only
the dimmest flickers of my power, not the reality." He
chuckled softly. "I have reviewed his life's memories. His
life has been rich and full of challenge. He loves and lusts
as a true child of mine. I was ever insatiable. Invincible,
he thinks he is almost invincible, especially when his Spock
is at his side."  He closed his eyes and sighed gently. "It
is difficult being nothing but a memory."

He frowned and turned to Jean. "Warn him, Child. He draws
too much on my memories. Life must teach him that power can
be a poison, if used too frequently. It is time for him to
learn that even I was not invincible. His true test has not
begun. What has gone before was merely a shadow of what is
yet to come."

"Come closer, Amanda." Amanda smiled and relaxed into his
arms. He stroked her hair slowly and spoke in a voice barely
above a whisper. "I can sense the genetic memory of us in
you, also. We have succeeded; our children's children drift
back towards home. We had hoped, but were afraid it would
never happen. You Humans were such savage animals, wanton,
cruel, and rapacious beyond redemption." He hugged her
tightly. "At one time, our self-loathing for what we had
created overwhelmed us. Learn from our mistakes, Little One.
Forgive yourself, only then can you have peace. It was a
lesson I finally learned, but it was too late for so many of
my children."

His eyes flashed as he spoke to Sarek over Amanda's
shoulder. "Hear me, Sarek. Do not harden your heart against
your own, ever again."

He let her go and slowly slid back onto the bed and rested
against the back wall. "Chosen," his eyes looked at Jean
Little.

"Yes, Nanghabee."

"Approach me."

Jean Little came and knelt at his side. He looked at her
with piercing eyes.  "You did not answer my question. Where
am I? I also wish to know how many cycles have passed since
you saw me in the flesh."

"You're on a planet circling a star called 40 Eridani. This
world is known as Vulcan. These different ones are Vulcans,
Nanghabee."

"We travel among the ... stars?"

"Yes."

"Ah, to have done what you have done and seen what you have
seen. I always desired to visit other worlds, but it was not
my time to travel. When I was imprinted on the children, I
had too much left undone. The stars always spoke their
secret names to me and sung their eternal songs in my mind.
I had promised myself that, one-day, I would search out our
children and carry the news to them that they were loved.
Tell me quickly, how many cycles?"

"It has been 317,765 cycles since my memories recall your
face. It has been 1,236,752 cycles since the great
destruction of our world."

"So much time, so much I have missed." He closed his eyes
and sat in silence for long minutes. Finally, he looked at
them again and a calm sense of fulfillment spread across the
room and flooded Amanda's awareness. "I am content. It is
good what you have become and wrought. Now I, who was once
powerful beyond anything these children have achieved, am
nothing more then a memory in this man's body." He sighed.
"It is humbling. Do you know if I live on elsewhere?"

Jean Little took his hands and brought them to her lips.
When she reluctantly ended her kiss, she shook her head
sadly. "I do not know, Nanghabee.  I have no contact with
the place of the beginning."

He gently stroked her hair. "You have sacrificed much for
the sake of the Children. You have done well, Chosen. I know
we will bring you home."

Jean closed her eyes tightly, but one tear escaped and
slowly fell down her cheek. "Thank you... thank you."

"No, you are the one who has made the sacrifice. It is I and
our brothers and sisters, who thank you." He laid his head
back against the wall and shut his eyes. "I grow tired. I
must return this body to its rightful owner. He is ill and
begins to fade away. He pulls me down through the darkness
with him and towards the light. I will allow you to make the
link with his essence. There will be no resistance from me.
It is imperative to do so quickly. I sense he is almost
beyond the point of return."

He turned and stared at Jean and brushed two fingers over
her lips. "I go now. Take care of this young one. He loves
without reservation, in the manner of the Place of Origin.
He tries, always, to do his best, and what more can a parent
ask of a child? Do not let that vanish from your world. Tell
him...I love him as a true child of my flesh. Do not deny
him his due. Humans. . ." he smiled slightly, "they have
come so far, and still so far to go."

He pointed at Sarek. "You must enter my mind. Only you have
a chance. He will fight the one called T'Pau and destroy her
mind. Be forewarned; there is that within him, that was
never within me. It is from the changed one. He has a
hunger; if unleashed, it will destroy all you strive to
attain. He is another whose inheritance the infant holds at
bay, for the sake of you all. I know that one. He is flesh
of my flesh. Sorrow was his gift to me . . . and death
everlasting."

He nodded his head once and smiled sadly, "Peace. I leave
you all to your fates."

Suddenly, James Kirk slumped across the side of the bed.
Jean Little turned quickly towards Sarek. "Now, we must do
it, now."

Sarek and Jean stretched Kirk out on the bed. There was no
resistance. Sarek placed his fingers at the meld points. "My
mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts."

He fell into complete darkness; he spiraled down, and down,
and down. The breath fled from him; his sense of time and
space were lost. There was nothing to hold on to. There was
no resistance. There was no light. There were no things. He
fought down his panic and began to imagine himself slowing
down. Then he imagined a floor, and a marble surface spread
out in all directions around him. Sarek imagined light, and
a soft gold glow lessened the darkness. <James Kirk! > he
called out again and again.  Nothing and no-one answered.

He put the beckoning light behind him, walking towards the
darkness and into the buried layers of Kirk's mind. The deep
Formaji, waterless, lifeless, and hopeless, stretched out in
front of him for as far as his mind could see. He saw
nothing but devastation in every direction. He felt Las'hark
beat down on his head, and in the sky, not a single bird was
seen. Beneath him, not even a sor'tha, a small burrowing
sand insect, slithered through the sand.

There was nothing.

<Indeed. > He sighed. < You, as expected, will be a true
challenge, my third Son. I shall begin, and I will not
desist until I have located you. I have given my word that I
will not fail you, as I have failed my other sons. >

Amanda crossed her arms across her chest and held them
tightly in place. It was so hard to stand still and do
nothing while she watched her husband descend into the meld.
A knock on the door startled them all. T'Pau went into the
hallway: it was Saylak. "Lady T'Pau, a vehicle approaches.
What would you have me do?"

Jean Little was suddenly at the doorway. "It is a guest I
was expecting.  Have his escort bring him immediately to
this room and be quick about it."

Saylak looked to T'Pau to confirm the order. She nodded. He
disappeared.  They turned back to watch Sarek. It was not
long before they heard muffled sounds from the hallway, and
Jean Little slid outside.
 - - -