October 1st: Well today is the 11 month anniversary of my weight loss surgery. I'm not sure of my exact weight, since tomorrow is Monday I'll weigh tomorrow. My goal for this month is to get below the 200 mark, my starting weight before my weight loss surgery was 300 lbs. I'd like to say that I lost at least 100 lbs in one year. My guestimate is that I'll have about 15 lbs to lose this month, which is not unattainable, but will require a lot of work. I can honestly say that I haven't really put forth 100% effort this last 11 months at letting this weight loss surgery work for me the best it can. Sporadically I will watch what I eat and concentrate on getting enough protein. For the most part, I haven't really changed my eating habits from before surgery, I'm just limited in the amount of foods I can eat. I know that in order for this surgery to be a success, I have to work on changing the behaviors. Eventually my stomach will be able to hold a lot more food that now, even at this time I can eat 10x times more food than I could right after the surgery. So.. with that said, it's time to start working on using this weight loss surgery tool the right way, before it's too late. Here is my preliminary plan. First of all, I am cutting out all "regular" sodas. It is my downfall, and I drink way too much of it. I'm just going to have to get used to diet sodas, or not drink them at all. Its just too big of a waste to down 150 calories in a can of coke in just a few swallows. The next thing I plan to do is increase my fruits and veggies and decrease the breads, potatoes, and pasta. I eat way too much carbs and I've got to put a limit. I'm not going to ban them for an Atkins type program, because I just don't do well when I bannish anything from my diet. I crave it more, obsess over it, and then binge on it. I'm also going to get some type of exercise every single day, even if it's only walking the dog around the block. Every little bit counts and I'm going to do at least something. Will write some more tomorrow after I weigh in for the first time in close to a month and see exactly where I am at.

October 8th (210 lbs): Well, I forgot to post my starting weight on Monday, but it was 213 lbs...not too far off from where I was a month ago when I last weighed in. I spent the last week focusing on eating every 3-4 hours, small amounts...managed to get through SIX days without drinking a regular coke. I had one yesterday and one today, but considering how many I drink on a regular basis, it was defintely a success so far. I just really love the taste of regular coke. I lost three pounds this week, so I have three and a half weeks to lose 10 lbs which I think is obtainable if I can keep it up. On a more personal note, I've felt my depression and anxiety attacks that I suffered from last year returning the past few months...my primary doctor tried changing antidepressants and haven't had much luck, so he referred me to a psychiatrist. I have my first appointment on Tuesday. Wish me luck.. depression is such an awful thing to deal with, and it makes trying to lose weight even more difficult because it seems like I don't have the mental energy or the physical energy to deal with what I need to deal with. Please keep me in your prayers if you believe in such a thing...I can use all the help I can get these days.

October 9th: Not a whole lot going on today...I realized that my guestbook links are not working.. i guess lpage.com is now lycos.com and for some reason my guestbook isn't working anymore. GRRRRR I had over 120 entries in my guestbook from the last few years. Gone. It's almost as bad as my counter getting up to 20,000 hits and then resetting to zero. So frustrating.

October 17th: YIKES!!! This month is just zooming by and November 1st is rapidly approaching. I don't even know where I'm at so far this month, but I haven't been doing what I had planned at the beginning of the month, that's for sure. I think I deliberately set myself up for failure. I wait until month #11 and decide that even though I haven't done anything significant the last six months, this will be the month that I suddenly jump into gear and lose 10 lbs to reach my -100 lb goal. Had I been working on this six months ago, I would have reached it plus. GRRRRR.

October 24th (209 lbs): yay.. one pound down. This week has been a disaster.. my uncle was in a rollover collision in Oklahoma on the 17th and totalled his car. My mother, being in hysterics about her brother, asked me at 9pm at night if I'd drive to Oklahoma City to pick him up. So we made a 3.5 hour trip up and back, getting home a little after 3am. I go to work at 6:30...needless to say, I've been dragging the last week trying to catch up on sleep. My uncle is doing ok, just some cuts and bruises, but his car was totalled, and the car that hit him was a hit and run, no one got the liscence plate, only a description. He doesn't have coverage on his car, so he's really bumming out that he lost his car. I've decided not to kick myself too much if I don't lose the 9 lbs by November first.. its only a week away and that's a bit much to hope for. However, my goal is to be below 200 lbs by Christmas. Thats still the same 10 lbs that I need to lose to get to 199 which is what I hoped to do by my surgery anniversary next week. But realistically, I have done very very little to change my eating and exercise habits in the last year, and 91 lbs have pretty much dropped off with little effort. I can't complain too much. Had I "worked" at it like others who have had the surgery I could have been very near my goal weight of 130. So, time to dust myself up and get to work.

October 28th: Not much going on this weekend...I'm going to a wedding this afternoon, with my friend Scott that I mentioned a while back in my journal. I just adore being with him, he is so sweet, funny, sensitive, and such a professional type person that I'm trying very hard not to let his weight influence me. I keep remembering that a year ago I was in the very same boat that he's in... and I was devestated when Pat told me part of the reason he was leaving was because my weight. I don't ever want to do that to someone else, because it hurt me so bad. And besides, maybe eventually he'll get motivated to lose some weight too... its up to me to set a good example!!