Leo's Three Tragedies
as told by
Jizzy Monkey
The Ship Ride
One day Leo decided to take a boat ride with his Irish friend. You could tell his friend was irish because his friend was always drunk. Leo and the drunk Irish snuck onto the boat because they were poor. They had spent all of their money on crackpipes to take home for their little brothers and sisters. While on the ship, they made the tragic mistake of running to to bough of the ship and looking over the edge. While their backs were turned, the angry, disgruntled ticket keeper decides to take care of the stow-aways. He hired an assassin to snuff their limey asses. Thus, Leo and his drunken friend were killed.
The Day the Aliens Saved the World
Once upon a time, Leo went to the grocery store. Leo accidentally made a pass at a very feminine, yet straight man. The man placed a curse on Leo, that the next time he had a thought in his head Leo's chest would explode with new life. Leo ignoring the silly, yet straight man went to the mall. At the mall, Leo sat down and watched the people pass by him. When he saw a gay man pass, he thought of how nice it would be to get him. Thus, Leo's chest exploded with an alien spawn. The spawn was the child of that silly, very feminine, yet straight man. We all owe the aliens a debt of great gratitude for ridding the world of this menace known as Leo.
Blended For Your Convenience
After Leo came out, he lost his popularity with the young female crowd. He went bankrupt and moved in with a dirty old homo who lived in a box. Leo got tired of being poor however, so he started doing odd jobs. Then he was discovered again! A dying Ron Popeil found the starving heart throb in a gutter and asked him to carry on his infomercial legacy. Leo agreed deciding it would be better than nothing. He started doing infomercials for various products and such. Then one day, he was asked to do one for a Ronco Food Blender, with special guest Tony Little. Leo gladly accepted and went to the set. Things were going well, until they started to demonstrate the blender's durability. Then, in a raging wit of jealousy, Tony Little whacked Leo's head off and put it in the blender. He screamed "I wanted to follow in Ron's footsteps! You shall die you gay bastard!" Tony was locked away, never again to do infomercials, however, I for one think he did a very partiotic thing by saving us from a long string of magazine pin-ups.
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