I watched the Super Bowl this year for the commercials. It's such a big event that they come up with special effects, funny gags, things that actually appeal to an intelligent mind, instead of trying to get people to buy a product because its stupid jingle is stuck in their heads. Remember that "Pizza Guy" ad in City Slickers? "It's stupid. It's annoying. People are having accidents."
For those who don't know, the Clios are the awards for the best TV commercials. Whenever I've watched them, I've been amazed that there are so many GOOD ones that have been on TV. The European ones are hysterically funny (there was one where a naked guy is only covered by a teacup being held in a strategic position). And then the awards are over, and we're back to watching crap.
Here's a thought I had after seeing yet another pregnancy test commercial- they'll never show one that goes like this:
Worried-looking woman talks to camera: God, we just got caught up in the moment . . . this wasn't planned . . . and I guess the pills didn't work . . .
Cut to shot of box, narrator speaks: E.P.T. For when you really have to know.
Woman looks at test: Oh, shit . . . now I'm going to have to get an abortion . . . nice to have this confirmed though . . . thanks, E.P.T. She starts to sob
Box again: E.P.T. When you need to know good news . . . or bad news.
Probably half of the pregnancy tests bought in America are with the hope that it DOESN'T come out positive- but they'll never say that in an ad. Or like in the Depo-Provera ads, where they show oodles of babies to advertise a product that, if you use it, will prevent you from having any. Maybe it's got something to do with our reproduction-obsessed culture, or maybe we're all just a bunch of hypocrites trying to pretty up our nasty reality.
We can't admit what the purpose of douche is on television. As a child, I had no idea what Massengill was advertising until I had sex-ed. I kept asking my mother, "What's not so fresh?" but she'd never answer me. Or saying that women bleed (and not just secreting some odd blue liquid) when they're on their period. We need the products, everyone knows you use them, yet it's socially unacceptable to admit what they're for when you advertise it. They used to show one for "an itch so private," and I had no idea what they were talking about until I taped the commercial, paused the tape, and read the box's small type from the screen. It was advertising anal itch cream. It gets kinda ridiculous how they avoid the subject sometimes. Like in the MD commercial that had a rhyming song that ended like "what I need now, ooh, is softness please." Like the obvious rhyme on the subject wouldn't be something ending like "what I need now, ooh, is soft TP." You can't mention the purpose of the soft stuff. And it's just the worst thing ever to advertise condoms- we're not supposed to admit that people have sex in commercials, even though we've just been staring at bare butts on NYPD Blue a moment ago. It's perfectly okay to show exactly what those foot fungal medications do and cure though. I'd rather watch a condom ad any day.
Another pet peeve of mine in commercials is complete stupidity. The Depo-Provera ad I mentioned tells women not to start taking Depo-Provera while pregnant. DUH! Being pregnant already defeats the purpose of taking BIRTH CONTROL. If women are really that stupid, I am terrified for this country. Another one that annoys me is this anti-Indian-gambling commercial that's been on lately. There's this ridiculous part where the soccer-mom narrator gets out of the car with her sons. She goes in the house and checks the Web site, then as they film her head by the window you see her sons throwing a soccer ball to each other, REALLY rubbing in the "soccer mom is trustworthy" thing. However . . . YOU DON'T THROW A SOCCER BALL, YOU MORONS! Couldn't they have done this commercial in any other way (film Mom outside, for instance) so it wouldn't be so dumb?
Today's Thing To Ponder: Are the people who make commercials dumb, or did they start out smart and just get that way from watching everyone else's commercials?