December 14th: Oh, I am so sorry that it's taken this long to even make my December web page. Work is so busy, we've been working 5-10 extra hours during the week plus a full day on Saturday. Insurance is really busy this time of the year because all the Doctors want to get their claims in by the end of the year. I'm also doing the lead role in our church christmas musical so I've been going to rehearsals a few nights a week. When I look back to a year ago I could have never imagined standing on a stage in front of an audience and speak and sing. God has been so good to me this year. I know I've still got a ways to go, but the difference in my life after losing a hundred pounds is like I'm a complete new person.

December 16th (199 lbs): Dress rehearsal went well last nights... tonight and tomorrow are the big performances. I think I'll do fine, I'm a bit nervous. I decided today that I had to dye my hair blonde (just hours before the play) and it has a bit of an orange tint too it. Ugh. It doesn't look too bad, but I'll definately have to get another color toner to calm it down a bit...better wait until tomorrow or even maybe a week or all my hair could fall out!!!! Wish me luck tonite!

December 19th: The church musicals went wonderfully!!!! I didn't mess up on any of my lines and neither did the other actors. (I wasn't worried about them... just worried about me... I was still using my book up until the last week of rehearsals), Other than that being over, there isn't much going on except getting ready for Christmas. I don't know if I've mentioned this in the last few months...but for those of you who might have remembered the delima I was having with dating that guy, Scott, who I really liked, but he's very overweight? Well, I decided that I owed it to myself to give him a chance... he's the nicest and sweetest guy that I've ever met. We've been dating for a few months now...the nice thing is he's going to college for his PhD about 50 miles away, so we only see each other on weekends at most, and sometimes not even every weekend. I think its helping me take things s-l-o-w-l-y. I'm so used to jumping feet first into a relationship and falling in love at the drop of a hat. This time I want to do things the right way. My biggest fear is that since Scott seems very confident with himself despite his weight (he's a psychologist so I guess he's managed to get over the self loathing that most of us other overweight people have)...I'm just afraid that I'm going to slip up and start gaining weight again. I'm so weak when it comes to food...part of the reason I gained weight so much the 3 years I was with Pat is because he was a junk food junky and he loved to go out to eat as much as possible. Who was I to say no... I loved eating out as much as he did! So far Scott doesn't seem like he'd do anything to sabotage me like Pat did... he's so supportive when I told him I reached the -100 lb mark, and he seemed so excited for me when I told him I had dropped another dress size. Sometimes I just feel like such a hypocrite that his weight even bothers me...I was devistated a year ago when Pat walked out on me because he said I had gotten so fat he couldn't stand to look at me anymore. And to add insult to injury, he hooked up with an 18 year old bimbo from work that weighs about 95 lbs, she's emaciated. Talk about giving me self esteem issues...Anyways.. sorry to ramble. I can't remember if I'd talked about Scott recently in my journal, so decided to give you all an update. He really is the sweetest, kindest, funnest man I've ever been with and my heart tells me I'd be an idiot to walk away from him just because of his weight. Pat walked away from me last year and I was 300 lbs... here it is a year later and I'm below 200 lbs, and he's still with an anorexic bimbo thats 11 years younger than him and not even old enough to drink! *g*

PS. I finally gave up on trying to fix my old guestbook, and created a brand new one. I had over 240 entries in my old one, and I miss reading all the advice, support, and encouragement. Please feel free to sign the new guestbook if you'd like.

December 24th: Wanting to wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas/Happy Hannuka/or however you celebrate this time of year. I'm heading down to Austin (about a 3.5 mile drive), but will be coming back home tomorrow because "Santa Claus" could not deiver her presents to my sisters house in Austin because that gigantic bicycle she got will never fit in the back of my mini-SUV! (knew I should have gotten a 4Runner instead of a Rav4). I have been doing terribly the last few weeks with eating, but have decided that I will not beat myself up over the holidays. January 1st is the start of Resolutions. And I have quite a list going so far. OOHHHHHHHH I don't know if I"ve told you all this, but I'm going back to college next month at University of Texas - Arlington. Over the last 13 years since high school graduation, I've managed to go to 4 different colleges, 4 different majors, and since I've taken 59 credits in mainly math and science, I now have to go back and take English 1301 and US History 1311. I'm going to fit in well with those 17 and 18 year old kids! :) Happy Holidays to all.... I've really missed contributing much over the last year....things just seem to take up too much time. I started realizing that this is the 4th year I've kept up an online journal. I don't think I can say that I've ever been consistant with Anything for that long of a time! You guys mean the world to me. Gail Graham will always be my hero for helping get me started, and pushing forward when I wanted to give up. Marcia, I can't even begin to tell you how much you helped me get through the last year and a half. Between the two of us, we had more tragedy than a soap opera. But God has been good to both of us, and he knew exactly what he was doing when he let us go through those rough spots. He brought together a friedship that will never end no matter how far this distance is. You just mean the world to me. Ok, I must go now before I start adding Randy, and Kim, and Christy, and Doris to the list... you guys will be for next time. I love you all.