Title: Spock's Logs 21 Author: Istannor istannor@aol.com Series: TOS Part: 1/ Rating: [G] Codes: Summary: Sequel to Doctor's Logs 36 and DL 37. Available soon at the author's web page, http://istannor.tripod.com/Istannor.html We give our thanks to Ambassador Spock's estate for allowing us to view these records. It allows us an unusual insight into the process by which the most famous Command team in Starfleet history became a team. Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and Viacom. They own them. I only check 'em out from the library. I promise to bring 'em back. - - - - Spock's Logs 21: "All changed" There is a line from a poem I have seen in one of your books by W.B.Yeats. It is called...Easter, 1916 "All changed, changed utterly: A terrible beauty is born." I did not wish this, Jim. I am changed, inutterably altered. I hear the Song. It is everywhere and I cannot escape. This is illogical. There should be no reason for me to remain aware of the Song of the Elders. I have erected psychic barriers, yet the Song scythes through them like a sandstorm. My defenses are shredded. <... > Jim is in the Song. I can hear the changes he has wrought. It is minuscule to the Elders, but his voice pulls me as surely as a lodestone. I am changed. It is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain myself, my place in this vessel of flesh. Jim calls me. <...> Joy, such joy. He sails among the stars. I can sense his journey. He does not realize it is dangerous. I think he believes he is only dreaming, free of nightmares for once. <...> He calls me ... and if I answer, he will die. I... must ... remain. <...> Space. The science is stimulating. The challenge offers rewards, but it is not sufficient unto itself. The stars are cold numbers, equations, wave particles. Jim feels them. I merely record them. <...> No, concentrate. The Elders can free him. They wish us no harm. If I can reach them and stay free of the Song, perhaps I can have them free Jim from the Song. They are less dangerous to me than my own Captain. I do not feel joy in the stars. I sought space to find peace and freedom from Vulcan's censure. Jim's voice calls me more loudly than the Elders' Song. It is he who connects me to the Song. Computer, do you hear it, can you hear it? <. . .> Illogical. You cannot record telepathic impressions. I am increasingly irrational. I must act quickly, before I no longer can. I will make the request, no, I will beg them. Jim, stop. Please stop. I cannot be drawn into the stars; we would both be lost. You must return. It is not a dream. The Song was reality. Jim. Please return. You will die if you do not return. This is your home, you belong here. N'kya a'tha, Jim. Choose life. Choose. <...> He cannot hear me. The Song is too loud, the voices too many. I must do something. I cannot sit and watch him die. <...> They wish us no harm. Dreaming, they sail the solar winds. We are not their enemies. Now, we are woven into the Song. There, I hear it again. I have tried to record it and cannot. Hear me. I record this in order for you to know why I have acted as I will shortly. This is Lieutenant Commander Spock of the Starship Enterprise NCC 1701. I was second in command of the Enterprise. I consider myself to still be in control of all of my faculties. The Song. Ah, he sings. My Captain does not know he is dying. Wrapped in the music of the stars, he sails further from me as I sit here. They mean us no harm. To Sing, you are changed. When you are changed, you Sing. Do you not see? They do not know humans die, even though they Sing. My Captain Sings and he will die. I Sing and I may live. This should not be. I do not know how to describe what the Song brings. I see colors which are non-descriptive of reality. Colors should not sing. The galaxies are wave particles whose energy hums. The Elders sing to the tachyon, to the proton, to the Solar winds, to gods of dead worlds, to the Rings of Calista. There is nothing they do not sing of. <...> How could he resist, not knowing he does not dream? He leaves me, the ship, his crew, but only in a dream he thinks. Do not ever believe he abandoned us. He dreams. He dreams. <...> I began this log to ... I must record my thoughts before it is too late. To leave him in the Song is to let him die. I have pledged my life for his, my honor for his. He is my Captain. He calls me even now, thinking it is only dream. Even in the Song, I have not been forgotten. It is true I have meditated, with Jim, under the glow of the stars. I have enjoyed a greater sense of peace at those times. When Jim looks out upon the stars, he radiates an emotion he has described as joy. 'Joy: A state of proud and happy satisfaction.' I am able to define the term. He experiences it. He reaches out with his soul to touch them. I do not do this. Sometimes, I reach out to sense his emotions as he experiences joy. It is allowed; he has given me leave to share his sensations and learn from them. I simply watch Jim as he watches the stars. If I seek the stars when I am alone, it is only to meditate upon A'Tha. I feel a sense of completion at those times, but I do not believe I have ever experienced my own Joy. Joy is illogical. I would not deny Jim, because he seeks that which is illogical. I have never said this before. It is proof of my growing instability. I ramble. That is also a nonsensical statement. Kaadith. I go to bring him back. I go to end his Song. If I succeed, no one will ever hear this. If I fail, I left to do what honor dictated, honor and logic. There is no logic to my Captain dying in the Song. There is no honor in my not making the attempt to rescue him, even if I am lost. I cannot ask you to forgive me. I am not repentant. When I made the pledge to open my senses to his needs, to allow my mind to seek his in order to better know his will, I did not anticipate this occurrence. The Bond I have with T'Pring should have protected me from a new link. Perhaps, it is the absence of my parental Bond which has made me vulnerable to his calls. I did not seek this. I ask forgiveness for this only. It is improper to hear him so clearly without his leave. If we survive, I shall seek his approval of this link. Enough. He cannot hear me. The Song is too loud, the voices too many. Mr. Chand, I wish to go to sickbay, now. It's 0135, Mr. Spock. My time sense is intact. I'll have to come with you, Sir. I'm sorry, Mr. Spock, those are my orders. As you wish. <. . .> - - - -