Title: Doctor's Logs 8 Author: Istannor Series: TOS Part: 1/1 Rating: PG13 Codes: Lang., content Summary: McCoy is ordered to keep a personal log as a physician, of his observations aboard the Enterprise. They are for his use only, for therapy, and to work out any issues he might have. Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and Viacom, they own them I only check 'em out from the library. I promise to bring 'em back. McCoy's logs are often out of order, as far as dates, secondary to ion storm damage to the memory banks and his forgetting to back them up on a secondary site, like Spock told him to. Doctor's Logs 8 Stardate 1755.6 We had an accident in the Science lab five days ago. Some new ensign twisted when he should have yanked. Anyway, the reactants for a geological experiment got spilled and all the samples they were working on were ruined. You know who is the head of the Science lab, Spock. Well guess who shows up on sick call today , but Ensign Patel, the ensign in question. It seems he has stomach pain, sleeplessness, and headaches. I didn't know the details until today, but the boy sobbed while he told me how he felt after Spock talked to him. Dammit, if that pointy eared, green skinned, walking computer for heart, didn't walk over to the boy and say: "Ensign Patel, that was undoubtedly one of the most ill conceived and poorly executed maneuvers I have ever witnessed. You have not only ruined our experiments currently in progress, but you have set up a cascade that will set our entire lab behind schedule by approximately 14.54 days." Then he had the boy clean up the mess and confined him to his quarters: "in order to review and memorize proper lab procedure." He wants to be transferred off the ship, because he feels like such a failure. He's afraid he may be a danger to the crew. I sat and talked with him for a while, then gave him something to make him sleep. Next, I went looking for the Vulcan. I was too damn mad to wait for him in the sickbay. I found him in Hydroponics, checking on the ongoing experiments there with hybrid plants. I waited as long as I could for him to finish what he was doing, but he seemed to just go on like I wasn't there. If I shouted at him a little, I sure felt I was justified. That bastard knew I was waiting for him. Anyway, he raised his eyebrow and looked at me like I was a damn pithed frog. That got me madder. By the time I got him off into a side room, I admit I was boiling. If I went after him too hard, it was because I care and he made me angry. I asked him what he had on his mind, what did he hope to achieve by making Ensign Patel feel like the lowest form of idiot. He calmly informed me that he only made a factual statement, and the Ensign's act was one of the most ill conceived and poorly executed maneuvers he had ever seen. He stated that he had given the man a period of learning and reflection to correct his deficiencies. He felt this to be logical. Also, he told me did not see any logic behind my outburst. I got even madder. "Logic be damned," I told him. "You don't tell a young mind that. It makes them feel horrible and serves no purpose." Spock replied, "Feelings are not my concern, Doctor. He needs to do things in the appropriate manner, in order to prevent further such occurrences." I know I was raising my voice. Probably one of the hydroponics staff got worried and called the Captain, because the next thing I knew, in walks James Kirk. By this time, I'm telling Spock how tired I am of his denial of the role of feelings in the crew's performance. Then, I hear my name being called in a voice I had never heard used against me. Don't let anyone ever tell you James Kirk does not have the gift of command voice. They teach it at command school. I know that, but not everyone has it. Kirk does. When he does it, his voice has a coldness and danger to it that makes you want to obey, right away. The way he said, Dr. McCoy, I shut up. I mean, my mouth closed so fast, my teeth clicked. I don't know how the hell he does that. Spock stopped too, and we both just looked at him. We probably looked like two complete fools right then. This real quiet voice came next, "Gentleman," he said. "There seems to be a disagreement; please enlighten me." Well this freed me up, so to speak, and I spilled my guts so fast I tripped over them. Spock just stood there and looked. Kirk listened without interruption, and when he saw I was finished, he asked me if my main complaint was the manner in which Spock chastised the crewman. Hell yes, I told him. He asked me next, was my concern that the information was not packaged in a manner that benefited the crewman, and caused growth. Exactly, I crowed. Oh shit, did I walk into the next one. "Then," he asked, "what information did you hope to transmit to Mr. Spock through hollering and throwing insults at him?" Well damn, calling him a pointy eared, green skinned, walking computer isn't insulting, is it? I know. Next, he asked if I expected Mr. Spock to take any information seriously, that came packaged in that manner. I shut up. Oh, it wasn't over. He wasn't finished with either of us. Next, he turned to Spock. "Spock," he says. "If you listen to Dr. McCoy's factual statement only, did you indeed say those words to the crewman?" Spock didn't hesitate with his: yes, sir. "Spock, inefficiency is illogical, correct?" Spock again agreed. " Would you agree that presenting information in a manner that prevents its acceptance and inclusion into the performance patterns, to be inefficient?" Again, Spock agreed. Kirk then stated, "Then, I submit to you, a statement, or statements, that are factual, but still result in the necessary information, and instructions not being heard, are inefficient, and therefore illogical. One must conclude, that statements that hurt the feelings of the person you wish to instruct, are therefore illogical, because they interfere with your desired instruction. They are inefficient and illogical." Kirk just paused with a half smile on his face and waited for Spock to digest the statement. I swear, it was like a light suddenly went on in the Vulcan's face. He straightened up and blinked his eyes once, and when he looked at Kirk again, he made me feel like a complete fool for the way I had handled him. "Your premise has no logical flaws that I can perceive, Captain. I must re- evaluate my interaction with the members of the crew. Perhaps certain facts need not be vocalized, especially, if they interfere with the learning process. If I may, Sir, I would like to return to my quarters to meditate on this new insight. I'll have further discussion with Ensign Patel after I have fully integrated this new paradigm." Kirk dismissed him. I was awestruck to say the least. There I was, hollering and screaming at the man. Jim comes in quietly and puts forth a logical argument. Spock agrees and leaves. Damn. When I made to go, Kirk stopped me. I keep forgetting how mercurial this man can be. One minute, he was calm, quiet, and in the midst of a logical presentation to his First Officer. The next minute, he was looking at me with a smoldering anger. I took an involuntary step back. "Bones," he said, "you were hollering, screaming, and hurling personal slurs at the second in command of this ship. I don't care how mad you think you are, you count to 10, 40, or 10,000, if you need to. Don't you ever attack Spock like that again." Hold on, wait a minute, I started. "No, there is no wait. I will not have you corrupting his position of authority on this ship. I will not have you denigrate his Vulcan origin, or appearance. You better put yourself under the microscope, Doctor. It is you and your performance that does not stand up to close scrutiny. Spock's actions had no harmful intent. He did not understand. Now, he is beginning to. You, on the other hand, fully understood what you were doing. You just were so busy flailing, hoping to get an emotional response out of him, that you didn't care what damage you inflicted. Vulcans have emotions, Doctor, and feelings, they just control them. I will not have you doing to him intentionally, what you accused him of doing out of ignorance. Look at yourself in the mirror, McCoy. Tell me what you see." Kirk turned and walked away. I sat in there forever it seemed. When I got back to my cabin, I got drunk. It took me a bit to get the nerve to dictate this, because even hearing what I said during this log, makes me cringe. I was wrong . Spock was wrong, but at least he had an excuse. Lord knows, I was wrong to treat him worse than I would have wanted to be treated. I'm doubly wrong to rail at him for being different. Maybe, if I can get him to understand that being human is not being inferior, he and I could get along better. The man is half human, and he acts like that half doesn't exist. To me, that's like denying part of yourself, and if he denies the part that's human, doesn't that mean he considers the human half to be less, on some level? His denial angers me, and my anger repels him. Spock and I need to get past this, or else we won't be able to help Jim when he really needs us. End Log