Title: Running Water
Author: Istannor 
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: NC 17
Codes: rape, m/m
Summary: This is the sequel to The Black Rhino's Horn and
Chocolate Swirl  Ice cream. This answers the question of
who Kirk was giving the show for, in the rec room. Be
forewarned, the answer may not be exactly what you wanted
to hear. This is not a fun and games conclusion.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them. I only check "em out from the
library. I promise to bring "em back.

Feedback Welcome.

Running Water


Piper was fuming. He paced back and forth in the sickbay
and waited for the Captain to arrive. How dare that young
idiot do something like that. The more he thought about it, the
angrier he got. All he had tried to do was cheer up the damn
fool and the crew with an ice cream social, for God's sakes.
Who'd have thought that the Captain of a starship would
purposefully sit and sexually tease his crew? If Kirk didn't
have a good explanation Piper planned to take the man off
duty for a psychiatric evaluation. Kirk had been acting
stranger and stranger ever since Gary had died. It had to
stop. Maybe the man was too young to handle the pressure.
But , to be fair, no other Captain in Starfleet had killed his
best friend in one-on-one combat. Hard to tell if Kirk's luck
was unbelievably good, or incredibly bad.

Piper turned at the sound of the door. Kirk stood in
Command gold, at parade rest: he was the picture of military
excellence. 'Doctor, you asked to meet with me."

"Come in, please. Follow me." Piper led Kirk to the back
office. "Sit, Captain. We are going to have a heart to heart.
This is officially off the record, for now." Piper sat and looked
at the Captain. Kirk's eyes were hooded, revealing little.

'What did you want to discuss?"

'I want to discuss your behavior at the social. What in the hell
was on your mind? You sat up there and basically went down
on a damn spoon in front of the crew. I can't believe you
would do something like that. Are you trying to drive them
nuts on purpose? You have to know that something like that
can destroy crew morale. Explain yourself to  my satisfaction,
or expect to report back here tomorrow for a full battery of
psych testing."

'I think you're over-reacting." Kirk said softly. 'It wasn't like
that."

'I was there. I saw it all. It was like that. Who the hell was that
show for anyway?"

'I don't know what you're talking about."

'Don't yank my chain, Kirk. Start with some answers, or
consider your self off duty."

Kirk jumped up so fast, Piper felt a flash of fear. 'Why can't
you leave me alone? So what if a few of the crew got a little
hot and bothered. Where does it say that I can't be human?
Where does it say I don't have needs? I'm sorry I'm not a
paragon of virtue, Doctor. Killers rarely are, you know. You do
what you have to, I have work to do."

'Wait one damn minute, Mister. You don't have any work,
unless I say so. What is this stuff about: 'Killers rarely are'?
I'm an old man, Jim, and I've seen a whole lot of saints and
sinners in my life. You are not a killer in anybody's book."

'Tell that to Gary's mother." Kirk stalked out of the office.

Piper rushed behind him. 'I told you to wait," he shouted, and
Kirk stopped. 'Don't make me take you off duty, Jim. Come
back in here and have a seat. Now."

Kirk stood rigidly. His back was to Piper. The Doctor began
to doubt if the man would come back. Before Piper could say
anything, he saw Kirk take a slow deep breath and turn
around. Kirk walked back into the office and began to pace.
Piper sat down and waited for him to finish. It hit him that
working with Kirk was going to take all that any Doctor could
give. Kirk finally sat down again. He stared intently at the wall,
effectively shutting Piper out.

'Talk to me, Jim. We're a good team. I know you trust me.
There's no doubt in my mind that you are a brilliant
Commander, possibly the best Starfleet has ever seen. You'll
never make it though, if you go over the edge first. What
happened down there with you and Gary? I want the truth, not
the official report."

Kirk leaned forward and held his head in his hands. The
sound of air flowing through the overhead vents was loud in
the background. Slowly, Kirk began to rock himself, just
slightly, back and forth, back and forth.

'Gary and I were best friends."

'I know, Jim."

'He saved my life. He was my roommate all through the
Academy. He fought for me, fought me, lied for me, lied to
me, and protected me since I was fifteen years old."

'Go on."

'I promised I'd bring him home. I crushed him with a giant
rock."

'Go on."

'He raped me before I killed him."

Piper felt his heart contract in pain, with a harsh rush of guilt.
He should have done a more thorough debriefing on the
grieving Captain. Oh damn, he should have done more. 'Tell
me."

'After I left you and Spock, I tracked Gary and Dr. Dayna to a
valley. They were standing there waiting for me. Gary could
hear my thoughts all the way. He sent Dr. Dayna to look at me
and see how insignificant a mere human was. I tried to
reason with her than with him, but they were too far gone,
especially Gary. Then I tried to use Dr. Dayna against him. I
just wanted to do something to free him of the influence of
what ever had taken him over. I thought our friendship would
protect me. I really loved him."

'We fought. I tried to use the laser rifle against him. It was like
throwing pebbles at the moon. He threw me around like a
child. I couldn't do anything. He was too strong. There was no
one there to help me. I remember thinking I was glad I came
alone. At least he would only kill me.

I finally convinced Dr. Dayna to help. Use any tool available.
She was the only other tool around. I remember him backing
me up against the rocks and then we were somewhere else.
Someplace outside of real space, or another world. I have no
idea where we were. I think Gary was even surprised. He
started smiling and looking around like a King surveying his
Kingdom."

'He had said: 'Morals are for men; not for Gods." He told me
to pray to him. I had no idea how much he really hated me."
Kirk began to tremble a little. He still held his head down.
Piper could only wait for the story to go on.

'He started laughing. 'Jim," he said, 'you have no idea how
tiresome it has been for me all these years, to have to always
run after you to keep up. I never could keep up. I hated it. You
were always smarter, faster, braver, more decisive, better
looking, always more than I could ever be. Now the shoes on
the other foot and I love it. I finally have the guts to tell you.
You aren't human. You are some damn prototype for the
perfect inhuman, human. Look at you. You never fail. You
never screw up. You never fall from grace. Well, I'm going to
take you on a ride down the mountain now, Kid. I should have
done it years ago.""

Piper could see that every last word was branded in Kirk's
memory.

'He forced me to lay down on the ground. He walked over
and started to rub on me. All the time, he was laughing. He
started to rub my dick and pull on it. I couldn't move. He let
me talk. I told him everything I could think of. I told him he was
my best friend. He pulled my shirt off. I reminded him of how
he fought Finnegan with me. He pulled my pants off. I talked
about our holidays on my farm in Iowa. He turned me over. I
started screaming at him that he was my friend, my best
friend. I just started screaming at him that I loved him. Again
and again, it was all I could say: I love you Gary. I love you
Gary. He fucked me until I thought I would die in agony. He
fucked me until blood ran down my legs and pooled on the
ground."

Kirk stopped. He was still. Piper prodded him. 'What
happened next?"

'He started crying. He turned me over. His eyes were light
silver. He dressed me. He cleaned me up. He healed me. All
the while he was crying. He kept saying to me over and over.
'Kid, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. You were my only friend. I
never meant to hurt you." Then, his eyes went back to deep
silver, and he took me back to Deneva, from wherever we
were, and I killed him."

'Jim, that was the disease, not the man you knew."

'Maybe. I'll never know for sure now, will I?"

'What is eating you the most, that he raped you, or that you
killed him?"

'Neither, Doctor." Kirk looked up at Piper and their eyes met.
'What bothers me the most is that I wanted to kill him." For
just one second, Piper was hit by the anguish radiating from
the young man. One second was more than Piper ever
wanted to feel of that type of pain again in life. He felt very
old.

'Jim, who was the show for in the rec room?"

'Gary."

'Why?"

'To show him that I am not a machine. To show him that I am
human. I got them all hot and bothered. I even took the Vulcan
on the ride with me. I am not a machine. I needed to feel that
for just a little while."

They sat silently. Both of them needed to collect themselves.
'Jim, I want you to be here every day, until I tell you differently.
You can stay on duty, but on beta shift I want you here. Do you
understand me?"

'Yes."

'Will you do it?"

'Yes."

Piper took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 'See you
tomorrow." He watched as the young Captain walked out
alone.

Kirk walked slowly back to his cabin. He went in undressed,
went into the bathroom, and stepped into the shower. He set
it for water. He needed water, not sonics. The water was hot.
It ran down his face, over his chest. He turned it up. It
pounded him with its force. He leaned back and let the water
run into his mouth until it overflowed and ran out and down his
neck.

He grabbed the soap and began to lather himself. He coated
himself with the rich suds. He scrubbed at first, but slowly the
rubbing became slower, less harsh. " Gary," he whispered.
He began to stroke himself. His chest, down his abdomen.
He trailed his hands between his legs. He felt his groin
pounding, throbbing. " Gary, I'm sorry." He wrapped his hand
around his slick erection and pulled once painfully. He
gasped in pain and pleasure. Then, he began to stroke.
Slowly, firmly, he stroked himself. There was no tease, no
uncertainty, no fumbling. He needed to have a small death
now. With the water running down him, cleansing him, he
needed to die in memory of his friend. Stroke, stroke - faster
, harder. His hips started to move back and forth as he
pushed into his own hand. 'Gary, forgive me." Harder, faster,
more, push, push, stroke, " Gary, I loved you."

He felt the wave building. He kept rocking, stroking, pushing.
The water ran over him; cascading down, beating on him,
burning him. Stroke, stroke. " Let me go, Gary. Let me go."
The wave came. It built and built, until it was a tsunami. It hit
him. It threw him forward against the shower wall. He
screamed. He came in long painful shudders. 'I forgive you,"
he whispered. The water washed it all down the drain. He fell
to the shower floor and lost himself in darkness.

The Vulcan stood in the doorway. He had seen it all, felt it all
through his shields. Kirk's pain had been so great, it had
called the Vulcan out of his meditation. That was not
supposed to be possible for a human, but Kirk had done it,
nonetheless. When Spock realized the human was
unconscious, he crossed the bathroom and turned the
shower off. He looked down at the wet, young, vulnerable
face of his Captain, and he felt a lurch from somewhere deep
inside him. He pushed it down into the deepest place of: Not
for you, Spock.

He silently picked up his Captain and carried him to the bed.
Kirk was obviously too emotionally and physically exhausted
to stir. Spock laid him in the bed. He went back into the
washroom for a towel and gently dried the human off. He was
careful not to wake him up. Spock stood silently at the
bedside for awhile. He watched the human sleep and he
wondered what the future would bring. He covered Kirk with a
blanket, turned off the lights and left the way he had come.

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