Title: Doctor's Logs 11
Author: Istannor 
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG13
Codes: Lang., content
Summary: McCoy is ordered to keep a personal log as a
physician, of his observations aboard the Enterprise. They
are for his use only, for therapy, and to work out any
issues he might have.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them I only check 'em out from the library.
I promise to bring 'em back.

McCoy's logs are often out of order, as far as dates,
secondary to ion storm damage to the memory banks and
his forgetting to back them up on a secondary site, like
Spock told him to.

                                                                Doctors Logs 11

Enough.  I have had enough of this crap.  There's no reason
why we are all still sitting anxiously waiting for Kirk to come
out of his lair.  Spock is moping around looking like a
wounded Vulcan. He is distant, cold, and acting like he
vaguely remembers who we are.  The bridge crew is
watching with wide eyes, hoping that everything will get better
before we have to fight the Klingons, the Romulans, or some
other unknown frigging race.  I'm going to do something right
now to stop this.  I can't stand this anymore.  Kirk won't talk to
me on his own, and there is nothing wrong with his command
performance to make him have to talk with me.  I could say
that he's emotionally disruptive to the crew, but what sense
would that make?  It would only make him more defensive
and make him draw back more.  Wait, somebody's at the
door.

Pause Log.

Resume Log.

Damn.  Great minds think alike.  That was Uhura.  She wants
to plan a party for the whole crew to draw the golden beast
out of his Lair.  She knows him very well, and we both know
how well she knows him.  She says it'll be a good idea,
because he has a weak spot for music, and loves to watch
other people enjoy themselves.  She claims he has never
been able to stay sad, or depressed, when he thinks it will
keep his crew from being happy.  So, the plan is we make
him see them trying to enjoy themselves, and he'll come out
of the dumps.  Boy, that sounds convoluted, but it's worth a
try. We're planning on doing it tomorrow; why wait.  She's
some woman. She's going to sing and  make Spock play his
lyre. Scotty's going to tell dirty stories.  Then, she knows this
group on board who's been playing Altairan Jazz. They're
going to play a set afterwards so everyone can dance. I'm
heading now to the rec room and then to the mess. We're
going to meet down there to work with them, and help plan
the meal.  This sounds like fun, but mercy knows, fun or not,
we need to do something.

End Log

Resume dictation.

I'm drunk as a skunk. I had some great booze tonight, even
better food, and tomorrow I'm going to get laid. Laura Hales
is her name and she is in engineering. That woman sure can
hold her liquor and she can dance. She is 1.6 meters of
chocolate gorgeousity. Is that a word? But, even though I'm
innerested in getting all hot and heavy with her, I couldn't get it
up tonight if I had a pneumatic lift. It sure was a great party. In
24 hours we got the rec room covered with balloon's, laser
light displays, and decorations from some old obscure
planetary festival we gave once.  Looked like something
straight out of Mardi Gras. Uhura is magic. I think I'll ask her
to marry me.  If she's as good in bed as she is at planning
parties, I'll die a happy old man.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I'm drunk as a skunk. No, I
said that before, didn't I?  Where was I? Come on, McCoy,
get your head together, boy. I want to get this all done and
down in this log while it's still fresh in my mind. Uhura sings
like a dream. Spock is unbelievably good on that damn lyre,
even if Vulcan music reminds you of cats mating. At least he
plays some damn good Earther music, too. Scotty had us
rolling in the aisles. The man has a dirty mind. The jazz was
smoking. The food was fantastic.

It was wunnerful. Wunnerful, I mean wonderful. I love these
people. These are great people. What did I...?

Oh yeah, Jim, Jim is special. Nyota was right. He couldn't
stand by and do something that would keep his crew from
being happy, so it worked. We made everybody come in off-
duty clothes, no uniforms allowed. Nyota was dressed in a
shimmering gown that wrapped around her, baring both of
her shoulders and giving me a glimpse of the creamy black
brown skin underneath. That is one gorgeous woman. Hey,
maybe I don't need a pneumatic lift. Nyota where the hell are
ya when a guy needs to get laid?

Chapel had her hair down. She ought  to keep it that way.
She wore a pair of long, loose,  flowing pants. Somehow,
those looked sexier on her than any of these damn short
skirts they make these women wear. Rand came in a tube
dress that was red, bright hot red. It had a slit all the way up
the side, and I mean all the way. Whew. It's really fun to be a
dirty old man. I sound like some damn fashion consultant. It
was just so strange seeing everybody dressed up and out of
uniform. It was like meeting a room full of new people.

When the party started, Kirk was nowhere to be found. He
had decided to let the first shift go, and he took over the
bridge with a skeleton crew, so the first shift could
participate. I called to the bridge hollering above the noise,
that if he didn't get his ass down here, and in civvies, I was
gonna come and escort him down, doctor's damn orders.
Took him another 30 minutes to get to the damn party.
Stubborn bastard.  It was a brilliant idea on my part, because
that gold uniform means no freedom. No damn freedom
when you're the Captain. It's a damn cage. Why the hell did
he wanna do this anyway? The boy coulda been anythin'. You
know, there's nothing a man can do for me, but show me
where a beautiful woman is sitting. But, if I did like men, I
would have to jump James Kirk's bones. Hey, I made a pun.

The man has a great body, and put that together with his face
and eyes, well you can imagine the effect he had when he
walked into the room.  Number one, he was wearing a pair of
silk pants, blue as night, they weren't even tight, but it was
obvious he didn't have a damn thing on under them. You
know why that was so obvious? Because his package was
almost showing. Damn man was just flaunting his stuff.  The
pants were loose around his waist so they fell forward just a
little bit.  The only other thing he had on was a silk shirt, a
dark, green, sleeveless, silk shirt that he didn't button. His
chest was showing and his damn belly. Show-off. The boy
has tight abs. I wonder how long that'll last. It all goes with
age, ya know. When he walked into the room, I thought I
would have to give mouth to mouth to at least 50 crewwomen,
and almost as many crewmen. He sent me a small sarcastic
smile and went over to sit by himself and watch the festivities.

I know what he was doing. He was trying to get me to send
him away, to put his uniform on, or go back to the bridge. Hell
no, he wasn't getting away with that. Piper told me about that
thing with the chocolate lace, or swirl, or sumthin'. Shit, I know
it was ice cream. I think he does stuff like that to make
himself feel alive sometimes. He needs to remind people that
he has other things besides Captain's braids. I wasn't
sending him out. I didn't give a shit if all the woman fainted.
Nobody was gonna rape him, so he was safe. If a few more
folks got rosy palms, or wet dreams, or laid tonight because
of his appearance, too damn bad. There was too much at
stake. I smiled back at him and refused to take the bait. That
got him.

So, he sat by himself against the wall for while, and stewed in
his own juices.  Then the festivities started and I watched him
while he looked at Uhura, closed his eyes, and lost himself in
her voice.  When Spock came up and started playing, Kirk
got a little smile on his face that never left the entire time
Spock played.  Gradually, I could see our Captain relaxing,
and Scotty's dirty stories sent him over the edge.  He laughed
his heart out with the rest of us; that is the rest of us except
Spock, of course.

The music started and everybody began to dance.  Kirk got
up to leave, but before he could run back to his den, Uhura
crossed over to him, put her hands out and pulled him up
from the chair. I could see Kirk talking to her, his face broke
into a shit-eating smile and he nodded, yes.  Uhura led him
out on the floor, where they stood and looked at each other
for a few seconds, just smiling, and then they danced.  It was
a slow dance, and the way they molded themselves together,
it was pretty obvious they had been at it before.  When they
moved across the floor, they swayed together, a matched
pair of smoothness.  It was wonderful to watch. They really
looked good together.  I counted more than one person
staring at them in amazement.  Imagine that, a Captain who
could dance.

When they came towards me, I could see that Uhura's eyes
were closed, and she had the sweetest smile on her face.  I
couldn't see Kirk's eyes, so I can't say what he was doing, but
his body was telling the whole story.  He was obviously
enjoying himself.  When the music  ended he stepped back
and looked at Nyota, almost shyly.  She leaned forward took
his face in both of her hands and kissed him lightly on his
forehead.  Shit, she is a good woman.  While they were
standing there, someone came up behind Kirk and tapped
him on his shoulder.  When he turned around, who do you
imagine was standing there? Yeah, you're right, Yeoman
Janice Rand.

Wait a minute. I know I'm drunk 'cause I'm quizzing a log tape.
Sheesh. She held her arms out to him, and asked for the
second dance.  I could see the last tension leave Kirk and
flee from his body.  He danced the rest of the night away,
going from crewwoman to crewwoman, interspersed with a
few brave crewmen. I have to hand it to James Kirk. When
the first guy asked him to dance, he didn't bat an eye. He
didn't slow dance with a guy, though. I think that was asking
too much of him. Everyone who wanted to, had a dance with
the Captain.

Needless to say, he didn't get drunk, or anything like that, but
the smile on his face took ten years off of him, and made the
whole room light up. I don't think Kirk knows how to get drunk
and out of control, yet.  However, I'm planning on showing him
how do that, too.  Before the next four years is over, that boy
is going to learn how to get loose as a goose, if I have any
say in it. I might as well use my skills as a lush, and a
profligate sinner, for something useful. I'm going to teach
James Tiberius Kirk how to let loose and romp.

Spock, now that's another issue. I don't guarantee nothin'
'bout him, but he did good. He even danced twice, once with
Uhura. She can obviously get anybody to do anything. Kiss
my wrist, if he didn't dance once with Christine Chapel. She's
still floating in the stratosphere. She better go get laid and
stop wasting her breath and energies on Spock. He's not
ever going to catch what she's throwing. Spock didn't sing, or
laugh either, but the entire night he watched his Captain have
fun. I swear, I saw a little smile on his face, at least once.  I'm
not going to ask the Vulcan if he had any fun, he'd just say
something ignorant like: Vulcans don't require fun.  But, I'm
telling you, Spock had fun watching his Captain dance and
finally relax.  I've got to go to the bed now, before I end up
asleep in this damn chair.  That was one great party. I think I
may stay on this ship after all. G'night. Oops, wait a minute,
you don't say that to a log, oh yeah...

End Log