Captain James T. Kirk
USS Enterprise NCC-1701
C/O Starfleet Operations
Earth Central
STARFLEET DIPLOMATIC COURIER, CODED SECURE


George Samuel Kirk Jr.
Bioagricultural Industries, Kirk Inc
Deneva Central
17 Junque St.
Deneva, UFP


Dear Sam,

We had an interesting encounter this week with some Orions.

We found 10 ragtag Orion ships entering Federation space.
They refused to stop and be boarded and then they tried to
run. To me, that meant they were smuggling. We chased them.
They had no chance.  My Lady could out run and out-maneuver
them all in her sleep.

We scanned the lead ship and it held 200 more life signs
that it should have. There were no recent reports of attacks
on shipping lanes, and no missing private vessels. It was a
mystery and you know how I hate mysteries. We kept getting
closer and closer and they still refused to answer our
signal.

They didn't even fire on us.

For an Orion ship, that is wholly against form. They love to
threaten you with planned vengeance and all types of painful
dismemberment when they fight. They also have a disturbing
propensity for suicide runs. This time all they did was run.
Curiouser and curiouser, but I admit it made me hold off
firing.

Finally, I got tired of chasing them and I had Uhura signal
them for the final time:" Stop, be boarded and searched, or
we will target your engines." I had her add my name and the
ship's name.

They signaled us back.

The screen filled with an older Orion male. Heavy-set, with
a big frontal ridge and yellow eyes.  He started talking
before I could open my mouth. "Are you The Kirk?" I told him
I was James Kirk and the guy actually shocked the mess out
of me.

He requested asylum.

I know you don't believe me, but I'm telling you the
absolute truth. Ten Orion ships asked for sanctuary. I think
I was as close to stuttering as I have ever been.

I turned around to look at Spock. Both of his eyebrows were
raised and his lips were pursed. In other words, he was in
shock. I fumbled out something about wanting to know why
they wanted asylum and the man invited me over to inspect
the ships and told me my visit would explain it all.

I said I was shocked, but I'm not stupid. There was no way I
was taking myself and a security team  onto a ship filled
with 400 Orions. I counter-offered with a robot probe to be
beamed over so they could show us what they wanted through a
vid link.

They agreed.

Reasonable Orions, I had found Nirvana. Next, fate will
introduce me to peace loving Klingons and ruin all my
preconceptions and prejudices.

I know, stop the sarcastic bullshit and get on with the
story.

We sent the probe over and got a full audiovisual link. The
ship was filled to the brim with men, women, old people, and
children. They stood shoulder to shoulder. From the look of
some of the women, more kids were on the way. They were
packed in so tightly, they hardly had room for everyone to
touch the deck surface. I beamed the Captain of the crew
over and he brought a civilian female with him.
If the whole day wasn't surreal enough, the next part was
even stranger. He presented the woman as his leader. I have
never heard or read about any female Orion Leader. They are
about as backwards as you can get regarding sex
discrimination. Almost as backwards as Starfleet seems
sometimes.

Her name was Arak-Lan Tou.  She was the Moses of her people.
Sam, all 10 of the ships were filled from stem to stern with
refugees. They were leaving Orion, clan wars, persecution,
and repression. All they wanted was to be free. She was
their prophet of peace. She said God had come to her in a
vision and told her to load all of her followers in ten
rickety ships, take them out into space, and they would find
a new home.

Big brother, they had absolutely no idea where to go. They
just headed out into space and waited for a sign.
Then we came along.

If you make a single crack about me, I will send your wife a
nude picture of you as a baby.

Spock was fascinated with the woman. They talked for hours
while I sent supplies and medical teams to all of the ships.
There were 5466 people on board the ships. That is more than
enough people for a viable colony.

Don't ask. Yes, I had Spock find them one. The USS
Enterprise led 5466 Orions to a virgin world we had mapped
on the borders of Federation space. The second official act,
after they landed and established a government, was to apply
for Federation membership.

Orions in the Federation; imagine that.

You know, I asked the Orion captain, his name is Jellro, why
he didn't stop earlier, or answer our ship-to-ships. He told
me he had faith we would be destroyed by God if we meant to
harm him. He kept going because either we were the promised
ones or we were dead. It was all in God's hands, according
to him.

I let that sit Sam, because it finally dawned on me to ask
Arak-Lan Tou how they got away from the Orion home worlds.
Listen to this and tell me if this doesn't send a little
shiver up your spine.

She said God convinced the Orion Clan Consul to let them go.
God afflicted her people with a disease that ran through
them like water through a sieve. Since they lived on a
private reserve, placed there by the Clan Council for
dangerous and subversive ideas, they were a little removed
from the rest of the Orion population. The Clan Council was
just going to kill them all and be done with it, when Arak-
Lan Tou suggested they use her people against the
Federation.

The Orions are terrified of infectious diseases. It seems
the first time they ventured out into space, they met a
bacteria that liked them. The bacteria liked them so much,
it killed approximately 1,346,000 people before they found
the cure. Needless to say, they are a little leery of
disease.

Arak-Lan Tou told the entire world of Orion to send them
away to take the wrath of God from their heads and let it
descend on the Federation. They promised to carry the
disease to us, so the Council let them go.

There's a catch. They are not infected with anything other
than a non-virulent  virus that causes a bad persistent
cold. The few who actually died were already sick or dying
from something else, but the Clan Council was too
frightened, too lazy, and too greedy to do the research on
the disease.

Sniffles set them free.

Isn't the universe a wonderful place? I tried so hard not to
laugh, my sides still ache.

Life is sweet, Sam. Now, our ship is part of the myth of a
new world. I'm a little embarrassed about the name they gave
me, though.

I'm called God's Guide.

Shut up.


Love,
Jim









September 30, 2000
Page 4