Title: Doctor's Logs 33
Author: Istannor
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG 13]
Codes:
Summary:

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them I only check 'em out from the library.
I promise to bring 'em back.



Doctor's Logs 33

This is a lovely world.  I'm enjoying the hell out of it.
Crystalline beaches surround us, unmarred by human footsteps
or kiosks advertising the latest in fruit drinks.  Oceans
for as far as the eye can see roll with sluggish tides and
ancient waves.  This planet makes me feel young as a second.
Most importantly, there are no Klingons on this planet, no
carnivores, no Orions, and nothing to kill my crew.  Maybe
we can get through this one adventure without any losses or
injuries.

I'll drink to that.

Jim has decided to let everybody go down to the world and
have a go at some shoreleave.  Spock swears there's nothing
down there that will hurt anybody.  There doesn't seem to be
any toxins inimical to human life and there doesn't seem to
be anybody who wants to make humans into dinner.  I would
call this place Nirvana, wouldn't you?

We need a break right through here.

When I think about what's been happening to this crew over
the last few months, I have to stop and shudder.  I'm not
sure any of us were ready for this type of adventure.  You
would think that out in space where planets are separated by
a millions of kilometers, there would be plenty of room to
keep out of trouble.  What ever is the case for the rest of
the star ships in Starfleet, that certainly is not the case
for us.

I need this rest, the crew needs this rest, and Jim needs
this rest.  I'm not sure about Spock, or what he needs,
because he would never tell me.  I watch Jim take a deep
breath and keep plodding ahead and I hope he doesn't run
into any walls.  One day he will and I can only hope and
pray that I will be there to put him together afterwards.

I went down to the planet surface to relax for a while on
the beach.  The sand was unusually fine, the result of
millions of years of water wearing it away to the smallest
particle of matter.  It's gray, because of a high proportion
of silica and it works its way into your pores and under all
your fingernails.  We all have to go through decontamination
at least twice before beaming aboard the ship.  Still, I
have to say that I'm enjoying it.  There's not much for me
to do and the view is magnificent.

I've thought a lot about the incident with John Gill.  I
guess I can accept the fact that Jim killed the man.  God
knows Gill made an unforgivable error.  One of the things
Starfleet drummed into us before we ever came out here on
the ship, was to never try to make anyone else's
civilization into a copy of our own.  Gill knew he was wrong
and he did it anyway.  How many times did Humans make the
same mistake on Earth?  Why is it that we never learn our
lesson? How many civilizations did pride, arrogance, and the
concept of the manifest destiny destroy?

It wasn't until the 20th century that Americans finally
admitted that Columbus didn't discover America.  Shit,
Viking, Polynesian,and African sailors had already been
there centuries Before and there were millions of people
living there already. How do you discover someplace that was
never lost? What he did was rediscover a route to a land
that was already populated by civilization as old as his
own.  What he did was set up the destruction of that
civilization and begin a process of rationalization for the
rape of a land and the people.  All of it was done out of
the true belief that European civilization was imminently
better than anything ever founded previously. Bullshit. The
Europeans put bullets in guns, that was what was more
powerful, and history denigrates whoever can be conquered by
force. The prize goes to the powerful, not the wise.

John Gill made the same mistake.  He decided that what he
offered was better than what they would come up with on
their own.  He decided that he knew what was best.  What a
crock.

So, Gill is dead and life goes on elsewhere.

The universe didn't even bat its eye.

I'm not quite sure what to do about Christine.  Jim told me
everything about what happened down on the planet with her
and Roger Corby. Different missions and different planets,
but the same damn thing happened. Corby is dead and Jim is
alive. Are you noting a pattern here? Anyway, Jim told me
something he didn't put in his own report: Christine begged
him not to make her choose between her fiancée, Roger Corby,
and her duty to Starfleet. I wonder what her choice would've
been if Corby had been alive and not an android.

I didn't see the android that came on board. I have no idea
if I would've recognized the substitution. I can only hope
and pray that I would've noted that it was lacking Jim's
humanity, but maybe it's more complicated than that. I asked
Spock how he picked it up, and he took a longer time to
answer me than I expected. I'm not sure he gave me the
absolute truth, but he said Jim hollered at him and told him
he was tired of Spock's half-breed interference. That clued
Spock into the fact that it wasn't Jim.

I know I've covered this territory before, but it continues
to eat at me. What's the difference between an android with
all the memories of a man, and a man with all the memories
of a man?

The damn robot was identical to hear Spock tell it, and yet
Spock knew it wasn't Jim. I asked him if he touched Jim, and
he denied it. If it wasn't touch telepathy, what the hell
was it that clued Spock into the deception? I don't accept
the bit about Jim yelling at him. Jim yells at a lot of
people, and they usually have it coming. Strange when you
think about it, ain't it? Why didn't he just think that Jim
was tired of his interference?

I asked him about that.

Spock says: "The Captain has never evinced any racial
animosities or antipathy towards anyone regarding their
genetic inheritance; it's always about their personal
performance." Spock told me if Jim had hollered at him and
said, I'm tired of your meddling, Spock would've left the
room and left Jim alone. He then would've waited
approximately 23.4 minutes for Jim to come and apologize. He
says he has tracked Jim's emotional outbursts, and it never
takes Jim more than 30 minutes to apologize for angry
outbursts. He said that if Jim had not come within that
time, he still would've been suspicious.

How do you like that? He has Jim's apologies down to a fine
science. Dammit if he isn't right though. Jim never stays
angry for long, and if he goes off on you and he's wrong, he
always apologizes. It was one of the first things I noticed
about him when I joined the ship. It is a vanishing rare
trait in a man of power and privilege. Power corrupts and so
on. It will corrupt him too, eventually, but until that day,
he does a damn good job of keeping himself in check.

One of the things he never asks anyone to do is change who
they are. He wants us to hit the mark, do our job, but he
allows us the ability to do it our way. Results are what
counts on this ship. I like that. I have to, considering my
mouth. Nobody has to tell me how abrasive I am. I know it
and if I didn't, I've been told enough to remember. I can't
change who I am. Thank God he sees through my rapid fire
lips to the real me. Thank God he has enough balls to
apologize when he's wrong. I'm really grateful that a hate
filled diatribe against an Officer is so atypical, that it
set off every alarm in Spock's head.

Spock told me that Jim even apologized for his choice of
what he used to clue Spock in. He knew it would hurt Spock's
'non-existent' feelings to hear it, but he had to put the
welfare of the ship ahead of Spock's emotional welfare. Jim
said he figured that if it worked, Spock would accept his
apology. If it didn't work, he'd be dead, and never know
what Spock thought.

I'm going to go get a cooler and stock it with mint juleps,
put on some tanning lotion, trunks, and head to the beach.
I'm planning on trying to get my captain drunk. . .yet
again. It's an ongoing project. Scotty keeps asking why I
try. He says he has never seen the man drunk, but he has
seen him consume an impressive amount. Scotty claimed that
Pike couldn't get drunk either. He thinks it's some secret
thing they do to Starship Captain's to keep them from being
security risks. I didn't tell him that Jim has hinted at the
same thing, but I don't buy it. Physiology is physiology and
chemistry is chemistry. I'll find the right mix one-day, and
I'll finally see that boy with his hair down. When I stop to
wonder why it's so important to me to get him likkered up, I
realize that it's all about me, and I can accept that. He
has to have something, some one thing that will allow me a
better look inside that fortress of his command image. I
need to know the real him, especially if I'm going to be
responsible for his soul.

Soul. Brrrr. Weird, where did that come from? I don't know,
but it sounds right.

Maybe we can get a barbecue going with some veggie burgers.
Yum.

Give me a slab of real pork ribs, any day.

End Log