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Josh's Radio Station "jive, kids! jive! or else no peaches after tea!"
i left my cds in the car i went away in, so it's been pretty quiet around
here the past few days. i will get them back on wednesday, but until then,
i've been sort of marveling at the silence, as i've been marveling at the
ordinary things i never really thought of before. i was spending time trying
to locate the sheet of bounce amidst my laundry so i could re-use it when i
noticed how quiet it was. and it's only two am. two am used to never be
quiet time for me. and now it is. dan is alseep. the water's back on. and
i'm doing my laundry. i had my dinner, which i ate opposite ally, while dan
slept. i thought of waking him because we had tentative plans to maybe see a
movie we could agree on (he vetoed all my choices: virgin suicides,
adrenaline drive, hamlet and the road to el dorado (i always throw in a wild
card)). but i didn't want to wake him up because he's been pulling
all-nighters for the past few nights editing and he's earned his rest.
besides, he needs to get his strength back so i can cream him again in
procastinatory basketball (which i am far better at than one might think).
the past few weeks of my life have been semi-eventful with a sort of
consistency some might long for. no more rituals, no more routine. i have
tried to abolish all of my superstitions: for instance, i used to only eat a
fortune cookie if i liked the fortune, and even at that, would have to eat
"more than half, but less than all" for it to come true. what stupid ritual
is that, and where did i ever come up with it? i don't remember, but i've
followed it for years and years. at least 12 that i can remember. that's the
kind of stuff that keeps you down, rooted at one psychological level, i
believe. like when i lay my scripts out to do my first pass-through of
notes, i usually keep them unbound, and flip the pages after i've read them
to a pile on the left. well, recently i started flipping them to a pile on
the right. and as stupid as this sounds, i think i got my most in-depth pass
i've ever had on anything. jesus, from reading this you'd think i'd run off
and joined EST.
wow, that's the kind of allusion the generation above me makes. it's very
what-color-is-my-parachute, i-long-for-the-key-parties-of-yore,
i-wore-out-my-first-three-fleetwood-mac-lps,
gee-this-kahlua-stuff-really-is-great-for-my-"we're-not-old-yet"-pajama-theme-
parties-while-the-kids-are-at-sleepaway-camp skewing. maybe two of you will
get anything i just said. maybe five. still, in keeping with said theme, i
went to fao schwartz a few days ago with my friend brian who had to return a
WWF play-at-home set due to a "defective ring" and the man dressed as the
beefeater at the door flirted with me. i immediately thought i was in some
wendy wasserstein one-act. "oh no! i'm an upscale manhattan book editor and i
have fallen in love with the beefeater at FAO Schwartz! what will my upper
west side friends think of me now? i have to meet them all at zabar's in an
hour to discuss tomorrow's michiko kakutani review and the beefeater wants to
come straight from work!" that scenario was not so bad as the gay fireman who
chatted me up in an upstate new york fire station that i was at for brunch
(don't ask). *that* encounter was stephen macauley, NOT wendy wasserstein.
though i don't know which is worse. i have had nightmares wherein i go
antiquing wearing an A's cap ever since.
in the world of work, things progress quite amazingly. i wonder if,
karmically speaking, something was holding me back for a while. or perhaps i
was holding myself back? whatever the case, it's as if the floodgates opened.
i don't know what that means, exactly, but i've always wanted to say it. i'm
learning how to become a master plate-spinner.
i miss my cat more than i could possibly express, either in words, or in
pantomime.
at my cousin's college graduation, the band listed in the programs was called
"the mohawk valley frasers". so when no one was looking, i changed it in some
programs to "the mohawk valley brendan frasers of death!", the hilarity of
which was only encouraged by my grandmother and other cousin. my grandmother
is the best person on the planet. when i found out she and her husband (not
my grandfather) were sleeping in separate beds, i asked if she was okay with
that, and she said "he's 90. what do you think happens? i've had a good
life". john mccain spoke. his speech started out quite strongly and quickly
devolved into self-righteous polemics, telling us all to be "patriots" and
"not get politically cynical". i sort of liked what he had to say months ago
when he was still in the race, but hearing him live and in person, i was
quite dismayed. it rained on his parade as he was leaving. that made me feel
better.
i surprised myself at my own stupidity when someone asked what my movie was
like and i said "it's like a fuck". (a previous script was structured like a
jazz piece, so i've done this sort of pretension before) it was just the
simplest (and most accurate) answer to a useless and unanswerable question.
but that is how i structured it, in truth. it starts out really fast - a
fumble, a lurch, too much energy (or just enough) - gets slow and
introspective and moody and focused, and then there are a series of climaxes,
and a wrap up like a cigarette after or a seeing someone to the door. i don't
know how you feel, but sometimes it's okay to know you're potentially a
really great artist and sometimes it's okay to be arrogant and pretentious in
an as-mind-numbingly-as-an-ice-cream headache way. i temper it with fierce
bouts of personal insecurity not limited to my time with my therapist who got
me out of jury duty.
i know i just gave all you guestbook whores more fodder, and guess what: i
don't care!
what i wanted to talk about for weeks but decided not to here: the most
amazing concert i've ever been to (superchunk). finally seeing a clockwork
orange and citizen kane (and on the big screen, no less, at my new favorite
movie theater!). how theatre really is overrated, everyone rushing to
proclaim it "new and reanimated!" that they overpraise (contact and moon for
the misbegotten, especially, the former an $80 listening station and the
latter a vacuum). seeing the godfather trilogy on the big screen consecutive
sundays with the group (at same new favorite movie theater). the best
chinese dinner i've ever had. oh, okay, i need to at least talk of that last
part. an excerpt about it, to my friend david, from an email:
----i goaded stephanie on to buy over $200 worth of clothing. i am terrible.
she's just a poor social worker. but the clothes just looked too great on her
- she has the perfect body for the new styles (including an amazingly risky
red parachute skirt that rises like a curtain). i ended up buying an old
nassau county parks and recreation jacket off some street corner for $20, and
then we had this amazing buffet in chinatown with (follow me here)
stephanie's sister's husband's family, who speak no english. they knew the
owners, so we got heaps and heaps of food. it was one of those experiences
everyone not from new york imagines new yorkers have more often than they
actually do, and one of those experiences you want to have more often but
you're just too many degrees away from the perfect chinese family. we were
supposed to do citizen kane or beau travail (this homoerotic near-silent
french film at the quad) but were too stuffed. instead, i made everyone go to
magnolia so i could have a cupcake (i was not too stuffed, as i smartly
anticipated a big dinner and didn't eat anything prior the whole day). we
then walked home, my favorite walk: up the west village, through chelsea,
onto fifth avenue past the library lions, then onto desolate vanderbilt,
coming through helmsley pass to park on 45th, and passing all the limos
waiting for techie geeks with cool trainers working late on a friday---
random thoughts start here.
i trip over my boxer briefs every day putting them on post-shower. i end up
almost falling over and they end up with my foot in them touching a wet spot
on the floor.
i am a very good photographer and i never knew this. although i should have,
for there are a few pictures i took in hawaii in 96 that turned out
beautifully frameable. however, they are in storage, where they shall remain
for a very, very, very long time.
i was reminded yesterday of "the gay episode" of thirtysomething, and how
much it meant to me as a kid. monumental, in fact. i can still remember the
dialogue the two actors (david marshall grant and peter frechette) had in bed
together, naked, post-coital. it was life changing for me, being, what, 17?
18? peter frechette's character's last name was "montefiore". he talks of how
it means "mountain of flowers". i could write the whole scene now. thank you,
richard kramer! i will soon get to thank him personally. i like that.
my friend bruce thought it was funny when i told him the film dinosaur
nauseated me because all the dinosaurs looked like esophagi with teeth. did
anyone know the plural of esophagus was esophagi?
i found out last week how my father told my mother he was in the cia, and
what he said. it blew my mind. and even though i wasn't there, i will always
visualize his riding up on my bicycle to the parking lot of brach's in
wesport to tell my mother "the cia taught me how to lie".
i haven't spoken to my father in almost seven months.
i am obsessed with sugar buzz, especially "dinosaurs vs. ninjas", "the
holiday heroes" and "frankenmouse" ("what's wrong with your hair?" "it's a
new home perm from satan!" "girlfriend, you ain't lying!"). i laughed so hard
reading the holiday heroes that i actually had to get up and pee. i want a
whitsun table lamp now. or at least a poster of one.
i love:
henry james' economy. 'babylon' off of the new david gray cd. how i feel when
i drink a smoothie from elixir (which is most likely due to trying to
rationalize paying six dollars for something that doesn't taste as good as
the ones that cost 3 dollars). monday mama's. jeremy's microbatch. cutty
sark on the rocks in the 70s glasses i inherited. early-am security guards on
park avenue between 45th and 52nd. the words perspicacity and sepulchral.
the cheapest red wine at my favorite italian restaurant. the way the waiters
grope each other when they think no one's looking at my favorite italian
restaurant (but susan and i always are!) (note: went there again last night
with dan and keri, and they *wrestled* - and it was only 6pm!). how i have a
favorite italian restaurant. the prospective tattoo. portastatic's cover of
"baby" by gal costa. when my mother said "wow, you really *do* work your ass
off." india and all things india-related (books, culture, food, religion,
hell - even bollywood films). making julianne moore laugh. the league of
extraordinary gentlemen. my best six friends who would do everything to stop
me from being stupid and do nothing to stop me from looking stupid. the
aforementioned sugar buzz. the way jill sobule sings the words "arrogant
lover". dancing. how i teared up at both the finales to friends and
fraiser. the pot my brother left. feeling safe. the fog an hour before sunset
on the mountains in the adirondacks through a crystal-clear car windshield.
the mandy moore song from "center stage" -- and i'm not afraid to say it. how
i am inspired by something at least three times every day. i only hope you
people are as lucky.
i was not going to update here again: i thought the last update was the
perfect send-off, as it were. chock full of life-changing events and whatnot,
but then i thought better of it. better to leave this with just another day
in the life. somehow seems a more fitting end to a place in time that was
often all about celebrity. to end with mundanity: that is the way to close
the door. i have the new webspace but it isn't ready yet. i plan for it for
sometime in july. if you haven't emailed JudeSchall@aol.com to be on the
notify list, feel free. and for those of you who have, i'll let you know when
it's up and unveiled. i actually purchased a dot-com, so you won't have to
deal with any stupid pop-up windows.
thank you all for your continued support here these past three years. this
site will vanish as of july first.
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