June 1st (215 lbs): I've been putting off all month weighing myself because I haven't been doing very well eating or exercising. I managed to stay the same, which is acceptable, I guess. I feel like I wasted a whole month by not losing anything though. Sometimes I worry that I won't lose all the weight I need to during my "window of opportunity" that they talk about after weight loss surgery. They say that for the first 18 months after surgery you will continue to lose, but after that your body stabilizes and you usually won't lose any more. By my calculations as long as I lose 8-10 lbs a month I won't have any problems reaching my goal weight, with time to spare. I just don't want to waste too much time and not hit my goal weight. I'm half-way there at 7 months post-op. So over-all I'm very pleased with my progress so far. I know the one thing that I absolutely MUST do is to start exercising. I have so much loose skin hanging off me after dropping 85 lbs. I can just imagine what it's going to look like after I drop the final 85 lbs to get to 130 lbs if I don't exercise some of this loose skin back into place! I'll look like a sharpei!

June 7th: Tomorrow is my last day of work at Rural/Metro Ambulance. I'm a bit sad because I've made some really good friends, but I'm sooooo exited about the opportunity at Aetna. One thing I found out is that Aetna has it's own cafeteria, so hopefully I'll be able to make better food choices since I won't have to depend on fast food as much.

June 12th: Today was my first day of work at Aetna, I really enjoyed it so far and have met a few women that seem very nice. I got my hair cut over the weekend, it's much shorter now and I really like it. Will be posting new pictures this week when they get back from the film processing place. (Will also be putting up some pictures from my sisters wedding, finally!!) Oh.. one thing I forgot to mention, they have a salad and fruit bar at Aetna, so I'll be able to make healthy choices! Yay! Now, if I can just make myself go to the gym on the way home from work, I'll be all set!

June 15th: Training at Aetna is going great so far...its really intense and sometimes I leave from there so exhausted because I've been thinking so hard trying to learn everything. I've been working part time in the evenings at my other job and that's really taking a toll on me.. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up the two jobs. I've been eating salad bar every day, but have also been going to the vending machine at break times, I need to cut that out!

June 19th: Haven't had much to update lately. I added updated photos on the weight loss photo page. I've had an issue that I've been struggling with for the last few months and maybe some of you will have some advice for me. I started going back to church after a 20 year absence and my life seems to have totally turned around since then. The issue that I've been struggling with is that it's really hard for me to pray to God to help me with this weight loss struggle. I feel like he's got so much more important stuff to listen to that my losing weight isn't worthy of him. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I hate feeling like there is something that I can't even speak to God about...but weight loss just seems like something maybe he wouldn't "approve" of..I'm not sure that's the right word I'm trying to say. I know there is a weight loss program that is offered through some of the churchs, so it must be an issue that other church members face, it just seems to be something quirky about me I guess...Am I just completely off the wall with this thinking?

June 27th: Thanks for all the great advice concerning prayer and weight loss. I received quite a few emails, which I'm in the process of trying to respond! Working two jobs is really taking a toll on me.. the extra money is nice, but I just don't seem to have enough time to do anything except work, sleep, get up and repeat! I'm hoping the 4 day weekend I get during the 4th of July will give me some time to relax and catch up on emails and updating my web page. I haven't weighed myself in a while..I don't think I'm losing so I'm sticking my head in the sand and not wanting to see the numbers not move on the scale!