Title: Spock's Logs 8
Author: Istannor 
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG13]
Codes: 
Summary: We give our thanks to Ambassador Spock's
estate for
allowing us to view these records. It allows us an unusual
insight into the process by which the most famous Command
team in Starfleet history, became a team.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom. They own them. I only check 'em out from the
library. I promise to bring 'em back.


Spock's Logs 8


Stardate: 1756

I am content.  I have come to the conclusion that having a
friend is a logical choice for me.  It seems that my command
performance hasimproved and my ability to concentrate on
the emotional requirements of the crew members and
decrease my errors in social interaction has escalated.
These are some unforeseen benefits to friendship.  It was
irrational of me to resist it in the beginning.

This afternoon, my Captain arrived unannounced at the
science lab and requested my presence for lunch.  As I was
not currently required for the ongoing experiments, I
acquiesced.  He led me to his cabin where he had prepared
a table for me of my food preferences.  I must surmise that he
got the information from the computer listings, or he has
observed me for these past 1.45 years in order to gain the
knowledge of what foods I preferred.

He prepared a meal for me of all the things that I have
harbored an un-Vulcan preference for. I must say this again,
because his act of thoughtful attention to my needs is outside
of my experience as an adult.

No one, since my mother, has ever attempted to do anything
similar for me in the past.  As a child, my mother made
continual efforts to find foods that I enjoyed. She continually
worried about my weight and my growth pattern. I also
believe she simply wanted me to find something that made
me happy. My father soon discouraged her from doing that,
as he assured her that proper Vulcans should not evidence
culinary preferences.  The only purpose of food, so saith my
father, is to nourish the body.  The palate is unimportant.

My Captain sat the table before me and served me lunch.  I
do not have the words for the emotions I am experiencing at
this juncture. I can not deny that his actions have caused me
to feel something, what I am feeling remains in question.

Once, while I was still on Earth, there was a woman who
attempted to cook a meal for me.  The meal was composed
of things she thought I might enjoy, but was quite unpalatable.
I understood that the meal was a prelude to seduction.  At
that time, she wanted far more than I was able to give her, or
in truth, willing to give to her. I told her I was betrothed at that
meal and watched her cry in silence.

My Captain did not desire anything from me and had I told
him I did not wish to eat lunch with him, he would have smiled,
replied: " okay", and retired to his cabin to eat his meal,
alone.  He would never have said to me, "I have already
prepared lunch for you."  Whatever answer I gave him would
have been accepted.  Whatever choice I made would have
been honored. There is no debt between us and everything
he does is done because it is what he wishes to do.

Obviously he knows me better than I now know myself.  He
anticipated my answer and my preferences.  He gave me a
kindness that to him probably meant little and to me meant so
much more.

I wish to grow into this friendship.  I wish to occupy the space
that has been offered me.  I wish to eat the meals that my
Captain prepares for me in an attempt to give me comfort.  I
wish to forget the past and begin anew. Kaadith.

I have never before had a place that was entirely my own, and
I would never have acknowledged in the past a need for such
a place. Without my knowing that this place was required, or
desired, it has been given to me. I will live in this place and
not renounce it willingly.  I am content.

END LOG