Title: Doctor's Logs 38 Author: Istannor Series: TOS Part: 1/1 Rating: [PG 13] Codes: Summary: There is no cure in sight for the good Captain and McCoy can't get to sleep. Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and Viacom, they own them I only check 'em out from the library. I promise to bring 'em back. Doctor's Logs 38 I can't sleep: into the Song, part 4 I can't sleep. It's almost two o'clock in a morning and I'm still wide-awake. M'Benga is on duty now, but there's not much for either one of us to do right through here. I hate feeling helpless. I don't want to say this. I think Jim may be dying and I haven't been able to do a damn thing about it. Shit. We've got his core temperature back to baseline and all of his nutritional levels, chemistries and vital signs are normal, and he hasn't batted an eyelid, or moved a limb. We're doing all the work and if we turned off the machines, he'd dwindle down to death. Maybe it would take a day, maybe two, but he'd die. He's unresponsive to painful stimuli, cortical stimuli, or brainstem stimuli. Jim just lays there and ignores everything we do. I'm exhausted. We have two levels and five labs on this ship devoted to science. Folks are working on their own time to find a solution, and nothing we've come up with has worked. I'm back to reviewing the records of the other folks we brought back. Why did they respond to treatment and Jim didn't? We tried getting a recording of the Song on all wavelengths and frequencies, including some I think Uhura invented just for us. Nothing. I'm almost desperate enough to call Jim's strange cousin, Jean Little. She scares the shit out of me, but if she can save Jim, I'll marry her. Unfortunately, he'll probably be dead before we find her. I'm too tired to even have a drink. Anyway, I need a clear head. One taste is all you get tonight, Leonard H. The rest is for later, to celebrate fixing Jim. <. . .> 56 hours ago I walked Spock back to his cabin and made sure he went and got in bed. I don't know why I bothered. Either he's been in here with Jim, or in the lab trying to find out how to wake Jim up. I have no idea how much sleep he's gotten over the last few days. I doubt if he's had enough, but who can blame him? I had Giotto put a guard outside my First Officers cabin and Spock's being watched everywhere he goes. I only let him piss in private. Other than that, I don't trust him as far as I can spit him. It turns out the log tape-recorded everything we said in my office the other day. Spock and I didn't sound like we were on very friendly terms. That, I expected. What was surprising to me was how confused . . . and distant Spock sounded. It . . . scared me a little. Spock being focused is like Jim being in charge, a basic law of the cosmos. Evan and Christine got recorded, too. I never knew Evan was bonded to a Vulcan woman. Maybe that explains why he stayed on Vulcan for so long, why he stayed to learn Vulcan healing. I wonder what it was like. Why would anyone want someone in their head all the time? Well, I'll never ask him about it unless he brings it up. I don't think he meant for me to know. By the way, what did Evan mean about Jim being in Spock's regard? They're friends; that's all. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that anyone could be Spock's friend, but there's no accounting for taste. The last thing Jim needs is another case of hero worship, especially from his First Officer. Jim can do that to a person, make them put him up on a pedestal, make him something he's not. He's just a man like the rest of us with dicks. Yeah, I know he's smart and brave, loyal and conscientious, etc., but he's no frigging Boyscout. Hell, who would've ever guessed a Vulcan would contract a case of Hero Worship? I wonder if they have a phrase like that in their vocabulary? Spock was probably so starved for attention and affection that Jim was like a revelation. If the idiot would try to integrate his warring halves, he might get another friend or two. But he's so busy being a reverse racist he cuts out the rest of us. I know there's nothing else Evan could be talking about. Jim doesn't do men. I've seen men ask and I've seen him always say no. I think it has something to do with Tarsus, but I can't verify it. Why do I think that? Because Jim will screw an Aldebaran trisexual, but he won't look at a Human male, except to command him, or fight them. Even his friends aren't exempt. He's the top dog and nobody is his equal. I don't fool myself that Jim can have a relationship of equals. The only reason Spock and I work so well with him is because we know he's in Command, and he knows we know it. Sick, ain't it? Anyway, Jim would never screw a member of his crew, male or female. He didn't do that when he wasn't a captain. Too much conflict of interest for him, I guess. I think that's the only reason he and Uhura aren't an item. I see the way he looks at her. Damn, I see the way I look at her. The only het or bi- male on this ship who doesn't lust after Uhura is Spock, and I'm not certain Vulcans are het, bi or anything in between. There isn't any information on their sexual proclivities anywhere I can find. That shit is shut up tighter than Fort World Knox or an Alpha Centaurian Virgin Cult Priestess' you know what. No matter what the folks say or think about it, Jim keeps his trouser snake caged on board his own ship. God, what am I thinking? Spock would be the last person to lust after Jim. Damn, what a strange train of thought. I wonder what brought that on? Stress makes a man think weird things. Stress also gives me a particularly foul mouth. Why? No matter what Christine says, I don't think Spock and I would kill each other trying to save Jim. I'd like to think we'd work well together, at least when Jim is in danger. I'd be lying to myself, but I'd like to think it. Maybe I'll call a truce with the Vulcan, and let him know I won't fight him if we need to close ranks for Jim's sake. I mean, dammit, I let him out of his cabin to do research, didn't I? That's against regs. He should be totally confined to his cabin, so I'm trying. I know there isn't anybody on this ship who will work harder to save Jim, so it's a good decision. He may be inscrutable for everything else but that. I'm so tired I stopped making sense hours ago. I need some sleep. I'll think about this after a few hours of rest. That's enough for you Lady log. Leonard! He's gone, and he took the Captain! Who's gone? You and I both know it was Spock! Fuck, fuck, fuck! How long and where? I don't know. I've been out of Sickbay for over two hours. I was in the lab looking at those wave resonance results and when I came back, Jones was in a closet, out cold along with Chand. The system alarms were bypassed and the Captain was gone. How the hell could he have gotten down a hall full of people? It's 0215, there aren't more than a few folks in the halls around this time. He used the Vulcan nerve pinch on both of them. Chand, at least, should've known better than to let Spock near him. Fucking idiot. I paged Giotto already. Good. Damn, Spock even took a portable life support pack. Double Fuck! Bridge! Where's Scotty? Did anybody beam off this ship or use a shuttle in the last hour? Damn. Get me Mr. Scott and patch him through to sickbay, stat. Damn, damn, damn. Leonard, you know Spock wouldn't hurt the Captain. I don't know a damn thing, Evan, except I bet the reclamation team is out cold in a closet somewhere, too. Spock's been acting stranger than I've ever seen him act. We don't know he isn't going down there to join the damn Song. Wake those two up while I go get an emergency pack together. Let Scotty know what we think. Keep it quiet, Evan. We don't want anyone to shoot the damn fool by mistake and hit Jim. They may both still be on board, though odds are against it. Okay, Leonard. Leonard! What? Look, this behavior Spock's exhibiting, it's. . . <...> We don't have all day, dammit, talk! Leonard, it could be normative for Vulcans, especially in certain situations. Fuck normative behavior, Evan, he took my patient out of my own sickbay. This place belongs to me and the patients in it are my responsibility. His ass is mine. Fuck! Crazy fucking Vulcan. I'll serve him up rare if he ends up killing Jim. Goddammit, how many times do I have to turn this damn log off! 1 1