Title: Doctor's Logs 18
Author: Istannor 
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG 13]
Codes: Lang.
Summary: McCoy thinks about his life and times.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them I only check 'em out from the library.
I promise to bring 'em back.



Doctor's Logs 18



Stardate 1772.3


There's really nothing to report that is new on this log. We are
heading out to deep space and everything is working well on
the ship. Nobody is hurt, and nobody is trying to kill us.  All in
all, life is good.  I have been spending every dinner with Jim
and Spock.  It seems that since our shoreleave, we are much
more comfortable with each other. Even Spock is not always
as rigid and as much of an asshole as he used to be, at least
when he is with Jim.  And Jim... Jim is beginning to show a
side of himself that I never was really sure was real.  Sam
was right; there is a very special, very pure person inside of
him.

I got them both back for that water gun trick, and I got them
real good. Jim was treated to itching cream and Spock's
face was as green as an emerald.  When McCoy gets them,
they stay got. I am waiting for Jim's next move though. I
suspect he can be one sneaky son of a gun, when he puts his
mind to it.

I've spent a few of my nights with my friend from engineering.
We're not in love, and there is no chance for us to be in love,
but we are good company for each other. The sex is good,
the conversation is good, and both of us understand that it's
not going any further than that.  I think that is all  I really want
from a relationship now, at least since my ex-wife decided to
bed her tennis pro. No, let me be perfectly honest, she
screwed her tennis pro, the high school principal, and finally
ended up in the bed of my department chair from the
hospital.  Never mind, I am not going to dwell on it.

I've found something my daughter Joanne would like and I
mailed it off on our last shoreleave.  She is growing up so
fast that it leaves me breathless.  It was a beautiful little set of
dolls from 15 of the Federation members.  I thought she
might like those and it was the least I could do considering
I'm not there when she needs me every night to put her to
bed.  I keep forgetting that she is 15, and much too old for
anyone to tuck her in.  At least, she better not have anybody
tucking her in, or I'll shoot him.  Damn, here I am screwing the
brains out of somebody's daughter, and hoping against hope
that no one will screw the brains out of mine.  Shit.

When I leave Jim to go meet my friend for a really fun roll in
the hay, he and Spock stay in the rec room and play chess,
or return to their quarters to work and go to sleep.
Sometimes, if I can't sleep I wander the ship at night.
Invariably, in the old days, I use to find my Captain walking
the ship until the wee hours of the night to put her down to
sleep, or working out by himself in the gym. Recently, he and
Spock often work out together in the gym at night.  That's the
only time they can spar and half the crew won't come to
watch.  The entire crew, I think, is fascinated with both our
Captain and his First Officer. Neither one of them ever have
a moment when all the eyes are not on them, except in their
own cabins, or late at night in the gymnasium.

I've been thinking alot about what Jim told me on shoreleave
lately.  He's right; I have never seen him drunk.  I also have
never seen him use drugs, or mood elevators.  And  the one
thing I am certain of, is that he has never broken his word and
tried to have an affair with a crew member.  So what the hell
does that leave him to do except jerk off every night, play
chess, and go to the gymnasium?  Oh my, I forgot he can
always work. This makes no sense psycho- socially.   A 32
yr. old, intelligent, virile, sensual, healthy man, or woman,
should not be stuck out in the middle of space for months and
month and months at a time without any sexual release.

Starfleet regulations are stupid.  I know what the basis of the
regulations is: Starfleet wants to make sure there was no
chance of sexual harassment between a commander and
his/her subordinates. The only thing they forgot to account for
is that we are not out here for weeks at a time, days at a
time, or hours at a time, we're out here for years.  Not only
are we out here for years, but we may rarely or never go back
to the same place twice.  We may not be back on Earth for
the entire five years of our mission.  If we had a family, when
were we supposed to see them? I have not seen my
daughter for two years, five months, and twenty-five days. I
have no idea how many hours it has been, but I could use the
computer to figure it out.

Starfleet takes the best  and the brightest of the Federation,
during their prime reproductive years, and the height of their
sexual prowess, and puts them on a  ship in the middle of
space. Then they tell them they can't screw each other unless
they're exactly equal or they have nothing to do with each
other on a normal day, and Starfleet thinks this is normal.  Tell
me again why this makes sense?  I watch Jim out of the
corner of my eye sometimes. He'll lean back in his chair in
the rec room and he'll watch young couples talking to each
other and flirting together.  He gets this strange little half
smile on his face while he watches affection, or sometimes
even love blossom.  I think he must be a masochist.  How the
hell do you watch everybody else on the ship have a chance
at love, and at 32 know that you can't touch anything you see?
I have never been celibate in my life for longer than a month,
and that was only because I was too damn drunk to get it up
after my wife and I broke up.

I watch Spock never, ever, look at anything sexually, but then
what do you expect from a Vulcan? Jim... Jim's case is
entirely different.  Sometimes, I can see him watch Uhura and
the need is so open you could almost bottle it. Somehow,
he's never done anything about it.  As far as I know, he has
never said a single word to her about wanting to continue a
relationship with her.  Now that she and Sulu are a number,
he is even more careful to make sure that no one ever sees
him watching her. I see it all.

There are a lot of other women on this ship who would love
the Captain to turn his eyes on them, but he never does.  I
don't know if I could live with that kind of sexual frustration for
months on end.  I know for damn sure I'd go crazy every
single shoreleave.  I think by the end of a few months, they'd
have to watch their doughnuts around me  I'd be so busy
trying to go after anything that had an opening. Well, at least it
would have to be a warm doughnut. Who would believe that I,
a middle-aged, average looking, pock-marked, skinny male,
am on the receiving end of more regular sex than the best
looking, brightest, unmarried, and youngest Captain in the
history of Starfleet, and the darkly handsome, inhumanly
strong, and mysterious Vulcan First Officer? Go figure.

This is not right, and there's not a damn thing I can do about.
One day it is all going to come to a head for our dear
Captain, and it is not going to be pretty.  I guess this is why
only four Starship Captains have ever survived to retire,
intact.  This kind of work drives them crazy, and we give them
a sled so the trip is downhill and easy. I think I am going to
teach Jimboy how to let loose and get drunk, doctor's orders.
I will have to figure out some way to justify it to Starfleet if I get
caught, "causing the willful intoxication of a member of the
command staff while on board a vessel on active duty", but
what the hey, what is life without a little risk?

END LOG