TITLE: "Shelf Life"
AUTHOR: Jen
EMAIL: JenR13@aol.com
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: SR, and a little bit of H, I hope :-)
ARCHIVE: Go ahead and archive it, just keep my name on it.
SUMMARY: A day in the life of Mulder and Scully as told from Mulder's fish's point of view.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were. Never will be.

Writer's Notes: Well, I always wanted to write a little humor, so here it goes. :-) If all turns out alright this will be the first in the line of stories told from the POV of Mulder's fish. I always thought about how the fish in Mulder's apartment have probably seen it all. So I picked a fish to narrate this tale and the stories to follow. This is just a little I was talking about jokely on the phone with my friend about, and she told me to write it down. Hey, my friend thought it was funny, hope you do too! :-)

Dedication: To my friend, Annalisa. Thanks for the inspiration and laughing at the good parts. :-) She even helped me with an idea for the second story in the series.

"Shelf Life"

By Jen

Food. It rained down on us. It was such a rare occasion so we ate greedily. The brown-haired man had remembered. It was too late for Blackie, though, who had had his proper burial at sea this morning before the man left for work. Blackie was weak though. It takes a strong fish to survive the world of Fox Mulder. I'm that strong. I'm one of his original four. The other three didn't last long at all. Guess I'm tough.

The man, Mulder, put the food down. He looked distant, though. He always seemed to look that way, but today he seemed even more down. Unusual, but when you live in Mulder's apartment everything is unusual. I've seen it all. I've seen strange men come in and put things in the wall. I've seen Mulder spent late nights watching strange videos.

The red haired woman is here now. Scully, he calls her. They are talking. She's here a lot. She feeds us when Mulder forgets, which is often. She must have a key, 'cause she doesn't knock. Mulder seems to like her. He never seems to get mad at her. And boy does he listen to her! One day, she brought him home sick and ordered him to get on the couch. I've never seen a man move so fast before! Of course, she is the one with the gun and the incredibly good aim. However, he does try to get around her orders sometimes. Like the time he stuck his thermometer in a glass of cold water just to bring his temperature down. Of course she caught him, when his temperature turned out to be 77 degrees. She's scolding him now. Looks like he's sick again and didn't tell her. She has that look in her eyes. The look she seems to get everytime she disapproves of his behavior. She has that look a lot. She sits him down on the couch. Here comes the lecture.

"Mulder, I can't believe you. You know better. You can be so irrational sometimes. Listen to me," she says in that forceful voice of hers. Then her tone turns professional. "Doctor's orders."

Mulder looks her straight in the eye. He has that "I don't want to listen" look in his eyes, but he stays put. The woman must mean something to him. The guy will do anything for her, even if it means he has to get some sleep. Scully looks at him and goes to the bathroom and comes back with something. It's the dreaded thermometer.

"Under the tongue, not in the glass," she says. "And I'm staying put till this thermometer beeps."

Mulder looks like he is going to protest and he opens his mouth, but Scully takes that opportunity to shove the thermometer, quickly but gently, under his tongue. Mulder sighs and crosses his arms as he reluctantly closed his mouth. He wasn't going to win. Hell, I don't think I've ever seen him win a session against "Dr. Scully." I wish I had "a certain someone" fuss over me like that. We're lucky we get clean water.

"Mulder, you can be such a child sometimes," Scully says, giving him that look of hers again.

The thermometer beeped then and Scully took it out.

"102," she announced and Mulder grimaces. I know, as well as he does, what is going to follow.

"Lay down, Mulder," she says in a no-nonsense voice. He glares at her, but obeys. She gets a blanket and puts it over him. She sits down on the couch next to him and sighs.

"Mulder, when are you going to stop this?"

"Stop what, Scully?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Stop worrying me." She pulls the blanket up closer to him.

"I worry you, Scully? Why?" he asks.

"Because of things like this, Mulder."

"I'm fine, Scully." Mulder sits up and puts his hand on her shoulder. He has a sincere look in his eyes. The look he has reserved only for her.

Scully smiled. "Maybe. But I'd feel better if you got some rest." She sighed.

"What about you Scully? Are you okay?" Mulder asked, his hand still on her shoulder.

"I'm fine, Mulder. Lay down."

"Okay, but not before this." Mulder leaned in toward Scully then. He kissed her and she didn't seem to mind. Yes!! A pretty girl who can feed us!! Mulder pulled back and laid down. He smiled and closed his eyes.

Scully looked bewildered and confused. She stared down at Mulder. His eyes remained closed. She smiled and leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. Mulder opened his eyes.

"Get some sleep," she whispered and he closed his eyes again. She walked over to a chair and grabbed another blanket. Exhausted, she feel asleep in the chair. The three fish moved around me. It was about time! Well, I sure hope this works out. I swam down to the bottom of the tank. Only time would tell. Now, if only if someone would turn the damn fish tank light off. . . . . .

--That's it. Did you think it was totally stupid? Or did you get at least one laugh from it? Well, I had fun writing it and that's what matters, right? :-) I enjoyed writing this so much I think I will write a second one. So what does Scully do about the kiss? Was it just innocent or is there a romance and food for the fish in store? Find out in the second part: "Shelf Life: Interupted Bliss", which should be out soon. Almost forgot, all feedback goes to JenR13@aol.com.