November 9th (259): Greetings to all...I'm out of the hospital! I had my surgery on November 1st, it was pretty painful, more pain than I had expected. I went home on Saturday, November 6th, and have been resting at home. I'm down a total of 16 lbs in just over a week, tomorrow I get my staples out...hopefully will start feeling much better after that! I haven't had much of an appetite, and have been dealing with a lot of diarrhea...but was told that was to be expected in the beginning. Will update more a little later...

November 10th (258): Today I get my staples and drainage tube taken out...YAY!! These things are really getting to be irritating. I have a total of 25 staples from belly button to sternum. The actual incision line is pretty thin right now, I hope it doesn't widen out as it heals. Hopefully since I'll be losing weight, it won't get bigger. I've been trying to get more protein in...since I'm on pureed foods only right now it's been difficult. I've started eating cottage cheese and yogurt. Right now I'm eating 3-4 times a day, about 2-3 oz at a time. I've been eating mashed potatoes, oatmeal, cottage cheese, and yogurt. I tried baby food for the first couple days, but it was so NASTY that I just couldn't handle it anymore. I've been sipping on water all day long, getting in about 64 oz of water a day. I started drinking a little bit of milk yesterday as well with no problems. (Have been told that some people become lactose intolerant after surgery). The hardest thing about the surgery so far is not being able to sleep on my stomach...I HATE to sleep on my back, so I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't really been taking anything for the pain since I left the hospital because the liquid aceteminophen with codeine that the doctor was going to send me home with made me sick. I can not tolerate anything sweet at this point...even the orange flavoring of the medicine gave me "dumping syndrome" which is a diabetic type reaction to anything sugary that is eaten...nausea, hot flashes, cramping, diarrhea... NOT a good feeling. That's one of the side effects of the surgery, since they've bypassed a portion of the small intestines, for the rest of my life I'll have to be weary of eating anything sugary because it can cause that type of reaction. I guess that's a good thing though, cuz it will keep me away from sugary foods! Don't need to be eating that stuff anyways....I sure do miss drinking Coke though. =/

November 11th (258): I got my staples and tube taken out yesterday...so glad to have them out!! My incision is really bothering me though...it's itchy! I'm afraid to scratch at it because I don't want to mess with the scabs that have formed on it...I feel like a little kid though wanting to pick at it all the time! I think today I ate just a little bit too much for lunch because I've had this really tight feeling in my stomach ever since I ate lunch. (The mashed potatoes and gravy was soooo good though!) I haven't gotten sick yet, which is what I've been told would happen if I over ate, but I think I got almost to that point as I'm now filling really uncomfortable! Will have to watch it. I think I'm going to start measuring my food out just until I get an idea of exactly how much 2-3 oz is.

November 12th: Not much new to report today...yesterday I tried "snacking" with Alexis and two kids I was babysitting...I ate about 5-6 pretzels and a baby dill pickle. I chewed everything up real tiny and didnt have any problems with it. I think I'm going to try experimenting with other "soft" foods because I'm getting real sick of mashed potatoes, yogurt, and cottage cheese. I ate refried beans last night and didn't have any problems with that either. I started measuring the food too so I'd have an idea what the portion is. I measure out 1/2 cup which should be 4 oz...and sure enough, when I ate the entire amount, I had a really uncomfortable tight feeling for almost an hour afterwards. From now on I'll have to make sure I stay in the 2-3 oz range instead so I don't stretch out my pouch too soon. Haven't over eaten to the point of making myself sick, but that tight feeling isn't exactly the best feeling in the world either! I'm going to start tracking my calories with Dietwatch just so I can have an idea of how much I'm taking in...I don't want my calories to go too low because I don't want to burn muscle.

November 14th: The last few days I've been struggling with "emotional" hunger...I know physically I am not hungry, but I can't stop thinking about eating!!! Last night I decided that I was hungry so I ate some refried beans...I had 3-4 bites but I ate it so fast that I made myself so extremely uncomfortable! I thought I was going to vomit for the first time, but it didn't go that far. I *know* that I have to eat SLOWLY and that I have to only eat 3 oz at a time....yet here I am two weeks post op and I'm already testing my limits!!! Maybe things will get easier once I'm on solid foods. I think maybe I'm getting really sick of eating soft mushy foods. I've been stressed out the last few days because I keep thinking about all the things I have to get done in the next two weeks. I guess I forgot to mention this because I've been so consumed with surgery stuff the last few weeks...but I'm going to be moving to Texas in two weeks. Pat didn't keep up his promise to pay half the rent at the apartment, and so I'm going to let them evict me. (The lease is completely in Pat's name, so it will go on his credit, not mine) I'm so angry that I'm having to move while I'm less than a month post op from having MAJOR surgery...I'm not even ok'd to go back to work yet, and I'm having to plan a cross country move. My dad is flying here in two weeks and he's going to help me pack everything up, and then we are hiring a couple movers to come in and load everything into the Uhaul. Then its a 1100 mile trip back to Dallas. I know in the long run it's probably the best thing for me to be back with my family...but I really didn't want to have to go back to Texas until next summer after I had a chance to get the majority of my weight off. When I left Texas 3 years ago I only weighed 135 lbs. I didn't want to have to return home the FAT girl again at 250+ lbs. I know my family loves me the way that I am, but it's ME that cares about what I look like. I'm so angry that Pat didn't give me the option of when I could choose to go back home. He decided not to pay the rent that he promised, and so now *I* am the one that has to go back home because I have no where else to go.

November 15th (256): Ugh...really don't know what's gotten into me the last few days, but I constantly want to SNACK. It's not a physical hunger at all because after a few bites I cannot eat anything else, but the WANTING is still there. Last night I had this uncontrollable craving for jalepeno poppers (breaded jalepenos filled with cheddar cheese) I baked four of them thinking it would be more than enough...I was only able to eat ONE. (Thank god for that, they have 80 calories a piece and are mainly fat) I'm not even supposed to be on SOLID food yet and I'm eating SPICY foods...what the hell am I thinking? This morning I ate a handful of Pringles Light potato chips. I know this weight loss surgery is just a tool, and there really are no "unforbidden" foods....ONCE I get past the post-op healing stage!!!! These foods would be fine for me to eat after the sutures are all healed up! Why can't I wait and do things the RIGHT way?!?!?!?

November 16th: I'm still having a hard time with feeling like I want to snack all the time...I think it's because I've been thinking about Pat alot the past couple of days. Despite all the horrible things that he's said and done the last few months, I still love him so much. I keep thinking about how our relationship was in the beginning and then I torture myself wondering how it got so off course. I had saved all the emails we used to exchange early in our relationship, and the words were always so tender and full of emotion...all that's left is just anger, resentment, and hate. My heart feels really heavy the last few days. I know I need to quit associating food with emotions...but old habits are hard to break...

November 18th (255): Went for my two week post-op check up yesterday and the surgeon is really please with how well things are going. I'm down 20 lbs in two weeks. I can't wait until I can actually NOTICE it. I've lost a total of 45 lbs in the last two months, but I really can't see it anywhere. I've had other people tell me its noticable, but just not noticable to me, I guess. The snacking urges aren't as great anymore...but when I feel the urge to eat something, I've been allowing myself one or two bites of it and logging it into Dietwatch. I've been eating about 600 calories a day...need to work on eating more protein. I bought a couple balance bars (protein bars) that have 14 grams of protein in them...I'm kinda scared to try them though cuz they have chocolate or yogurt covering and I don't know if it will make me have dumping syndrome or not. Guess I can start out with a few bites and see how it goes...if it makes me sick, will know not to eat them again!

November 24th (254): Have been sick the last few days...had to go to the emergency room Saturday night because I felt like I was having a heart attack. My chest hurt and it spread to my left arm and back and it hurt worse than my surgical site! The doctor said I have "pleurisy" an inflammation of the lining around my lungs. Everytime I took a breath the lining would rub against my ribs causing a lot of pain. He gave me percocet which helped the pain a lot, but also left me loopy and sleepy for a few days. It's getting better, but the last few days being ill has really set me back in getting ready to move back to Texas this weekend. There is so much to do and I haven't really done anything to get started. I'm a bundle of nerves and I feel like I'm on the brink of having a nervous breakdown.

November 25th (252): Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have to keep reminding myself that I have a lot to be thankful for...this surgery to help me lose this weight permanently, my daughter, my family who loves me no matter what...I guess I'm just feeling really down because I'm here alone this year. I can't even console myself with food, which is what I used to do to make myself feel better. Kinda feel like I lost my best friend in a way...even though food may have been my friend, the results it gave me weren't very good. Alexis wants to go out to eat turkey dinner somewhere today, I just hate the thought of spending all that money for a turkey dinner that I can't even eat. I'll probably take her somewhere anyways...just because *I* can't enjoy Thanksgiving dinner is no reason she can't enjoy it...

November 27th (251): Still steadily heading downwards in the weight department...I guess that is one thing positive going for me right now! Alexis and I went out for turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. She ate the "adult" plate and I ate off the "kids" plate. My total meal consisted of two bites of turkey, one bite of mashed potatoes, one bite of stuffing, two bites of salad, and a bite of cranberry sauce. I was stuffed. Couldn't even eat 1/4 of a childrens dinner. Then we went to see Toy Story 2 at the movies and I discovered that I can eat popcorn...LOTS of popcorn. Well, maybe not a lot compared to how much I used to be able to eat...but I was amazed at how much popcorn I was able to eat without getting full. We got a small popcorn and I ate probably half of it during the movie. Now, I used to always get a LARGE popcorn and soda and we sometimes even went back for the free refill...so this was still greatly reduced amounts...but it is something I'll have to be careful about in the future because I know that it can be damaging to eat movie food too much. Everything else seems to be going pretty well...the only problem I seem to run into is that I want to drink faster than what my stomach can occupy. Three ounces is actually not that much when you are really really thirsty! Sometimes I forget and I'll take a big gulp of water or juice...almost immediately I know what's going to happen and then I get sick. Only twice since surgery have I had problems with food getting "stuck" (this is when I swallow a piece of food without chewing it enough and the piece is too big to fit down the new opening into the intestines.) Usually within a few minutes of swallowing I can feel a pain at the top of my stomach. Last night I took a couple of Tylenols and one of the caplets must have gotten stuck because it hurt so bad!!!!! Then silly me, took a drink thinking it would dislodge it, but the liquid had no where to go because the pill was lodged in the opening, so I got sick. Sorry if I've gone into too much detail for you...but just wanted to share some of the problems that I've run into since surgery. My incision is healing quite nicely..it's not very wide at all and hopefully when it fades it won't be too noticable. It's still pretty sore on the inside, I have to be real careful about lifting and bending alot because I don't want to get a hernia at the incision line. My dad is flying in from Texas today and we'll be packing everything up tonight and tomorrow and then loading up and heading back to Texas on Monday. I may not be able to post for about a week or so, but will let everyone know when I'm situated at my parents house. Wish us luck!