Title: Spock's Logs 6 
Author: Istannor 
Series: TOS 
Part: 1/1 
Rating: [PG13] 
Codes: 
Summary:  This is set After the mission known as Balance of
Terror. We give our thanks to Ambassador Spock's estate
for allowing us to view these records. It allows us an unusual
insight into the process by which the most famous Command
team in Starfleet history, became a team.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom. They own them. I only check 'em out from the library.
I promise to bring 'em back.

Spock's Logs 6

Stardate 1711.3

I am shaken by the recent events involving the Romulans.
They are the Lost, those who fled Vulcan to avoid the
teachings and the changes brought about by the Rise of
Surak. They are Vulcan untamed and unrepentant. The
Commander of the Praetor's Pride was my father's reflection.
This means that it is possible I have participated in the death
of a distant relative. I regret he did not choose life. This is the
way of ancient Vulcan. They never surrendered.  Always,  the
battles were to the death, of armies, families, tribes, villages,
towns, and cities. This is what decimated our planet and led
to the rise of Surak. Had logic not claimed us, oblivion would
have, or so we were taught.

Yet, if this is so, why are the Romulans still alive and
flourishing, having denied the necessity to be governed by
the dictates of logic and the mastery of emotions? They are
obviously extremely emotional and warlike, as were my
ancestors, and they survive. Perhaps all of Vulcan could have
survived without the absolutism of Surak. I realize this line of
reasoning approaches anathema to many Vulcans, but
thoughts must take their logical course. No area can be
sacrosanct. I will meditate on this at length.

It was the continued visual stimuli, of fighting my father's
doppelganger, and dealing again with the illogic of racism
which led me to unconscionable errors. I am unable to forgive
myself for having broken our silent run status. Captain Kirk
has forgiven me, and he allowed me to decide on an
appropriate self-drill, so that I will never make a similar error
again.  I am now able to reconstruct the entire science
station, and exit from under the counsel, in 2 hours and  23
minutes, without the use of my hands on the surface of the
station. The Captain has indicated that he is satisfied that I
will not make such an error again.

A lesser Captain, would have put me on report or reduced
me in rank for such an error, but then a lesser Captain, would
have died with our ship in this last engagement.  The
Romulan Commander was brilliant, and he certainly had
superior weaponry. There was no logical reason for him to
lose this engagement. We are fortunate that Captain Kirk is
not limited by logic. I now see that logic would have limited
us, and most probably defeated us. There was no direct
logical argument in favor of Kirk's choice of tactics. Logic did
not win the day, subtle readings of an unknown commander's
skills and strategies by a man that I am just beginning to
understand, is what has us alive and the Romulans dead. I
mourn their loss to their families. The attacks on the outposts
were without honor, but I believe the Romulan Commander
was as much a victim of his Governmental policies as was
the crew, who died on the destroyed outposts.

I am honored to serve on this ship. My Captain gave his fallen
enemy honor and allowed him his pride, as he chose death
over dishonor. Kirk will be chastised by Starfleet for not
beaming the man over immediately and incarcerating him, to
hold him for interrogation. Both he and I know this. His choice
was illogical, but appropriate to the situation. If the Romulans
are true to Vulcan heritage, Kirk's act may have done more to
halt a war, than the actual destruction of the Romulan
Warbird.

The entire episode was beamed back to Romulas with the
ships destruction. Uhura was able to intercept the broadcast
and we watched the entire event from the viewpoint of the
Romulans. The Praetor will do the same. They will see a ship
commanded by a child Captain, at least in their view. That
ship, with inferior weaponry, defeated their flagship. The
Human commander of that ship honored the Romulan way
when he had no requirement to do so. They will be hard put to
vilify us to their military rank and file, or their ruling class,
when there was no dishonor.

I have postulated that they maintained some of the pre-reform
Vulcan traditions of Warrior caste and Ruling Caste. This
may not true, however evidence gleaned from historical
research on Romulan-Federation interactions would lead me
to decide that this is the case, with an assurance of 72.5%.
There will be no Ashv'cezh, if the Romulans still practice this
as we did in ancient times, and as we do today. There is no
disgrace in losing to the superior skill. This will give them
pause.

I am at ease, in a way I have never felt before in life. My
Captain has kept his word. He told me: "I will support and
protect you whenever you have a need, without reservation."
He has done so, against the stares and open innuendoes of
Stiles. He continues to do so, against any doubts the rest of
the crew may have. Of course, the regular bridge crew has
been openly supportive and I honor them for this. Kirk's
example has rapidly diffused any repercussions I may have
experienced from the rest of the crew learning that the
Romulans are of Vulcan stock. His example has caused me
to feel more secure in my position. He will not judge me
unfairly, nor abandon me. I have never experienced this type
of surety before, ever. It is... intoxicating.

The Doctor has arranged a meeting with me. I surmise it is to
discuss my earlier meetings and discussions with the
Captain. The issue is resolved. I will inform McCoy of that. I
would not willingly renounce the current state of my existence.
I will not willingly renounce having someone who believes in
me and trusts me to act appropriately, not because I am
Vulcan, but because I am Spock.

End Log