TV Poetry

Ally McBeal
(to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby")
Ah, look at all the crazy people!
Ah, look at all the crazy people!

Ally McBeal
Loves Billy but he's married to Georgia, who's her friend,
That was the end,
Dating the weirdoes
But she hangs around Cage and Elaine, so what did you expect?
The girl is a wreck.

All the crazy people,
O will they ever learn?
All the crazy people,
Flock to this bad law firm.

Richard's Fish-isms,
Saying things that will piss off every woman he sees,
He's gotta pee
Stroking the wattles,
Inhaling the odor of shoes that the girls there have worn.
Does he like porn?

All the crazy people,
O will they ever learn?
All the crazy people,
Flock to this bad law firm.

Ally McBeal
Walking alone through the streets 'cause she don't have a man.
Was not her plan.
Richard's Fish-isms,
Annoying the hell out of Ally and Georgia again,
Bunch of weird men.

All the crazy people,
O will they ever learn?
All the crazy people,
Flock to this bad law firm.

Ah, look at all the crazy people!
Ah, look at all the crazy people!

Springer's Sestina
It's my first day of watching Jerry
and I'm amazed at all the fights!
There's an incredible amount of yelling
and a bunch of transvestites.
With how many of these guests did they have sex?
Wow, this show is worse than I thought!

Jerry's world revolves around sex.
The redneck guy, he thought
his girlfriend was faithful- "Stop it!" says Jerry.
"You slept with my best friend?" he's yelling
as the bouncers try to end their fights.
"And the both of you are transvestites?!?!"

Crystal, Barbra, and Mistee are transvestites
Who once had a 3-way, but now Crystal's had sex
With dominatrix Barbie- the rest thought
that Barbie treated her bad- after the fights
started between the "girls", the audience started yelling
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

When Dan and Randy come out yelling
it's obvious that they aren't transvestites!
These rednecks have been in tons of fights
Over Chrissy who dumped them both- she thought.
"But they're still stalking me!" she tells Jerry.
"Aww come on baby," says Dan, "you know you want my sex."

Once again the bouncers break up the fights
and again the audience chants "Jerry!"
As the hour continues, there's more transvestites,
porn stars, and practitioners of all kinds of sex.
"I'm overwhelmed by this!" I thought
as I saw them (again) start yelling.

At the end, it's time for Jerry's "Final Thought."
He encourages his guests to stop the yelling
(though it won't help), to be honest about sex.
He's like a sixth grade counselor, our Jerry,
clueless about what to say to the transvestites,
but I doubt his words will stop the fights.

The yelling is annoying, and there's a lot of sex
and a lot of fights between the transvestites.
But as I turned off Jerry, "I'll be back," I thought.