Ease your mind

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Short video clips (will be unavailable soon - takes up too much space)
BEACHFUN.AVI (580kb)
Do you like Mondays? You do? Don't bluff (224kb)
Returned unopened

There was this bus driver. He was out working his route, driving around and around, when suddenly he sees this Nun on the side of the road.

He stops, and the Nun gets on the bus. After driving for about 20 minutes he hears this whining and whimpering in the back of the bus.

"What's the matter sister?" says the driver.

"Well, she says, I am about to get inducted into this special sect at the nunnery, and it's a lifetime thing, and well, I was just thinking that I have never enjoyed a man!" she began to sob.

The bus driver drove on. Finally, he pulls the bus over on a side road. "Sister" he says, "I have decided to help you out. I will make mad passionate love to you, and make your life complete!"

"Are you single?" asks the Nun. "Yes I am" says the driver.

"There's just one more thing, before we start" says the Nun. "It would be sacrilege to lose my virginity, so would you mind if this all took place in the ol' back door?"

"Sure" says the driver, and proceeded to make long and passionate anal love to the Nun.

Later, when they were done, the driver resumed driving.

"Sister" he said, overcome by guilt. "I have a confession to make. I am not single, I am a married man!"

"That's okay, said the Nun, I'm not really a Nun. My name is Bruce, and I'm on my way to costume party!"


IRISHMAN'S LETTER TO THE *DHSS IN RESPECT OF RECEIVING THE AIDS LEAFLET

Dear Sir,

I have just recived the AID's leaflet through my door and would like to apply straight wait for AIDS.

I have been on the dole for the past ten years and I have been leaving on Supplementary Benefit and every other State aid I could get. It now seems I will be getting aid for SEX. It's a pity this AIDS has come so late as I have already got 15 children and wondered if you will be paying backpayments ?

Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chances I have of getting AIDS. My only problem here is presuading the wife, who is not so keen after 15 kids.

Several years ago I bought some sex aids but she showed little interest and they were hardly used. Is there a chance of getting a refund for the 17.28 Pounds I paid out for these gadgets ?

Anyway, I will now explain to her that the Government will now be paying us for all the sex we have and I'm sure she will agree that we can't let a chance like this slip by.

You also state that I can pass my AIDS on but as you will understand, with a wife and 15 kids to feed there won't be much left to pass on. If by any chance there is a bit left though, I will pass this on to my poor older mother-in-law who only has her pension.

I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through blood transfusions and I intend to write to my local hospital staright away to see when I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the Hospital be deducted from the AIDS I get from you ? Perhaps you will write and let me know.

I am a firm believer in getting every aid from thye country I can get and I am sure you'll agree that by my past performance, I do qualify for this one.

Could you let me know how much I will get paid each time, and will it be weekly or monthly payments ? The wife is asking if you are going to send for surprise inspections to verify, or will it be anough if we keep a log book ourselves ? If you opt for surprise inspections please come during the morning when the kids are at school.

Yours Faithfully,

SHAMUS O'TOOLE

PS yours advert is great ! I certainly won't die of ignorance. I know my rights !

*DHSS Department of Health and Social Services


THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN WORK AND PRISON

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own bathroom.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have Managers.


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