Story 9
Well, this is what the title says, I guess.. I'd always found reading
other people's accounts of trips interesting, but prior to last night
I didn't class any experiences I'd had on LSD before to have been
'mind-blowing' enough to warrant writing a story about them. This
account is probably as much for myself to keep as a reminder as it is
for you guys to read :)
Ok, to set the scene - it is now thursday night, approx 8.30pm. I'm
still feeling scattered and am gradually returning to "normal" after
taking an uncertain amount of acid at about midnight. I've posted
before with queries about interactions/etc between certain
antidepressant medication and LSD - I've found from past experience
that prozac dramatically reduced acid effects to the point where I
could eat inhuman doses of the stuff and still only have a mild
experience. I've recently been placed on Serzone, and had _assumed_
until now that it would most likely also have a profound blocking
action on LSD effects.
So, last night I went out to the local weekly acid techno club.
Shortly after I arrived, it occured to me that perhaps I might "test
the water", so to speak, with this new antidepressant. I figured I'd
take a moderate dose of acid, and given the blocking effect of the AD
would not experience any hugely intense effects - this was not what I
was aiming for/in the frame of mind to handle. I decided that given
the fact that I've had 4+ hits at once while not on an AD of any form
and handled it fine, and been able to take far more when on prozac, 4
hits (assuming average strength around here of 40-60ug) would be a
good "test" dose to trial things. I bought my 4 trips, and upon going
to the toilet to take them, noticed that I'd actually received 3
microdots and a blotter trip. It briefly crossed my mind that the
strength of the microdots was a huge unknown - they're known for being
potent, and could possibly have 100's+ug of lsd in them. However, I
assumed they'd be no big deal (ha!) and munched the lot, followed down
by the smiley blotter :)
Within an hour or so I found myself feeling _extremely_ light on my
feet and my thoughts beginning to rush off in strange directions. This
gradually built up and became more and more intense over the next 30
minutes or so - by which stage I had begun to realise that if this was
how I was feeling _now_, an hour after dropping, I'd be out of my mind
within a few hours! Now, either the antidepressant does not have the
blocking action at all that I thought it would have, or the dose I'd
taken was so extreme that it simply blasted through any blocking
effects. Anyway, to make the point, I believe these were extremely
potent doses of acid (150+ug each, at a guess), and what follows is
the rollercoaster ride that eventuated :)
Eventually, the "peaky", restless feelings became so overpowering that
I decided to leave the club and go home. I hailed a cab out the front,
hopped in and begun the "journey" home. This is where the visuals
kicked, bigtime - I don't normally seem to experience any profound
visual distortions from acid, but this time was a lot different.
Tracers were _everywhere_ - watching the street lights and scenery go
past, everything looked like it was being displayed in slow motion
with a 'motion blur' behind it - an effect best reconstructed in some
of the trip scenes from The Wall, IMHO :) Eventually we made it home,
I struggled to count out the right change to pay the fare, and hopped
out about 2 blocks from my home. Walking back, trees were looming down
at me with faces amongst the branches, tracers were _everywhere_ again
:), and I was simply awestruck at the force of the trip, considering
that it was still building up. I got to my house, and preceded to lie
down in the front garden watching the trees/stars while having a
smoke. The trees above me resembled some form of padded ceiling, and
faces again began to appear among them. My dog appeared at the back
gate, and started whining - every time my emotions/thoughts "peaked"
in an intense way, the dog would whine - very strange indeed :/
I began to walk around the front garden - as is well known, you can
become very restless while tripping, and I didn't feel like sitting
still. While wandering around, I noticed the visual
distortions/tracers etc building to an even more powerful level, and
decided that it would probably be a good idea to get inside and get to
the bed before I forgot which way the front door was :)
So - I came indoors, and proceeded to lie down on my bed with the
headphones on. I soon found the brain 'drilling' effects of the music
quite irritating (it was a 303 acid compiliation), and took the
headphones off, placing them next to me where I could still hear the
music... and it was somewhere around this point that everything
started to go very wrong.
I'm still at a loss to work out what happened next - I was obviously
well and truly out there by this stage, and for one reason or another
I can't _remember_ very much of the next hour or so. I remember
getting up off the bed searching for something - I was feeling very
wound up, and I think I was looking for my cigarettes in the hope of
calming down a bit. I began wandering around my room in
ever-decreasing circles looking around, and the visual situation was
getting truly silly, posters coming to life in front of me/tracers
everywhere etc etc.. Eventually I must have decided to head back out
to the front of the house again, where I knew there would be some
smokes. About 5 minutes or so later, I suddenly "found myself" outside
the front door with a half finished cigarette - and the scary thing
here was that I _knew_ I was tripping out of my mind, but had
absolutely no recollection of having taken anything or even of going
out beforehand. I remember thinking "What am I _doing_ here?!" I
rationalised that I'd obviously taken a trip, and that it must be the
morning after returning from some sort of party. Still, I was
uncomfortable about the fact that I could not recall what I'd actually
taken, and that somehow the fact that it was ~3am and I was tripping
off my head just didn't seem _right_.
I managed to get myself back into my room, and the panic (which I
guess is what you'd call it) just continuted to escalate. I found
myself totally unable to relax, continually walking around my room and
out into the adjoining hallways. And somewhere around this point, my
entire sense of "me", self, just disintegrated. Even though a "death
of ego" experience is something I'd been looking forward to trying in
the future, at this point I was completely unprepared for such
feelings, as I'd only expected to have a mild experience. My mind was
absolutely whirling at this point, and if I tried to recount all of
the bizarre concepts running through it here this would be 100 pages
long :) Anyhow, things around me became more and more
dreamlike/surreal - I was beginning to lose my grasp of the fact that
this was all a drug experience; gradually a paranoia that this was all
some sort of bizarre dream or experiment that I was somehow being put
through began to build in me. I began wandering through the house in
the darkness, but it did not feel like "me" controlling my body. At
one point I truly felt as if I was being manipulated by some external
"force" and willed it to go away as strongly as I could - I then felt
as if something had blasted free of my body and fled into the shadows,
very strange!
Without being able to go into the exact detail (which would be too
long anyway), as I said, my grasp of "reality" was becoming
increasingly weak - I was sure this was some sort of
experiment/punishment/whatever being carried out on me unawares by
_someone_. I decided it would just be 'right' to wake up my parents
for help - the fact that it was nearly 4am and I was basically giving
myself in for going out and taking chemicals barely even registered.
To cut the rest of it short, I ended up going to hospital with my dad
(because by this point I was getting increasingly doubtful that I'd
taken anything at all, and was simply going nuts), deciding I could
cope, leaving, walking home and then spending until about 10am coming
down and eventually sleeping. What annoys me about this whole
experience is that I 'lost it' in such a big way - I've always been
able to control things to a point in the past, but I guess I was just
completely unprepared for the experience at the time. This must have
just been some damn strong acid!