JANUARY    1998

01/01/98 HAPPY FRESH NEW YEAR...A NEW START ...FINALLY MY DEPRESSION IS STARTING TO SUBSIDE A LITTLE. MY GOALS ARE TO MAKE AN EFFORT EACH DAY TO HAVE STRUCTURE,AND TO START TAKING MORE PRIDE IN MY PERSONAL GROOMING,I DO NOT THINK I HAVE MADE AN EFFORT TO WEAR MAKEUP OR "DRESS" SINCE I STOPPED WORKING.IT MAY BE HARD FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER BEEN SEVERELY DEPRESSED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO NOT CARE ABOUT ~ANYTHING~ NOT WANTING TO TALK TO ~ANYONE~ EVEN THOSE YOU LOVE THE MOST.I HAVE ALOT OF WORK AHEAD OF ME, I HAVE NEGLECTED ALOT OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES OVER THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS..BUT I WILL STEP BY STEP , ONE DAY AT A TIME WORK TOWARD MY GOALS.

01/04/98 I HAVE DISCOVERED THE JOYS OF MICROWAVE POPCORN...SOME SERIOUS MUNCHIES FOR LESS THAN 120 CALORIES....WHO KNEW?

01/05/97 I HAVE BEEN AFRAID TO WEIGH IN BECAUSE THE SCALE HAS NOT BEEN MY FRIEND IN THE PAST....SOON.

01/06/97 WHAT A RUSH!!!! I AM DOWN TO 235.0....I AM ELATED!!! THAT IS WHAT? 17 POUNDS IN ABOUT A MONTH.PLEASE EVERY ONE JOIN HANDS AND PRAY...LIGHT A CANDLE...KNOCK WOOD...AND HOPE THAT I CAN KEEP THIS UP!

01/07/98 MY JEANS FIT AGAIN,AND I DO NOT HAVE TO LAY ON THE BED AND SUCK MY STOMACH IN TO GET THEM ON...I DISCOVERED A TREAT FOR UNDER 100 CALORIES THAT IS DEE-LISH!!!! PEEL AND CORE AN APPLE,SPRAY WITH "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ISN'T BUTTER SPRINKLE WITH A TAD OF CINNAMON AND BROWN SUGAR ,COVER WITH PLASTIC WRAP AND MICROWAVE AS YOU WOULD A BAKED POTATO! {ABOUT 3 MINUTES} LET IT STAND A FEW MINUTES AND `PRESTO,YA GOTTA TASTY LITTLE DESSERT! THE AROMA IS SINFUL...TRUST ME ON THIS....AND APPLES ARE NOT EVEN MY FAVORITE THING. I FELT LIKE I WAS CHEATING! OK..ENOUGH OF THE JULIA CHILD BIT.....I REALIZED TODAY THAT I HAVE NOT HAD A BINGE IN A WHOLE MONTH..THIS IS NO SMALL THING FOR A WOMEN WHO USUALLY KEEPS THE LOCAL TASTYCAKE MAN IN HIS GLORY WITH SALES!!! I USED TO GO TO THE STORE @ 2AM{LESS CROWDED} AND GET SEVERAL FAMILY SIZE BOXES THAT WOULD BE GONE BY THE NEXT AFTERNOON......I AM HAPPY AND PROUD THAT I HAVE AVOIDED A BINGE THIS LAST MONTH!

01/08/97 i am trying to get the motivation to clean this pig-pen that i call home. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM SO THRILLED WITH THE FACT THAT I LOST 17 POUNDS..IT IS STILL SUCH A SMALL AMOUNT COMPARED TO THE BIG PICTURE..MABEY I AM JUST HAPPY WITH MY RECENTLY FOUND DETERMINATION AND THE WILL TO FIGHT FOR SOMETHING THAT I TRULY WANT TO ACCOMPLISH.WHATEVER THE REASON FOR THIS "FEELING" THAT I AM" FEELING" I JUST HOPE I CAN HANG ON TO IT! ~

01/09/97 I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW! LAST NIGHT I FIGURED OUT THAT THE POPCORN THAT I HAVE BEEN INDULGING IN HAS FAR MORE CALORIES THAN I HAD ORIGINALLY THOUGHT! FOR GOD'S SAKE...WHO THE HELL WRITES THOSE NEW FOOD LABELS? YOU JUST ABOUT HAVE TO CALL A LAWYER TO HELP YOU FIGURE THEM OUT!!!! IT LISTS THE CALORIES FOR 2 TBS. UNPOPPED POPCORN AS 75 CALORIES...I CANNOT SPEAK FOR MOST PEOPLE BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE MOOD FOR A SNACK AND RIPPED OPEN THE BAG OF MICROWAVE POPCORN AND THOUGHT"WHY BOTHER POPPING IT,I MINE AS WELL EAT IT JUST LIKE THIS...IT LOOKS SO APPEALING AND TASTY!" OH WELL,I THOUGHT IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, THE BAG I WAS EATING ACTUALLY HAS 225 CALORIES...COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE I AM NOT GOING TO WEIGH IN UNTIL SUNDAY.. MY CHRISTMAS TREE IS STILL UP...I HAVE NOT GOTTEN TO ANY OF THE "HOME-MAKER" TYPE STUFF THAT I PLANNED TO DO THIS WEEK,MARTHA STEWART WOULD FROWN UPON ME FOR SURE......

OH    BOTHER!    ONLY    2    POUNDS    LOST!

01/11/98 WELL , MUCH TO MY DISMAY...I LOST ONLY TWO POUNDS SINCE MY LAST WEIGH -IN. I AM NOT IMPRESSED! I HAVE BEEN STICKING TO THE PROGRAM....I GUESS THIS IS TO BE EXPECTED! I DID NOT GAIN ALL THIS WEIGHT AT ONCE..I KNOW THIS CANNOT EVEN BE "A DIET" IT NEEDS TO BECOME A WAY OF LIFE! I STEPPED ON AND OFF OF MY PITIFUL LITTLE BATHROOM SCALE NO LESS THAN A DOZEN TIMES,HOPING IT WOULD INDICATE MORE OF A LOSS....NO DICE. ANOTHER PROBLEM IS MY LACK OF EXCERCISE.I KEEP TELLING MYSELF AS SOON AS I FEEL COMFORTABLE I WILL GO TO THE GYM... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

01/12/98 A SUNDAY NIGHT CONVERSATION:

HUSBAND:"honey,would you mind explaining to me why our bathroom scale is in the driveway with tire marks on it?"

ME: " WELL,I WAS EITHER GOING TO HURL IT INTO THE DRIVEWAY OR SMASH IT OVER YOUR HEAD.....AND SINCE YOU ARE THE PRIMARY BREADWINNER AND WE DO NOT HAVE ACCIDENTAL DEATH INSURANCE,I CHOSE THE DRIVEWAY".

HUSBAND:"are you mad at me hon?" is it because i went to price club and got the nutter butters' and the chips' ahoy for our son who should not have to suffer because we are on diets?"

ME: " NO,THAT IS NOT THE REASON"

HUSBAND: "oh, i know,aunt flo is in town...it is that-time-of-the-month! is that it?

ME: "NO,IT IS MORE LIKE MR.SABOTAGE CAME TO VISIT,AND THERE IS NO ROOM AT THE INN!!!!"

HUSBAND:"hon,why is the door locked? hey,my pillow and blankets are laying in the hall......hon....hon...open the door hon. come on stop playing around!"

DOES    HIDING    FROM    YOUR    IN-LAWS    COUNT    AS    EXERCISE?

SOME ONE WROTE ME AN E-MAIL TO LET ME KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN SPELLING THE WORD "EXERCISE" THE WRONG WAY....WELL. OBVIOUSLY "HOOKT ON FONICS" DID NOT SERVE ME WELL! HEY, I AM NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR....AND I AM NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS, I AM SIMPLY DOING THIS TO AVOID HOUSE WORK.....IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR FINE LITERARY MATERIAL.....YOU ARE OUTTA LUCK. :}

SPEAKING OF EXERCISE,I AM STLL AVOIDING IT, I KNOW IT WOULD HELP ME LOOSE WEIGHT FASTER..I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I WILL NOT BEGIN.....IF ANY ONE HAS HAD A SIMILAR PROBLEM AND OVERCOME IT..PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

01/14/97 WELL, I CANNOT WEIGH IN UNTIL I GO TO WAL*MART AND PURCHASE A NEW SCALE.{AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE BATHROOM SCALE THAT ENDED UP IN THE DRIVE-WAY.....} STILL NO BINGES OR CHOCOLATE {KNOCK -WOOD) AND I AM SURPRISED...TRULY. ALL OF DECEMBER IT WAS VERY HARD AND I WAS VERY CRANKY....NOW I FEEL LIKE I AM ON "CRUISE -CONTROL" I HAVE GOT TO GET THIS HOUSE IN ORDER,IT IS PAST THE POINT OF MESSY.I AM EXPECTING THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT TO PULL UP AND SLAP A WARNING ON MY FRONT DOOR.DOES ANYONE ELSE STILL HAVE A DRY,CRUNCHY CHRISTMAS TREE IN THE LIVING ROOM? JUST ASKING......

``````````````````````````````````````weigh day```````````````````````````````````````````````````` 01/15/98

WELL, IT IS A GOOD FEELING TO STEP ON THE SCALE AND SEE A LOSS..I AM DOWN TO 230.....AND THAT IS WITH CLOTHES. I DID EMPTY MY POCKETS AND TAKE OFF MY SHOES THO.......

DOING THE SLIM FAST THING...I HAD GOTTEN AWAY FROM IT A LITTLE,OK...THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

I HAD A MINI-BINGE!!!!!! YES,IT IS TRUE,THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A MEGA-BINGE. ...I HAD A BOX OF RICHARD SIMMONS LOW FAT CHOCOLATE COOKIES,AND WENT A LITTLE CRAZY....THEY ARE NOT BINGE WORTHY!!!!! I HAVE DECIDED THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO EAT "TRIGGER" FOODS,CHOCOLATE BEING THE MAIN CULPRIT!!!! WELL,I AM RIGHT BACK ON THE WAGON.....WISH ME LUCK.

01/16/98 holding steady @ 230....wee-ha! THIS MORNING I TRIED SOMETHING NEW,INSTEAD OF THE USUAL CHOCOLATE FUDGE SLIM-FAST.....I WANTED TO SEE IF I LIKED THE SWEET SUCCESS {CREAMY VANILLA} FROM NESTLE.....WELL, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON OVER THERE @ THE NESTLE FOOD CORP.? ........OBVIOUSLY THEY HAD GIVEN THE TASTE TESTER AND THE QUALITY CONTROL GUY THE DAY OFF WHEN THEY CAME UP WITH THIS PRODUCT!!!! UGH!!!!! IT TASTES LIKE SIMILAC W/ IRON!!!!

to be continued........

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