Title: Spock's Logs 16
Author: Istannor
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG13]
Codes: 
Summary: We do not understand many of the references in this
excerpt from Ambassador Spock's Logs. We are hoping that
further research will assist us in clarifying the meaning of
this Log.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom. They own them. I only check 'em out from the
library. I promise to bring 'em back.
Spock's Logs 16


Stardate: unknown



I met with Ambassadors Little.

Our conversation was most disconcerting.  She would be a
formidable opponent.  I am no longer certain of the outcome.
I  am certain of very few things regarding James Tiberius
Kirk, except his personal integrity and his dedication to
Starfleet and the Federation.  I am less certain of his
dedication to me.

Perhaps friendship does not have the same connotation for
him as it does for a Vulcan.  There are no casual friends
for a Vulcan.  The commitment is total.  I am no longer sure
his is total.  How can he serve so many masters and remain
true to any?

I informed Ambassador Little that I desired an audience with
her.  When I arrived, she was sitting calmly on the couch
with a glass of wine in her hand.

She welcomed me with a manner that was in complete
contradiction to our previous encounter.  It was as if our
encounter in my Captain's cabin was a figment of my
deficient imagination.

It is not my custom to make small talk.  I declined her
offer of wine, took a seat, and asked her what her
intentions were towards my Captain.

She said she had completed her task and she was only waiting
to reach Starbase 9.  She also informed me that she
"intended" to have dinner with her cousin later that
evening.

I asked her who and what she was.  She declined to answer
me.  I asked her what she had been doing to Jim.  She told
me no new information.  "It was a test; he passed."

In some ways, she reminded me of T'Pau and that caused me a
small amount of irritation which I quickly suppressed.  My
Grandmother is manipulative, imperious, and continually sits
in judgment of my deficiencies, real and imagined.

I then asked her why I was unable to initially discern her
true identity.  She also declined to answer that.  We were
at an impasse, however, she succeeded in looking only
amused.

I decided I had nothing further to tell her except my
declaration of intent.  I informed her that I would not
allow her to harm James Kirk in anyway, if I was able to
prevent it.  She rose to her feet and suddenly I felt an
energy surge in the room.  I fought down the urge to assume
an offensive posture.

She spoke.

"If I plan on harming my cousin, there's absolutely nothing
you can do to stop me."

I believe she believes that statement.  That will not
prevent my attempt to block her.

I rose to stand in direct opposition to her.  What was wrong
with me? Where did this drive to protect come from?  What
was happening to a lifetime of disciplines?  I felt the eye
began to open again and flames licked at the edge of my
vision.  I held onto my center and fought the flames.  I
know my face was a mask.

Suddenly, the energy was gone and her face softened into a
smile.  "Spock, we are not enemies.  We both are after the
same goals;  what is best for James Kirk, Starfleet, Vulcan,
and the Federation. You're loyalty and commitment to Jim is
honored and appreciated by The Chosen.  We know you; we see
you.  I do not wish to fight you, and I guarantee, Child,
you do not want to fight me," she chuckled a little.  "It is
not my place to tell you who Jim is.  His ability to reveal
the truth to you is a test he must pass on his own.  He must
learn to trust again... and love again.  I cannot do those
things for him, or for you."

She smiled and for 5.32 seconds, I could sense her power.
It would not have been an equal contest.  I also sense that
she was... the best word to use is, pleased... yes, she was
pleased with me.  I do not know why her pleasure at my
performance affected me; it did.

I no longer wish to engage her in a life or death contest.
Rather, I seek to understand who she is and through learning
that, I will better comprehend the intricacies of my
Captain.

George Samuel Kirk Jr. has solicited my co-operation and I
have pledged to protect James Kirk.  I would have come to
the same decision without Sam's intervention.  It is
possible I would never have articulated it as clearly as I
do now.  I must ask myself this question: had I known who
James Kirk really was, or what protecting him entailed,
would I have still agreed to undertake the task?

Yes.

Having answered that query, I now ask myself: if Jim never
tells me about his origins or his purpose, will that change
my decision to be Kali T'Zaled to him?

No.

My conclusion is: with or without more knowledge, I am Kali
T'Zaled.