Suggested Answers for the San Francisco Math Test

"I did get a laugh out of the cheery thing... but now I have to think of a clever followup. (Ohh! The pressure!)" -Remington Stone

1. Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 miles per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?

None. Jane left because she couldn't stand the smell of the rottweiler, and Zelda went on to a delightful career designing nintendo games.

2. Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?

Why on earth would he go home? He crashes at a friend's place after the jam session, and starts fresh tomorrow.

3. Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin perscription during the next week?

Depends on whether or not he sleeps with that skanky guy at the end of the bar that keeps buying him drinks.

4. Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole write the check for?

Nicole should deck him and steal the weed, which was cut with oregano and sprayed with paraquat anyway, because you never write checks for drugs.

5. the City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?

Untold millions if you count the national publicity.

6. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?

100%. The red sox and white sox never win.

50% chance (3/4*2/3), 75% if there is an affirmative action program. (Michael G)

7. George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in mg/pound?

None of the state's business.

8. there are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic. If each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit?

Depends on the average sweater size.

Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are they drinking?

None. They all belong to the imported water of the month club.

9. If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of twelve pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?

Depends on how many of them are macrobiotic.

10. Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and met only one double-amputee?

Two, which mugged him. They missed the three dollars hidden in his pocket.

Advanced Placement Students Only.

11. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-bedroom}apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web servers. None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in three months to attend Burning Man.

What is their best option:
a. All five roommates acept a $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High.
b. Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trips bedroom for $500/month.
c. Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
e. Rent strike.

All of the above.