Don't like this being single
growing tired of the solo life
would some wealthy hunk....
like to take me for his wife?
I cannot be kept waiting'
till my youth has all been spent
when my teeth are in a cup
and my legs and spine are bent.

My meter's ticking over
I'm clocking up the miles
and staring down the barrel
at bunions, rickets and piles.
So wont somebody have me?
I'm not a real bad catch
and the colour of each eye
is almost a perfect match.

I'm maturing very nicely,
my hair's still at it's best
and I wax the little buggers
that keep growing on my chest.
My figure is a dream,
I'm careful what I eat,
black tea and juicy grapefruit,
lettuce leaves and fat-free meat.

So if any man is willing,
He'll find I'm quite a steal
coz every other Sunday
I'd toss in a home cooked meal
And I'd be positively willing
to run a vacuum over the floors
and massage his bulging wallet
while he  goes about his chores.

I'm a liberated woman
but, for any man I meet,
I'd toss that all aside
to sit and worship at his feet.
There would be no fear of babies
should I meet my perfect match
I'm still producing eggs
but I've yet to see one hatch.

My taste's are not expensive
don't let those thoughts linger
but a ten carat diamond
would look grand on every finger.
I'd need a little cash,
just a grand a day would do,
no, on second thought I'm thinking
He'd have to make that two.

For any man who'd have me
I'd be as loving as could be
and he'd get to share the house
with my redneck family
I wouldn't ask for much
just a Penhouse here and there
and two  Mercedes Benz
A girl simply has to have a spare.

It's simple mathematics
that any guy can learn
investment in this partnership
would net a good return.
A Pre-nuptial agreement,
Why? I'd sign one willingly.
Then if we should divorce
the whole lot goes to me.

Yes I'm tired of being single
It sux this being poor
I'd love a millionaire
to come knocking on my door
But I just can't see it happening
this glorious event
so I'll sit here moaning miserably,
The single girl's lament.






(c)This poem remains the copyright 
of Jazmine Schoenmaker.1999