Title: A Special Pleasure
Author: Istannor
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG13]
Codes: 
Summary: This story is set after Kirk's death. Spock is
remarried and his mind returns to an earlier time.

Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and
Viacom, they own them, I only check 'em out from the
library. I promise to bring 'em back. Thank-you to the Beta
Dominitrix Editor, Mary Ellen, the Doc of Science. If there
are no errors, thank her, not me.

Feedback to Istannor@Aol.com



A Special Pleasure

by Istannor

My wife, T'Lara, posed an unusual question to me today. She
asked me when was the first time I knew that I lusted after
my Captain. I sat and thought about that for quite a few
minims before I was able to respond to her query. It is a
simple task for me to tell anyone when I finally realized
that I loved James Kirk. It is yet another issue to decide
when I realized I desired to have sex with James Kirk.

You must realize that for the first five-year voyage we were
not sexually intimate at all. My Captain was an avowed
heterosexual. I, on the other hand, did not know who I was.
I had remained celibate for many years because of my
betrothal to T'Pring. I am not sure why I chose to do so.
Perhaps I was loath to pursue any emotional entanglements at
that time. As the friendship between my Captain and myself
deepened, I found that I was developing a growing sense of
my own sensuality and sexuality. It was extremely difficult
to not be aware of sex when one was around James Kirk. He
was a sexual hedonist. He exuded sexuality and reveled in
his own masculinity.

I spent two years, the first two years of our service
together, making sure that I never touched him after he
returned from shoreleave. I spent the next three years of
our first five together making sure that I always touched
him after he returned from shoreleave.

It is true, we were a strange mix. He was Vulcan's Flame and
oft times he burned so brightly, I feared being consumed and
rendered into ashes.

The question still begs an answer. When was the first time I
knew that I lusted after my Captain?

Ah yes, now I remember.

Stardate 4682.3. My Captain was planetside at a diplomatic
function. He had joined the Federation Ambassador Gretchen
in the final details of the new agreement between the planet
Lamar and the planet Stanton. There had been rising
hostilities between the two planets for many years. When
they realized they were on the brink of mutual annihilation,
they asked the Federation to mediate while the Enterprise
watched over both of the military fleets. They felt, and
rightly so, that one Starship could defeat either of their
fleets, which had not yet reached the level of Federation
technological sophistication. Since they had heard about
Captain Kirk and the Enterprise, our presence gave both
planets a great deal of comfort and they negotiated in
peace.

Jim had been on the planet's surface for two weeks without
respite. At that time in our careers, we were rarely
separated for more than a day. I found myself going to his
cabin. I told myself that I was merely checking to see if
there was anything I needed to do for him. I was lying to
myself. I went to his cabin and I sat in his chair, checked
his mail for him, and took long deep breaths. I could smell
him and hear the sound of his movement through the cabin. I
could feel his touch on my arm as he made a point in his
conversation. My Captain was the only person who repeatedly
touched me. I could hear him laugh at one of my attempts at
humor.

By the second week, I would enter his cabin and lie on his
bed. I found that I was better able to meditate when I was
surrounded by his memories and belongings. I was confused by
my actions, but that did not make me cease. I excused myself
by saying that I merely missed our routine. He was often too
busy to call in the evening and make a move on our
chessboard. Whenever he did call about ship' s business, he
sounded exhausted. I wanted to be down there to help him
rest, but my presence was definitely required on the ship.
There were factions in both military fleets who preferred
war to peace.

One night, I realized at last how much I had deceived
myself. I had showered and prepared myself for bed. I meant
to leave the bathroom towards my own cabin. Instead, I found
myself in Jim's. I was naked and his room was kept at a
lower temperature than my own. I told myself I only desired
warmth, so I climbed under the covers of his bed. I was
surrounded with his scent. It overwhelmed my senses and
immediately I felt that my entire body was in flames. I
heard myself moan. In fact I did not understand what I was
experiencing, at first. It was akin to pain, but what pain
was over so sweet and compelling? Before, I had supped on
control and drank from discipline. The meal had fled me and
I was empty, waiting to be fed a new and delicious fare.

Ah, to feel passion breathe its first unrestrained breaths.
What a sweet and fearful freedom.

I heard the sound of his voice and my head and my skin
tingled. I was now a full adult, functional and mature, and
I could feel my arousal beginning. I had no desire to stop
it. It felt... it felt like I was, I am fully alive. The
sheets are crisp beneath my skin and I can feel the small
whorls in the texture, rubbing against the hairs of my back
and legs. Jim's scent is through my nostrils and fills my
lungs. The tips of my fingers ache where they touched his
skin. Humans have such soft skin. Jim's feels like silk
against my fingertips. Underneath the silk lives steel. The
difference in texture is... arousing. I can see his eyes
looking at me. His pupils are fully dilated allowing me to
see in. He invites me in and puts no barriers between us. I
fall further and further, but I am not afraid. He will catch
me.

I allow more blood to rush towards my genitals. They fill
and the weight against me is good. The sheets beneath me and
the blanket above me have touched Jim; now they touch me. My
nipples become erect and the sensation of the blanket
against them is almost more than I can stand. I arch my back
and the blanket rubs against me and the burning rises. I am
surrounded by Jim's smell, and Jim's things, and Jim.

If Jim were here, I wonder, what would he say to see me
thus? I turn onto my stomach and press myself against the
bed. My weight on my own penis causes me to hiss. I rub back
and forth against his bed, smelling him, hearing him, seeing
him. I began to rub back and forth more urgently. My legs
spread wider and I imagine him on my back moving against me.
He is a weight that rests upon me and his smooth chest is
cool against my desert skin. He breathes in my right ear and
he whispers my name again and again. He tells me that he
will be my Bondmate. He tells me that he will always be
faithful to me. He tells me that he will take me on the
sands and fill my heart and soul. I am so hard, hard now as
I was then. The friction of my body against the sheet is not
enough and I require my hand now. I reach beneath myself to
grasp my flesh and the initial pressure makes me cry out
loud. There is no shame in this. Jim has taught me that. I
have heard him make these noises many nights over the last
few years. He has no shame about it and neither will I.

I began to rub the tip, the very tip of my penis. It leaks
and I spread it down over myself. My legs spread wider as
Jim begins to enter me. I can feel him push forward and I
relax. I want all he has to offer. I want him inside of me,
in my mind and in my body.

I began to pull up and down on myself. It is not my hand
doing this; it is Jim's hand doing this. He will want it to
last a long time, so it will be slow at first . . . until I
can't stand it any longer and begin to beg for release.
Please, please, let me come.

"Spock are you mine?" he whispers.

I have been and I will always be yours, Jim.

I feel the sheets beneath me, and my hand around me, and Jim
on top of me, and his scent inside of me. I am filled with a
sense of danger. What would happen if someone came in and
found me in my Captain's bed, masturbating? I no longer
care.

His skin is silk and steel around me. His hand pumps me. His
penis fills me, his mind absorbs me. I no longer care who I
was. Now, I am Spock reborn, alive, filled with need and
desire. I cannot stop now if I wished it. I have no control.
I do not want control. I want to be. I want to experience it
all. I feel myself rubbing against the sheets and the
phantom of my Captain is riding me, with the skill I know he
will have. I am hard, so hard it feels as if my entire soul
resides in my genitals.

I begin to rock up and down. I milk myself without mercy. I
have no mercy. I am consumed. The flames roar and the noise
gets louder and louder and louder until I can hear nothing
but my name being screamed again and again. My mind falls
away and I feel the pull of Ancient Vulcan. Flames, my eyes
are flame, my soul is flame, my heart is flame.

T'hy'la...I scream. Shudders rack my body. I feel as if I am
having a seizure. I cannot control my limbs. I cannot
control my mind. I cannot control myself.

I do not know how long I lay on those wet sheets. My time
sense had deserted me. I finally arose and changed the bed.

Afterward, I told myself I was probably having echoes of my
Captain's nocturnal activities on the planet's surface. It
was only years later that I learned he had been celibate for
the whole course of the negotiations.

T'Lara rushes in to check on me. It seems my memory has
sparked a similar result, many years later. She smiles
knowingly. "I must ask you questions more often, my husband,
" she says, an aroused glow in her eyes.

Yes, wife, I can see that was a most enjoyable experience
for us both.

Jim chose well for me. 

I miss him so.

I hold up my hand and invite my wife to join me. We will
give each other a special pleasure tonight. She understands
me so well.
A Special Pleasure by Istannor          - 5 -